staying with a girl, toilet etiquette

LegacyUser

Gonna be a hotel for a few nights, never really been in this situation, how exactly does this work, i wouldnt want her to go in after ive used it.

Selik

Is this a joke?

LegacyUser

I shouldnt say this, if my woman saw it shed spot me straight away, but the first time we spent the weekend together, i went for a poop downstairs in the pub while she was asleep...it sounds funny, but for me, i didnt want to be making plopping sounds. seriously, everybody is human, but its understandable that youd be hesitant the first time away. after a while, it wont even cross your mind

kittex

Bring a spray.

But seriously, girls know you go to the toilet. We also go to the toilet. She's probably worried too. You could pick your moment, make sure she's finished in the bathroom for the time being, have a shower etc.

Make a joke dismissing it, laugh it off with a "Don't go in there for a few minutes".

Frankieboy

Maybe light a match or something? Does that work? Im sure a lighter would work also, if matches are a problem.:D

the_syco

Toilet seat up when your going for a pee.

Smurfpiss

the_syco wrote:

Toilet seat up when your going for a pee.

And when you're finished?
Sigh, when will us men ever learn!

ferdi

the_syco wrote:

Toilet seat up when your going for a pee.

and leave it there, the convenience to you is pamamount - look after number 1.

gypsygirl

ferdi wrote:

and leave it there, the convenience to you is pamamount - look after number 1.

Brilliant answer ferdi; I loved it:D

Sleepy

Frankieboy wrote:

Maybe light a match or something? Does that work? Im sure a lighter would work also, if matches are a problem.:D

As a ski-holiday sharing an apartment with 5 other heavy drinking guys taught me, striking a match does indeed work...

Fanny Cradock

Just pray you don't have an unflushable floater! i recommend a starting a high fiber diet now so as to avoid this potential problem!

if only all lifes problems could be flushed away so easily

funk-you

Throw some toilet paper in the bowl before you go so you dont get a splash, turn on the tap if you're really paranoid. Spray/match for the smell. Or you could just pick up the paper and tell say "well, time for a poo" and just go.

-Funk

Umaro

ferdi wrote:

and leave it there, the convenience to you is pamamount - look after number 1.

*pins medal on ferdi*

charlesanto

funk-you wrote:

Throw some toilet paper in the bowl before you go so you don't get a splash, turn on the tap if you're really paranoid. Spray/match for the smell. Or you could just pick up the paper and tell say "well, time for a poo" and just go.

-Funk

Almost right funk ...
Throw some toilet paper in the bowl before you go so that the turd sits up nicely out of the water to allow the odours waft around do not flush :eek:

Fajitas!

In all fairness, she's gonna have to go to the loo aswell. I was on a college field trip last year, sharing a hotel room with 2 girls in my class, we just did what we had to do!

Ag marbh

Do it with the shower on

It's funny how everyone must have thought about this at some stage but yet it's something every human has to do. It's like being embaressed about blinking or breathing

BendiBus

Do it while she's in the shower. Chat to her through the shower curtain.

Don't flush in case you scald her in the shower. Let her flush it away when she's done.

:cool:

armitage_skanks

I guess when you go away for the first time, you want everything to be perfect, and disappearing into the jacks for half an hour with a copy of the sun under your arm isnt exactly romantic. Just go easy on the curries and you should be grand.

Mimikyu

This post has been deleted.

slumped

just dont do what one of my mates did when I was sharing with him

pooed in the bath
peed in the sink


not pleasant.

LegacyUser

i cant believe that ye are even discussing this here<
uncivilised or what !
do u even have a toilet at home ?

slumped

vgvgvgvgvgv wrote:

i cant believe that ye are even discussing this here<
uncivilised or what !
do u even have a toilet at home ?

What's so uncivilised?

Even Prince Charles has to use the bathroom around Camilla!

The Bollox

great, thanks Slumped, thanks for bringing up the topic of the Royals, I just got a mental image of the Queen on the bog with an awfull dose of bad digestion

Pigman II

If it's brown flush it down. If it's yella leave it fella.

The_B_Man

what u should do is secretly rent out another room in the hotel or wherever and use that for goin for a crap. or u could say something like "OH MY GOD! U NEED TO GO TO THE SHOP QUICK AND BUY ME SOME ANTI-LEPROSY TABLETS!" or some other item. then while shes gone u can see Mr Brown and his friends off to the seaside in peace!

luckily in my house i have an en suite and a main toilet on the landing. if i ever need to go when i have company, i leave the room and go next door! theres like 2 layers of walls in between so its handy for sound and smell purposes! haha.

~Leanne~

Ah yous men are funny!!!
Honestly she wont care - like its human nature, spray some lynx or similar afterwards or open window / leave fan on.

The_B_Man

don;t mind the women! they dont know what they're talkin about! would u go around fartin in front of her? NO! even though "its natural"!!! easiest thing to do is wait til shes asleep! after all, would u wanna see her havin a big dirty crap? it'd turn u off a bit.

Call Me Jimmy

The_B_Man wrote:

don;t mind the women! they dont know what they're talkin about! would u go around fartin in front of her? NO! even though "its natural"!!! easiest thing to do is wait til shes asleep! after all, would u wanna see her havin a big dirty crap? it'd turn u off a bit.

girls don't go number 2. girls don't go number 2. girls don't go number 2.
girls don't go number 2. girls don't go number 2. girls don't go number 2.
right?

