man u jokes-class

Donegal Lass

Evil Manc Computer Viruses


Be on the lookout for a new breed of 'Evil Manc' computer viruses that could seriously affect / infect your PC.

There are many varieties of this virus, each affecting your computer in a different way. Details of each Variant of this virus are shown below.

The Manchester United Virus - This where the computer develops a memory disorder and forgets about every thing before 1993.

The Manchester United shirt virus - Designed to drain your bank account This one is especially hard to detect as it changes its format every three months.

The David Beckham virus - This affects newer computers mainly. The computer looks great, all the lights are on, but nothing works.

The Roy Keane virus - Throws you out of Windows.

The Alex Ferguson virus - The computer develops a continuous whining noise. The on screen clock runs a lot slower than all the other computers in the building.

The Solskjaer virus - Will take numerous attempts to get into the net often failing completely.

The Ryan Giggs virus - The computer develops a processor problem whereby it thinks it's better than it actually is. It also experiences dramatic fluctuations in performance.

The Fabien Barthez virus - You just can't save anything.

Laurent Blanc virus - Makes your Computer go really slow and Creates big holes in your Hard-Drive!

The Phil Neville virus - The worst of all, ruins all memory of basic functions and programmes, randomly delivering data to the wrong goal. Also weakens all communications within the network

Dressing Room virus - Appears when the system fails. Reboot may be dangerous.

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Fergie and Phil Neville Joke…

One day at the Man United training ground, and an hour before they are due to finish, Sir Angry Ferguson says "Lads, I’m gonna have to leave an hour early. Just carry on training and I’ll see you tomorrow." So they carry on and leave at the normal time.

The next day, Sir Alex says, "sorry again lads, but I’m gonna have to leave an hour early again. A spot of private business to attend to." When he's gone, Roy Keane says, "forget this, if he's going then I am too," and he takes off.

The next day, the same happens. "Sorry lads, gonna have to leave early again." So Keane says, "Come on lads, lets all go home, he'll not know". So they all went home.

When Phil Neville got back to his house, he saw the gaffer's car on the drive. So he quietly opened the door, sneaked upstairs and peeped through the bedroom door, only to be shocked by the sight of Ferguson making love to his wife.

Rather stunned, Neville left the house and goes for a walk. When he noticed the car had gone, he went back into the house.

The following day at training, Sir Alex says, "Gotta go again lads, sorry. Some private stuff to attend to." Once again, Keane says, "Come on lads, lets all go home again."

To which Neville replies, "forget that, I almost got caught yesterday!"

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Bo - Keane - ian Rhapsody

Great rendition of the classic Queen song. This time the words have been be modified to reflect the mind of Man United captain Roy Keane, whom I am sure would find it hard to find a ghost writer who could do better than this!


Mama, just kicked a man.
There's a screw loose in my head,
Because I tried to break his leg,
Fergie, the seasons just begun,
But now I've gone and thrown it all away!
Forlan! Ooh -ooh - ooh,
Makes me want to sigh!
We'd score more goals with Sid James or Kenneth Williams,
Carry On, Carry On,
The whole teams just in tatters.
Too late, my crime is done,
Tried to mangle Alfie's spine,
Now he's aching all the time,
Goodbye Mick McCarthy, I've got to go,
Got to leave the squad behind,
'cos I'm a twat!
Veron! Ooh -ooh - ooh
He doesn't seem to try,
I sometimes wish he'd never been bought at all.
(guitar solo)

(Opera Section)
I see a little packaged sandwich filled with prawns,
LAURENT BLANC! LAURENT BLANC!
HE'S JUST SLOW, OLD AND USELESS!
Brown & Neville fighting, very very frightening indeed!!!
WHERE IS RIO ?,
Where is Rio?,
WHERE IS RIO?,
Where is Rio?,
Because Laurent's far too slow!
He's far too slow-ow-ow-ow-ow.....
I'm just a headcase, nobody loves me!
HE'S JUST A HEADCASE, WALKED OUT ON HIS COUNTRY!
SPARE US THE WHINES FROM HIS GAFFER IF YOU PLEASE!
Here it comes, Open goal - Forlan must score.
HE WILL NOT!
No! He's simply got to score!
HE WILL NOT, NEVER, EVER SCORE!
No! He's simply got to score!
HE WILL NOT, NEVER, EVER SCORE!
NEVER, EVER SCORE, NEVER, EVER SCORE, NEVER, EVER SCORE.........
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!
Oh where is Rio? where is Rio ?
Has he really stubbed his toe ?
Beelzebub take the Nevilles from my side,
Oh Please
Oh Please,
Oh Pleeeeeeeaaaase
(Guitar riff)

So you think that I punch refs and spit in their eyes?
Would I kick Alan Shearer and leave him to die?
Oh baby,
Even though I seem crazy,
I'm Roy the Red, rich, thick and madder each year.

(Slow bit)
All the guys I've clattered.....even poor Alfie!
Now I've got a Court case...........I just want to kick folk, you see ?
Tell me where did Mick go ?