guys n' sex

bozo

to all guys out there!

help me understand why guys find it so easy to shag just anyone.
my boyfriend has slept with loads and loads of women, and i find it
hard sometimes to understand how he could just go from woman to woman
with no questions asked! how do i know im different from these girls. we've been together 2 years and he says im the first girl he didnt cheat on! what a privilage! yet he comments on other women & their bodies on a daily basis.
am i just another roll in d hay for him?

matc66

If you need to ask us then I'd say probably. The only person who can really know the answer to your question is him and you.
Guys have a totally different approach to sex and love, and they tend to come in that order. That's why looks are often important, they act like the lure for guys and once caught you can reel them in, like fishing!

aidan_walsh

Well, lets get two things out of the way first.

1) Not all guys are like this.
2) Girls do it too.

Its down to the individuals attitude at the end of the day.

how do i know im different from these girls. we've been together 2 years and he says im the first girl he didnt cheat on!

Question and answer. Do you believe him when he says this?

he comments on other women & their bodies on a daily basis.

If this bothers you, tell him. Mind you, you're not going to be able to stop him looking, nor should you. As long as he doesn't touch, whats the problem?

bozo

thanks aidan! makes it easier to understand from a fellas point of view

Sony

Think you should trust your boyfriend till he gives you a good reason not to.....ok he really shouldnt comment on other women to you, thats just wrong and stupid of him and if this is annoying you ,say it to him! BUT I dont think its in anyway unusual for a guy to sleep around and then suddenly stop when he meets someone special ie.you!


yeah and its not just guys that sleep around !

metrovelvet

Im not a guy OP btw but I have an idea:

Try looking at other men and commenting on their asses, or just purr a little, when you are with your boyfriend. Give him a taste of his own medicine and see what happens. It sounds like hes either very rude or deliberately trying to make you insecure.

aidan_walsh

metrovelvet wrote:

It sounds like hes either very rude or deliberately trying to make you insecure.

Or perhaps they are both so secure in their relationship that it doesn't cross his mind that it bothers her. Since it does, she should talk to him about it.

I know a few couples who often pass comment on other to their partners. As long as both realise that its harmless fun, both can enjoy it and both can learn what the other likes from it.

bozo

my bf didnt think it would bother me at the start and it didnt, nothing wrong with admiring beauty! but he just kept going on & on. my bf works in a pub so we only meet at 3am or 4am & i dont think i really need to hear about other womaen at that hour of the mornin!

metrovelvet

Yes but its clearly making OP insecure, his past, his attitude to women and how he behaves in her presence.

How can you say maybe they are BOTH so secure?

aidan_walsh

metrovelvet wrote:

How can you say maybe they are BOTH so secure?

My bad. Meant to say he assumes they are both so secure...

hullaballoo

You need to start talking about guys bodies to him. See how he takes that. If he doesn't mind, then you know you don't mean too much to him.

Honestly though, you're never going to stop him actually looking at other girls, just like he could never stop you looking at other guys. It would be unnatural if it were that way. A wandering eye is a good thing, once nothing further comes of it.

It's just a little insensitive of him to rub your nose in it the whole time, maybe you should let him know that you think that.

Tar.Aldarion

bozo wrote:

to all guys out there!

help me understand why guys find it so easy to shag just anyone.

Because sex is just sex, it is pleasurable and fun.

my boyfriend has slept with loads and loads of women, and i find it
hard sometimes to understand how he could just go from woman to woman
with no questions asked! how do i know im different from these girls. we've been together 2 years and he says im the first girl he didnt cheat on! what a privilage!

Well he is a dodgy bloke if he cheas tbbh. I find it disgusting... Anyway, if he hasn't cheated on you in two years then that shows how you are different.
Does he love you?
Do you love him?

yet he comments on other women & their bodies on a daily basis.

As does every man there is and so do most girls. Even though girls are less vocal about it, in general, they check guys out. There is nothing wrong with a guy looking, how could he not tbh.
As long as he doesn't touch that is fine.
What is your view on him watching porn?
There should be no problem with either him commenting on other girls or watching porn etc.
Because you have a gf does not mean you suddenly have to have tunnel vision.

am i just another roll in d hay for him?

