Double Entendres...

spudington16

I thought our humble Humour section could do with a thread dedicated to double entendres, so here it is! I'll get the ball rolling...

A woman walks into a bar and orders a double entendre so the barman gives her one.

Sam Vimes

in your endo

Pompey Magnus

Michael Buerk on watching Phillipa Forrester cuddle up to a male astronomer for
warmth during BBC1's UK eclipse coverage remarked:

"They seem cold out there, they're rubbing each other and he's only come in his
shorts."

Ken Brown commentating on golfer Nick Faldo and his caddie Fanny Sunneson
lining-up shots at the Scottish Open: "Some weeks Nick likes to use Fanny, other
weeks he prefers to do it by himself."

Mike Hallett discussing missed snooker shots on Sky Sports: "Stephen Hendry
jumps on Steve Davis's misses every chance he gets."

Jack Burnicle was talking about Colin Edwards' tyre choice on World Superbike
racing: "Colin had a hard on in practice earlier, and I bet he wished he had a
hard on now."

Chris Tarrant discussing the first Millionaire winner Judith Keppel on This
Morning: "She was practising fastest finger first by herself in bed last night."

'Winning Post's' Stewart Machin commentating on jockey Tony McCoy's formidable
lead: "Tony has a quick look between his legs and likes what he sees."

Ross King discussing relays with champion runner Phil Redmond: "Well Phil, tell
us about your amazing third leg."

Cricketer Neil Fairbrother hit a single during a Durham v Lancashire match,
inspiring Bobby Simpson to observe: "With his lovely soft hands he just tossed
it off."

Clair Frisby talking about a jumbo hot dog on Look North said: "There's nothing
like a big hot sausage inside you on a cold night like this."

James Allen interviewing Ralf Schumacher at a Grand Prix, asked: "What does it
feel like being rammed up the backside by Barrichello?"

Steve Ryder covering the US Masters: "Ballesteros felt much better today after a
69."

The new stand at Doncaster race course took Brough Scott's breath away... "My
word," he said. "Look at that magnificent erection."

Willie Carson was telling Claire Balding how jockeys prepare for a big race when
he said: "They usually have four or five dreams a night about coming from
different positions."

Carenza Lewis about finding food in the Middle Ages on Time Team Live said:
"You'd eat beaver if you could get it."

A female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and
didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked, "So Bob, where's that eight inches
you promised me last night?" Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the
crew did too, because they were laughing so hard!

US PGA Commentator - "One of the reasons Arnie (Arnold Palmer) is playing so
well is that, before each tee shot, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them
... Oh my god!!!!! What have I just said?!!!!"

Metro Radio - "Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on
the field."

Harry Carpenter at the Oxford-Cambridge boat race 1977 - "Ah, isn't that nice.
The wife of the Cambridge President is kissing the Cox of the Oxford crew."

Ted Walsh - Horse Racing Commentator - "This is really a lovely horse. I once
rode her mother."

New Zealand Rugby Commentator - "Andrew Mehrtens loves it when Daryl Gibson
comes inside of him."

Pat Glenn, weightlifting commentator - "And this is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I
saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing!"