Fatherhood insecurities

mirwillbeback

Hi all,

Looking for advice on some anxieties i keep having. I've a 3 year old boy, and ever since he was born I've been an emotional wreck. I worry about him ALL the time, worry about being a good dad ( though I deep down think I am ), worry about if he died, if I hurt him, if I lost the head some night and hit him - all irrational thoughts, the main fact being I love him SO much - I'm at the stage now that I devote most of my spare time trying to entertain him, the girlfriend isnt getting the quality time she deserves ( even if we go out, my mind is worrying about something happening him ).

Am I mad? - my parents separated when i was 12 so it might be a factor, and my Dad is an alco who I didnt talk to for a few years so maybe that is an underlying issue, but sometimes my mind drives me crazy.

Victor

mirwillbeback wrote:

I worry about him ALL the time, worry about being a good dad ( though I deep down think I am ), worry about if he died, if I hurt him, if I lost the head some night and hit him - all irrational thoughts

Not necessarily irrational, they are the thoughts many parents have and given your background they are all the more understandable.

But I would suggest shipping him off to granny / cousins for a day / evening or two per week so you can catch up with the rest of your life. And it will be good for all three of you.

Theres a piece in one of today's papers to the effect that independence in what allows children to be responsible, so do give him some time alone or with his peers.

And at 3 he has passed most of the childhood health risks, he's not in 'danger' until well into his teens.

patbundy

Victor wrote:

Not necessarily irrational, they are the thoughts many parents have and given your background they are all the more understandable.

But I would suggest shipping him off to granny / cousins for a day / evening or two per week so you can catch up with the rest of your life. And it will be good for all three of you.

Theres a piece in one of today's papers to the effect that independence in what allows children to be responsible, so do give him some time alone or with his peers.

And at 3 he has passed most of the childhood health risks, he's not in 'danger' until well into his teens.

very good advice,all perents have been there

GobShi7e

mirwillbeback wrote:

Hi all,

Looking for advice on some anxieties i keep having. I've a 3 year old boy, and ever since he was born I've been an emotional wreck. I worry about him ALL the time, worry about being a good dad ( though I deep down think I am ), worry about if he died, if I hurt him, if I lost the head some night and hit him - all irrational thoughts, the main fact being I love him SO much - I'm at the stage now that I devote most of my spare time trying to entertain him, the girlfriend isnt getting the quality time she deserves ( even if we go out, my mind is worrying about something happening him ).

Am I mad? - my parents separated when i was 12 so it might be a factor, and my Dad is an alco who I didnt talk to for a few years so maybe that is an underlying issue, but sometimes my mind drives me crazy.

Hi,

My son was 2 on Tuesday . And I worry about him been hurt too and I mean I worry alot. I feel I have to be in control of his every move, it's weird. The other day he was running down the hall and he tripped and whacked his head off the front door, I was so annoyed that I couldn't stop it happening I punched the sitting room door, I was annoyed and upset. But he was fine, he cried a bit obviously, but he didn't even have a mark after.

Anyway mate your not alone, your a good father and it shows as you've came on to ask advice. You like I just need to sit back a little and he'll be grand, sure we all scare the bajasis out of parents. ha ha

Nevyn

Have you looked at doing a parenting course ?

oulu

I think it would be good for you and your girlfriend to go away for a weekend by yourselves get the inlaws to look after your pride and joy, I think it would be good for him aswell he might become to dependant on you which will not bode well for his future, you sound like me a great Dad but you also have to know when to let them open their beautiful little wings, he needs love which he gets but so does his Mother who I sense feels in the way sometimes, I hope you include her in alot of what you 2 get up to,

Slutmonkey57b

It's difficult as a first time parent to adjust to having to be responsible for someone so small. The thing to realise is that a) Babies and Children area lot tougher than you think, and b) You won't be able to get it right all of the time. Learning to let go of some of your anxiety is important for you and your family. So long as you're there, and you child knows you love them and look after them as best you can, you'll be ok.

mirwillbeback

Thanks all for the support....

As regards going away, its a bit awkward as the gf is 7 months pregnant again ( nerves prevent me being excited ), the inlaws arent great as he wont go to stay without a lot of persuasion and my mother takes the attitude of " ah he doesnt want to stay " - added to the fact my sister has a 10 month old baby who my ma has really taken to ( and gets stuck minding almost every w/e ).
Will try make time for herself, and appreciate the comments.

Beruthiel

as I had only one daughter, I went out of my way to make sure she met others her age. I started putting her into the odd play centre at age 2.5 - lots of shopping centres have an area where you can leave you child for an hour so they can play and get some confidence with being by themselves.
It's also good fun for them. Send him to playschool next year.

as Thaed suggested, no harm doing a parenting course, I found the one I did to be a life saver and they can give you great skills which will last right up into their teens. It is imortant you teach him confidence by giving him choices (ie - pick one of these two options) encourage him to ty stuff.

we all worry about our kids and needing to keep them safe, it's a fine line between caring and smothering them, give yourself time to work out where the line is and bite your tongue when necessary.
think of all the things you did as a kid, I used to climb trees, really tall ones, don't know how I didn't kill myself many times. When my daughter tried to do the same thing I nearly had a heart attach
good luck

fatboypee

Yep, all part of being a Dad to be honest, the depth of love and the insecurities it brings are quite shocking and provoking emotionally... If your gf is 7 months pregnant then the birth of another child, for us anyway calmed alot this down and put things into perspective... second child was alot calmer than the first... we reckon it was that we were alot more comfortable and knew wtf we were doing second time around...

FBP..