I hate people

38141

For many years now I've hated people, people in general. I constantly think about the bad things people do/have done to me. Every day is one long thought about people I've had contact with. People at work, at home, flatmate, college acquantainces, anybody I've had a bad experience with. Everything is analyzed until I get myself depressed. The unsurprising consequence to this is that I've dug myself into a dark, lonely hole. I've gone to the various professionals, to no avail. Does anybody have any experiences similar to this? Or have any insights whatsoever to share?

lost_for_words

You are going to have to elaborate on the types of bad experiences, as in how serious were they?
Why was it that the professionals you have seen have not been able to help?, did they not understand you or did they tell you something you did not want to hear.

Sam Vimes

this reminds me of homer's excuse to get off jury duty: tell them you're prejudiced against all races.

but seriously, join some clubs that you're interested in. you'll meet some nice people

Crucifix

It's easy to get bogged down when people are pissing you off, but I really think the percentage of people who are truely 'bad' is fairly low. The thing about people is, they're only human.

Ruu_Old

You have a chip on your shoulder obviously but your attitudes will have to change or you are going to turn out like a grumpy, old and bitter person.
I always find a good old moan to my wife about it when Im annoyed fixes it for me. Have you any good experiences you can reflect on?

38141

Just in general for five years or thereabouts I've got myself terribly depressed about people in general. The way they think, the way they act, the way that they are conniving, two-faced, it all makes me want to do away with myself. Just today I was thinking about the people at work and how they are so two-faced. I feel like I don't want to live here and the only hope I have is of leaving the country for somewhere else (where people are different).

I know loads of people have these thoughts, but it doesn't seem to have the same effect on them. They seem to get over it and get on with their lives, but for me I just don't feel like carrying on.

Ruu_Old

Theres no escaping conniving people no matter where in the world you go unfortunately

lost_for_words

I agree with Ruu, there are people that are just not nice out there in all situations.
does it really matter what they think or what they do???

Bottling up all this bitterness and resentment is getting you nowhere and deciding to move contries may not help as you are guaranteed to meet other not nice people who will do not nice things to you. At some point you have to realise you cannot control the things other people do and once you accept it, you can move on. Find something that really interests you and get involved with it.

Bottle_of_Smoke

38141 wrote:

Just in general for five years or thereabouts I've got myself terribly depressed about people in general. The way they think, the way they act, the way that they are conniving, two-faced, it all makes me want to do away with myself. Just today I was thinking about the people at work and how they are so two-faced. I feel like I don't want to live here and the only hope I have is of leaving the country for somewhere else (where people are different).

Like some magical wonderland where everyone's nice? you'll only get treated badly by everyone if you let them treat you that way, is there a chance the problem could be with you?

Do you come across vunerable or to have low self esteem?

38141

Ok, so what is wrong with me? I believe that what I see and think is the truth. Are you telling me so that I am right when you say people are bad or whatever? And if I'm right and you also believe people are bad, then how come you are able to enjoy your life?

This realisation/thinking has a more profound effect on me. The fact that I even debate the 'goodness' of people says something. It means that I don't trust people, and probably never have.

That's fine. But where do I go with this in helping myself?

lost_for_words

all people are not bad (in fact there are probably few 'bad' people just people who aren't nice sometimes).
At this stage you sound like you expect people to hurt you/ be mean etc., and you are not giving them a chance.
Stop dwelling on what other people do, and get on with whatever used to make you happy before.

38141

If there was something I enjoyed doing then I wouldn't be in this situation in the first place.

With regard to the 'stop thinking about it advice', I've heard that before from someone who didn't understand what they were talking about. Some people think that the mind is like a lightbulb - switch on, switch off type operation. That also demonstrates to me that the advice is coming from someone who hasn't been here themselves, and doesn't understand what they're talking about.

Pompey Magnus

38141 wrote:

Just in general for five years or thereabouts I've got myself terribly depressed about people in general. The way they think, the way they act, the way that they are conniving, two-faced, it all makes me want to do away with myself. Just today I was thinking about the people at work and how they are so two-faced. I feel like I don't want to live here and the only hope I have is of leaving the country for somewhere else (where people are different).

Mate I often feel exactly the same, there are so many people just like that it really just gets me down. So many times have I helped out "friends" in need only to be let down by them when the roles were reversed (in fact yesterday I overheard a nasty remark about me from an acquaintance of mine when she thought I was out of earshot!). I used to always give people the benefit of the doubt when first meeting them but I have found myself becoming increasingly pessimistic of people in general.

