Am I bisexual?

LegacyUser

I'm a 26 year old guy. I think of myself as a regular straight guy. But on occasion, I like to play the female role. I've been dressing up as a girl since I was 11 or 12, and it has progressed to the stage where now I dress up and look pretty convincing and even attractive as a female (I'm quite slim and toned and I dress nice, kinda modern trendy clubby wear). I also go out in the capital every now and again with other "girls" like myself, and we end up in places like the dragon, cafe en seine and the front lounge, and love to party like girls do...

Here is the problem; I still want to maintain a straight male hetero life.

And here is the complication; when I'm all dressed up to the nines, I want str8 masculine men (or str8 acting anyway). I like to be taken by a man, and on many occasions I have had sex with men and I've loved it.

Now here is the strangest part of all; I'm NOT physically attracted to men. I don't look at them all the time in daily life, I don't find their bodies particularly pleasing, I never have done. I'm just a regular straight guy. From an early age, I've been obsessed with females, and I still am - I love everything about them. BUT, I also absolutely *adore* playing the female role, and being taken by a strong man, and being seduced and chased, and ultimately letting him have his wicked way with me... it doesn't matter how unattractive the man is, it doesn't make any difference. If they are old and unnattractive.. all the better, it's more interesting cos I can tease them more and then nicely surprise them by giving them great sex with me. And I do get chased quite a bit cos I'm one of the pretty ones...

So what the heck am I? I don't know why I've come here. I'm hoping to find a few open minds, and perhaps more acceptance than ridicule... Perhaps for some answer from those who know more about this than I do.

Bottom line:
I'm a hetero guy 100% when in "guy mode"
I'm a hetero young female 100% when in "girl mode"

I don't like labels... but that either makes me 200% heterosexual. Or else... ?

carbonkid

I cant see how you can be bisexual if you dont find male bodies particularly pleasing. Is there anything major out of the normal that happened in your childhood that you think would lead to you feeling like a woman who needs or wants to be taken by a strong man?

damien

TGirl wrote:

So what the heck am I? I don't know why I've come here. I'm hoping to find a few open minds, and perhaps more acceptance than ridicule... Perhaps for some answer from those who know more about this than I do.

Well, a lot of the time the writing of a post like this allows you yourself to study your own situation and see where you are. Writing is a fantastic therapy and you might find that just taking the thoughts from your head and distilling them into a few paragraphs works wonders. Of course some get carried away and one silly thought gets written about for pages at a time.

Plenty won't accept that you're a bloke that likes to dress and feel like a woman, the same way plenty won't accept I'm a homosexual but you will find lots who will be fine with who you are too.

don't like labels... but that either makes me 200% heterosexual. Or else... ?

That's a cool label in itself. Who needs to be homosexual or bisexual. Labels are there only to make people more comfortable so if you don't want a label then don't use one. You are you. That should be enough.

damien

carbonkid wrote:

Is there anything major out of the normal that happened in your childhood that you think would lead to you feeling like a woman who needs or wants to be taken by a strong man?

Oh Christ. Is there anything major from your childhood that made you like guys instead of girls?

Nevyn

Well TGirl congratulations on figuring out what makes you happy and what works for you , many people never get that far with looking at themselves and thier wants and needs due to fear or opression or denial.

People do have multifacets to who they are,
some people only like vanilla icecream, some like chocolate, some like both
some like vanilla 11 months out of 12 and then want some chocolate.

Roleplay and powerplay and gender reversal are not as unsual as some people might think.
But I would say that if you are going to be for the post part in a relationship with a woman
it would be best that she knows about all your wants and needs and understands or takes part.
I know can be hard to find someone like that but they are out there.
All the best
Thaedydal

LegacyUser

"it would be best that she knows about all your wants and needs and understands or takes part"

Now this is what really scares me :O
I mean, I have enough touble finding somebody who I want to be with full stop, without them having to be ultra-liberal and open minded along with it (and a lot of people truly aren't, as you all are well aware)... and in fact, most of the girls I'm attracted to are regular, straight types who would be totally freaked out at any of this kind of behaviour...

You are right though, it is good to have explored it all for myself, and to know what it is that turns me on. And I do know exactly what I like, and what drives me crazy, and I have no fear or guilt about it (life is too short IMO)... but sometimes it makes me feel quite isolated and alone, like there are two separate worlds I live in, and I don't want them to ever actually meet each other, or collide.

