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Departed pets;
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Remember when you were very tiny? We hadn't planned to get a dog. But we happened upon you and fell in love and wasn't that a great thing to do! You were the most beautiful pup I had ever seen. Softest soft black fur, huge brown eyes and that wonderful puppy smell! You got car sick coming home and looked at me sheepishly as if you'd done something wrong. I told you it was ok and loved you even more. Remember how you grew disproportionately for the first while. My little giraffe. Spindly legs and a body that could never get fat. Didn't help that you had that red setter streak in you. Remember the time you fell down the side of the bed and screeched and screamed until you were rescued? I wasn't there, but I heard all about the panic that followed as you were pulled out, my little drama queen.
Do you remember the year I dressed you up as a renideer for Christmas? You were the most depressed looking reindeer that year . Every time the doorbell rang, you would run out to show whoever was there what we had done to you.
I remember how beautiful you grew to be. Half black lab, half red setter. You had the best of both genes. Beautiful black coat, silky to touch and a cute little red setter bump on the top of your head. You grew tall and and strong but you were always my little one.
I sometimes feel guilty when I remember how I'd put your toy in the cats bed and tell you to go get it. You were so afraid of her. You'd try to topple her out of the bed from a distance so that you could get your toy. Always so clever.
Remember how you loved frisbees and the snow. You loved the snow! Eating it, chasing it, burrowing in it.
You loved to swim too. You broke the ice one day in the Phoenix park and then couldn't get out. I had to lie face down to pull you out. We both looked like fools, but we were happy fools I suppose.
Remember how you had your own secret life that we didn't know about until after you'd passed? You'd visit the neighbours for treats and even the vet who lived down the road opened her door to you... yet when you saw her in the surgery it was a different story!
Remember you loved rolling in the grass, but you hated anyone seeing you do it. I'd sometimes watch you from a distance and laugh to myself at your antics -but you'd sit up and prance off if you thought you were being watched. Me? Rolling in the grass? I don't think so!
My family have memories of you too. My mum remembers with fondness dancing with you around the kitchen when My Irish Molly would come on the radio. You loved to dance! Up on your hind legs, tongue out, happy as could ever be. For a long time after you left I hated that song.. Now I can remember you in a way that's not so filled with sadness anymore.
Remember how you loved teddy bears? More so than frisbees, jumbones, squeaky toys. No. bears were what you really loved. And you had so many.
I remember the day you wiped the floor at the Bakers Dogs Day out in the RDS. You won every prize and we came home with bags of treats.
Remember how you used to love running on the beach. But you always wound up drinking from a rockpool and getting sick
I don't think you ever learned.
You loved riding in the car ... though I'm sorry to tell you in this regard, you were nothing special! I've yet to meet a dog who doesn't love it
You did have a particular way of standing on me, (leaning too I might add) and digging your bony little paws into my thighs, head out the window, ready to bark suddenly in my ear at nothing whenever you felt like it. But I was never angry, and I would love to have one more car ride with you. Even just around the block.
I remember with fascination how easy you always were. You were my first dog, and I have to say, you pretty much ruined it for every dog I;
'd ever have! You had great road sense. In fact, I don't think you ever used a lead out walking until you were sick and we had to keep you close by in case you injured yourself! You'd step in when you heard a car coming. Who with four legs does that?!
You were a steady, steady dog. Weren't bothered by children. They could pull out of you all day and you'd sit, patient and silent. You never got cross or agitated. You were unphased by other dogs. You weren't particularly enthusiastic about them, but you just ignored them. You never growled or snapped or cowered. It was almost as if they just were not there. You were a useless guard dog of course! All they'd have to do is give you a biscuit and you were sold 
Remember when the house next door was being built? You loved the builders (in fact, you loved men) and you'd go up to the site every day to them. God when I think now about letting a dog do this... it doesn't make any sense. But you were so different. independent, mind of your own. And they knew you and loved you. You wouldn't be pushed on dinner then of course, having begged lunch off the workers. Remember when the roof was being built and the offcuts of wood were being thrown down into the garden? You spent all day gathereing them up and left them in a neat pile at the end of the ladder :P
I remember too well when I first noticed you scrapping your nail off the ground, thinking you had stepped on glass. It's as if the moment is frozen in time. How did it get so bad? Your disease was creeping, insidious, unforgiving. A slow, steady creeping paralysis. you slipped right through our hands. It took time of course. We battled (you more than us) for over two years. Remember all the trips to Louth so that we could bring you to the best hydrotherapy sessions? And the time your crazy owner (me) bought you a swimming pool and life jacket so that we could do hydro in our own front garden? :P The neighbours thought we were mad but who cared? Not us anyway
Remember the new lease of life when you finally got your wheels? Molly's Trolley we called it People stared but it became so normal for us. You'd get excited when the wheels came out. Strapped in and ready to go! Eventually I had to buy you a lead so that I could run alongside you to make sure you didn't crash - those were the speeds you used to reach! Was it 15kg I lost just from running alongside you as you careered along enjoying the freedom of movement again!?
