Grounded because I don't believe in God.

deltablaze

Ok guys, this is the situation, yesterday I didn't go to mass, nor the week before, because I don't believe in God. I'm 14 years old and they ground me - because of that reason, because I don't go to mass because I don't believe in God. I really think it's a harsh decision made as it's not going to make me gain belief for God or anything.
Opinions? Am I in the wrong here? Is it fair that I am grounded over this?

Faith

How did they know that you didn't go to mass? Did you just refuse to go, or pretend to go and go somewhere else instead? As unfair as it is, it is your parents house and you live under their rule. If they say you have to go to mass, then they probably mean it, especially if they grounded you. They obviously really want you to go.

At the end of the day, it's only 1 hour a week. Even if you don't believe in God, you may as well go to humour them. Surely that's easier than living with the tension that would be a result of you not going.

takola

No of course it isnt fair!!! But at the end of the day as faith said, you are living with under your parents rule, and it is only an hour a week.

Just go to make them happy, theres nothing else you can do about it..

deltablaze

I just refused to go. I know I live under their rule but I'm almost 15 now. I would understand if I was at a young age and they were only trying to introduce me to the religion but for crying out loud I've been going for my whole 14 years, and they don't respect that I don't believe in God at all.

KTRIC

Bring an MP3 player with you and sit down the back.

Faith

Well, just refusing to go is a sign of immaturity and no wonder they responded by grounding you. If you want to show them that you're mature and capable of making your own decision, then sit them down and calmly and rationally explain exactly why you don't believe in God, and why you don't think that going to mass is benefiting you in any way. If you can't do this, then just go to mass. If you can do this, still be prepared for them to not care... This is Ireland after all, religion still has a stronghold on society.

kittenkiller

It's not fair at all & you're right you are almost an adult & able to think for yourself, but almost is the key word here.
Take the grounding, go to mass, you don't have to like it or pay attention or even believe in God. But you do have to go along with what your parents are say & in a case like this, an hour a week isn't that much to keep things peaceful.
Talk to them about it & if you find that you can't talk rationally about it then you're not grown up enough to argue with them.

deltablaze

K-TRIC wrote:

Bring an MP3 player with you and sit down the back.

Thats not a bad idea...I'll go but I just won't pay any god damn attention!

deltablaze

Faith wrote:

Well, just refusing to go is a sign of immaturity and no wonder they responded by grounding you. If you want to show them that you're mature and capable of making your own decision, then sit them down and calmly and rationally explain exactly why you don't believe in God, and why you don't think that going to mass is benefiting you in any way. If you can't do this, then just go to mass. If you can do this, still be prepared for them to not care... This is Ireland after all, religion still has a stronghold on society.

No, I did sit down and talk with them for an hour TWICE! Now I'm just refusing to go because they don't listen to me.

Crucifix

Try talking to them rationally. Explain that grounding you because you don't believe in God isn't going to make anything better, and that you should be free to make your own religious decisions. If that doesn't get you anywhere at all, then you're probably best to just play along with the whole religion thing til you're older.
Personally I had to debate with my parents a lot about religious stuff.

deltablaze

Crucifix wrote:

Try talking to them rationally. Explain that grounding you because you don't believe in God isn't going to make anything better, and that you should be free to make your own religious decisions. If that doesn't get you anywhere at all, then you're probably best to just play along with the whole religion thing til you're older.
Personally I had to debate with my parents a lot about religious stuff.

Yeah, but the thing is, I talked about it with them for ages but they just keep shoving it on me. I tried again talking about it today but my mum said 'It's not up for discussion'.

Untense

Did your parents give you any reason as to why you should have to go? Do they go with you or do you go alone?

And when you decided you no longer didn't want to go to church, did you discuss it with your parents or did you flare up and slam doors?

Beruthiel

deltablaze wrote:

'It's not up for discussion'.

then it's not up for discussion.
I had to put up with the same crap, I'm afraid while you are under your parents roof you abide by their rules. As said already, it's an hour out of your week, just go. It's pointless, but if it keeps them happy... and you're not grounded for it then it's all good.

deltablaze

Untense wrote:

Did your parents give you any reason as to why you should have to go? Do they go with you or do you go alone?