Only yee can answer that. Although if it is two years of fathfulness, I doubt it.

metrovelvet

Sorry one more thing - in case you are not aware of this:

It is customary when you dine with a man, that you take the seat that looks outward while his back is to the main area so his eyes can only be on you.

You should enforce this when you are out, and make a point of letting your eyes wander. And talk about other men, either celebrities or ordinary men around you, men you work with, men in your neighborhood, men you dream about.

Poison as cure.

Doodee

bozo wrote:

to all guys out there!

help me understand why guys find it so easy to shag just anyone.
my boyfriend has slept with loads and loads of women, and i find it
hard sometimes to understand how he could just go from woman to woman
with no questions asked! how do i know im different from these girls. we've been together 2 years and he says im the first girl he didnt cheat on! what a privilage! yet he comments on other women & their bodies on a daily basis.
am i just another roll in d hay for him?

Atleast he's honest.

Guys are just able to seperate the emotional side of love making and having fun/relieving an urge.

theres nothing wrong with making comments about other women. Just as women will comment on other Hot guys.

Tar.Aldarion

metrovelvet wrote:

Sorry one more thing - in case you are not aware of this:

It is customary when you dine with a man, that you take the seat that looks outward while his back is to the main area so his eyes can only be on you.

You should enforce this when you are out, and make a point of letting your eyes wander. And talk about other men, either celebrities or ordinary men around you, men you work with, men in your neighborhood, men you dream about.

Poison as cure.

Frankly most of us don't care when girls talk about other guys, sure why would we.
It's just being honest.

metrovelvet

Ok well then it wont be a problem then, and OP will know it means very little to him.

BeardyGit

metrovelvet wrote:

Sorry one more thing - in case you are not aware of this:

It is customary when you dine with a man, that you take the seat that looks outward while his back is to the main area so his eyes can only be on you.

You should enforce this when you are out, and make a point of letting your eyes wander. And talk about other men, either celebrities or ordinary men around you, men you work with, men in your neighborhood, men you dream about.

Poison as cure.

Games. Silly little games.

Just tell him you have a problem with his running commentary instead of wasting your time with bulls*** strategising. If he disrespects you again by passing comments about other women while in your presence, can you not tell him that you find his behaviour immature, somewhat offensive and state that it will no longer be tolerated?

Of course, the OP allowed this behaviour in the beginning of this relationship and while I wouldn't condone such rude behaviour, the boyfriend is under the impression that his behaviour is acceptable. It's up to the OP to inform him that this is no longer the case.

With regard to the boyfriends sexual past I'm afraid the only advice I have for the OP is to try and understand that you weren't always 'his world'. That said, Don Juan de Boyfriend spends his nights in your bed now and although you may not like to think of him as the man-slut he may once have been, you should realise that his comments about 'not cheating' could be taken as a compliment, if you can excuse the rudimentary phrasing.

daRobot

metrovelvet wrote:

Sorry one more thing - in case you are not aware of this:

It is customary when you dine with a man, that you take the seat that looks outward while his back is to the main area so his eyes can only be on you.

You should enforce this when you are out, and make a point of letting your eyes wander. And talk about other men, either celebrities or ordinary men around you, men you work with, men in your neighborhood, men you dream about.

Poison as cure.

Nothing like a bit of straight talking eh

silverside

he sounds like a bit of a ####

most guys might do it

but wouldnt be blatant about it

i got into trouble for it more than once

fair enough you get into the habit of checking out anything that moves when youre single

but when you have a girlfriend you gotta make her feel shes the only one in the world for you

if you cant do this properly you are either stupid lazy or very inconsiderate

not sure which of these your bf is

but get him to sort it asap or dump him

rgds

s

nitrogen

bozo wrote:

to all guys out there!

help me understand why guys find it so easy to shag just anyone.
my boyfriend has slept with loads and loads of women, and i find it
hard sometimes to understand how he could just go from woman to woman
with no questions asked! how do i know im different from these girls. we've been together 2 years and he says im the first girl he didnt cheat on! what a privilage! yet he comments on other women & their bodies on a daily basis.
am i just another roll in d hay for him?