I now have a small circle of close friends who I can trust and my wider circle of friends I'm not very close to at all. It is not a nice way to go about life, trust me, but that is how I have found myself reacting towards people as time has gone by.

Not everybody is bad and there are plenty of nice people out there however be picky with who you get close to and don't be too trusting.

38141

The ridiculous thing about it is that people are telling me I have to convince myself that people are good, when in fact the evidence overwhelmingly points to the contrary, in order not to be depressed. Its like forcing yourself to believe something you know is not true. It just doesn't wash with me.

bug

From what you've written, I would suggest that you're a bit lonely.
Generally, if you have a few nice genuine people to rely on, then you don't really focus on the bad things that people do, well focus so much anyways, because you always have a few half decent people to restore your faith in the human race.

As for people at work. Throwing together a mixture of personalities in any situation where they are competitive with each other, (and wouldnt really be drawn together for any other reason than that they *have* to work together), isnt really a yard stick to judge on.
Most people at work have their own lives at home and external and aren't really interested in each other, other than to get through the day. With the exception of one or two people who make friends. I doubt everyone gets on in any work place. Factor in the stresses of a job, most of them possibly just want to get home.

As you get older people get more selfish IMO. They have their own issues to deal with and generally arent as concerned with what actually is going on with you.

Its a level of acceptance you have to get to and realise, they arent bad people, they are just more concerned with themselves than they are with you, (in the work scenario anyways). You stop feeling bad about other people being selfish, when you get a little selfish yourself. That doesnt have to be taken in a negative way. It can be to make a little time building your own life up.

I have the experience of being done over by friends due to circumstances. I was gutted beyond belief and though much the same way as you do about people's integrity. However, its about acceptance. Which takes a bit of hard growing up. My situation was about the fact that people will take the easiest path for them. I accepted that. After all maybe I would do the same. Met a lot of nice people since though. Never held it against them.

Look at yourself, do you consider yourself to have more integrity than most, are you loyal, sensitive to people, do you care about everything and everyone and how their life is? If not, then you are no different to everbody else, if perhaps a little sensitive because of the reflectant bad experiences you obviously havent got over. Top that off with lonliess and negativity and its not a nice cocktail.

Have you even just once not answered the phone to a mate because you wanted to go asleep/read a book have a bit of "me" time. The mate probably was at a low point and lost his faith cos the phone wasnt answered. You never know what people think. In work situations they are survivors. In social situations, they just want to have a laugh. But sometimes when your really f**ked, they surprise you.

My suggestion would be to go and watch nurses being paid little or nothing tend to the dying in the hospice, to reinstall your faith in humanity. Or travel somewhere are watch people crawling through s**t and dirt to help the needy.

Sam Vimes

38141 wrote:

The ridiculous thing about it is that people are telling me I have to convince myself that people are good, when in fact the evidence overwhelmingly points to the contrary, in order not to be depressed. Its like forcing yourself to believe something you know is not true. It just doesn't wash with me.

there are bad people yes, but that doesn't mean "people are bad". i, for example, am not bad. maybe you're just associating with the wrong people. in college and in my job i've found a huge amount of really nice people but in other places they're a shower of bastards.

this reminds me of another thread. a girl thought that all men were sleazy and out for one thing. turns out the only place she went to meet guys were nightclubs. see the point?

38141

I've been doubting people for a very long time, probably since I first started to think for myself (ages ago). These doubts have not been resolved in all this time and I'm still thinking about it today. I don't know when or how I'm going to change and stop depressing myself with these thoughts. Every time I believe in people the hope is destroyed and I'm down as a dog, my mind jumping around from person to person. I've started meditation lately and that has helped a little(I think). But I'm still inclined to getting down on myself and thinking about people.

bug

38141 wrote:

Every time I believe in people the hope is destroyed and I'm down as a dog, my mind jumping around from person to person.

what are you going around "believing in people" for, why are you instilling so much hope in them? They are aquaintences and friends. They havent dedicated themselves to you. Now wonder you are being let down, if you are placing so much pressure on a person to live up to your standards.
People let people down because they are human. It wont take another country for that, it would take a different planet.

Stop idealising people. They cant live up to your beliefs, and if the shoe was was on the other foot, neither could you.

lost_for_words

38141 wrote:

If there was something I enjoyed doing then I wouldn't be in this situation in the first place.

With regard to the 'stop thinking about it advice', I've heard that before from someone who didn't understand what they were talking about. Some people think that the mind is like a lightbulb - switch on, switch off type operation. That also demonstrates to me that the advice is coming from someone who hasn't been here themselves, and doesn't understand what they're talking about.