And when you decided you no longer didn't want to go to church, did you discuss it with your parents or did you flare up and slam doors?

I discussed it with my parents, but got absolutely nowhere. The reason I have to go is 'because I have to go', and my parents go with me.
However, what peeves me off is about two years ago when my dad owned a restaurant he stopped going to mass, for 2 years, because he was too tired. But if its so important, how come exceptions could be made for him?
I'm tired working torwards the Junior Cert..

deltablaze

Beruthiel wrote:

then it's not up for discussion.
I had to put up with the same crap, I'm afraid while you are under your parents roof you abide by their rules. As said already, it's an hour out of your week, just go. It's pointless, but if it keeps them happy... and you're not grounded for it then it's all good.

I know but it just ticks me off the way other teenagers my age don't have to go, and/or other teenagers have the choice. It makes me laugh the way they can't think of a reason to make me, they just say I 'have to go'.
I think it's very extreme grounding me anyway, thanks for the help so far guys.

Beruthiel

deltablaze wrote:

what peeves me off is about two years ago when my dad owned a restaurant he stopped going to mass, for 2 years, because he was too tired. But if its so important, how come exceptions could be made for him? ..

because your father is an adult and has earned the right to do as he pleases. When you become an adult, you can do the same.
Your parents are responsible for your welfare and they have decided this is part of it, try to respect that fact, even if you don't agree with it.
The time will come when you can decide for yourself.

p.pete

request to go to a different church...

Sony

As everyone keeps saying-its only an hour a week-just go for the time being, this is a ridiculous thing to be arguing with your parents about for so long...

If they want you to go as they clearly do-go to humour them-you wont have to do it forever ,I was made go when I was your age aswell

I have the feeling this isnt just about you "not believeing in god"

Beruthiel

deltablaze wrote:

I know but it just ticks me off the way other teenagers my age don't have to go, and/or other teenagers have the choice..

once or twice my daughter gave me that reason, I used to tell her she was welcome to move in with her friends parents whenever she wished

deltablaze

Sony wrote:

As everyone keeps saying-its only an hour a week-just go for the time being, this is a ridiculous thing to be arguing with your parents about for so long...

If they want you to go as they clearly do-go to humour them-you wont have to do it forever ,I was made go when I was your age aswell

I have the feeling this isnt just about you "not believeing in god"

You're right - it's not just that I don't believe in god and not care about the church but that they won't let me make any decisions to my life.
Oh well, I may as well just ****ing go, but as far as I can see it's just a huge waste of my time.

Sony

deltablaze wrote:

I discussed it with my parents, but got absolutely nowhere. The reason I have to go is 'because I have to go', and my parents go with me.
However, what peeves me off is about two years ago when my dad owned a restaurant he stopped going to mass, for 2 years, because he was too tired. But if its so important, how come exceptions could be made for him?
I'm tired working torwards the Junior Cert..

And also when youre older and start working fuill time(never mind running a restaurant) youll realise that comparing the two of these is ridiculous:rolleyes:

Untense

I would have to agree with you, it is very unfair how they're treating you. But as you say, if they can't even think of a good reason for you to go it sounds more like a struggle for power over their adolescent kid.

I'd suggest you just grin and bare it. Your parents are wrong, but is it worth the hassle?

Blub2k4

Tell them you've changed your mind, you hadn't realised up until now how important religion is in life and you really want to worship every sunday now, and ask them if they can drive you to the Hare Krishna temple on their way to church............ :P

Sony

come on man theyre not just making you go to piss you off , bite the bullet and go ... therell come a time when you can stand your ground on this if you want I just dont think its yet--parents are parents,everyones can be a pain in the ass sometimes but keeping them happy is in your best interests mate:D

deltablaze

Blub2k4 wrote:

Tell them you've changed your mind, you hadn't realised up until now how important religion is in life and you really want to worship every sunday now, and ask them if they can drive you to the Hare Krishna temple on their way to church............ :P

LMAO! Haha, yeah, I could play it that way and just turn the religious tables all over them. But for the meantime, I think I'll just 'grin and bare it' and Utense said

deltablaze

Sony wrote:

come on man theyre not just making you go to piss you off , bite the bullet and go ... therell come a time when you can stand your ground on this if you want I just dont think its yet--parents are parents,everyones can be a pain in the ass sometimes but keeping them happy is in your best interests mate:D

True.