I know this isn't helpful but, at the end of the day it's down to one thing; natural selection.

It's just a matter of self control when in a relationship.

justhim

Have to agree and re-iterate what was said above - not all men are like that. Have to though he's either an idiot or completely insensitive, first for thinking "your the first girl i havent cheated on" is some kind of complement and secondly for making comments about other women to you. Your not going to stop him from looking, as has been said many times above everyone does it both men and women. And i dont think theres any thing wrong with that. I will say though forget about the games. Theres no point in playing around giving him a taste of it. Just come straight out and tell him to cut the crap!

Iago

metrovelvet wrote:

Sorry one more thing - in case you are not aware of this:

It is customary when you dine with a man, that you take the seat that looks outward while his back is to the main area so his eyes can only be on you.

customary in which world? While I understand the thinking behind it, if this is how you treat your dates, as some sort of strategic battleground I would guess that the date would have limited success.

I never sit with my back to the open area (or at least whenever possible) it has nothing to do with only having eyes for my date either. In fact if you get down to subconcious levels you'll find that most men gravitate towards a seat that faces outward so that they can assess any potential danger rather than have it sneak up behind them.

OP if you're together two years and he hasn't cheated on you then you're not a roll in the hay. Men can't help noticing women, he shouldn't overly comment on them to you, and I don't condone the fact that he does. I would agree with the posters who say you should comment on guys in the same vein, what's good for the goose is good for the gander.

Ultimately if you're not happy with his behaviour or mannerisms, and he's not willing/able to change then maybe it's just not meant to be. Only you can decide that.

Zombrex

bozo wrote:

to all guys out there!

help me understand why guys find it so easy to shag just anyone.
my boyfriend has slept with loads and loads of women, and i find it
hard sometimes to understand how he could just go from woman to woman
with no questions asked! how do i know im different from these girls. we've been together 2 years and he says im the first girl he didnt cheat on! what a privilage! yet he comments on other women & their bodies on a daily basis.
am i just another roll in d hay for him?

Ok there are two issues here and I think you are confusing the two.

Firstly, there is nothing strange about a guy having sex with a girl is has no particular interest in a relationship with (one night stands). You ask how can he do it so easily, but that is a bit of a silly question. The real question would be why would you find it so hard? Would you not be physically attracted to a man if you did not also have a serious emotional attachment to him also? If that is the case thats fine for you, but a lot of people aren't like that. They can be physically attracted to someone, want to kiss, cuddle, have sex with, them with no great emotional connection behind that. I would not worry about this. So long as he isn't riddled with STDs I don't think it would be much of an issue.

The second more important issue, and a seperate one from about, is your boyfriend commenting on other girls while you are around and him telling you that he has cheated on other girls. That to me makes him sound rather immature. He is either trying to impress you, or trying to make you glad that he has picked you. Either way he is going about it the wrong way! Tell him you don't apprecate him acting like this, it is rude and you don't want to hear about other women. And if that doesn't work, as someone else suggests, start commenting on other guys, and talking about how your ex-boyfriends did things different, "better" than he does. That should probably shut him up quick

Kersh

I know just as many girls who bed hop as guys, it used to be a guy thing, but its both sexes now.
Some people do it, and some dont.

Dragan

hullaballoo wrote:

You need to start talking about guys bodies to him. See how he takes that. If he doesn't mind, then you know you don't mean too much to him.

And what is the logic behind this, that it takes insecurity and jealousy to show you care?

OP , to be honest, he's just being a barman. It's what 90% of bar men are like. Ask them what the major perk of the job is and it's usually the women, especially is your a good looking bloke.

Sure, not all barmen are like this, but believe me a lot of them are, and your fella obviously was as well at one time, though it does not mean he is now.

The best thing to do is just say it to him, you don't like him still going on about other chicks, not becuase your jealous or insecure, but just because it's boring.

I reckon that should do the trick for you.

