Am I just being shallow?

LegacyUser

Need some opinions on this. I have just come out of a 3 year relationship. Now we had our good times and our bad times obviously. My ex wasn't the most gorgeous person I'd ever met but he wasn't ugly either. Alot of people commented on how he was a lovely guy but that (look wise) I could do much better. Now obviously this put strain on our relationship. Myself always wondering could I do better.

We broke up anyway (not because of that but because of other reasons) and here is where my problem is.

I have this guy chasing me, now he is very nice, would do anything for me but being totally honest the guy repulses me looks wise. In my opinion he is the complete opposite of a guy I'd go for looks wise. He has horrible teeth, dresses terrible, over weight and is going bald. Now as i said he's extremly nice, sound etc. He tries it on with me anytime I get drunk which really annoys me and I've told him that its not on.

Am I just being completely shallow by not giving this guy a chance because I think he's ugly? I just don't think I could be in another relationship with everybody saying "you could do better" again.

takola

No i dont think so. For a relationship to work you need to be attracted to the person!!! If someone repulses you then you just need to leave well enough alone there! People may say looks dont matter and thats true to a point. But they definitely help! Dont beat yourself up about it!

metrovelvet

That guy sounds gross. We all have our limitations and flaws but he sounds like he doesnt even bother taking care of himself.

Not only that - youve told him to piss off and he keeps at it when your drunk.

Forget him. Maybe it is superficial, but if this is the surface, I wouldnt even want to know what lies beneath.

gamer

no point in going out with some1 that repulses,you, you are being honest, scientific studys show most people go out with person of similar level of attractiveness, this doesnt apply to billionaires, WHY WOULD you go out with bald ugly overweight, guy , unless you are a masochist.Obviously there are golddiggers who, will go out with any1 who have loadsa money,after 4 years they get divorced and get a load cash, you are not being in the least bit shallow, i would have no interest in going out with a badly dressed ugly woman,thats not shallow,thats what they call having certain STANDARDS. WOMEN know after 2 seconds if they find some attractive.Ugly people tend to end up with people of a similar level of attractiveness.Yeah,he hangs round bars trying to pickup drunk women, thats really classy.If you lucky the only thing you,ll get off him,is an sti.

chrismon

I think you have to be attracted to somebody in order to be with them,i dont think its shallow, i think its human nature.

Pepe LeFrits

No.

AngryAnderson

There's nothing shallow about not wanting to give someone a chance if you don't find them physically attractive. Sometimes emotional attraction can trigger physical attraction towards someone that you mightn't have found good looking before you got to know them. But no... nothing shallow about it. If the guy keeps trying it on with you after you've given him a warning then he's a creep by the way. He's possibly just being 'really nice' to get what he wants (be it a relationship or whatever) like a significant percentage of men do.

chump

Can't believe you're asking this question!

You must be 1 in a million...

MrPinK

If you don't fancy the guy then you don't fancy the guy. There's nothing wrong with that, and you shouldn't feel in any way guilty about it.

What would be shallow though would be if you payed any attention to the "you could do better" comments. When you've found someone that YOU like, that's all that matters. Someone who tells you that your partner is too unattractive is way out of line and really needs to be put in their place. If they are your friends, the only thing they should be concerned about is that he makes you happy and treats you right.

AngryAnderson

MrPinK wrote:

What would be shallow though would be if you payed any attention to the "you could do better" comments. When you've found someone that YOU like, that's all that matters. Someone who tells you that your partner is too unattractive is way out of line and really needs to be put in their place. If they are your friends, the only thing they should be concerned about is that he makes you happy and treats you right.

Ditto

fuzzywiggle

No, you're not being shallow! That's totally normal!

0utshined

amishallow wrote:

I just don't think I could be in another relationship with everybody saying "you could do better" again.

Reconsider your friends. If you are happy with someone it's none of their business.

As to the guy, well that's up to you. If you think he might be right for you give it a go and meet up a few times. If not then leave it be.

Mentalmiss

It worked for Charlotte in Sex and the City but I do not think that it works in real life.
You need chemistry for a relationship to survive.

Tori

My view is that you could go out with this guy 'till kingdom come and you still wouldn't be attracted to him. It's not being shallow, it's being realistic. What's the point in leading this guy on for the sake of 'being nice' or 'doing the right thing', he'd probably end up hating you for it and you would be wasting both his time and yours.

Be patient, Mr. Right will come along (good looking or not) and if your 'friends' don't like the look of him - well tough!!

Hail 2 Da Chimp

It doesnt really sound like you like him at all... why are you even considering going out with him?

Esel

amishallow wrote:

.. Now as i said he's extremly nice, sound etc. He tries it on with me anytime I get drunk...

Please explain how he can be extremely nice, when he behaves like this? He sounds like a creep.

Ickle Magoo

I don't think you are being shallow....a large part of attraction is physical and if you aren't attracted to a person's looks then you are going to find it an uphill struggle to stay attracted to their personality or intellect....

Given the delightful description of this guy - I can't imagine why you want anything to do with him - at all!! Anyone who tries it on with you when you are drunk should be given a wide berth regardless of dental hygiene/dress sense/weight or hair loss!!

If all you look for in a man is good looks then I'd say you were shallow but it's perfectly normal (healthy, even) to want to be physically attracted to your partner as well as find his personality attractive....best of luck

Spliffany692000

Are you being swallow?? Woman....no way!! God imagine having to look at some one that you hate!! eeewwww.....even worse youd have a totally yuk sex life...i dont know about you but id hate the idea of having to close your eyes and imagine some one else and then when you open be totally devestated by the face smiling at yours!! Go get your some one better!! He has to be out there...

ferdi

so your asking if your wrong not to go out with a fat ugly bloke who tries to take advanage of you when your drunk?

no.

happydaz

if you really liked the guy in that way you'd find him attractive...it sounds like you'd only go out iwth him so you could be with someone. don't go out with anyone unless you're fairly sure you like them. you don't need to go out with this guy just cos you can.

Kell

amishallow wrote:

Am I just being completely shallow by not giving this guy a chance because I think he's ugly?

Irrelevant of this particular minger, go for someone who really turns you on. Why wake up in a few months time going "jeebus what was I doing" when you can wake up every day and want to shag whats in bed beside you.

Some people like BMW's, some people like Saabs. No one thinks they're shallow.

K-

spinandscribble

sometimes a person mightnt be your "type" but once you get to know them you can see how great they are and suddenly they are attractive. but no matter now nice this guy is if you simply cant picture yourself wanting to kiss him for example then its unfair on both you and him to push yourself to feel something for him. its not shallow, its only human

Doodee

Kell wrote:

Irrelevant of this particular minger, go for someone who really turns you on. Why wake up in a few months time going "jeebus what was I doing" when you can wake up every day and want to shag whats in bed beside you.

Some people like BMW's, some people like Saabs. No one thinks they're shallow.

K-

too true. you have to be attracted to the person, clearly your not.

Clár

I dont think you are being shallow, you should just keep him as a friend if you dont fancy him. But if he does keep trying it on with you when your drunk even though he knows you are not interested, then tell him to take a hike.

I had the opposite problem with my ex, i fancied the pants off him and thought he was so hot. He was such a sweet guy and very nice but he irritated the hell outta me and i hoped it would change but it never did. Whenever I feel ready to look out for Mr. Right, I would defo get with someone with a fab personaity and not the best looking I think.

I think its possible to fancy someone who is not the best looking, i hope i still feel this way when im back looking