Blub2k4

deltablaze wrote:

Ai that's true, they enjoy themselves now....but they're the ones who'll roast in hell for all eternity

deltablaze

Blub2k4 wrote:

Ai that's true, they enjoy themselves now....but they're the ones who'll roast in hell for all eternity

Lmao, but I don't want that to happen - they're my friends!
...Or do I... :P

LegacyUser

deltablaze wrote:

Ok guys, this is the situation, yesterday I didn't go to mass, nor the week before, because I don't believe in God. I'm 14 years old and they ground me - because of that reason, because I don't go to mass because I don't believe in God. I really think it's a harsh decision made as it's not going to make me gain belief for God or anything.
Opinions? Am I in the wrong here? Is it fair that I am grounded over this?

You are 14 years old and developing your own opinions. You will over the next few years find that a lot of what you think will change and not all of it (if any) will please your parental units.

The best thing you can learn now is that your parents are a brick wall. And you will either keep running into it... or you can be clever and find away around said wall.

your parents do have every right to ground you on the basis that your are not obeying their requests. Regardless of the issue and the rights and wrongs of said issues. They are your guardians and it is them providing you with clothes... food etc etc. (You will hear that a lot in the future, if not already)

I think most of us decided at some stage that Mass was a pain in the bollix and the whole God thing was somewhat suspect. Personaly when my brother got his license .... we just went to a different mass. Which involved getting the papers and reading them out by a lake. The whole "we are not going" thing didn't work for us either no matter how well we debated our point of view.

Your parents are only trying to do what they think is best. I doubt they, like most other parents were given the ever elusive "best parenting guide". They are winging it in other words. Doing what they think is best for you. Sadly that insight or understanding, much like your new founded belief in God, only hits you in your early twenties...or later.

What you can do is state your belief or lack of it, in God..the church or what ever but agree to attend Mass to keep them happy. They will not be p1ssed off at you and somewhere down the line you can use your going to mass as a tactical advantage to getting to go to some disco or something.

Best of luck.

PS I kept running into the brick wall... I was an agnstly little bollix back in the day Possibly with mental issues. Which I still have

kittenkiller

It's an hour a week.
Get over it!
If the sunday morning thing is a drag, suggest saturday evening instead.

deltablaze

No mornings actually better because I'd usually be out saturday evening.

thanks for helping guys, looks like I'll just have to go and convince them along the path of my life till im 18.

Faith

I also used to find that Saturday evening ones were shorter. Of course, I haven't been to mass in a very long time, so that may have changed.

The Bollox

I remember when my folks found out I didn't go to mass, my dad was a bit pissed, he took me out the back for a long chat. the way he found out was he dropped me off down town, and I decided to do a lap of the church before heading off to a friends house or something, after the lap I saw a few of the lads going into the shop across the street so I went over, and I was just at the door when I head a horn behind me and it was the oul fella in the car, looking dissapointed.

so I went home and took the talk from my da. then the next day my oul wan came up to me and said "I hear you aren't going to mass anymore" I said to myself "here we go again..." and she said that when my da told her she had to fight really hard to keep the laughter in, she thought it was hilarious, which helped a lot.

OP: everyone has their own look on religion, you just had the misfortune to have parents who love their religion, there's nothing you can do about that

deltablaze

Marts wrote:

I remember when my folks found out I didn't go to mass, my dad was a bit pissed, he took me out the back for a long chat. the way he found out was he dropped me off down town, and I decided to do a lap of the church before heading off to a friends house or something, after the lap I saw a few of the lads going into the shop across the street so I went over, and I was just at the door when I head a horn behind me and it was the oul fella in the car, looking dissapointed.

so I went home and took the talk from my da. then the next day my oul wan came up to me and said "I hear you aren't going to mass anymore" I said to myself "here we go again..." and she said that when my da told her she had to fight really hard to keep the laughter in, she thought it was hilarious, which helped a lot.

