Uncertain

LegacyUser

Hello,
I dont really know where to start.
I supose my problem is that recently I've been feeling more depressed then usual(I never stop). I broke up with a girl not too long ago who I really honestly loved. I didnt do it for no reason, to be honest I think she broke up with me more then anything else,she cheated on me. I forgave her at first but couldnt hold out and I got eventually I broke up with her. I regret having done this horribly, I still dream of her occasionally and yes occasionally I cry when I think of her.
I have a great job, by certain standards. I have a bright future and theres nothing wrong with me psyically. I just keep getting the feeling theres somthing wrong, like my life is going down a road its not meant to.
I've allways been quite a sporty type, maybe not team sports but psyical in general. I find in my job I'm sitting at a desk in silence all day. Not only am I kind of bored but I'm completely unable to be creative either. I need excitement and I'm not getting it in my life right now.

Coupled with the lonlyness, this bordom/monotinous way of life is really getting me down. I'm never idle but what I'm doing these days is so meaningless. I have to admit I'm moving towards suicide again, I tried it once before, failed completely(blunt knifes dont work well).

I supose I just needed to say this out loud, theres not much that can be said that will really cheer me up but if you have read this then thanks.

Rantorama

First off you are answering one of your own questions in your post.


You aren't happy in this job,you seem to enjoy physical exertion and interaction with other people,something you are obviously not getting at the moment.

You also say that you have a 'great job,by certain standards' but if those standards don't include your own personal happiness and fulfillment, then its not a great job.

The only thing I can say that will cheer you up is,you and only you can change the situation you are in..

And hate to trot out the old cliche but suicide,well...it's a long term solution to a short term problem.

Best of luck with whatever changes you decide to make in the future.:)

arctic lemur

I agree, you need to have self-fullfillment. do you have a circle of friends you can interact with eg sports club/ Pub mates? Its not worth ending it all over one person. I lost two of my relatives to suicide for that very reason, ie their partners ended a relationship. Keep active so you dont give yourself the time to think about the lonliness you are feeling right now. I wish you well.

DubNside

Nothing justifies suicide!

No matter how life seems it could always be worse!

Did this girl leave you because of your attitude? Where you being overly negative?

Sounds like you need a new job, a new start and a new outlook on life, no one else is going to do it, so you have to look at the postive side of things.

Join a support group, or discuss with friends.

LegacyUser

Hey thanks for you support, To answer your questions, yes I do have friends but I think thier kind of sick of hearing me talk about this kind of stuff. It rarely ends well.
I'm not planning suicide I just really really wish I could end this.
I feel I need to constantly be in a relationship in order to enjoy life, without someone whom I love and can trust my existance seems hollow and pointless. Imagine how I felt when the person I thought that was did this to me.
I'll be ok but thank you for your advice anyway, I'm planning a career move, the meeting a girl part unfortunatly is up to fate(last time was 3 years before I met someone).

LegacyUser

LonelyGuy wrote:

I feel I need to constantly be in a relationship in order to enjoy life, without someone whom I love and can trust my existance seems hollow and pointless.

ooh thats not a good way to think, until your happy by yourself you're never gonna survive ok in a relationship.
Most importantly dont consider suicide, bad bad plan, no matter how bad stuff feels, suicide is never the answer.
Glad your planning a career move until then why not join a sports team, exercise is the best way to get ya feeling better, endorphins and all that!

arctic lemur

I agree, fell positive about yourself first and then you can concentrate on the romance bit. Things will sort themselves out, but al in good time.