Should I take my top off?

finnpark

Mary_Jane wrote:

Hi,

I'm a girl 19 years old and I'm going out with a guy, he fine except he tries to put his hand up my top to feel my boobs, I take his hand away because no boy before have ever seen or felt my boobs, my friends say I'm being silly and that they have taken off their tops with their boyfriends and in the summer I'm going on holiday with them to Majorca and they'll be topless and I'll be the only one covered up.

I know that I'll have to let a guy see my boobs sometime should i do it now? I've had other boyfriends and they've tried to put their hands u pmy top and I've refused. Am I being silly I'm not shy I've talked nude in the changing rooms in front of other women its just I feel that my body is not for public viewing for guys,

what do you think girls on or off? I know myself I have to take it off some time.

Post up a picture of them, it may make it clearer then for everyone to advise.

nesf

This thread just reminds me of the large number of people on this site who have an axe to grind when it comes to the topic of sex. I suppose in good ol' repressed Ireland that it should as come as no suprise, but really, I cannot see what this thread is about now. It definitely has little to do with the OP's original question.

metrovelvet

Minesajackdaniels wrote:

When you're female, you're often defined by your breasts.

If that were true I'd be a cupcake. With icing. Last time I checked I was a woman.

Minesajackdaniels wrote:

You're terrified that everybody's looking at it. Paranoid yet? Same thing with breasts..

Then why are the shops filled with push up bras and tops that show off your cleavage. What about the increase in breast implants?

When your 13 and enormous enough to feed the third world, yes this maybe true. It passes.

Minesajackdaniels wrote:

If she's not enjoying kissing and petting with her boyfriend, and it doesn't make her want to move on to the next level, it's not 'abormal' for her to not want to do it. ]..

Yes actually it is. It is a deviation from standard practise. That doesnt make her a bad person, it just makes her eccentric.

You have to give yourself permission to your enjoy your body to enjoy your sexuality. Explore the territories and boundaries of your own body first. You need to give yourself permission to be pleasured. Let go.

OP - I presume when you say "top" you mean your bra.

MojoMaker

What is the norm in your home country OP?

Victor

finnpark wrote:

Post up a picture of them, it may make it clearer then for everyone to advise.

Banned. Try to be constructive.

Húrin

Mary_Jane wrote:

Hi,

I'm a girl 19 years old and I'm going out with a guy, he fine except he tries to put his hand up my top to feel my boobs, I take his hand away because no boy before have ever seen or felt my boobs, my friends say I'm being silly and that they have taken off their tops with their boyfriends and in the summer I'm going on holiday with them to Majorca and they'll be topless and I'll be the only one covered up.

Don't do anything you don't want to. But also be sure to explain to your boyfriend why you refuse, otherwise he may get crazy insecure thoughts about you not liking him. But also be open to it. Did you ever consider that you might enjoy your breasts being touched? There can be a first time for everything.

Anyway, to reiterate the most important point; whatever you do, be honest with your boyfriend about why.

DOLEMAN wrote:

You see, this is the difference between men and women...

Is this: young men are raised never to expect a negative sexual experience. Women are raised to expect it. Thus they're more cautious.

Lemming wrote:

No, there is no reasoning here deaddonkey. THere really, really isn't. I only hope that you yourself realise that before you run across someone who does and isn't afraid to call you on it with the relevant authorities .....

I agree. He should not try to reason with you when you contiunue to shout and scream in such wildly emotive terms. Yes, she shouldn't do anything she doesn't want to do, but she should also be considerate enough not to hurt her boyfriend's feelings.

Lemming wrote:

Not rape, but is bordering on sexual assault if he tries to get his hand up there without her consent.

He had better bring a notepad so he can get written consent.

Lemming wrote:

why doesn't he move on rather than try to force her into somethign she doesn't want to give him yet.

That's a good question. I would say that Mary-Jane is not ready for a relationship and should not be in one. He should dump her.

Lemming wrote:

heh .. heh .. heh .. Doleman .. you have no f*cking idea. Really you don't. I would shock you.

You're in Opus Dei or something?

Lemming wrote:

In any case, this sounds farrrrrrrrr from being an "adult" relationship on any level other than desired activity on behalf of the boy involved. ANd I use the word "boy" deliberately.