OP: everyone has their own look on religion, you just had the misfortune to have parents who love their religion, there's nothing you can do about that

Yeah, I suppose I'll be able to lose the religion once I move out.
Nice story btw. Anyone else have similiar?

edanto

I remember having the same chat with my folks as you've just had and they didn't take it too well either.

Of course, the first time I had the chat, I didn't have many reasons for not wanting to go to church other than... "but it's just so stupid" and "I just don't believe". Sadly, there seem to be whole chapters of the bible devoted to re-convincing people that question their faith, so I had to put up with that for a while.

That was until I decided to do some of my own reading (a lot harder without the web!!) and started to come up with some reasons which were a mix of stuff other people had thought of ages ago and some of my own experiences.

I'd recommend that you try the same thing - have a read of some websites about philosophy, belief systems and see what stuff resonates with you.

You may well find that you do have a deep faith in a God and your rebellion is more directed towards the institution of the church - that's a wild guess and not at all what I came up with, but I'm just suggesting it to make the point that whatever you decide about your own faith is fine.

And that your parents will have to put up with that. You'll just need to defend it.

Be sensitive though, they may never have questioned their own faith and may not be prepared for you to start doing it now. For instance, you might have younger siblings that they want to shield from your 'disruptive' behaviour. So, just understand where they are coming from and discuss things with them instead of giving ultimatums.

Aim for a compromise at the start - maybe you'd be happy giving up an hour of your week helping out the old lady down the road instead of standing in a church with them? Show them that you haven't lost your morals, just your faith in a crowd of people telling you that they know what happens after we die.

deltablaze

edanto wrote:

I remember having the same chat with my folks as you've just had and they didn't take it too well either.

Of course, the first time I had the chat, I didn't have many reasons for not wanting to go to church other than... "but it's just so stupid" and "I just don't believe". Sadly, there seem to be whole chapters of the bible devoted to re-convincing people that question their faith, so I had to put up with that for a while.

That was until I decided to do some of my own reading (a lot harder without the web!!) and started to come up with some reasons which were a mix of stuff other people had thought of ages ago and some of my own experiences.

I'd recommend that you try the same thing - have a read of some websites about philosophy, belief systems and see what stuff resonates with you.

You may well find that you do have a deep faith in a God and your rebellion is more directed towards the institution of the church - that's a wild guess and not at all what I came up with, but I'm just suggesting it to make the point that whatever you decide about your own faith is fine.

And that your parents will have to put up with that. You'll just need to defend it.

Be sensitive though, they may never have questioned their own faith and may not be prepared for you to start doing it now. For instance, you might have younger siblings that they want to shield from your 'disruptive' behaviour. So, just understand where they are coming from and discuss things with them instead of giving ultimatums.

Aim for a compromise at the start - maybe you'd be happy giving up an hour of your week helping out the old lady down the road instead of standing in a church with them? Show them that you haven't lost your morals, just your faith in a crowd of people telling you that they know what happens after we die.

Heh, I made a deal with them to go twice a month, which isn't so bad seeing as it's a compromise. And I'm the youngest in the family, my brother believes in god but he just doesn't go to church when he doesn't want to...well just doesn't.

Ickle Magoo

deltablaze wrote:

Yeah, I suppose I'll be able to lose the religion once I move out.
Nice story btw. Anyone else have similiar?

