Men and Women

Dec McC · 04-06-2006 11:57pm #1

NAMES
If Laura, Suzanne, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each
other Laura, Suzanne, Kate and Sarah. If Mike, Charlie, Dave and John go
out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla,
Sh*t-Head and Four-eyes.

EATING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mike, Charlie, Dave and John will each throw in
£20, even though it's only for £32.50. None of them will have anything
smaller, and none will actually admit they want change back. When the
girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

MONEY
A man will pay £2 for a £1 item he needs.
A woman will pay £1 for a £2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.

BATHROOMS
A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving
cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from M&S. The average number of
items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to
identify more than 20 of these items.

ARGUMENTS
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

CATS
Women love cats.
Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.

FUTURE
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

SUCCESS
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A
successful woman is one who can find such a man.

MARRIAGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man
marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.

DRESSING UP
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the bins,
answer the phone, read a book, and get the post. A man will dress up for
weddings and funerals.

NATURAL
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

OFFSPRING
A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments
and romances, best friends, favourite foods, secret fears and hopes and
dreams. A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
Any married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people
remembering the same thing.

TALKING AND LISTENING
When a woman says C'mon...This place is a mess. You and I need to clean.
Your pants are on the floor and you'll have no clothes if we don't do the
laundry now.

What a man hears: C'MON ... blah, blah, blah YOU AND I blah, blah, blah,
blah, blah ON THE FLOOR blah, blah, blah, NO CLOTHES blah, blah, blah,
blah