Over-analysing?

LegacyUser

Hello All,

My problem isn't exactly earth shattering but it's really getting me down. I've been going out with my boyfriend for 4 years now and were very good friends before that. I love him and think that he feels the same about me but sometimes I feel like my feelings are stronger than his. I am always in his house - (mine isn't really an option) but when I do ask him to come to my house, do something for me or try to arrange something in advance he never just says yes. It's always "maybe" and "I'll see" - he can never commit to doing anything for ME! For example: My PC has been broken for 7 months, (some viruses or something), he fixes PC's for a living, they are his passion so it's not a case wherer they are the last thing he wants to see when he gets home from work - he gets right back in to it when he gets home! But, he won't even look at mine and i don't know why. I have asked him a million times and he knows how awkward it was for me to get essays for college done without it.

Another thing that really gets me is when he's sick, it's always a "Boy Cold"!!! Always worse than it is and says he cant do anything or go anywhere - but when I'm not feeling well he pretty much ignores it, Rarely asks how I'm feeling and couldn't be bothered asking if i need anything. Sometimes I feel like he sees me as a mammy and not his girlfriend. I've said this to him before but he just gets angry with me and storms off.

Basically, I love him very much and want to make him happy so I try to look after him but I want to be looked after too but he has no interest. I really feel that he doesn't caare about me and is just happy in the familiarity of our relationship.

I don't really know what advice im asking for, maybe Im looking into it oo much but it's really starting to wear on me.

dudara

It sounds like there is a big lack of communication here. Have you discussed this in earnest with him, (not in an offhand manner)?

chump

sounds like a mammy's boy.

Not used to actually giving a to$$ about anyone but himself.
Why you're into a lad like this is really something you need to look at.

Ickle Magoo

Sit him down & tell him how you feel & what has to change within your relationship to make you happy - if he doesn't listen then find a man who is happy seeing to your needs as well as satisfying their own.....he can only take advantage of you if you let him....best of luck

Kell

Me Myself wrote:

and want to make him happy so I try to look after him

What on earth would you want to do that for? People are quite capable of looking after their own happiness, so leave him to it. Sadly, by attempting to look after him you mother him and we all know what happens there. He ceases to do anything for himself as you are quite happy to "look after him". He sounds like he likes to be mothered and any guy that does isnt really BF material is he?

I echo someone elses thought here i.e. the guy sounds like a complete díck. Play a game. Ignore him for a week. Dont go to his, always be somewhere else, always say your doing something when he calls, dont arrange to go out, do as he does i.e. hmmn and haw about everything. Might make him snap out of his complacency or make you realise he's in it for a handy lay. Either way you will know definitively.

K-

zefer

He sounds like a d*ck to be honest.

Why are you still with someone that treats you like that? Not all us blokes are like that.
I know if I treated my gf like that, she wouldnt be hanging around for long.

sit him down and tell him that it has to change and if it does great, if not dump him..And if nothing changes and you put up with it, it is your own fault

LegacyUser

He's not awful really - but the problem is he does the big flashy shows of affection on occasions ie birthday, valentines day, christmas etc and then nothing inbetween. I'd rather the affection was little and often rather than 4 times a year!

Dudara - Definately lack of communication here as in I talk and he doesn't listen although I only bring it up when something ticks me off. I suppose I need to sit him down and really talk to him.

Ickle Magoo - You're on them mark there. If I didn't put up with it then it wouldn't happen!

Kell - I have got it in my head that I should be making him happy, and by doin this im not looking after my own happiness hence the problem!!!

Im in a rut, its just hard too make the change. I know change can be good but it doesn't make it any easier. Im afraid that my worst fears will be realised and that he wont want to make the effort to keep us together.

milod

There are two types of people in this world... Givers and Takers. He's a taker, you're a giver - mix the two up and someone is going to be unhappy. He's quite contented to do his own thing and will accept your care and concern as long as you are silly enough to indulge him. He really only deserves to be with someone similar.