My folks said I had to go to church until I could come up with a good enough reason not to.....when I was about 8 I asked my Dad if God made everything and the bible was a story of what God did - why was there no mention of dinosaurs in the bible....my Dad laughed, slapped me on the back & that was the last time I ever went to church (other than the odd wedding & funeral).....they were a pain in the @ss over other issues tho.....I think every set of parents has their bug bears & your folks happen to have religion as theirs.....not a lot you can do about it.....you could suggest that the more they force you to go now the more determined you are to get married in a registry office & refuse to ever have your kids christened.....but they may see that as blackmail.....best of luck!

deltablaze

Ickle Magoo wrote:

My folks said I had to go to church until I could come up with a good enough reason not to.....when I was about 8 I asked my Dad if God made everything and the bible was a story of what God did - why was there no mention of dinosaurs in the bible....my Dad laughed, slapped me on the back & that was the last time I ever went to church (other than the odd wedding & funeral).....they were a pain in the @ss over other issues tho.....I think every set of parents has their bug bears & your folks happen to have religion as theirs.....not a lot you can do about it.....you could suggest that the more they force you to go now the more determined you are to get married in a registry office & refuse to ever have your kids christened.....but they may see that as blackmail.....best of luck!

Lol, nice story. But did you just say you didn't wana go to church at 8? =|
And to think I have to put up a fight! But yeah, all parents have their sections at nit picking, mine happens to be religion.

marie_85

For me, I stopped going to Mass when I was about fifteen or sixteen. I'd gone unwillingly for years, even though I lost my faith when I was about thirteen. But until I turned around and told my mam rationally that I didn't want to go anymore, and my reasons for this, I was forced into going. My parents weren't happy with my decision but they recognised that it wasn't just me being a rebellious teenager.

What you have to do is decide yourself why you don't want to go to Mass. Is it just that you find it boring, or do you want a lie in on a Sunday morning, or are you embarrassed that none of your friends go and you still do. If you don't want to go because you genuinely don't believe in God, and don't want to participate as a Catholic anymore, then I'd suggest talking to your parents again. They can't ground you forever, and if you have a proper non-heated discussion (without sounding like a whiny teenager) they are more likely to listen to you. I don't agree with all the people who say 'its just an hour a week'. Faith is a deeply personal issue, and for people like me anyway, having to go to Mass every week, is something that gos against who I am and what I believe.

deltablaze

It's that I just don't actually believe in god. I've read the bible and all - I just never have and highly doubt I never will believe in God. I don't have any faith, I've paid attention is mass but now it's just the same thing over and over again, I go, I listen, I feel no different than what I did when I came in there - not believing. I know what you're saying but it's just so hard to get it through to my parents that I don't believe in god therefore going to church is useless.

BigWilly

I had the same problem as a kid. I'm 21 now and havn't been near a church since I turned 18. But as a kid I was always expected to go to mass. Even now my mother still goes on to me about god and religion and all that.

Some people are so blind in their faith that they can't help but believe in nothing but the absolute existence of god, and are unable to accept that their child doesn't believe. It's like they believe that it is their godly duty to make sure that you keep going to mass even against your will.


Just do as somebody else said, and take your mp3 player to the back of the church for 30 mins every sunday. A pain I know, but you'll have to encounter this type of crap from religious people throughout your whole life. Not much you can do about it.

Canis Lupus

deltablaze wrote:

It's that I just don't actually believe in god. I've read the bible and all - I just never have and highly doubt I never will believe in God. I don't have any faith, I've paid attention is mass but now it's just the same thing over and over again, I go, I listen, I feel no different than what I did when I came in there - not believing. I know what you're saying but it's just so hard to get it through to my parents that I don't believe in god therefore going to church is useless.

I was about your age when I decided to give up religion. Parents were not happy at all. Started mostly by me staying sitting on my own down the back and walking out when it came to communion time. Parents were not in a position to kill me in the church. Then I started to refuse to go. I was made a few times and I was mostly not in my folks good books for quite some time. Then they came to the conclusion that it was easier to leave me at home rather than go through the same thing week in and out and the matter hasn't been raised since.

My view is that if you have made your decision about faith then stick with it.

EDIT: Don't bring an mp3 player with you to mass. Even as a non believer I'd give you a kick myself for that lack of respect.

py2006

I remember having to go to mass when I was a kid! I think the whole thing is ridiculous to be honest!

How many kids listen, understand and get anything out of mass?