It is actually quite the opposite. I have been in many situations where the people I have loved and were closest to me have drastically let me down, when I thought what is the point of letting these people in when they will at some point hurt me, and all I have done is my best to support them when they needed it. At the same time I've been surrounded by people who I've thought were a shower of idiots, preoccupied with backstabbing /twofacedness (is that a word?) but you just carry on and put up with it because you feel there is no getting away from it. I know what its like to feel as if you are on the outside of a world full of people you cant relate to - and yes its lonely.
So why am I not like that now? I made a very conscious decision to cut the people who I considered to be dragging me down and making no positive contribution to my life, out of my life. As another post has said, I have a small group of really close friends, and a larger circle of acquaintences (sp?). Those few good relationships make a bigger difference to life than the larger group of destructive friendships.
If I am missing your point I apologise, but from your posts it sounds like you are in total despair of humanity and you are lonely because of it. I still stand by my original post saying all people arent bad though (they can't be if I am no longer fed up with people-all the time- or lonely).

Binomate

I know at least one thing. You wouldn't hate me because I'm perfect.

Esel

38141 wrote:

I've gone to the various professionals, to no avail.

What professionals? When? What advice did you get? Did you follow it?

38141 wrote:

I don't want to live here and the only hope I have is of leaving the country for somewhere else (where people are different).

The vast majority of people are good. People are basically the same no matter where you go. Sure, that is a generalisation, and you can give examples to contradict it. I am assuming you are not planning to go to Angola or some corrupt dictatorship.

One of the best pieces of advice I ever heard: "Treat everyone you meet as a mirror-image of yourself".

If you are constantly of the opinion that everyone you meet or interact with treats you badly, maybe you should look inward for the seeds of a solution. Is it possible that your thought processes are not functioning normally?

38141 wrote:

I've started meditation lately and that has helped a little(I think).

Sorry, when I read that I thought you said 'medication'! My mistake. What kind of meditation are you doing? How frequently? You will have to stick with it, and don't expect drastic changes in a short space of time.

Have you been to your GP to discuss your feelings? Recently? If you haven't been, or not recently, please consider doing so. They should be able to help you overcome this negative mindset that you seem to be labouring under.

I realise you may not agree with or take on board anything I've said, but that does not necessarily mean it's not valid.

You deserve better. It may be a difficult journey to get to a better place in your head, but stick with it.

DOLEMAN

We are all different. We all have our good points and bad points.

Your comment about leaving Ireland is not a bad idea. I do believe Irish people are incredibly close minded and aggressive when compared to (for example) French people. And I do think the "quality" of people in Ireland has dramatically reduced over the last decade.

I sometimes feel like I don't particularily like people either, but then someone comes along (generally a female) who is so kind and sweet and unselfish that it reminds me there is good in this world.

I suggest you move to France. Lots of nice people there.

Sam Vimes

esel wrote:

If you are constantly of the opinion that everyone you meet or interact with treats you badly, maybe you should look inward for the seeds of a solution. Is it possible that your thought processes are not functioning normally?

that's actually a good point. you have this deep seated belief that people are inherently bad. maybe that comes out in the way you interact with people. maybe they treat you badly because you treat them badly?

for example there's this bloke in work. i know he has low self asteem so i want to give him a chance but i just cant stand the guy. anytime someone opens their mouth around him, he tells them they're wrong and then comes up with some bull**** to try to make them seem wrong. i don't think i've ever heard him speak except for telling people they're wrong. every time someone tells a joke he says its not funny and they should shut up and he calls someone an idiot at least once a day. i know he's doing it because he has low self asteem and is trying to show off his intelligence but its still annoying as f*ck

cournioni

Binomate wrote:

I know at least one thing. You wouldn't hate me because I'm perfect.

Ha... Good post.

Dragan

38141 wrote:

For many years now I've hated people, people in general. I constantly think about the bad things people do/have done to me. Every day is one long thought about people I've had contact with. People at work, at home, flatmate, college acquantainces, anybody I've had a bad experience with. Everything is analyzed until I get myself depressed. The unsurprising consequence to this is that I've dug myself into a dark, lonely hole. I've gone to the various professionals, to no avail. Does anybody have any experiences similar to this? Or have any insights whatsoever to share?

To be honest i'm not even going to read the thread, i'm sure there are a lot of people saying things along the lines of "you poor thing, join a club , get out there and meet people....blah blah blah".

That won't really help unless you get your head out of your ass, plain and simple. You hate people in general. Good for you. Now your miserable, who would have thought it eh????

