Internet dating - date advice needed

Cinamon Girl

I am in my mid thirties and separated about a year now. As most people in my shoes would know it is hard to get used to being alone after being with someone for many years so I recently decided to try internet dating.

About 3 weeks ago I got chatting with a guy who lives about 20 miles from me. We seemed to click and he gave me his number so I decided to text him. After about a week of texting and one phonecall he asked if I would like to meet up and I said yes. I know the rules say to meet in a public place but he wanted to call to my place, pick me up and go somewhere for Sunday lunch. As it happened the weather that morning was really awful so I sent him a text asking if he minded if we put off our date. He was fine with it and has continued to text and call me since. We get on well and at this stage feel like we know each other years. We now know each others last names and he also knows some people I work with. He works long hours and travels to Dublin each day so sometimes he didn't call when he said he would but always sends a text instead. We are in touch almost every day but nothing too heavy. Just a simple how was your day or I'll call you tomorrow kind of thing.

We have now agreed to meet up tomorrow but nothing arranged yet. He is to ring me tonight. My question is, if he asks again to pick me up at my place what should I say???

Any advice greatly appreciated.

Karoma

The reasons one should meet in a public place rather than their home is a) It's safer, b) it doesn't give him the wrong impression.
Meet in a public place. If he insists, or is in any way pushy about picking you up - put it off and forget him. If he's genuine, then where shouldn't matter.

takola

Safety Safety Safety... You gotta stay safe, Talking to someone online is fine. Texts and calls are fine. But in reality you really don't know this guy. Don't let him know where you live until you are certain you're ok with him.

Tell him you'd rather meet him in town, cafe or restaurant etc. Wherever! Don't let him push you into it! As Karoma said, if he's pushy forget about him!

Hope everything works ok! Enjoy your date!

Cinamon Girl

Yes you are right. I get the feeling he might be someone I can trust but I really don't know him yet. But I do feel he his genuine and not pushy in any way. He seems quite easy going really. I hope I'm right about him!

Rantorama

My parents are divorced and my mum tried 'the interweb dating' last year,she met a few dates(all nice guys)but it was always 'meet you for coffee/dinner/a drink'at a certain place.And she always had the friend ready to ring her moblie at a certain time...just in case.


Good luck,hope it works out well:)

One possible thing to do is a tell a white-lie. (yes, I know its bad, but it might work).

Tell him there is something you need to do in (wherever you are) and that you would like to meet him there. Some people usually bring friends with them, but have them sit off to the side. This is a good thing and is strongly recommended.

chuckles30

I've used the internet dating thing and while all the guys I've bet have been lovely, I always make my own way to the first date & as someone else said, tell someone exactly where you're going. If things are going ok, you can always nip to the ladies and send them a quick text to put their mind at ease. Somewhere public that you're familiar with yourself is the best bet. If things go wrong or you don't get on, at least you can make your own way home. Any decent guy using internet dating will understand this. If a guy was too pushy about not following these rules, I would get very suspicious. But saying all that - I wish you the best with it and hope it works out for you.

The Song Thrush

Just be honest and tell him that it's nothing personal, but that you'd prefer to meet in a public place just to be safe. I'm sure he'll understand.

Black Swan

Like not to put a damper on things, but the first meeting should be in a public place. Better wise than foolish.

Victor

Cinamon Girl wrote:

I know the rules say to meet in a public place but he wanted to call to my place, pick me up and go somewhere for Sunday lunch.

You make your own way there and your own way back. Thats the rules.

Esel

Cinamon Girl wrote:

...he also knows some people I work with...

Do they know him? What is their opinion? You should stick to the 'rules' and meet somewhere public. Keep your independence. Plenty of time to break the rules later.

Karoma

I really wouldn't base anything on the opinions of your colleagues.

Esel

Karoma wrote:

I really wouldn't base anything on the opinions of your colleagues.

Even if their opinions were extremely negative?

Cinamon Girl

Thanks for all your input guys. And I have decided to stick to the rules.

As it happened we didn't meet up yesterday. He was away up north and didn't back until late Saturday night so he didn't contact me until Sunday afternoon. He did ask if I would like to call to his place for coffee!! But I told him I had made other arrangements. He didn't mind in the least. Now he is going to the states for two weeks on business but is going to keep in touch and will definitely make time to meet me when he gets back. I think by then a proper date would be more appropriate then a coffee and a chat!!

