Co-sleeping with young infant.

embee

Hi,

I've always heard conflicting arguments as to whether or not co-sleeping with a small baby is or isn't safe. There are arguments that its not safe, that it is etc.

My daughter (4 months old) sleeps most of the night in her moses basket. She goes to bed around 8pm and wakes around 7am. When she wakes at 7am, I'll change her nappy and give her a bottle, of which she'll take two big gulps out of and fall asleep, and then I'll doze next to her for another hour or so until she wakes up for the day.

What are your opinions on co-sleeping? My mam did it with all three of us until we were about 6 months old, after which she thought it wasn't safe as baby can do too much wriggling and rolling about.

tabatha

all i can tell you is my experience. i lost my son to cot death. he died that night while sleeping in my bed. all the evidence with cot death supports the fact that sleeping with a baby is not good. babys get hot very quickly (and especially in this weather). the overheat much quciker in a bed next to others. my advice would be not to do it. its not worth the risk.

pokerwidow

oh Tabatha, I am so sorry for your loss. I think you are so brave to give advice when I can only guess how hard it must have been for you. Thank you so much for posting, you have touched my heart.

embee

Oh Tabatha, I am so sorry to hear that.

There was a lady on the TV show "This Morning" today who lost her 8 month old son through similar cirumstances, and it freaked me out! In this hot weather, Rhiannon is sleeping sounder anyways and these last two mornings hasn't come into the bed with me.

I don't think I'll be taking her in with me anymore after hearing what happened to you, Tabatha. I'm so sorry for your loss... I can only imagine how terrible it was. Its very brave of you to share your experience, and believe me, I'll take it on board.

bookiebasher

jesus you are very brave T to post that message.Hope you are keeping ok.I have a little 4 year old girl and she often slept with me for the first 4-6 months.I shudder to think what could have happened.

tabatha

thanks for all your kind words. it is hard and not a day goes by that i dont think of him. any advice i can give people to help maybe stop something like this happening helps me. i hope it helps.xx

Nevyn

tabatha I am sorry to hear of you loss.

More cots deaths do happen when babies are not co sleeping then when they are so from a facts and figures point of view it is not that clear cut.

There simply has not been enough research into the area and all the data gathered so far has been skewed or flawed.

I co slept with mine for a portion of each night/morning as I was breastfeeding when they were infants and both mine survived.

tabatha

Thaedydal wrote:

tabatha I am sorry to hear of you loss.

More cots deaths do happen when babies are not co sleeping then when they are so from a facts and figures point of view it is not that clear cut.

There simply has not been enough research into the area and all the data gathered so far has been skewed or flawed.

I co slept with mine for a portion of each night/morning as I was breastfeeding when they were infants and both mine survived.

were count yourself lucky. just because you had a baby that survived doesnt mean that its ok to do it.

there is a proven link to babies who sleep with their parents.

This is because there is a link between sharing a bed, sofa or armchair for sleeping and cot death. This applies particularly if you or your partner:

* are smokers (no matter where or when you smoke)
* have recently drunk any alcohol
* have taken medication or drugs that make you sleep more heavily
* are very tired

check out the following website for more information.

http://www.direct.gov.uk/Parents/HavingABaby/AfterTheBirth/AfterTheBirthArticles/fs/en?CONTENT_ID=4002876&chk=rhFoym

tabatha

here is another interesting story i found.

http://society.guardian.co.uk/health/news/0,,1689055,00.html

Sleipnir

My brother died of "cot death" while asleep on the couch. He wasn't beside another person, didn't turn over or anything, he just died.
The truth is that nobody really knows why it happens.

Nevyn

our home is a smoke free zone and we took all the precaustions what were needed for both our children.

Cotdeath or sudden infant death is a horrendus thing to happen to anyone and you have my sympathies but the medical profession is still guessing at why these things happen.

This has been discussed before.
http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?p=1174477#post1174477
http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?p=50990825#post50990825

http://www.pnc.com.au/~cafmr/sprott/sids-gas.html
http://www.webcom.com/~bi/sids.htm
http://www.ktvu.com/health/1794033/detail.html
http://www.kidsource.com/sids/cause.1.html
http://www.askdrsears.com/html/10/t102200.asp

http://www.sidsireland.ie

tabatha

well according to the professionals its a factor. there are many factors of course in cot death but none the less it is one. in my opion, as a mother who lost a child, any risk, no matter how small isnt worth it. in fairness to the professionals they dont pull guidlines and advice from thin air.

nesf

tabatha wrote:

This is because there is a link between sharing a bed, sofa or armchair for sleeping and cot death. This applies particularly if you or your partner:

* are smokers (no matter where or when you smoke)
* have recently drunk any alcohol
* have taken medication or drugs that make you sleep more heavily
* are very tired

This seems to be pretty sensible stuff imho. You chanced of accidentally knocking a child out of bed or rolling over a child or rolling onto a child in your sleep would obviously be higher when you're less aware of what's going on around you. Being overly tired, sedated or drunk would do this.

