Culchie Commandments

Liffeyman

Number 50 just cracks me up........


Culchie Commandments

01)- Thou shalt drink only pints and/or "whiskey."
02) - Thou shalt always ate the skin of yer rasher.
03)- Thou shalt always stand at the back during mass, or even better,in
the porch talking.
04) - Thine Wife shalt emulate Biddy from Glenroe.
05) - Thou shalt emulate Miley.
06) - Thou shalt "Suck Diesel."
07) - Thou shalt pretend to know all about "The Headage."
08) - Thou shalt look after your tractor better than your car.
09) - Thou shalt have no "Revershing" lights or number plate on your
trailers.
10) - Thou shalt display a "Travellin' to Flavin" sticker on the back
window of all vehicles.
11) - Thou shalt wear your Ivomec Pour-On fleece with pride.
12) - Thou shalt not use but half-inch Wavin or "a good Sally Rod" for
beatin cattle.
13) - Thine sons shall play GAA.
14) - Thine daaawwwthur shall marry the local centhur-forward.
15) - Thou shalt hold regular arguments with d'telly.
16) - Thou shalt reminisce the Fair Day, the Threshing, Kickin'
Cabbages and the Corncrake.
17) - Thou shalt know a Mickeen Tomeen Joe and a Paddy Joe Paaaack from
"the top of the parish."
18) - Thou shalt ate "Hang Sangwiches" and drink Cidona at all GAA
matches.
19) - Thou shalt hate "Those Backstards the Tans."
20) - Thou shalt be edumacated by the Chrissshtian Brethers.
21) - Thou shalt pronounce 'Yellow' as 'Yella'.
22) - Thou shalt carry the A.I. Man's mobile number on you at all
times.
23) - Thou shalt not visit Dublin ( except to Croker and to bring the
wife shoppin' on the 8th of December ).
24) - Thou shalt not fail to attend the Ploughing Championships and all
Steam Rallies.
25) - Thou shalt always know how to reek turf bether than thine
Neighbour.
26) - Thou shalt use balin' twine to hold up thine trousers.
27) - Thou shalt not ever visit the dentist.
28) - Thou shalt not miss an episode of "The Weather."
29) - Thou shalt have many many injuries from "that Hooooor of Charlois
I got from that cowboy calf-dealer."
30) - Thou shalt wear cap crooked.
31) - Thou shalt love all Big John Wayne's fims, especially "The Quiet
Man."
32) - Thine son shall be nicknamed "Bungalow," 'cos "he's got nothin'
upstairs."
33) - Thou shalt shoot stray dogs.
34) - Thou shalt drown cats.
35) - Thou shalt think all Lesbians are from Lesbia.
36) - Thou shalt annually run the tractor off the end of the pit when
tramping silage.
37) - Thou shalt taste all barrels of Molasses.
38) - Thou shalt think it's great craic to ring PJ and roar into the
phone while he's with "the bit of stuff."
39) - Thine favourite chat-up line shalt be "Howya fixshed for a bit a
howya goin' on ?" whilst winking like an epileptic.
40) - Thou shalt paint "Whatever County for Sam!" on all of your round
bales.
41) - Thou shalt never leave the country.
42) - Thou shalt have a Heinz-57 mongrel of a dog which is for nothin'
except terrorising the neighbour's sheep.
43) - Thou shalt only bathe on a sathurday niyat, using only carbolic
soap
44) - Thou shalt read the Farmer's Journal.
45) - Thou shalt always support your county GAA team whilst curshing
them for being "pure sh!te" at every given opportunity.
46) - Thine sweet of choice shall be either Ritchies After-Dinner Mints
or Silvermints.
47) - Thou shalt only be aware of strippers of the bovine kind.
48) - Thou shalt refer to Soccer as "The Foreign Game."
49) - Thou shalt always sing to dirty line to "Alice."
50) - Thou shalt always receive Communion on the tongue, licking the
priest's hand in the process

Chopperdog

Funny, blah, blah, blah,
but was the very same thing not posted here Yesterday?

Well, not exactly here, but in next door neighbour, after hours.

Sleipnir

Chopperdog wrote:

Funny, blah, blah, blah,
but was the very same thing not posted here Yesterday?

I'm certain I've seen people post "hasn't this already been posted?" posts before. Maybe you should refer to those instead of posting the same thing again.

pimpy_c

ZING! So I notice there's 50 commmandments for culchies as opposed to the regular 10 for Christianity! Christianity 1, Culchies 0

NOTE: I'm well aware that "Culchie" is not a religion. Although, this is arguable in some hardcore cases!