You're right. It is far from being an adult relationship, because the girl won't even talk to her boyfriend about the relationship.

Thaedydal wrote:

Yes In your opinion.

Boyfriend and girlfriends do a range of things and activies that does NOT
include shagging or tit fondling.

Holding hand and kissing is one of them, spending time in each others company
sharing thier tought, hopes and dreams and being intimate on a series of levels
again that have very little to do with tit fondling.

Kissing is sexual.

spending time in each others company
sharing thier tought, hopes and dreams and being intimate on a series of levels

That is the realm of both romantic relationships and friendships. However, romantic relationships also have an added sexual element, but friendships do not. Maybe what Mary Jane wants is, in fact, a friendship.

Lemming wrote:

One word sums this entire thread up.

'Consent'

If she doesn't want to, she doesn't have to. If she is unsure, she doesn't have to. Nobody else is going to be there "with" her. She's the one that has to go through with whatever it is that happens. It's easy when you're standing on the side-lines chanting "do it!! do it!! do it!! do it!!" isn't it?

Very few, if any posters are saying anything other than "do what you want to do". But you have to say more. The girl must talk to her boyfriend. Like most relationship problems, lack of communication is the cause, not the bastard male with evil in his heart.

X-SL

4 posts in a row. well done!

and how long has the OP been with her bf?

Talliesin

metrovelvet wrote:

It is a deviation from standard practise.

There's no ISO document on sexual behaviour.

If there was, it would probably lead to lots of bad sex.

H&#250 wrote: »

lack of communication is the cause, not the bastard male with evil in his heart.

Read her later posts. There's neither the lack of communication, nor the bastard male here (either were possibilities from what info we got from the first posts). She just got a tad worried that there was something she should do. Luckily puritanism has largely died out in our culture as an ideal with much direct power, so there is nothing she has to do.

Bogey

Mary_Jane wrote:

Hi,

I'm a girl 19 years old and I'm going out with a guy, he fine except he tries to put his hand up my top to feel my boobs, I take his hand away because no boy before have ever seen or felt my boobs.

Frankly, I'm astonished to find a 19 year old woman that doesn't want a guy to feel her boobs.

But, No means No. Tell him to cut it out or get lost.

The Sweeper

metrovelvet wrote:

If that were true I'd be a cupcake. With icing. Last time I checked I was a woman.

An iced cupcake? Is that some sort of euphemistic declaration of your having fabulous boobies or something?

metrovelvet wrote:

Then why are the shops filled with push up bras and tops that show off your cleavage. What about the increase in breast implants?

Not everybody wears push up bras. Not everybody wears tops that show off your cleavage. Not everybody has breast implants. That doesn't make those who don't abrnomal.

metrovelvet wrote:

When your 13 and enormous enough to feed the third world, yes this maybe true. It passes.

At different times for different people. Not everybody develops early. Some people develop late. Some people don't develop at all.

metrovelvet wrote:

Yes actually it is. It is a deviation from standard practise. That doesnt make her a bad person, it just makes her eccentric.

Eh, 'deviant' and 'eccentric' as well as abnormal? The poor OP. She obviously needs her head examined because she's hesitant about taking her top off for the first time with her boyfriend.

metrovelvet wrote:

You have to give yourself permission to your enjoy your body to enjoy your sexuality. Explore the territories and boundaries of your own body first. You need to give yourself permission to be pleasured. Let go.

Yes. When you're comfortable doing it. Not when you think you should because someone else wants you to. Which I think was the original point of this thread, some... many pages ago.

I love your definition of standard practice by the way. Did you go through your teens with some sort of ticklist of things you had to have done by a certain age?

• 11 y/o: kissing
• 13 y/o: kissing w/ tongues, w/o heavy petting
• 15 y/o: kissing w/ tongues, heavy petting (including boobedies), possible oral sex
• 16 y/o: definitely oral sex
• 17 y/o: full sex
• 18 y/o: move out of home for first time, first pregnancy scare follows three months later
• 19 y/o: momentary crisis of conscience about whether or not 16 years old was too young to start giving blow jobs. Shrug it off, point at less adventurous teen, accusations of deviant and eccentric abnormality.