Is there anyone you actually like? If so , why, if not, why not???? It's not possible to get through life and have absolutely everyone you meet do something bad to you for no reason , why not try looking at your own attitude as being the route of the problem and see what happens????

You either want to be coddled and told everyones a prick of you want to figure out whats up, and there is a pretty good change based of your post that the problem is actually you.

So , as i asked, if there anyone you actually don't hate?

b3t4

38141,

From my brief reading of your posts you come across as an extremely negative person. You have to try balancing the negativity with some positivity. It takes ages to get this and an awful lot of practise but it will help.

I grew up in a very negative environment. It took me twenty one years to find this out as I had never surrounded myself with positive people. Surrounding myself with positive people has helped me to stop being so negative.

My advise to you would be:

For every negative thing you think off counteract it with a positive thing.

This will also help you see the balance in life and how the world is neither all good or all bad but a balance of both.

A.

Manolo Blahnik

38141 wrote:

Just in general for five years or thereabouts I've got myself terribly depressed about people in general. The way they think, the way they act, the way that they are conniving, two-faced, it all makes me want to do away with myself. Just today I was thinking about the people at work and how they are so two-faced.

Wow, that's like something that I'd write.

Everything people do is for themselves - human nature.

As it was already said everyone is different. There are people out there that are amazing. You haven't met the right people yet. I love my friends because they're always there for me no matter what.

Just enjoy life. Stop thinking so negitavely. A great way to cure this state of mind is to pretend everything's overly perfect. Really, it works.

6th

38141 wrote:

For many years now I've hated people, people in general. I constantly think about the bad things people do/have done to me. Every day is one long thought about people I've had contact with. People at work, at home, flatmate, college acquantainces, anybody I've had a bad experience with. Everything is analyzed until I get myself depressed. The unsurprising consequence to this is that I've dug myself into a dark, lonely hole. I've gone to the various professionals, to no avail. Does anybody have any experiences similar to this? Or have any insights whatsoever to share?

Well maybe some of the pople uyou've come across in your life think you are a bad person, theres always 2 sides to things. If you can forgive yourself you can forgive them and realise we are all assholes now and then.

6th

Hermione*

I've found that one of the best ways to avoid negativity is to smile more. Apparently the more you smile (even when you really don't feel like it), the happier you feel. It works for me.

Despite let-downs or whatever from people, it really helps to respond to new people with an open mind. Everybody's different so you should give at least give them a chance. And I find smiling at people encourages them to smile at you in return. Maybe if you try this, you'll find less reasons to fell so negatively about people.

smashey

38141 wrote:

For many years now I've hated people, people in general. I constantly think about the bad things people do/have done to me. Every day is one long thought about people I've had contact with. People at work, at home, flatmate, college acquantainces, anybody I've had a bad experience with. Everything is analyzed until I get myself depressed. The unsurprising consequence to this is that I've dug myself into a dark, lonely hole. I've gone to the various professionals, to no avail. Does anybody have any experiences similar to this? Or have any insights whatsoever to share?

What would you think if I said "I fookin hate you too", on first sight? Would you be annoyed, angry, or accepting of my attitude? Think about it and then start analysing everybody.

CatchiCool

Ok so some people out there are bad - so what! What can you to change that? Absolutely nothing! So just accept it. The only person you have the power to change is yourself and your attitude.

If i go out and start my day expecting everyone I meet to be a nasty piece of work - guess what? More than likely that's what I'm going to find.
It's not the people around you that are the problem it's you. The world is full of good and bad people but you choose only to see the bad.

Moving away to another country is a bad idea. You can't just move to a different country and expect things miraculously to become better (trust me I know I'm there at the moment). The very best you can expect to happen is to be in another country with the exact same set of problems as you have here on top of maybe language, culture barriers etc.

Letting go of the past can be a difficult thing to do. I've been in a situation where I just went over and over past hurts again and again. I'd relive the situation with such intensity that I'd feel that initial blow all over again (hope that makes sense). In the end I just asked myself - why am I doing this to myself? The other people involved don't care, they've probably forgotten about this, they've moved on with their lives, having fun, enjoying themselves etc.

The only one still hurting here is me and I'm doing it to myself. I'm the one missing out. I made the decision that instead of wasting my energies thinking about what happened I would instead focus on myself and making my life better for me.

You can train your mind to stop thinking in a negetive manner, it's not easy but it is possible. The only person that can do it is you. Nobody's going to hand you a magic pill that will make it happen, you have to do it. I found Ian Robertsons book "mind sculpture" a really interesting read.

Good luck with this.

38141

Smashey, if you told me that I'd probably think you were crazy, because you haven't given any reason for believing that. When you first saw the post, you shouldn't have stopped at the headline, because beneath it are the reasons for me believing that.