I wasted a good few years of my life with a 'taker' so I have had the opportunity to see how the dynamic of this sort of relationship operates. Do yourself a favour and try to identify why you love someone who is prepared to use you.

Stay with him and you face years of forgotten birthdays, lonely weekends, and careless treatment. You'll eventually become bitter and martyred to his increasing selfishness - You'll be the one to clean up his mess, you'll be the one to resolve all the arguments, you'll be the one who always aoplogises no matter whether you're wrong or not!

OK so this is the most pessimistc view - but I do speak from experience...

muppetkiller

Agree with the two previous posters ..he sounds like a selfish muppet.
If your in a relationship with someone and they need your help with anything ...you do it...not just because you should but because you love this person and you want to make them happy.

This guy sounds like he has you wrapped around his finger and can click his fingers and you spring to attention.

Me thinks you should (As a famous big american once said on Sally Jessie)
"you've got to loose that zero and get yourself a Hero"

Talk to him though ..no problems are solved in a relationship with out dialogue

LegacyUser

milod wrote:

There are two types of people in this world... Givers and Takers. He's a taker, you're a giver - mix the two up and someone is going to be unhappy.

You'll be the one to clean up his mess, you'll be the one to resolve all the arguments, you'll be the one who always aoplogises no matter whether you're wrong or not!

OK so this is the most pessimistc view - but I do speak from experience...

Never a truer word said - I always apologise because I know he never will and I appreciate your honest view, pessimistic as it is!

Muppetkiller - My problem is that I have been thinking of him as my hero!!! But things they are achanging! I hope

Chinafoot

Sit him down and tell him how you feel. Has it been like this for the entire 4 years?! It sounds as though he is fully taking for granted the fact that you do pretty much everything for him. You need to stop babying him.

As for when he's sick, tbh I reckon nearly all men are like this. They get a sniffle and it's "double pneumonia!"

One-way relationships are heartbreaking. Don't waste your time. If you can't resolve it you'll remain unhappy and whats the point then?

Jack B. Badd

Run away! I wasted a few years of my time on a similar relationship & I can tell you once you're out of it you start to see things a whole lot clearer - like how selfish he is and how you can do a whole lot better for yourself.

pow wow

You "think" he loves you after 4 whole years?! If you don't know by now I'd cut the cord and find someone new!

WhiteWashMan

Me Myself wrote:

Hello All,

My problem isn't exactly earth shattering but it's really getting me down. I've been going out with my boyfriend for 4 years now and were very good friends before that. I love him and think that he feels the same about me but sometimes I feel like my feelings are stronger than his. I am always in his house - (mine isn't really an option) but when I do ask him to come to my house, do something for me or try to arrange something in advance he never just says yes. It's always "maybe" and "I'll see" - he can never commit to doing anything for ME! For example: My PC has been broken for 7 months, (some viruses or something), he fixes PC's for a living, they are his passion so it's not a case wherer they are the last thing he wants to see when he gets home from work - he gets right back in to it when he gets home! But, he won't even look at mine and i don't know why. I have asked him a million times and he knows how awkward it was for me to get essays for college done without it.

Another thing that really gets me is when he's sick, it's always a "Boy Cold"!!! Always worse than it is and says he cant do anything or go anywhere - but when I'm not feeling well he pretty much ignores it, Rarely asks how I'm feeling and couldn't be bothered asking if i need anything. Sometimes I feel like he sees me as a mammy and not his girlfriend. I've said this to him before but he just gets angry with me and storms off.

Basically, I love him very much and want to make him happy so I try to look after him but I want to be looked after too but he has no interest. I really feel that he doesn't caare about me and is just happy in the familiarity of our relationship.

I don't really know what advice im asking for, maybe Im looking into it oo much but it's really starting to wear on me.

if you went out to buy a car, and it didnt come with brakes.


would you buy it?





why would you be in a relationship with someone that appears to have very little interest in you.

sounds like you just need to feel needed, and are with someone for the sake of being with someone.