...nice.

metrovelvet

Minesajackdaniels wrote:

An iced cupcake? Is that some sort of euphemistic declaration of your having fabulous boobies or something?.

Euphemistic? No. Analagous? Yes. My point [illustrated by my use of the word IF] is that we are more than our boobs. We are not defined by our breasts.

Minesajackdaniels wrote:

Not everybody wears push up bras. Not everybody wears tops that show off your cleavage. Not everybody has breast implants. That doesn't make those who don't abrnomal.?.

No but it would indicate that most women are not scared of their cleavages or the attention received by them and in fact that many, many, like to draw attention to their bosoms, which is quite different than what you had suggested, which is that we are quaking in our semis scared that someone is going to look at them. Please. Its annoying. But scary? Come on.

Minesajackdaniels wrote:

Eh, 'deviant' and 'eccentric' as well as abnormal? The poor OP. She obviously needs her head examined because she's hesitant about taking her top off for the first time with her boyfriend..?.

The poor OP? Shes a 34 D. I can think of worse fates. Abnormal and deviant are only to be pitied if you apply value judgements to them. OP only deserves pity in that she is missing out on something truly fun.

Minesajackdaniels wrote:

Yes. When you're comfortable doing it. Not when you think you should because someone else wants you to. ..?.

Yes, but you will be far more comfortable if you are self aware of your own boundaries, what you like and what you dont like.

Minesajackdaniels wrote:

I love your definition of standard practice by the way. Did you go through your teens with some sort of ticklist of things you had to have done by a certain age?..?.

Not at all. But there are natural progressions in life. There are approximations and averages in development, they are not goals but indicators. We have them for everything. Walking, talking, toilet training, and yes even ****ing. For example we know if someone is breastfeeding at 12 years old there is something very very wrong.

This seems like something OP wants to get over. Shes looking for advice on how to dress herself for the occasion of getting felt up for the first time. And curiosly wants to hear other women tell their stories.....

Húrin

metrovelvet wrote:

Euphemistic? No. Analagous? Yes. My point [illustrated by my use of the word IF] is that we are more than our boobs. We are not defined by our breasts.

The poor OP? Shes a 34 D. I can think of worse fates. Abnormal and deviant are only to be pitied if you apply value judgements to them. OP only deserves pity in that she is missing out on something truly fun.

You contradict yourself. You say womenb are not defined by their breasts, then you use a phrase like "Shes a 34 D" which is the most direct way to define a girl by her breasts.

metrovelvet wrote:

This seems like something OP wants to get over. Shes looking for advice on how to dress herself for the occasion of getting felt up for the first time. And curiosly wants to hear other women tell their stories.....

Funny how women volunteer control of their own lives away to others. "dress herself for the occasion of getting felt up"? this is pitiful. Why not dress for the occasion of feeling the boy up?

LegacyUser

I was 20 when I first felt a girl's boob, I dated girls in the past and did not grope them on the chest as i felt it was ungentlemanly, there is nothjing wrong with a bit of chivalry with young lads.

Of course my friends laughted at me teased me but I knew I was doing the noble thing.

And by the way I married the girls who owned those boobs I felt at 20!!

Unpossible

Ok, I just read the first page of this thread and the OP's "problem" mentioned in the first post.
Here is my opinion based on expirences;
First off you have to remember that different countries have different views on what is and is not sexual. It is perfectly natural in certain places to sunbath topless, not being topless might actually draw attention to you (not away from you). Sure at the beach there will be one or two people staring at all the breasts (usually foreigners not used to the situation).
Now being a man (and former compeditive swimmer) I have no problem wandering around a beach in nothing but speedos. But the nearest thing I can relate the topless situation to is my Sauna expirences. Over here its normal to go to sauna naked, for me this was strange enough with other men (being in a small darkened room with a bunch of sweaty men drinking beer was un-nerving at first), but it was really odd being in a mixed sauna with everyone naked. After the first few times of feeling awkward I realised that the whole thing was completly natural and now I feel strange not being naked in a Sauna.
So back to the beach question (yes its almost as if I thought all of this out), take your time going topless build up the comfort zone. Maybe only go topless lying on your front for the first day, find a relatively seculuded place for your second day or sit amoungst a lot of topless people. After a while it will all feel natural and you will wonder what the problem was.