Esel

38141 wrote:

Smashey, if you told me that I'd probably think you were crazy, because you haven't given any reason for believing that. When you first saw the post, you shouldn't have stopped at the headline, because beneath it are the reasons for me believing that.

Just out of interest - do you hate all the people who have posted on this thread?

If you look for the bad in people, you're going to find it. Simple as.

I try and get along with everyone, and I do. Noone has taken advantage of me, noone has done horrible things, I just get on fine with them.

Try analysing what's good about them; try figuring out reasons they might be acting the way they do. I'll bet you most of the time it isn't pure spite.
Someone who cuts across you in a car might be rushing home to see someone sick, e.g.. Sometimes they're just having a bad day and you're on the receiving end of it. Maybe you're being negative toward them and they're reacting to it. Probably that, actually.
You'd be surprised how little effort a smile can be, and how much of a reaction it gets out of anyone.
If none of this still works, try some focusing meditation.

Nevyn

A smile is such a simple thing it wrinkles up your face
and when it's gone it's hard to find it's secret hiding place;
but far more wonderful then that is what a smile can do
you smile at one they smile at you and so a smile makes two.

Yes people are usually the worsest but they can also be the best.
It is a case of finding the right people for you and for your life.
If the people you have in your life are wrong they can make your life a misery
if the are right they make life bearible to say the least.

Maybe it is you and your life that needs changing and an alteration of your thinking or perceptions.

38141

When I was going somewhere today I asked a guy for directions, you should have seen the way he looked at me. I also met a very nice girl today, she seemed to have such a genuinely friendly, cheerful, simple disposition. I'm just wondering, how do people become like that? And how do people turn out like me, into hateful of people, and 'fighting with everyone' attitude?

lost_for_words

38141 wrote:

For many years now I've hated people, people in general. I constantly think about the bad things people do/have done to me. Every day is one long thought about people I've had contact with. People at work, at home, flatmate, college acquantainces, anybody I've had a bad experience with. Everything is analyzed until I get myself depressed. The unsurprising consequence to this is that I've dug myself into a dark, lonely hole. I've gone to the various professionals, to no avail. Does anybody have any experiences similar to this? Or have any insights whatsoever to share?

I've been thinking about your post and my own experience of thinking people are sh**, and I have read a few of the replies so far..... it seems at some point we've all suggested you are the problem, and that might not be the best way to look it at.
You know who you are inside, and you know the person you want to be, maybe its not you who is the problem and more - the problem is the problem.
(not sure if I'm going to make sense with this, if I don't feel free to ignore it)

I'm just thinking that perhaps you are not the problem, you are just a person that has a particular problem i.e. you can't see a way past the negative impact of other peoples actions. As a result of this you are sending out a negative message when meeting ppl etc (clearly you are angry and annoyed) and people are responding to your negativity in a negative way rather than being supportive (which is natural), and so it ends up going around in a circle.

Would you consider trying a depression group meeting? It might help to physically speak to people who may be experiencing a similar problem and it might help you learn the skills to deal with the problem you have.

shinners007

u talk about being negative etc.....

only you no when u began thinking this way. u say how do people turn out like me hateful and fighting attitudes etc... everyone is different only u can answer that.

obviously somethings have happened to you and youve allowed yourself to think in a negative way consistently. you have to realise that not everyone is bad. just that everyone is different. you control your mind and the way u view life and people. if u dont change your attitude and enjoy life ull end up sad, lonely bitter and twisted.

give people a chance without expecting the sun moon and stars to shine from them.

like for example the people replying to ur post do u see tham and us as bad people by the way we post/type or replys or do u judge people by appearence or actions etc...?

wat makes u conclude whether one is good/bad?
do u talk to them/juge them intially?

i think u should have a holiday let go and go wild. talk and have fun with strangers/people. change the way u think and enjoy life.

38141

I've been to free group therapy run by a charity org and didn't find it particularly helpful, apart from realising that other people have problems (which was beneficial). The two hours were spent by going around the group, each person describing their problem, and moving on to the next person. There wasn't a great deal of discussion.

I've really managed to handicap myself with this thinking, which seems to happen now anytime I interact with people. Like the guy above that I asked for directions - I went away with bad feelings from it. My career is going down to drain because I'm not focussed on my work, or not getting on with people at work. I wish I didn't have to live in this world.

