My son wants to change school.

frobisher

It's gotten to the point where we are arguing because he asks at every single opportunity. He's 13 and just coming to the end of first year. The school he is in is a good one, quite relaxed and forward thinking. The one he wants to go to is a Christain Brothers fee paying school that has a good academic reputation. The reason he wants to change is that all his new friends go to the Christian Brothers school, not exactly the best reason in the world! But then again he described his presenet situation as being like "sending a dog to a school for cats", typically dramatic of him!

Have you ever had this situation with your kids?

Shabadu

I was ADAMANT my parents send me to the school all my friends went to when I was 13. Needless to say, I didn't get my way, and I'm grateful for it now. I had a better education because of their decision, and settled in & made new friends quite quickly.

You're the parent, you make the decisions. His feelings/opinions obviously count, but they shouldn't be the factors the choice is based on as they're liable to change quite rapidly at that age.

How about telling him he can move upon completing his Junior Cert, if he gets all B grades or above?

simu

I'd leave him be unless he's being bullied or something in his present school.

SilverTongue

Shabadu wrote:

You're the parent, you make the decisions. His feelings/opinions obviously count, but they shouldn't be the factors the choice is based on as they're liable to change quite rapidly at that age.

How about telling him he can move upon completing his Junior Cert, if he gets all B grades or above?

I agree with that..

luckat

A year is a long time to be miserable and friendless.

frobisher

luckat wrote:

A year is a long time to be miserable and friendless.

He isn't miserable or friendless in the slightest. He has about 25 people in his year from his old school and is very popular. It's just that he seems to be getting on better with a bunch of people that all go to the same school. The one he is in now is Newpark, which has a name for being relaxed and creative (which is how me and his mother are) whereas the one he wants to go to is CBC Monkstown, an all boys, fee paying old Christian brothers school. :eek: His argument is that CBC has a strong academic record and Newpark has a bit of a rep for dossing.
I hate it when they get to the age where they can make valid arguments that they don't even beleive!

Shabadu

Tell him once he hits 15 he'll be grateful that he stayed in a mixed sex non-uniform school.

Rogueish

I agree with the previous posters that suggested you set him a goal of achieving certain grades in his Junior Cert. It gives him a definite time line and goal that may help settle him until then.

Just remember too that just because both parents are relaxed and creative people he might not be quite the carbon copy of his parents. If a major part of his life is quite laid back (not a bad thing) he may be looking for the opposite balance of a slightly more conservative atmosphere in other aspects of his life.

6th

Ok first off how sure are you that the reason he has given is the real reason?

If it is you should keep him were he is. If it was a case of moving to get away from a group (bullying etc) i'd move him if its just to get to friends who may well distract him - keep him where he is.

Just be sure he's telling you the whole truth.

Beruthiel

frobisher wrote:

His argument is that CBC has a strong academic record

LMAO!!
if my daughter had said that to me at age 13 I'd have laughed for the rest of the day - what 13 year old gives a toss about their academic record?!
stand your ground, if he want's to go to a school where his 'real' friends are, then he's going to do even less work than now!
At that age you make and break friendships all the time. He'll be fine and if you are happy with the fact this is his only reason then don't budge on it.
You know best remember.

I hate it when they get to the age where they can make valid arguments that they don't even beleive!

I hope you said as much! They hate to be caught out

happydaz

i'm not a parent so take this with a pinch of slat if you will but i HATED the first three years of secondary. all my friends were in different schools and as a side note i was quite badly bullied. it wans't until i was much older that i realised that most kids get bullied in school and they all have a year or two that they find tough. first year is hard cos all of a sudden you become the small fish in a big pond. i have to agree that unless he's being bullied, keep him where he is.

Alfasudcrazy

I think its best to have them at a school that they are happy in. The school exam results will reflect this happiness.

It may seem a trivial reason to seek a transfer but these friends are important to him and good school friends often remain lifelong friends so its not quite as trivial as it may seem. Whatever decision you make the sooner its decided the better.

I too would not accept the reason he is giving at face value. The fact that he seems to ask you at every opportunity suggests its an extreme urgency for him - and to me that seems to hint at a more extreme problem - such as bullying perhaps. :eek:

Rozabeez

I'd leave him tbh, I chose to go to a school where I only knew one or 2 people, and I'm glad I didn't go to one where a number of my friends went because I've made a lot more friends since 1st year, things will change a lot for him over the next few years and I doubt he'll be any happier in another school, especially if he were to fall out with one or two of the friends, where would he be then?

Try to explain the reasons you want him to stay there, maybe if he isn't happy after another year it's time to move him?

Hobbes

Beruthiel wrote:

LMAO!!
if my daughter had said that to me at age 13 I'd have laughed for the rest of the day - what 13 year old gives a toss about their academic record?!

Reminds me a little of asking my parents for money to buy games for the ZX spectrum on the grounds they are "Educational and help with my study".

Probably was asking his mates whats the best argument to come up with.

If you want to be a bastid about it I'd ask him where is the information/research he had done to come up with this answer and also ask him to plan how your supposed to get the money.

The junior cert example is good as well, however moving schools can cause a hit on school work.

Squirrel

He will love you in a few yeaars for keeping him in Newpark. I go to Mac Daras, a mixed sex school, and the amout of times friends in single sex schools complain is unreal. What was he like in primary? That could have an effect on him wanting to go to a CBS for their education. I don't think he's telling you the whole truth though.