Boston

I've a big long thing writen up on Bi-sexuality, which I'll post in the coming days, but in my opionion, Bi-sexuality means to be sexually and/or romantically attracted towards or involved with members of more than one sex. So in that sense, yes, you have the potential to be Bi-sexual. Depends on how you define you own sexuality. I can also see an arguement for you being straight, given you have some very clearly defined gender roles of man with woman, woman with man. Bi-sexuality could be described as a process where by a persons sexuality shifts depending on who their currently with. Your gender shifts and who you're currently with changes in accordance, thus your sexuality remain fixed, as straight in this case.

It's complex, best of luck figuring it out.

damien

Gender is just a male construct. *Burns bra and jock strap*

LegacyUser

I posted a long(ish) response on this a few hours ago... has it gone missing?

swiss

Just a note to the original poster. Unregistered postings have to be approved by moderators before they are viewable to people. This is done to cut down on spam and people generally being arseholes whilst posting unregistered. This is why a given unregistered post might not appear immediately.

Anyway, without wanting to sound too blunt, the problem seems to be the simple practical problem of the 'girly' girl and 'manly' man being two completely separate entities. It seems as if you've dabbled with both archetypes and more power to you for doing so. I certainly don't think it's impossible for you to find someone who may be able to understand and perhaps accomodate one of these roles, but I doubt it would be easy for someone to accomodate both.

To a small extent I can understand what you're talking about - there are times where I like a more effeminate guy and other times perhaps the more stereotypically 'straight-acting' (although I dislike the connotations of that particular term) or 'masculine' guy. There are times in which I have difficulty reconciling these two competing aims, and I can imagine what you're talking about is perhaps more difficult to reconcile.

Anyway, I guess I don't have any real advice for you. I don't think it's a matter of just 'pick one' but my guess would be that if you find someone that you can connect with on an emotional as well as on a sexual level then the decision will make itself.

carbonkid

damien.m wrote:

Oh Christ. Is there anything major from your childhood that made you like guys instead of girls?

Point taken. Im just trying to understand why he sleeps with guys even thought he clearly says he doesnt find the male body sexually attractive. There are lots of straight guys who like to dress up as women for many reasons but they dont sleep with other men because they're not sexually attracted to them.

TGirl wrote:

and in fact, most of the girls I'm attracted to are regular, straight types who would be totally freaked out at any of this kind of behaviour...

I hope you find the girl that can care and be happy with both sides of you. I cant say itll be easy but im sure theres someone out there

Hmm_Messiah

damien.m wrote:

Gender is just a male construct. *Burns bra and jock strap*

I can understand you having a bra, ...but a jockstrap ?








disclaimer : mid exam cramming humour

damien

Hmm_Messiah wrote:

...but a jockstrap ?

Novelty value only. I swear.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the positive, constructive and open minded responses. I didn't expect you people to be so nice about this, in the past I've tried posting about this stuff before and just had abuse, or abuse veiled as helpfulness. This has to be one of the coolest gatherings of people on any forum...

Anyway, without wanting to sound too blunt, the problem seems to be the simple practical problem of the 'girly' girl and 'manly' man being two completely separate entities. It seems as if you've dabbled with both archetypes and more power to you for doing so. I certainly don't think it's impossible for you to find someone who may be able to understand and perhaps accomodate one of these roles, but I doubt it would be easy for someone to accomodate both.

Indeed, they are separate entities it seems. When in one particular "mode", I do not display characteristecs from the other. For example, I am not an effeminate male really. But when dressed, I speak effeminately, walk like a female and have femme mannerisms. I do think that those things are always inside me though, and are just looking for expression. Expression that is not possible while in "male mode", thus a split has occurred so that I end up going from one extreme to the other.

I'm not ruling out the possibility of a small degree of trangenderism. My body naturally has some dictinct characteristics quite uncommon to males. For instance, my bum looks very feminine, and my hips to an extent - this has always been the case and as a male I've tried to hide it by sucking it in. IN girl mode I just let it out... feels great, and I've been told looks 100% like a real girls behind. I'm also quite curvy, not in the "fat" sense, but my bone structure (the way the spine loads to the buttocks). Sometimes I wonder if I have some female bits inside (this is common in trans people).

All that said, I do not feel like a girls born inside a boys body or anything, I'm just toying with the possibility of being transgendered to a small degree, but not enough to actually make me want to change my sex. Instead.. I'm just sitting uncomfortably somewhere in between!