LegacyUser

if as silverside says, "most guys do it", then i have a question:

are there any people say under 30 years old, (men and women) left in this country that don't engage in easy, no-strings, loose behaviour? i.e. having sex with whoever, whenever...? i suppose my question is, are we now a nation of sluts? or are there any of us left that don't f*** around?

i'm not saying i'm a candidate for pope myself ;-) , but seriously, am i one of the few that seriously doesn't act like a manslut? never have, and don't intend to. steady gf is a better option... ok... i had one, didn't work out, but it doesn't mean i'm screwing left right and centre! although decent girls can be tricky to find nowadays as many women that i know (esp. young ones in dublin in their 20's!) would probably take any poke as long as he had a pulse! hmmm., lovely. really respectful to themselves alright........

a polish friend of mine (female) that i was chatting to there recently can't believe how "loose many irish girls are"!!! i was inclined to agree!!! maybe it's time to look further afield :-/

correct me quickly before i get a load of eggs thrown at me!

Ag marbh

Plenty of childish mind game answers that you should ignore.

Just be honest and direct, tell him what's bothering you and don't try give him a taste of his own medicine or anything else along those lines because it's not going to create anything but tension.

Ag marbh

sean_og_de_paor wrote:

if as silverside says, "most guys do it", then i have a question:

are there any people say under 30 years old, (men and women) left in this country that don't engage in easy, no-strings, loose behaviour? i.e. having sex with whoever, whenever...? i suppose my question is, are we now a nation of sluts? or are there any of us left that don't f*** around?

i'm not saying i'm a candidate for pope myself ;-) , but seriously, am i one of the few that seriously doesn't act like a manslut? never have, and don't intend to. steady gf is a better option... ok... i had one, didn't work out, but it doesn't mean i'm screwing left right and centre! although decent girls can be tricky to find nowadays as many women that i know (esp. young ones in dublin in their 20's!) would probably take any poke as long as he had a pulse! hmmm., lovely. really respectful to themselves alright........

a polish friend of mine (female) that i was chatting to there recently can't believe how "loose many irish girls are"!!! i was inclined to agree!!! maybe it's time to look further afield :-/

correct me quickly before i get a load of eggs thrown at me!

I agree and I also think this ties in with the alcohol problem we have!

Sleepy

metrovelvet wrote:

Sorry one more thing - in case you are not aware of this:

It is customary when you dine with a man, that you take the seat that looks outward while his back is to the main area so his eyes can only be on you.

You should enforce this when you are out, and make a point of letting your eyes wander. And talk about other men, either celebrities or ordinary men around you, men you work with, men in your neighborhood, men you dream about.

Poison as cure.

What kind of fantasy world do you live in?

While that kind of retarded practice may be 'customary' according to sh!te-hawkers trying to flog you their latest book on the 'rules' of dating, in the real world any woman 'enforcing' something like that is, rightly, considered a fruit-loop and any guy I know would run a mile to get away from her.

What kind of emasculated wimps are you looking to date? Because as far as I'm aware the Castrati don't exist any more.

metrovelvet

It is customary. Anyone with manners knows that. How sad that you think having manners is emasculating. Speaks volumes.

If good manners scares the men you know, then that is just pathetic and any woman would be wise to scare them running.

I guess you think being rude and disrespectful is part of being a man?

I live in a world where the men have impeccable manners actually. And its not treated as a big deal, its just how its done. Anything less than that is unacceptable.

You're supposed to be impressed that he hasnt cheated on you? I hope you laughed in his face.

Zombrex

metrovelvet wrote:

I
I guess you think being rude and disrespectful is part of being a man?

Good manners is saying "please" and "thank you" and waiting for the girl to order first from the menu (and that is pushing it in this day and age of equality).

What you are describing though is a mind f**k.

Sitting so the person in front of you can only look at you is just stupid. For a start you cannot force someone to be interested in you, they either are or are not intersted in you.

Secondly it would be rude if the person ignored you and kept looking behind you, but then would you not want to know if they were going to do that or not.