I remember the day in Bushy park you took off down one of the steep hills after a squirrell. I couldn't stop you, all I could do was run along behind you, hunched over, holding the back of your "trolley". It was like a weird alternative bob-sledding sport. I'm sure we would have won gold You had your moments of course when you did fall over, but you always got back up.
There are things I don't like to remember, but to be true to you, I can't pretend it was all good, can I? I remember one day in the park I felt so angry because you were slowing down. You knew I was angry didnt you? I have no excuses. I am human and humans, unlike dogs, are hopelessly flawed. I knew the time was coming and I didn't want it to. But how could I have been angry with you, my precious beautiful friend? It doesn't help you to say that I think about this every day. It will stay with me until the day I die. That's my penance I suppose. i wish I could go back to that day and give myself a good slap in the face and say, cop on. It's not her fault. She is fighting a bigger battle than you! But I can't go back. We can't go back. But I always remember how I behaved and I always regret how I behaved and it reminds me of how imperfect and stupid we can be.
And of course, the big issue and you know the one I mean. The divisive one. The one that split the family down the middle. Was the PTS issue, wasn't it. See, I knew you weren't in pain. I knew that mentally, you were 100%. I couldn't....let them do that and I think it was the right decision to a point wasn't it. You needed bathing every evening, but you always loved it. You loved the massage and physio after. The laser therapy for your poor little sore. I still have the laser machine! What does one do with something like this? I know that eventually, the time came to make "that" decision. Was anything ever harder than that? And I made it. We had the sedatives, the vet was on the way but I was weak and I let you down. I couldn't do it. I couldn't make that decision. I am sorry. I am sorry I kept you for myself and didn't think about your needs. I am sorry that you held on for a couple of weeks before making that decision yourself. I am sorry. I am sorry. I can't take it back. Like the day in the park. I failed you by being human and being limited in my ability to think about anything other than my own selfish needs. I am happy I got to have you in my arms when you passed but I am sorry you had to go yourself. It was beautiful day when you passed. Not like today. the sun was shining. You were in the garden on your bed, wrapped up with fleecey blankets, watching me potter around with the garden. Did you watch and wish you could stand once more and walk over to me? Did you feel the time coming and want to come to me for comfort, but couldn't? I found you when you had fallen and carried you inside. You died in my arms as I told you how much I loved you and how brave you had always been. I loved you then and I love you still. I love you now as I loved you then, and more because I miss you. Sometimes with a fond memory, other times like something huge is missing from our lives. I remain sorry always for my shortcomings and for how they affected you. You were always brave and strong. I wasn't!
Remember how much I loved you? I still love you the same way. You are a part of me and I will never stop loving you. I will never stop feeling sorry for the times I failed you. I will never forget all the good times we had. Even in the dark days. We still had our time. You have been succeeded rather than replaced by one who I love too. I know that you wont mind and I hope that you mind her from wherever you are. I have room enough for both of you. I'm glad you got to meet so you know how great she is, and the hard stint she did on the streets before she found her place with us. I love you, and I know you wont mind if I love her too.
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Actually crying here in the coffee shop I'm in. My pet died a week ago today and I know that nothing I could write could come close to being as eloquent as OldNotWise's post. Thank you for saying all the things I can't.
Sorry for the loss of your friend If it means anything, it's taken me a long time to be able to express how I feel like that. Sometimes you don't want to say a memory out loud because it is so precious and you just want to keep it to yourself And I suppose the harder things to say out loud are the regrets we have. 0 -
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Thanks, that does help, and it helps that all the lovely people here on this forum understand this loss. There's a large hole in my life currently and it's a grief that only other pet owners can comprehend.OldNotWIse wrote: »Sorry for the loss of your friend If it means anything, it's taken me a long time to be able to express how I feel like that. Sometimes you don't want to say a memory out loud because it is so precious and you just want to keep it to yourself And I suppose the harder things to say out loud are the regrets we have.0 -
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OldNotWIse that was so beautiful. You have me in floods of tears here, so eloquently put. Why do they have to leave us so soon A lovely tribute to your wonderful friend.
It is the price we pay but even though he's not physically with us any more, the memories of the 15 great years we spent together will never leave.
I can say for sure it does get better, I will miss him always but it really does get better.
Its 6 weeks today and we all can talk about him, look at photos going through the years and even walk down the Dog Food aisle in the supermarket. I guess for me what makes it easier for me is knowing that both us and the vets did everything possible for him and the day finally came where there was nothing more we could do so it was his time to go.0 -
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Our newest addition to the family, Ariel the budgie, died suddenly today We only got her a month and a half ago. She was such a character and so full of energy. It's so heartbreaking to loose a pet, a family member, so young and so unexpectedly. Sleep tight Ariel. Thank you for being such a good friend to Daz. Even if it was for too short a time. Love you. XxX 0
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