LegacyUser

What if you let a really huge, smelly fart ?

dudara

Everyone goes to the toilet. Fact.

Just close the door first for the love of God, and most hotel bathrooms will have extractors anyway.

After 6 years living with my bf, such relationship issues seem trivial ( as indeed they are)

seamus

Just close the door, don't laugh if you fart loudly (try spreading your cheeks if it's worrying you that much), and make sure to use a brush if you leave any residue.

Flush the toilet, wash your hands, and then check the seat for any liquid (often, water can splash up while the toilet is flushing - you can get the blame). If it smells, it smells. She's not under any illusions about your **** not smelling. If you're *really* worried, tell her not to go in there for five minutes and leave the window open.

hshortt

If it's yellow let it mellow,
If it's brown flush it down!

From - Meet the Fockers.

missingtime

If you put some shampoo or shower gel in just as you are flushing it'l mask the smell somewhat.

bounty_hunter

missingtime wrote:

If you put some shampoo or shower gel in just as you are flushing it'l mask the smell somewhat.

Surely that would cause suspicious bubbles?

missingtime

Ahh but you see if there is some blockage - the bubbles will cover for a short time. Plus if you leave the seat down she wont look into the bowl.
Mission acomplished

bounty_hunter

missingtime wrote:

Ahh but you see if there is some blockage - the bubbles will cover for a short time. Plus if you leave the seat down she wont look into the bowl.
Mission acomplished

I would consider a man leaving the seat down suspicious enough on its own tbh

To keep on topic: OP, don't worry about it. Everybody does it. It might be slightly awkward for a minute or two if you're not very familiar with this girl, but she'll think nothing of it.

spacetweek

etiquette wrote:

Gonna be a hotel for a few nights, never really been in this situation, how exactly does this work, i wouldnt want her to go in after ive used it.

TBH i've been in this situation loads of times and it has never occurred to me before that the toilet thing might even be an issue. Should I be worried???

meowCat

Totally stupid question now, but what's the story with the match or the lighter? Does it really help with the smell?

bounty_hunter

meowCat wrote:

Totally stupid question now, but what's the story with the match or the lighter? Does it really help with the smell?

I'm guessing the carbon absorbs the smell.

Selik

Or you could just make sure you have a dump that day shortly before you head out or whatever.... sorted. Unless you get the runs that is.:eek:

bug

I imagine its a new relationship in which case I'd say if you're so mad about each other then it won't matter.
Rose coloured glass and all that.

But after my brother uses the jax I spray it with dettol spray. Its the only thing that makes it stop smelling like the dog died three years ago under the floor boards.

Caryatnid

seamus wrote:

Just close the door, don't laugh if you fart loudly (try spreading your cheeks if it's worrying you that much),

Spreading your cheeks stops you from laughing? Must try that one some time.

simu

What a mad thread!

OP, is there something seriously wrong with your bowels or is this some sort of phobia of yours or what?

Well, on a practical note (ding!), go to the toilet soon enough after her each time to avoid her having to go straight after you.

Dirk Gently

Cough when you plop to disguise the sound of your superhuman mars bar hitting the water. Spray lynx in the room before you leave. As for the toilet seat, when will women ever think about mens needs. Seat should always be left up when you leave. Why should men do all the work with the seat. A little consideration from the women folk. It’s all me, me, me with women. What about my needs. What about mens needs I ask. An upright toilet seat will make a man appreciate his girlfriend more. Scientific fact!

Mimikyu

This post has been deleted.

Dirk Gently

Solitaryman666 wrote:

This post has been deleted.

very true, this is indeed the highest stage of a relationship. True love.

stovelid

i think methane is supposed to be flammable. Im sure the match to clear the smell ploy is apocryphal though

meowCat wrote:

Totally stupid question now, but what's the story with the match or the lighter? Does it really help with the smell?

stovelid

use the safe and "forget" the combination..sorted..

etiquette wrote:

Gonna be a hotel for a few nights, never really been in this situation, how exactly does this work, i wouldnt want her to go in after ive used it.

muppetkiller

Haha this is a funny thread it reminded me of something in a relationship I had. She'd always "allow" me one big fart a week. lol

I being the romantic I am would always ensure I saved up the best for her...and with prior warning would let it go ...9/10 she'd cry laughin ..
thats definitley when you know you're in love

As for going the loo my experience is women are far worse in there than men (I should know I've worked as a barman for 6 years.) we may miss and hit the seat but how can you miss the toilet at point blank range

Fajitas!

Actually, you're staying at a hotel right? Well, if it really is that much of a deal, you could use the toilets in the hotels lobby, assuming they have them.

meowCat

meowCat wrote:

Totally stupid question now, but what's the story with the match or the lighter? Does it really help with the smell?

I've actually tried that, and to be perfectly honest.. I don't notice much difference. It just adds the smell of smoke really ..

Just do small things; wipe the toilet seat, put it down, and if need be.. bring a can of deodourant into it with you. If you're going to leave a smell, you might as well cover it up with a stronger one until they both go. Also, you can say that you were spraying deodourant in the toilet as you don't want to make the room all smelly.