Assuming they are going to ignore you so you position your seating arrangement to make sure they don't before you even sit down would is silly.

What if the guy said he brought along a copy of the Star in case the date didn't go very well?

mountainyman

bozo wrote:

...he says im the first girl he didnt cheat on! what a privilage! ...

Personally I believe that people who have regularly cheated in the past are more likely to cheat in the future; SIMPLY BECAUSE THEY KNOW HOW
However men change their behaviour depending on the woman much more than women do. so unless he gives you a reason not to you may as well believe him.

MM

cacio

that sounds like a similar situation with my bf. we're together 2 years and he hasn't been faithful. i dont mind this because i know he loves me and doubt he'd cheat. but he also comments on other women. this i hate. i dont have any self confidence and to hear him talk about other women who are nothing like me hurts. i tried talking about other guys but just found this childish. my bf likes watching porn but i really cannot stand this. i dont like it and get jealous. we've had loads of arguments about this and while i know its a visual thing for guys, to me its disrespectful. he wont watch it because he knows how much it bothers me and hurts me. i'm so grateful for that. but i think you need to discuss what you're thinking with him. he may not know it bothers you. if he does he might try and stop. but i think at this stage you're more than just 'another girl' to him so hopefully you'll get through this together. good luck

cupsoftea

cacio!! Get away from him, seriously.

LegacyUser

Just seems like he has got you exactly where he wants you. By telling you you are the first one he has never cheated on, this is his way of making you feel special and lucky to be with him. Do you play your own game with him? I think you should head **** him around as much as you feel he head****s you around with the comments about other women etc.

Of course this is just my advice and usually after two years, you would think you are on to something...but i am a guy and i definitely think this could be his way of getting an upper hand over you.

tj-music.com

aidan_walsh wrote:

Or perhaps they are both so secure in their relationship that it doesn't cross his mind that it bothers her. Since it does, she should talk to him about it.

I know a few couples who often pass comment on other to their partners. As long as both realise that its harmless fun, both can enjoy it and both can learn what the other likes from it.

---

Exactly! If a relationship is really great and secure there is no threat involved in admitting that other people are attractive, too

cacio

cupsoftea wrote:

cacio!! Get away from him, seriously.

just read what i wrote again and it sounds wrong. he has cheated before on other girls but not on me. believe me when i say i know this. we live together and work together so i pretty much see him all the time. that works for us so we're happy. hard to justify your relationship to others but i know what i feel and i know him. i'm happy and so is he. you gotta look at your relationship yourself and not listen to others cuz only u know the full story.

jtiernan

metrovelvet wrote:

Sorry one more thing - in case you are not aware of this:

It is customary when you dine with a man, that you take the seat that looks outward while his back is to the main area so his eyes can only be on you.

You should enforce this when you are out, and make a point of letting your eyes wander. And talk about other men, either celebrities or ordinary men around you, men you work with, men in your neighborhood, men you dream about.

Poison as cure.

typical destructive girl attitude!!!! :rolleyes: Poison is a killer, two poisons makes sure it's dead!!! (talkin about the relationship there!!)

Nevyn

jtiernan, unhelpful and off-topic posting will get you banned from this forum.
Do take time to read the charter which contains the rules and abide by them.
Have a nice day.
Thaedydal

Zulu

metrovelvet wrote:

Try looking at other men and commenting on their asses, or just purr a little, when you are with your boyfriend. Give him a taste of his own medicine...

Quality! Thats your advice? Play mind games?? Your posts never cease to amaze me, Metrovelvet!

...and just when I taught you were done:

It is customary when you dine with a man, that you take the seat that looks outward while his back is to the main area so his eyes can only be on you.

What? Seriously? Mills & Boon now dictates social etiquette? ... ...I'm speechless.

You should enforce this when you are out, and make a point of letting your eyes wander. And talk about other men, either celebrities or ordinary men around you, men you work with, men in your neighborhood, men you dream about.

...I think she's snapped? This post isn't serious PI advice is it? Please someone tell me this is a laugh.