Course there is no problem wearing your top all holiday, if you decide to do that then dont dwell on the decision and dont beat yourself up over it

As for the boyfriend thing, well personally I would get frustrated with a girlfriend if I didnt get laid after a month of being a couple*, but thats me. Maybe your view will change as you get older and more expirenced (or mine will )


*edit; note I said couple, this doesnt include the first few weeks/days/hours of dating

The Corinthian

Honest John wrote:

I was 20 when I first felt a girl's boob, I dated girls in the past and did not grope them on the chest as i felt it was ungentlemanly, there is nothjing wrong with a bit of chivalry with young lads.

This is all pretty irrelevant to the OP’s issue. She simply is self-conscious about her breasts, not anything else. Most people, including me, misinterpreted her situation, as meaning that she had an issue with sexual intimacy - she’s since clarified that she does not.

Of course my friends laughted at me teased me but I knew I was doing the noble thing.

Going at the speed that a woman is comfortable with is noble or gentlemanly, going at the speed you want to go at is not. And you were doing the latter.

Don’t confuse chivalry with prudery.

metrovelvet

Honest John wrote:

And by the way I married the girls who owned those boobs I felt at 20!!

How many girls didyou marry? How many pairs were you feeling?

PullMyFinger!

216 replies on the issue of if a girl should take her top off.

Number of replies on thread about an OP's GF been raped - 13

Something not quite right with this board tbh.

The Corinthian

PullMyFinger! wrote:

216 replies on the issue of if a girl should take her top off.

Number of replies on thread about an OP's GF been raped - 13

Something not quite right with this board tbh.

I notice you didn't reply to that thread either. Just this one.

What does that make you?

Zulu

Perhaps people have more experience feeling breasts/getting felt up, than being raped. :rolleyes:

Dudess

metrovelvet wrote:

Yes actually it is. It is a deviation from standard practise. That doesnt make her a bad person, it just makes her eccentric.

You see, this proves my earlier point. There are people who view sex as a mechanical act, not a natural, spontaneous experience.

metrovelvet wrote:

You have to give yourself permission to your enjoy your body to enjoy your sexuality. Explore the territories and boundaries of your own body first. You need to give yourself permission to be pleasured. Let go.

Agreed. But this is achieved through masturbation, not letting someone feel your boobs when you don't want them to. Read Minesajackdaniels' post again about just how little a turn-on getting your breasts felt up can be.

nesf wrote:

This thread just reminds me of the large number of people on this site who have an axe to grind when it comes to the topic of sex. I suppose in good ol' repressed Ireland that it should as come as no suprise, but really, I cannot see what this thread is about now. It definitely has little to do with the OP's original question.

Read Minesajackdaniels' post on page 10.

Bogey wrote:

Frankly, I'm astonished to find a 19 year old woman that doesn't want a guy to feel her boobs.

Read Minesajackdaniels' post on page 10.

EWheelChair

I read her post on page ten and im still astonished. Like that other guy.

metrovelvet

Dudess wrote:

Agreed. But this is achieved through masturbation, not letting someone feel your boobs when you don't want them to. Read Minesajackdaniels' post again about just how little a turn-on getting your breasts felt up can be.

I was advising her to masturbate. I thought that was obvious.

Nevyn

PullMyFinger!, unhelpful and off-topic posting will get you banned from this forum.
Do take time to read the charter which contains the rules and abide by them.
Everyone please remember to make use of the report post function rather then commenting.
Have a nice day.
Thaedydal

LegacyUser

skittishkitten wrote:

So your saying if you have a girlfriend she better let you touch her boobs or your going to dump her or cheat on her ? Know alot of nice girls do you ?

That's is a very simplistic view which though essentially correct completely ignores the fact that by the sounds of it the girl is so self conscious about it that she has said nothing other than no to her boyfriend and he most likely thinks she is either inexperienced or weird.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Explain it to him. If he doesnt accept it he is an idiot. If he does then you both feel better knowing that there is no agro.

Dudess

metrovelvet wrote:

I was advising her to masturbate. I thought that was obvious.

I thought you were advising her to get her boobs felt.

Húrin

PullMyFinger! wrote:

216 replies on the issue of if a girl should take her top off.

Number of replies on thread about an OP's GF been raped - 13

Something not quite right with this board tbh.