Whether I'd call it cot death though is a different point. It's simply death by crushing/suffocation/falls rather than some unknown cause which is what cot death is usually used to refer to. Though I can imagine a grief stricken parent refusing to believe that they could have been directly responsible and labeling it as SIDS to relieve their guilt to some extent. Which is a very natural and understandable reaction imho.

But tbh anyone who brings a child that young to bed with them when they are drunk or sedated is playing with fire in any sensible person's mind. I know I am not planning on even thinking about doing it since I'm taking sedatives every night, but it just seemed silly to me to even considerate it in my position.

eiretamicha

To the OP:

I am a firm believer in cosleeping and the family bed. All my children will cosleep with their parents until they are ready to move on to their own beds and rooms.

In regards to cosleeping and SIDS/Cot Death, I feel the need to point out that in China, where cosleeping is the norm, SIDS/Cot Death is so rare that it doesn't even have a name.

All I can say is research, research, research and then make the decision that best fits your family. Good luck!

deisemum

tabatha I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. My grandmother lost 3 babies to cot death.

Another option is to have cot alongside bed with the bedside rail dropped and still be close to mum and can be eased back into cot after feeding

tred

eiretamicha wrote:

To the OP:

I am a firm believer in cosleeping and the family bed. All my children will cosleep with their parents until they are ready to move on to their own beds and rooms.

In regards to cosleeping and SIDS/Cot Death, I feel the need to point out that in China, where cosleeping is the norm, SIDS/Cot Death is so rare that it doesn't even have a name.

All I can say is research, research, research and then make the decision that best fits your family. Good luck!

about three months a couiple in galway had the baby in between them in the bed. He fed the baby in the middle of the night, and feel asleep, smothered the child. Its crazy to take the chance. We sometimes spend a while getting our fella to sleep and then carry him to his cot. I think its crazy to take the risk. I feel for Tabatha, and its slightly insenstive preaching to her about this. If there is a 5 percent risk, why take it?. I think they sleep better on their own anyway, once they get to sleep.

Buzzella

Hi ,
My son is 16 months old and has been sleeping in my bed since he was born. I can't get him out of the bed now. He never actually slept in his cot.
It does keep me awake a lot during the night though because everytime he moves i wake up and im always afraid of him falling out of the bed which he has done once or twice but luckly wasn't hurt as i have the floor covered with pillows for the just in case. I think if a child will go into his/her moses basket or cot well then put them in because if they get in the habit of sleeping in the bed with you, you will find it very difficult to get them out. Expecially if you have a partner. In which case i don't so it is only the two of us in the bed.

tred

Buzzella wrote:

Hi ,
My son is 16 months old and has been sleeping in my bed since he was born. I can't get him out of the bed now. He never actually slept in his cot.
It does keep me awake a lot during the night though because everytime he moves i wake up and im always afraid of him falling out of the bed which he has done once or twice but luckly wasn't hurt as i have the floor covered with pillows for the just in case. I think if a child will go into his/her moses basket or cot well then put them in because if they get in the habit of sleeping in the bed with you, you will find it very difficult to get them out. Expecially if you have a partner. In which case i don't so it is only the two of us in the bed.

Another very valid point actually. a good nights sleep for you as well is as important for them. From day one we had our lad in the moses basket and then the cot. Now dont get my wrong, i have had nights where we have had to go to him, and comfort him, especially wiht teeth, but as soon as he settled, id put him straight back in. Now hes sleeping from 8pm till 830am, wihtout waking. Hes 10 months old now, so i suppose thats expected. they are linking cot death now to babys body temperature and and getting too hot. This is why lots buy thermometers for rooms etc. Logically my brain is telling me, if my misses is sometimes finding me like a radiator in the bed, imagine what its like for a new born?. if hes stook in beside me...

nesf

The temperature link is interesting. Babies do overheat very easily.

With regard to the whole cot death thing my thinking is just to try and minimise as much of the known links as is possible and hope for the best. That's about as much as you can do imho. There is no panacea atm

eiretamicha

tred wrote:

I feel for Tabatha, and its slightly insenstive preaching to her about this.

I was in no way preaching to Tabatha. I was directing my comment to the original poster.

I believe in the family bed, you do not. It's ok to have differing opinions. That's why I told the OP to research the topic before making her decision, and to make the decision that best fits her family.

up for anything

I'm sorry for your loss, Tabitha.

However, when my daughter was a couple of months old the Cook Report on BBC aired a program pointing to cot mattresses as a factor in cot death.

http://www.criblife2000.com/cook.htm

It took quite a while to be able to source cot mattresses without antimony in them so I took my baby out of her cot and into my bed which was just as handy because I was breastfeeding and my husband used to sleep on the armchair in the sitting room most nights anyhow. When I got the new mattress I had got so used to her snuggling up against me that I never used her cot again and never used it for the rest of my four children. I've never regretted it but then I never had cause.

darkflower

We bought a cot but seldoms use it until my baby doesnt want to be put there.
She will know if you put her there so we end up sleeping together and my husband and our son sleeps together.

and i'm sorry to hear your loss Tabitha