Prince and the Pauper :p

elmyra

I recently got back together with my ex. We'd been broken up for about two months, had been dating for about six months before that and I've known the guy for a few years. Even when we were broken up we were still mates and get on really well together, but I'm starting to think we're better as friends than bf and gf. I adore him and am attracted to him as he is to me but friendship seems relaxed and easy while the relationship brings problems. It's a bit of a long story (sorry!) but here goes...

basically, we're both in college, he's a few years ahead of me, he's the other side of the country doing med and i'm in dublin. we broke up a month before exams because we were having problems and. his course work wasn't going too well cos he was driving down to dublin a lot to see me, and i wasn't willing to see him fail or have to struggle with what's already a huge course. also, i have a medical problem (nothing that's going to kill me, but serious enough) and he's the worrying type. I was ill with exam stress hence he worried and that strained things further. for a couple of weeks we tried a 'weekend bf/gf' thing which said we could score randomers at college but that got very messy very fast

long story short, we're both now home for the summer and have got back together. his sister had a baby a few weeks ago and she was christened this week, my bf and I stood for her as had been arranged before the break up. I'm really good friends with his sister and spend a lot of time at their house and love it. He's a really good guy but the main problem at the moment is that there's gulfs between his family and mine. His parents are quite wealthy and dispense cash without a thought, there's also a lot of charity functions and social event stuff...and i basically can't afford the lifestyle. My bf knows this and always tries to pay for me and things but, maybe I'm being awkward here, I'm against that too....I don't like to be paid for all the time. Besides that...there's the everyday expense of having clothes to wear to these things and just feeling a bit out of place among some of his friends sometimes. It's never on purpose and they're all lovely people, sometimes they just don't get it!

I suppose after all that blabbing on, my main question is, am I being silly? Should I just say 'whoo hooo, I bagged a rich one!' and let him pay for me or should I try to speak to him about it? Is it going to be an eternal problem? I mean, we're both crap at long distance relationship stuff so this will probably just last the summer, so am I wasting a lot of money (don't mean to sound cold or calculating, but I am a student and I should be saving for the academic year) maintaining a relationship for a couple of months when everything will just get messy and we'll break up when college comes around again anyway?

I'm confused! Help!

ARGINITE

we're both crap at long distance relationship stuff so this will probably just last the summer, so am I wasting a lot of money (don't mean to sound cold or calculating, but I am a student and I should be saving for the academic year) maintaining a relationship for a couple of months when everything will just get messy and we'll break up when college comes around again anyway?

It seems like you have already made your mind up

But you should stop thinking about the money side of things and just enjoy yourself. I would start here with fixing the problem you have.

should I try to speak to him about it?

Yes.

Grem

Talk to him. Tell him everything you've told us boarders.

It sounds a little like your just back with him for the summer because its convenient? I might be wrong but if your having doubts about being able to do the long term thing when your back in college then calling it with him now is surely the more decent thing to do.

If you feel something is going to be an 'eternal problem' then you should definitely discuss it with him. If you dont like being paid for all the time (which no-one would) then you should maybe choose to attend 2 of these charity/social events during the summer and pay for them yourself. Borrow clothes off sisters/friends for the event?

shoegirl

elmyra wrote:

He's a really good guy but the main problem at the moment is that there's gulfs between his family and mine. His parents are quite wealthy and dispense cash without a thought, there's also a lot of charity functions and social event stuff...and i basically can't afford the lifestyle. My bf knows this and always tries to pay for me and things but, maybe I'm being awkward here, I'm against that too....I don't like to be paid for all the time. Besides that...there's the everyday expense of having clothes to wear to these things and just feeling a bit out of place among some of his friends sometimes. It's never on purpose and they're all lovely people, sometimes they just don't get it!

I can really sympathise here as I've had a lot of friends over the years who were roaringly wealthy. I've found however that the vast majority did and do realise that you can't quite keep up and fair enough and so generally don't expect you to spend money you don't have trying to keep up. I have to say that it was extremely intimidating at first though I got used to it over the years. If you really like them try not to feel intimidated, remember its just the way that you live. And there is no point in blowing money you don't have to try to keep up - you just can't!

But try to separate this from relationship problems. If you are not happy with things try to keep this totally separate from the social gulf.

Black Swan

Talk to him. Be honest.

elmyra

Thanks guys for pointing me in the right direction on this. I suppose what I clearly should've been noticing was that it's really stupid to be trying to have a meaningful relationship with a time limit on it. I guess the money problems could've been sorted out and dealt with but having a break up hanging over us all summer really couldn't, so we had 'the talk'.

Thanks all.

Hermione*

Glad to hear it worked out for you.