Need to get back into group of friends..

LegacyUser

HI,

In the last week any worries have been well and ruely reinforced... Out of my group of friends I dont think any of them have any time for me anymore.. I am now certain that only one of them will answer the phone when I ring them now. Only the odd time will the rest of them answer or txt me back.None of them EVER ring me or txt me,ever.. I know that they all go out and meet up during the week without inviting me along.. I only ever mett up with them on a saturday night now..
One of them I used to be best friends with and we havent spoken in at least two years for reasons unknown to me.. I feel that they prefer to socialise with him in the group and not have me around..
What do you people think of this?? What should I do? I feel that if I dont make effort to talk to them we will loose touch altogether.. And if things get worse than they are I will be in a serious spot of bother..

Thanks for listening guys and gals..

Static M.e.

Take no offence please but (I dont know you, just making assuptions)

What do you do that makes your friends not want to call you when they go out?

Honestly do you get hammered when you go out?
Can you not handle your drink?
Are you loud and annoying?
Do you cause fights?
Did you use to do any of the above?

The reasons would stop me asking anyone out, its quite simply not worth the hassle, I go out to enjoy myself not babysit. On saying that it does happen rarely that someone gets obliterated and needs to be minded then I dont mind but like I said thats rarely.

If the reasons above arent true well then I would definatly look towards;

"One of them I used to be best friends with and we havent spoken in at least two years for reasons unknown to me"

Now seriously you have to know why he isnt talking to you, you use to be best friends and then one day, nothing?? come on, that just doesnt happen, why is he really not talking to you?

Somthing happened, either you did it, or he did.

Like I said if the reasons above arent true (you need to be brutally honest with yourself) then your "best friend" is the problem / solution. Why dont you call around to him and ask to talk to him for a minute. Ask him whats going on?

allmixedup

sounds highly familiar, we should exchange notes.

fuzzywiggle

Why on earth do you want to get back in to that group? It's not worth the hassle. Make new friends who won't treat you like sh*t! You don't have to settle for this because there are good people out there who will treat you well. Join some clubs, start some new activites and start mingling with people who have the same likes/interests as you. Sounds like your friends just don't appreciate you anymore. Don't bother making an effort with them if that's the kind of people they are!

beth-lou

We have a friend, who would probably have had the same thoughts and feelings about us as you have expressed here. In fact you sound a lot like her.

The thing is, when she was feeling sorry for herself and how bad we all were, she ommited a vital piece of the puzzle. She is addicted to cocaine, and as a result was horrible to be around, she had viscious mood swings and as has been said started fights with us because she was so paranoid. She was uncomfortable to be around, and dominated the conversation and never, ever payeds her way.

Recently she admitted her problem, which we already knew, and we were honest with her as to why we had moved away from her. It was great because we have started to rebuild the friendship, she is getting help for her problem and we can help her now.

If they are all still friends and close to each other, why have they just decided to ommit you. You have to ask them, and maybe you can resolve the issue if you can understand why it is happening.

Have you told us the whole story?

arbeitsscheuer

allmixedup wrote:

sounds highly familiar, we should exchange notes.

I was just about to say that...

When I read the OP's post, I wondered if I'd gotten drunk, unregged by accident, posted this thread, then went to bed and completely forgot about it!:D

It happens mate. You should move on, and if - IF - they do get in contact wit ya, at any stage, be open to seein em again, but don't rely on their presence so much.

LegacyUser

If none of the above reasons are tru then definately just stay in cony=tact with your close friend maybe talk to him about it...
Stay pleasent ewith the others but dont go chasing them...they might just be acting the pr*cks...
meanwhile develop friendships with new people...even if all works out with your own group theres no harm in having made new friends!

LegacyUser

I was in a similar enough situation as the OP until a while back.
Ok my friends did ask me out but it was in a situation where two out of our group would be pulling the strings and dictating what we should all do. This annoyed the hell out of me because whenever I suggested doing anything I would get lukewarm responses from everyone and I was frustrated even further due to the fact that we never ever went out drinking or clubbing, immensely boring for a group of 21 year olds. Basically it all came down to the fact I did not have as much respect as the string pullers be it to do with anything and this eventually led to conflict. I'm not friends with these guys any more but despite having very few friends now, I'm much happier as they turned out to be pure sh1theads who insulted and bullied me, my instincts about them proved to be right.
It appears to me that your ''friends'' obviously don't respect you as much as the others, why on earth would you still want to be part of that? If they are genuine friends they would ask you out just like the others, treat you the same, and not when it suits them to have you around. I hate to say this but there's a heirarchy within your social circle and unfortunately you're probably at the bottom of it. Many social networks operate like this and being part of a network like this is opresssive and doing you no personal and emotional good at all.
Ask yourself, do you want to be friends with these people because you genuinely like them or do you want friends for the sake of it no matter how much they treat you like sh1t?
Only you know how exactly you feel regards these ''friends'' but the fact that you've gone to the trouble writing here about it does show that it's bothering you deeply. I made the mistake of sticking around just for the sake of having friends and not having friends who I felt comfortable around.
I think you should go out of your way to try to make new friends who treat you well and give you the same respect as others, go for a fresh new start, it may take time and effort but it will be worth it.

ST*

Alone1 wrote:

I feel that if I dont make effort to talk to them we will loose touch altogether.

Friendship is a two way thing. If you are the only one trying, then they are not worth your time. That might be a bitter pill to swallow, but it's probably for the best. I know I certainly wouldn't want friends like that. Why would you?

Hermione*

I've been in a similar situation, and it sucks. But it makes you stronger in the long run, as most of life's suckier moments tend to do.

My advice would be that one good friend whom you can depend on is far more valuable than any number of random acquaintances to go drinking with. People who aren't there when you need them aren't worth your time. Quality not quantity's how I see it. It sucks to realise you've done everything imaginable for somebody but when you need someone, they won't return the time and attention you've given them. At least it'll give you time to appreciate your own company and realise you don't need other people, you just want other people. Then you'll be in a better position to make new friends.

layke

Cutting a long and painful story short.

Was a popular bloke in school, had a major row with my best friend (after I was replaced with some one 'cooler').

(....yada yada yada)

Left school after 6th year, made new friends, never looked back.

Tbh judging from your post you sound young. Can we get an age bracket?

Hermione* wrote:

I've been in a similar situation, and it sucks. But it makes you stronger in the long run, as most of life's suckier moments tend to do.

Believe that, back then I was timid about such things, now I wouldn't take that sh1t from anyone.