OP, the best advice I can currently give you, is take whatever metrovelvet says and do the exact opposite.
Please don't entertain the idea of playing mind games. Talk to him. Let him know how you feel.

milod

Zulu wrote:

OP, the best advice I can currently give you, is take whatever metrovelvet says and do the exact opposite.
Please don't entertain the idea of playing mind games. Talk to him. Let him know how you feel.

Hear hear! absolutely agree! someone's been reading 'The Rules' and actually taking it seriously... games mean winners and losers - love isn't a game.

OP, the only approach is get this out in the open! most guys don't even realise they eye up girls - though frankly he should have more cop-on than to actually voice his opinions on other women while in your company.

Tell him it's not on, tell him you find it demeaning, tell him it doesn't reassure you in the slightest about his faithfullness - and if he doesn't sort it out dump him...

LegacyUser

Everyone likes a challenge. Always be a challenge in everything you do with a girl. Always keep her on her toes.

smash

bozo wrote:

to all guys out there!

help me understand why guys find it so easy to shag just anyone.
my boyfriend has slept with loads and loads of women, and i find it
hard sometimes to understand how he could just go from woman to woman
with no questions asked! how do i know im different from these girls. we've been together 2 years and he says im the first girl he didnt cheat on! what a privilage! yet he comments on other women & their bodies on a daily basis.
am i just another roll in d hay for him?

I've said this before in another post - Women find it hard to seperate sex and love, men don't, so we can shag anyone, most women have to "be in love"...

youthacademy

steve06 wrote:

I've said this before in another post - Women find it hard to seperate sex and love, men don't, so we can shag anyone, most women have to "be in love"...

thats absolute spoof, girls dont have to be in love to shag someone, they'd love to be out doing what we're doing, or can do. i.e. shag anyone for the sake of it, the only reason they dont is because they'll be branded sluts, while a guy would be branded a "stud".

LegacyUser

Rightly so.

smash

youthacademy wrote:

thats absolute spoof, girls dont have to be in love to shag someone, they'd love to be out doing what we're doing, or can do. i.e. shag anyone for the sake of it, the only reason they dont is because they'll be branded sluts, while a guy would be branded a "stud".

No way, loads of women are too moralistic and have the whole needing to be in a relationship thing, or "we've just met"

youthacademy

steve06 wrote:

No way, loads of women are too moralistic and have the whole needing to be in a relationship thing, or "we've just met"

exactly because they dont want to get a name. well obviously everyone is different, but as for "needing" a reletionship, thats complete bullcrap. fyi not every girl who is single is gaging for a reletionship my friend....

smash

youthacademy wrote:

fyi not every girl who is single is gaging for a reletionship my friend....

Ye but they're all sluts.... haha only messing! but it was on the radio a while ago talking about cheating. Men cheat more than women, but women have more affairs than men. The difference is that women fall in love and then have an affair - Men just shag anything... haha

Zulu

steve06 wrote:

No way, loads of women are too moralistic and have the whole needing to be in a relationship thing, or "we've just met"

Try rephrasing that to "loads of girls are...". Most people I know keep their private lives to themselves, and let people live their lives as the pretty much want.

People grow out of the whole slut/stud thing.

steve06 wrote:

but it was on the radio a while ago talking about cheating. Men cheat more than women, but women have more affairs than men. The difference is that women fall in love and then have an affair - Men just shag anything

Adrain Kennedy perhaps? He's a fool.

youthacademy

steve06 wrote:

Ye but they're all sluts.... haha only messing! but it was on the radio a while ago talking about cheating. Men cheat more than women, but women have more affairs than men. The difference is that women fall in love and then have an affair - Men just shag anything... haha

yeah this is true, but in my opinion men only shag and dont have actual affairs because they feel quilty, they'l feel an extrordinary quilt on their shoulders and will try to get rid of it, by not seein the 'other' girl again, whereas woman are cold heartless bitchs who'l have an affair and kill off whats left left of his dignity!!

smash

Zulu wrote:

Most people I know keep their private lives to themselves, and let people live their lives as the pretty much want.

What... girls and women talk a lot more than guys about their private lives! Sex in the city prooved this!