I didn't reply because I have nothing of worth to say in a rape thread because I don't know any rape victims.

metrovelvet

Dudess wrote:

I thought you were advising her to get her boobs felt.

Yes I was. But I was advising her to do it to herself first. [If she hasnt already]. And see how that goes. It seems to be more about self conciousness and the resistence this causes to succumbing than anything else.

Also then she can direct him as to what to do in case he is impossibly naive. How is he supposed to know what to do, if she doesnt?

JC 2K3

The Corinthian wrote:

Going at the speed that a woman is comfortable with is noble or gentlemanly, going at the speed you want to go at is not. And you were doing the latter.

Lol, that statement is so sexist. No chance a girl could have a higher sex drive than a guy eh? :rolleyes:

The Corinthian

JC 2K3 wrote:

Lol, that statement is so sexist. No chance a girl could have a higher sex drive than a guy eh? :rolleyes:

That was the point of what I said Sherlock.

Dermington

DOLEMAN wrote:

Lemming, you're kind of sounding like a militant prude

Lemming is the Cmod of the games workshop forum...I'm going to guess he isn't a ladies man

Victor

Keep on topic.

OP, remember the sunblock.

Unpossible

how has the OP gotten on, anyone heard from her?

Lemming is the Cmod of the games workshop forum...I'm going to guess he isn't a ladies man

dude that was harsh and uncalled for

AngryAnderson

Interesting topic - I just finished reading all 12.x pages. Like a few others, I am totally gobsmacked that some of you seem to think that it's anything less than abnormal that I woman of 19 would be afraid to have her breasts touched by her b/f of 6 months. Because it is abnormal - meaning that it's not normal or usual. Having said that, I don't think the OP should do anything she's not comfortable doing.

I would also like to say to Lemming - you make me sick. The opinions expressed and attitude of your initial postings is dangerous. The only thing as bad as a rapist/sexual criminal is someone who falsely accuses someone of rape/sexual assault and you've clearly over-steppted the mark in this thread. You should be ashamed of yourself. I can only assume that, as a previous poster said, you're probably fairly 'sensitive' with the issue based solely on the fact that you're not really sexually or socially experienced.

Victor

Enough warnings have been handed out on this thread.

AngryAnderson banned.

Nevyn

Personaly attcks are not tolerated in this forum if you have comments to make to a person please do so via pm

A Primal Nut

Lemming wrote:

Why is all this her problem? Why, if she's said no repeatedly, is this guy who is so eager for his jollies still hanging around? All he's after is sex by the looks of it. Let me run something past you that might be a little too f*cking radical thinking for yuo .....

Eh, he has stayed with her for six months and she still hasn't let him touch her breasts. You can't say all he wants is sex when he has stayed this long without it. The OP hasn't even mentioned sex so you don't know he has suggested that.

why doesn't he move on rather than try to force her into somethin she doesn't want to give him yet.

I guess that's just too out there for some of you to cop. This isn't her fault and claiming that it is is just retarded.

Thats the whole point. Most guys would move on. The fact he has stayed so long has showed incredible patience. Most guys would haved moved on so she will have problems, which is what Doleman and others have said. Nobody has suggested it's her fault, just that she won't be in a relationship if she doesn't want to do it, which you just admitted by suggesting he should move on. Also in a previous post you said he was a ****wit for wanting to put his hand on her breasts, which basically makes 100 per cent of guys ****wits!

A Primal Nut

jrey1981 wrote:

Sounds to me like the OPs boyfriend is a bit of an idiot, probably treating her like a piece of meat.

Most guys at 19 are still pretty immature compared to 19 yr old girls.
QUOTE]
Why do people always say girls are more mature than boys. He is the one who wants an adult relationship.

LegacyUser

Thanks to all who replied I was surprised at all the post!!

Well I did it I got my boobs out at first my b/f all over them and I was left feeling is this it but then i started to get involved touching him and i quite enjoyed it.

I found it a bit sore at first as my nipples were sucked to the extent the skin was chapped and i was unable to wear a bra the next day.

Now I feel sexy about myself and wear tops that show off my cleavage.

What I am worried about is will my boobs get any bigger with all this attention ie sucking, feeling

planck2

the answer is categorically no