It seems to be more than skin deep, this hatred of people, and I'm struggling in between bouts of depression to find a way out, to change. Every day I see things that confirm my beliefs.

shinners007

:rolleyes: em ya cos u allow yourself to "see things to confirm ur beliefs". did u not stop and think maybe that guy had things on HIS mind hence the way he looked at u. then again were u just interpertating it the wrong way and thought he looked at u in a way that he actually didnt.

nice people dont always have to be cheerful,bubbly, sweet, kind....... the nicest of people have bad moments too u know try thinking of that rather than just judging people.

ur attitude gives off bad vibes yet ur here looking and asking how to get positive/good responses/ meet good people. like being negative and moaning about things isnt going to change things.

YOU need to change and fast and if ur not willing to just stay as u are and moan and be bitter.:mad: :mad:

good luck.

Tobias Greeshman

Shinners is there a y and a u key on your keyboard by anychance? If so maybe use them, text speak, hurts my eyes.

@OP: The guy you asked for directions off, might of had any number of issues, maybe he just got bad news, maybe he had a bad day or just isn't a people person. Either way he is only one person, everyone has a different personality and not everyone comes across as being friendly. But the girl you talked about was nice and friendly to you, which surely must prove to you that there are considerate and nice people out there.

It seems that you're starting to become disillusioned with people in general and starting to generalize them into being all the same, mean, rude, insensitive, cruel, inconsiderate, etc. You need to stop this and treat every person as different and they may be rude or they may be nice, but if you refuse to interact with them and despise them then you'll never find out.

Group therapy for the most part is not always the best form of therapy. A lot of people frown upon it, mainly because the client has to endure everyone else's problem and this may in fact make them more depressed. I know it works very well for addictions like AA, but for depression, it doesn't always prove beneficial, possibly consider other forms of therapy such as CBT (Cognitive Behavourial Therapy).

Nevyn

38141 wrote:

I've really managed to handicap myself with this thinking, which seems to happen now anytime I interact with people. Like the guy above that I asked for directions - I went away with bad feelings from it. My career is going down to drain because I'm not focussed on my work, or not getting on with people at work. I wish I didn't have to live in this world.

It seems to be more than skin deep, this hatred of people, and I'm struggling in between bouts of depression to find a way out, to change. Every day I see things that confirm my beliefs.

If you are finding it to be that much of a problem go talk to your dr about and get some professional help.

38141

It seems that you're starting to become disillusioned with people in general and starting to generalize them into being all the same, mean, rude, insensitive, cruel, inconsiderate, etc. You need to stop this and treat every person as different and they may be rude or they may be nice, but if you refuse to interact with them and despise them then you'll never find out.

That tells me that you are on the right road Silas to understanding what is going on.

Theadyl, from what you've said I don't think you've read my earlier posts, where I said that I had been to doctors. As an addition, I would like to point out that doctors provide medication, which provides temporary relief but which do not solve the underlying cause. I have to do that myself but am making slow progress/not making any progress at all.

Nevyn

It is up to you to not be fobbed off with pills and push your gp to get you a referal to someone who can help.

shinners007

silas: if hurting UR eyes get glasses ill type whatever way i please thank U very much.:eek: :eek: :eek:

now leave ye back to the OP's topic.

LegacyUser

I hate people too.
Not all people, just people I don't know.
Everyone's an annoying ass-hat scumbag until I decide otherwise.
Even walking down the road, if there's someone else walking towards me, it makes me a bit uncomforable because they're another pair of eyes ready to judge me... exactly as I've pre-judged them as tossers.
The fact that they make me uncomfortable is why I hate them... yet me judging them by my own standards is what kicks off the cycle in the first place.
Which, among other reasons, kind of makes me hate myself aswell.

I know what you mean when you talk about these I've a smile for everyone! types... I really don't know how they do it either... and often times I've rationalised this as them just being manipulative... which makes me (you guessed it) hate them even more.

When you think the worst of people, it's not hard to imagine them thinking the worst of you (because it's normal, right?)... and let's face it, there's no shortage of bad interactions with people, so there's always something there to renew and revalidate your hatred of people in general.

The odd thing is, once I've actually started talking to someone, we get on great... maybe I just have that closed off "stranger-danger" thing going on... maybe I've just been mugged too many times.

I've no specific point to make, but the title of this thread really stuck a chord with me... I'm so cynical and bitter that I get tired of hearing myself think sometimes... so many negative thoughts... regrets... feelings of wanting revenge.
The laugh of it is... the only person you're f*cking is yourself.

Though having gone over a lot of those past experiences in my mind, I think I've gotten past a lot of it, and I can remember those times when people screwed me over and it doesn't make me angry anymore.

