Coming out is so very hard to do...

LegacyUser

Right... I'm looking for some advice on coming out to my friends. I'm a 21 year old girl, and I'm bisexual. I've never told anyone, and I think it's about time I let my friends know about that part of me. I've known I was attracted to both genders for a few years now, but until very recently I've kept it very well buried. At this stage though, I'm sick of hiding and I want to tell a few close friends, but I'm absolutely terrified to! I have no idea why I'm so afraid, I know they'll understand, because they did when other friends came out as being gay or bi before, but I'm still just scared of how they'll react. I've no intention of coming out to my family anytime soon, it's just getting over the first hurdle of coming out to my friends.
Any advice wouid be greatly appreciated.
(regular boardsie, going unregged for obvious reasons)

Boston

Advice:

Tell one person first, and do it when you feel right doing it.

They will probably have loads of questions, but don't forget you have a right to privacy and just because you've come out to them, doesn't mean they have the a green light on questioning you most inner desires.

If you don't want the word spread, make it clear to each person you tell.

Apart from that I don't know your friends.

crosstownk

I'd agree with the 'one person first approach'. Be sure it's someone you trust a lot. Make sure you both have lots of time available to discuss whatever arises as a result of your telling him/her. Note the questions that are asked - they'll be asked again by others. Ask this person what they think of you telling other mutual friends. Ensure the utmost confidentiality.

Best of luck - but I think your doing the right thing.

LegacyUser

I do actually have one person in mind who I'm planning on telling first, he's my best friend and I know he'll understand because he's been through all of this himself. I'm thinking I'm going to do it soon, just to stop myself from putting it off any longer. Plus my friends all finish college in a couple of weeks, and I'd like to say something before they finish, because I might not see some of them again. In a way though, I'm starting to suspect that some people have twigged something already... and that they won't be surprised when I *do* come out.

Boston

grrl wrote:

I do actually have one person in mind who I'm planning on telling first, he's my best friend and I know he'll understand because he's been through all of this himself. I'm thinking I'm going to do it soon, just to stop myself from putting it off any longer. Plus my friends all finish college in a couple of weeks, and I'd like to say something before they finish, because I might not see some of them again. In a way though, I'm starting to suspect that some people have twigged something already... and that they won't be surprised when I *do* come out.

Gay/Bi people can be some of the most fuked up people when it comes to sexuality. Just because someone is gay/bi themselves doesn't mean they will understand your situation. I'll never forget the reaction I got after telling a gay "friend" I was seeing another guy, twisted is a word I'd use.

That said, sure go for it. You might only feel the need to ever tell one person, and thats enough. Telling only one allows you to still control it to a large degree. Aprt from that I never understood this hiding it from people thing, I came out for different reasons, every one comes out/stays in for their own reasons, make certain you sure about yours.

Nevyn

There is still a certain misunderstanding that surrounds Bi people.
It certainly can be frustrating when people assume that your are hetro or homo and you are neither or that you have finally settled and 'picked a side' due to what ever gender your current partner is.

It is good to have people that are close to you know and that you can talk about the people you are seeing/dating/shagging or want to.
I wish you well grrl.

tallaghtdave

well just my 2 cents worth ive a few gay and bi friends
and when they came out they said it was a lot easier than they taught. i think it must build up in your mind what if .and all the likes.
if you have good mates and family and im sure people will not even as much make any judgements on you at all.
hope all works out my friend
and besides all of us knew these peoples sexcuality for years so we never really cared .well i must confess,we urged them more and more to come out cause we could see the insecuritys in them around certin people.
cheers dave.

Shellie13

Telling my friends i was bi this time last year frankly woulda scared the f*** outta me but then through meeting a few new friends who i was comfortable tellin i realised what a small deal twas...

Perhaps you dont even have to do it in a big confrontational way... just if your going out with someone etc... just inform them of that, or even a simple comment such as "shes hot" etc...
they, as you said, may even know already...

Tbh it annoys me to some extent this whole "coming out" business...
Never heard of a hetrosexual having to plot a situation carefully, facing every one and say "i'm straight!"

Jus my 2c worth...