I'm really glad though that I didn't agree to his suggestion on Sunday, more for peace of mind than anything else. He sounds like a genuine guy and we get on well.

As for asking my work colleagues... well I work in a big company so I wouldn't know them that well and I don't really want people to know I have met someone online. So I'm just going to have to find out by myself if he is a decent guy.

Thanks again to everyone.

Victor

Cinamon Girl wrote:

we get on well.

But you've never met him!

Cinamon Girl

Victor wrote:

But you've never met him!

Granted, but I wouldn't be still in touch with him if we hadn't clicked in some way. On some level we are 'getting on'. You can learn something about a person from the way they write, the tone of their voice, what they say and how they say it. Maybe I'm supersensitive but that's how judge people. You get a good or bad feeling and that's it!

But yes I will reserve final judgement until I meet him. I promise!

pclancy

Ive met a few and ended up going out with a few girls ive met from online dating and it can be great because as you have done, you can really get to know someone before you meet them which obviously is never the case in a pub/club. Meeting face to face makes you both be really who you are and it is a lot different to all the chats you had online and you might realise in real life things are a little different.

Its good to see you're being carefull though, I only ever met in pubs or places that were handy for both and safe to both parties. Dont do anything you dont feel comfortable with but you sound like you're head is well screwed on so good luck, hope it works out for you!

Ballyman

Just a thought.......

1. You go out on a friday night and get locked out of your face, pick up a guy you don't know from Adam and head back to his place, not a clue where, for a bit of lovin', no questions asked.

2. You meet a guy on the internet who lives a few miles from you. You get to know him first and talk to him for a while and then you decide to meet him for a date as he seems genuine and nice.

Yep, I think option 2 is much more dangerous than option 1 so you should have your friends sitting in the corner with a panic button in your pocket should things get out of hand. I mean it's much safer to go to some complete strangers house when your off your tits and can hardly spell your name.

God help us all. Will you just meet him wherever you want and leave it at that and enough of this nonsense.

koneko

Meeting people in person is different from meeting people online. Some people are outgoing and interesting online or on the phone, but in person they turn out to be very different. Don't put all your eggs in one basket by thinking this guy could be the one (I'm not saying you are), just take things one step at a time and see how they go. I know you feel like you can trust him and you really know him, but if you haven't met him, you really don't, so be careful. He could turn out to be a very different person when you meet, you might not click so well then.

It never hurts to play it safe, so meeting in a public place is good.

jdivision

I think you're right about meeting in public but it may be that he might have been trying to impress you when the car pulls up outside.

Clár

Ballyman wrote:

Just a thought.......

1. You go out on a friday night and get locked out of your face, pick up a guy you don't know from Adam and head back to his place, not a clue where, for a bit of lovin', no questions asked.

2. You meet a guy on the internet who lives a few miles from you. You get to know him first and talk to him for a while and then you decide to meet him for a date as he seems genuine and nice.

Yep, I think option 2 is much more dangerous than option 1 so you should have your friends sitting in the corner with a panic button in your pocket should things get out of hand. I mean it's much safer to go to some complete strangers house when your off your tits and can hardly spell your name.

God help us all. Will you just meet him wherever you want and leave it at that and enough of this nonsense.

Ballyman your like SO origional cutting and pasting your sarcastic post from one to another. And yes im also being sarcastic

Nevyn

Unhelpful and off-topic posting will get you banned from this forum.
Do take time to read the charter which contains the rules and abide by them.
Have a nice day.
Thaedydal

Cinamon Girl

koneko wrote:

He could turn out to be a very different person when you meet, you might not click so well then.

I agree and that's what makes it so weird feeling that you get on with someone and could trust them after a few phone conversations or emails. It can really throw you. You want to but you know you shouldn't.

If I didn't care about myself and him for that matter I probably wouldn't mind meeting him at his place or mine. But the older you get the less time you want to spend on doing the wrong thing with the wrong person.

I have no expectations of this guy. He seems sweet and kind and that's what I am enjoying for now. If he turns out to be something different then I'll just move on...without regrets!

EWheelChair

The impression i get from the whole "my place or your place" thing is that hes out to get laid.

If he was at all serious, where or when wouldn't matter in the slightest..