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Poem/Song

  • 13-05-2006 8:03pm
    #1
    Timans
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,370 ✭✭✭


    Right, Here we go..

    No name yet.

    When he talks,
    people, they sneer
    they can't comprehend
    his need for them to hear

    Walks around
    lost, like a nightsky
    he tries one more time, head
    firmly above the water
    before another wave
    comes from nearby

    His mind is polluted
    he thinks they're all the same
    little does he know.
    He's not all alone.

    Constructive criticism welcome.


Comments

  • #2
    ctrl-alt-delete
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 14,295 ✭✭✭✭ctrl-alt-delete


    i used to post poems etc in here, however i havn't done it in ages, mainly because the standard was poor, same old crap everyday,

    first time ive actually visited the creative forum in a while,

    and im afraid its still the same,

    boring, plain and very very simple.


  • #3
    Timans
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,370 ✭✭✭Timans


    Fair enough. Thanks for the reply. I agree. I don't rate it at all.


  • #4
    ctrl-alt-delete
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 14,295 ✭✭✭✭ctrl-alt-delete


    Timans wrote:
    Fair enough. Thanks for the reply. I agree. I don't rate it at all.

    Its going to be different if it is a song - it could sound amazing as a song for all i know, the music can bring the words to life. However as a poem it has nothing to bring it to life.

    Just my opinion - Keep writing though, because you will get better, everybody starts out the same, its up to you now to make it different.


  • #5
    aliqueenb
    Closed Accounts Posts: 605 ✭✭✭aliqueenb


    i think its alright but im only in 2nd year...hey will someone please reply to mine descrivtive story alleyway thingy please im about to beg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.......


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