Ok, I'm getting sick of hearing myself think again, I'm outta here. :rolleyes:

Esel

shinners007 wrote:

silas: if hurting UR eyes get glasses ill type whatever way i please thank U very much.:eek: :eek: :eek:

now leave ye back to the OP's topic.

Off-topic I know, but anyway. Text-speak looks crap and make the poster look childish. There really is no need for it.

@38141: Could you answer my questions (post on the top of page 2) please?

38141

Ok. Sorry about the delay in replying.

What professionals? When? What advice did you get? Did you follow it?

I've been to doctors, subsequently numerous psychiatrists, therapists/counsellors.

The vast majority of people are good. People are basically the same no matter where you go. Sure, that is a generalisation, and you can give examples to contradict it. I am assuming you are not planning to go to Angola or some corrupt dictatorship.

I don't think the vast majority of people are good, unfortunately.

If you are constantly of the opinion that everyone you meet or interact with treats you badly, maybe you should look inward for the seeds of a solution. Is it possible that your thought processes are not functioning normally?

You are right, I am disfunctional. I know that and am looking to change as quickly as possible. But first I have to convince myself that people are good. Which I don't right now, and for many years, unfortunately.

Sorry, when I read that I thought you said 'medication'! My mistake. What kind of meditation are you doing? How frequently? You will have to stick with it, and don't expect drastic changes in a short space of time.

I'm working on focussing on my breathing, and relaxing muscles, in order to somehow bring my mind under control and slow it down.

Have you been to your GP to discuss your feelings? Recently? If you haven't been, or not recently, please consider doing so. They should be able to help you overcome this negative mindset that you seem to be labouring under.

I go to see my gp frequently.

So how do I get myself to like people, given how deeply embedded and resolved I am, and how depressing the effects are.

NB depression makes it more difficult to effect change - you will only understand this if you have been there personally.

Esel

You should find the book I mentioned in this thread http://boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2054932629 very useful. It is highly regarded, and used worldwide.

38141 wrote:

So how do I get myself to like people, given how deeply embedded and resolved I am, and how depressing the effects are.

It may sound trite, but the way to get to 'like people' is to like yourself first. This is one of the aspects of your situation you should be working on.

Also, you mentioned that you got a bad response from a guy from whom you asked directions. Is it possible that your way of phrasing your request might have set him up to respond 'badly'?

For example, if you said "Hey, where's Dame St?" rather than "Excuse me, would you be able to tell me the way to Dame St, please?", you can pretty much be sure of getting a less than ideal answer. Not saying this is what happened, of course.

A similar scenario in work might be: "Where's that file you said you'd let me have?" rather than "Hey John, got a minute? Remember that file you were going to let me have? How's is it coming along? I could do with it to finish xyz". A proverb to fit this might be "You reap what you sow".

The point about the very good maxim I mentioned earlier ( ' Treat everyone you meet as a mirror-image of yourself ' ), is that this assumes you are happy with yourself as a person, and feel that you are basically good, nice, whatever.

A smile goes a long way. I know, because I myself have a pretty serious 'standard face', and get misinterpreted a fair bit because of it. Even when I'm trying to be funny, it can sometimes go down like the proverbial lead balloon!

You need to identify your negative thoughts, and challenge them logically. Then, when they arise, you will be able to identify them for what they are: mainly wrong! Pretty soon you will find yourself having less of them.

LegacyUser

BE CAREFUL:

That is not logic. You are not logical. DO NOT CONFUSE THAT.
I've often seen depressed people being soaked in emotion, and calling it logic. All your posts are emotional, very sad, very graphic... In fact, if you ever decided to use those fantastic visualisation powers for good, then you would have a fabulous existence.

You need to analyse yourself first. If you are doing something like this, then some part in your mind is doing it for a good intention. Your mind doesn't want to seperate from everyone in the world - there's a reason for it.

If you hate all people, then you hate yourself too. If you hate yourself, it's because you have inner thoughts telling you these things. You really have gotten into a judgemental pattern with it. Have you been abused when you were growing up? Emotionally? Do you have an aggressive parent? Or were you bullied? Are you sure you invented all this stuff yourself? Or.. alternatively, is there any substance abuse involved?

You need to take action on it.

1. First of all, you need to make a diary. Write down only the great things you've witnessed in people for one month. For the first few days, you may not find anything, then slowly but surely your list will build up. "Saw a guy helping a senior citizen across the road".

Make a list, and READ the whole thing, every day. Just reading it will make you happier.

2. Decide what you need.
People get into self - harming patterns, because they want love. You complain about the world being two faced, blah, but isn't it true that you just want some love in your life? Some unconditional love? What is the opposite of two faced? Purity? Honesty? Integrity? Spiritual love?

