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Judged without a hearing

  • 06-06-2006 3:24pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    My recent ex boyfriend and I had a very bad break-up and some awful things were said and done on both our parts. It ended very ugly!
    All our mutual "friends" bar two have now ignored me since and I can't help but get the feeling that he has described events to favour him entirely. I have admitted my wrongs in this and tried to make amends to him but despite having also left me black and blue when I tried to talk to him about what had gone on I'm now the one having to deal with feelings of isolation on top of coping with events as unbearable as they are.
    I don't want to have to tell my side of the story as though I am trying to be objective I can only tell things from my own perspective and I can see we were both wrong. I had hoped he would have the maturity for all concerned not to involve others for these same reasons. What do I do now? Try to talk to him again to see what has actually been said and risk him flaring up again? Defend my name? or do I just accept that these people if they can't see my hurt in all this too were never really friends to begin with??


Comments

  • #2
    Grem
    Registered Users Posts: 145 ✭✭Grem


    Let it go. Who cares what your 'so called' mutual friends think.
    Everyone bitches and exaggerates the truth when they break up with someone (well, if it was a bad break up that is).
    Trying to explain your side of the story to people who have already heard his half will make you look childish and petty.
    Be the bigger person, hold your head high and try forget. Keep your opinions to yourself and these mutual friends will respect you more and he will be the one that looks bad. (Hopefully)


  • #3
    spurious
    Moderators, Category Moderators, Education Moderators Posts: 27,271 CMod ✭✭✭✭spurious


    also left me black and blue when I tried to talk to him about what had gone on

    ????

    And you are considering speaking to this loser again?
    Cut your losses and have no contact with him or his loser mates.
    You're better off without him.


  • #4
    Epicpriest
    Closed Accounts Posts: 211 ✭✭Epicpriest


    Yes, if by "Black and Blue" you mean physical abuse. Then i would call the guards and have him done for GBH. No one, under any circumstances should do that to a woman. If a woman gets shirty and wants to gougue your eyes out (or something) you in my opinion are completely within your rights to restrain them. But hurting someone like that is just plain wrong. I'll have it out with him for you if you like... We'll see who's black and blue then. He's a coward.


  • #5
    MojoMaker
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,746 ✭✭✭MojoMaker


    I'd say the black and blue comment was figurative. Emotionally bruised by the sounds of things.


  • #6
    tj-music.com
    Closed Accounts Posts: 981 ✭✭✭tj-music.com


    All time low wrote:
    ... or do I just accept that these people if they can't see my hurt in all this too were never really friends to begin with??

    That´s exactly what you should do. Those people are no good to you especially now that you feel vulnerable. Soon a feeling of calming down will replace the feeling of loneliness.

    It is hard to go through this and the pain that you feel may be the strongest pain you´ll ever feel but it will pass. It will!!


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  • #7
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Sorry I did mean emotionally bruised. Wouldn't even be thinking about him if they were real ones. Should've been more careful with the wording.
    Think yer right though. Just gonna hold my head high and move on. Well gotta try my best to. Wish me luck and thanks.


  • #8
    Jonny Arson
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,124 ✭✭✭Jonny Arson


    All time low wrote:
    I had hoped he would have the maturity for all concerned not to involve others for these same reasons. What do I do now? Try to talk to him again to see what has actually been said and risk him flaring up again? Defend my name? or do I just accept that these people if they can't see my hurt in all this too were never really friends to begin with??

    You've answered both of your own questions. If he was a guy with any decency at all he wouldn't involve other people who had nothing to do with your split. He wanted to cause out and out war and he got it by involving your so called ''friends''. For them to not to bother to listen to your version of events, take sides and draw a conclusion on you on one side of the coin shows that they're not friends but extremely narrow minded and gullible individuals who don't respect you.... it's like someone ending up in court and not allowed to defend themselves.

    Give up on them all, they're not worth it. I experienced something quite similar recently to what you described and I moved on and I'm 10 times the better person for it.


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