I also believe that religion is forced down the throats of people in this country. I find it absolutely appaling that children are baptised and christened etc and forced into a religion. They don't get a say in the matter. Alot of people begin to resent the whole concept of religion when they get older. I think the same thing happens with the Irish language in this country.

Religion is fine for adults who choose to go down that route. If I ever have kids I wouldn't force them into a relgion or to attend mass. I would let them make up their own minds on it when they get older.

TempestSabre

Relationships are about give and take. However if an hour is such a bit waste of your time, take a study book with you.

deltablaze

Very interesting responces I must say. I agree with whoever said people are forcing religion down people's throaths, I think one should find their path to what religion/belief themselves, not by influence of others.

dundalk cailin

Up until i moved to france (age 19) i was forced to go every week, i had no choice cos i depended on parents for lifts as i live in the country..even now, my mother goes on at me to try and go to mass.. i cant see me being able to go back to gettin up for mass sunday morning when i go back home, esp as ill be getting a car, so they wont be able to tel me what to do. its not that i dont believe, its just as someone said, its been the same thing rattled off in the church since i can remember. i dont think going to mass, and pretending to listen is any benfeit really

ferdi

OP, at your age i was the same. at first i went to mass but did not get up to recieve communion as i didnt believe it was right for me to ingest the 'body of christ' when i did not believe in him or the ritual.
i was obliged to go to mass until i was about 16/17 and then i just told the ould pair straight out that i didnt believe a word of it and i wouldnt be going back, not a whole lot they could do.

i advise you to stick by your guns, it may mean being grounded for a couple of months but you have a right to decide whether or not you want to attend a religious service or not, its 2006 not 1946. they cant ground you forever, but obviously you'll know after a while if there is any hope in them backing down. all the parents reading this will tyhink i'm a right asshole but honestly while i think the 'my house, my rules' rule is fair, i just dont feel this can extend to religion.

deltablaze

ferdi wrote:

OP, at your age i was the same. at first i went to mass but did not get up to recieve communion as i didnt believe it was right for me to ingest the 'body of christ' when i did not believe in him or the ritual.
i was obliged to go to mass until i was about 16/17 and then i just told the ould pair straight out that i didnt believe a word of it and i wouldnt be going back, not a whole lot they could do.

i advise you to stick by your guns, it may mean being grounded for a couple of months but you have a right to decide whether or not you want to attend a religious service or not, its 2006 not 1946. they can ground you forever, but obviously you'll know after a while if there is any hope in them backing down. all the parents reading this will tyhink i'm a right asshole but honestly while i think the 'my house, my rules' rule is fair, i just dont feel this can extend to religion.

Thanks man, infact, I think that's the best way. If I stick to my guns then at least they will know how I really am, and realise that I'm not just refusing to go to mass so I can have a lie in, or just plain lazy. It may be an hour a week, but it's something they are forcing on me which gives me no benefit whatsoever, and that to me is just them enforcing their power on me for the heck of it, because they KNOW I don't pay attention in mass anymore.

The Bollox

sorry to take this off topic a bit, but to all you who are not going to mass now, when you have kids (if you do have any) will you bring them to mass? I will up until the time they are old nough to rationally decide for themselves if they believe in it or not. I am not going to deny them a religion. how about everyone else?

Crucifix

deltablaze wrote:

Thanks man, infact, I think that's the best way. If I stick to my guns then at least they will know how I really am, and realise that I'm not just refusing to go to mass so I can have a lie in, or just plain lazy. It may be an hour a week, but it's something they are forcing on me which gives me no benefit whatsoever, and that to me is just them enforcing their power on me for the heck of it, because they KNOW I don't pay attention in mass anymore.

Didn't you just make a comprimise with them? If you did, then I wouldn't go back on it now.

Davei141

Marts wrote:

sorry to take this off topic a bit, but to all you who are not going to mass now, when you have kids (if you do have any) will you bring them to mass? I will up until the time they are old nough to rationally decide for themselves if they believe in it or not. I am not going to deny them a religion. how about everyone else?

If they wanted a religion wouldnt they pick one up when they can rationally think about it?