You're such an expert at finding the negative, that you ignore the positive. Your brain can only really focus on one theme at a time.

3. You need to sit down and have a chat with your thoughts. Treat them as your friends.

Say to your unwanted thoughts "Look, I understand you're upset, but can you please explain to me what is the good intention behind this? What are you trying to teach me here?" What is it in my personality are you trying to warn me about? How can I have this intelligence, but expressed in a more healthy, positive way?

4. Imagine yourself on TV, but on an old black and white TV, sitting, thinking negatively about how someone hurt you. See your posture. Imagine the negative scene being replayed on that crappy little Black and White, small portable TV.

You're in control of that little TV. If you were directing the program, what would you tell your little actor self on the screen about the other character? Would you say... "Ignore him". Or.. "Ah.. he's just scared." Or.. "Ah. You're over-acting!!"

It's your imaginary TV. You can change the ending of the program. You can give them chipmunk voices with Italian or French accents. You can also turn it off.

5. Find someone who you think is negative, and do something loving for them, in the knowledge that you may never get any thanks for it. In fact, you might get shouted at. Just try it a few times, and see how it smashes your old false image of the world.

If you want to get tons of love, then just give tons of love. The more you give, the happier you feel. It's the magic resevoir that keeps refilling itself.

6. When you find yourself returning to negative thinking, try doing something really stupid and dramatic. Play air guitar. Dance. Recite a poem. Make a funny noise. Belch. Sing aloud, or whatever.. just enough to interrupt the negative pattern.

7.
Think of yourself a person that is really horrible and two faced, in your imagination, during some event that caused you pain. Imagine you have crayons and you go and drawing circles on their eyes. Imagine helping them into a bunny suit, and putting on a bunny nose. Give them the voice of a chipmunk. Make eveyone in the imaginary room dance to Moloko. Run the events back and forward in your mind, at very high speed, adding clowns, jugglers, and bring in St Patrick to scold him. Make it very surreal, add music.. flash colours, and really mess up the memory.

8. Avoid negative people, and imagine yourself hanging out with positive people.

9. Learn new strategies for coping with your anger. Most anger in personal relationships, happens when communication fails. So, find a better way to communicate. Being more caring to people.

10. Be nice to people. Imagine that they don't know what they're doing, and you're Superwoman/Superman and you are there to watch over them, and take care of them, even if they are good, bad, mad, or whatever. When you are talking to people imagine "With every sentence, I am taking care of you, and I respect you, no matter what you do or say"

11. When you see someone acting in a typically agressive, or judgemental way, then just think "what else could this mean?". repeat that phrase in your mind, over and over, and keep your cool. If your mind has no particular answer, then it'll probably come up with something later.

12. I remember once when I was a kid, I had a big crush on this girl! I was all nervous, but finally got the courage to say hi. I smiled as I went up to her, I was just.. happy.. but when I got there, she said "what are you laughing at? Do you think something is funny?". Then she said sarcastically "Thanks a lot", and walked off.

I was speechless. She totally misread my intentions, before I could say anything. However, I understand now that that's just a pattern that people learn from their environment. If there's been a lot of pain and stress in your childhood, you'll most likely have a lot of occasions where someone's voice, or smile, or stare will trigger the emotion, even years later.

13. Avoid other negative people for a while. According to StarWars, "fear leads to the dark side". And the dark side is where the pain is.
Change your old strategy of behaviour, because, as you say.. it's threatening your life. A negative person will fill your head with negative and fearful thoughts. They can't help it.. they're afraid of everything already. (When you fear something, you dwell on it all the time.)

If a killer jumped out at you in the street, you'd run for your life. So, take this seriously, as your life is being threatened by your own thoughts. Your mind up to now believes that more pain is the solution. But.. isn't that crazy? More pain is just going to bring you more sadness, and depression, and make people move away from you. You need a major change in approach.

So, keep your mind clear, and replace the negatives with positives. It will take time, and a hell of a lot of imaginary bunny ears. If you need any more advice, send me a message, and I will do my best.

Damn. I shoulda done a ton of work tonight instead of typing this post, but oh well. I hope it helps

Take care,

Em

LegacyUser

38141 wrote:

When I was going somewhere today I asked a guy for directions, you should have seen the way he looked at me. I also met a very nice girl today, she seemed to have such a genuinely friendly, cheerful, simple disposition. I'm just wondering, how do people become like that? And how do people turn out like me, into hateful of people, and 'fighting with everyone' attitude?

dunno, its a bit of a "god save me from your followers" kinda thing.