Proposing to girlfriend

simonster

Hello,

I want to propose to my girlfriend in a couple of months. In life, I keep getting bogged down by details I have two options, get a ring and propose with it in my hand, or just propose without a ring and we go pick one out together. I think she's be happy with picking one out, so is this option possible in modern Ireland?

If I do get a ring beforehand, how the feck do you get her ring size? She doesn't wear jewellery normally. Can you just get an approximately sized ring at the jewellers, and get the size changed later?

Simon

simu

I think it would be better to let her pick one out later or for ye both to do it together.

You could get an edible jelly ring likethose Haribo mix ones first for a laugh. Well, if she'd appreciate that sort of humour.

astrofool

I'd go with picking one out, and probably explain to her why (I think women should have their ring size tattooed somewhere for this eventuality), and also you'll be able to get a ring that she wants.

If you do go diamonds (and there was a thread here years ago about other alternatives, such as ruby's, check de beers on wiki for why diamonds are expensive. Then i'd advise getting the diamond on the net, and then getting it fitted, you'll be able to get a much better diamond, Ireland is a rip off for jewellery. http://www.mondera.com/ http://www.bluenile.com/ and http://www.bluenile.co.uk/ are three of the better online shops, blue nile ships to the UK only, but offer an excellent service, providing certificates and valuation for insurance and has an extensive guide to picking diamonds. Don't forget to add VAT tho

simonster

Thanks, I think I agree fairly instantly with both of you. Proposing, then getting the ring seems best, as this would let her to choose one she really likes. Jelly ring sounds good but I wonder if I can think of something original myself

Nice one. I never thought I'd be in such a great situation as with her, but I am, and feels great

Simon

Pythia

I'd get a cheapy ring from a cheapy shop to proprose with. Something that looks nice but costs about a tenner. Just use it for effect and explain you want to get one together.
I'd prefer to pick one out myself when I get engaged, after all, I'll be wearing it for the next however many years!

Bamboozled

Propose with a token ring and then let her pick out the real one.

My fiance proposed with the ring. Its a family heirloom from the start of the century... I thought it was cute.


Edit: the other century, not this one :rolleyes:

Mimikyu

This post has been deleted.

simonster

Well, there's obviously a gap in my knowledge about wedding rings The engagement ring, is that the same ring that's used as her wedding ring?

Simon

koneko

Nope they're two seperate rings. An engagement ring can be different things, some people pick those god awful bands with huge gawdy rocks on them, or something simpler and nicer. A wedding band is just a simple band, like a gold or platinum one (with an inscription if you want).

I'd say propose with a token (or funny haribo!) ring and go shopping for one later, you don't want to buy something and have her hate it.

Get her one of those rings that you can whistle with!

Hope everything goes well, and make sure to keep us updated!!

irlrobins

This has come up as a topic of dicussion among my group of friends a couple of times. My view is that this is the girl who you want to (hopefully) spend the rest of your life with. You should know exactly what her likes and dislikes are and this extends to getting a ring. If you really know her you should know exactly what type of ring she'd like (style, metal, etc), and not have to resort to a dummy ring.

That's my opinion anyway. It's what I would do in your place. Although be a few years before I get around to that! Best of luck!!!

seamus

Token ring is the one to go for. She's probably hinted at what type of ring she likes, so head down to Argos or wherever, and get a cheapo €50 ring. €50 is nothing when you think of the cost of the actual ring.

Just make sure you explain to her that she gets to pick her own ring!

HelterSkelter

I'd propose and then go together to let her pick the ring. By the way, when you're buying it you will get 10% off the marked price if you ask.

Velvet Vocals

irlrobins wrote:

This has come up as a topic of dicussion among my group of friends a couple of times. My view is that this is the girl who you want to (hopefully) spend the rest of your life with. You should know exactly what her likes and dislikes are and this extends to getting a ring. If you really know her you should know exactly what type of ring she'd like (style, metal, etc), and not have to resort to a dummy ring.

That's my opinion anyway. It's what I would do in your place. Although be a few years before I get around to that! Best of luck!!!

Well I see what your saying, but my BF and I are together 5 years, we both know that we want to spend the rest of our lives together... I know everything about him and knows everything about me.... but he also know's that I'm going to pick my own ring!(no jokes please:)) there's no harm in letting the girl pick the ring because in fairness, she's the one who's going to have wear it for the rest of her life, if you picked out the wrong one,she'd be stuck with something rather then getting to have something....

HelterSkelter

irlrobins wrote:

My view is that this is the girl who you want to (hopefully) spend the rest of your life with. You should know exactly what her likes and dislikes are and this extends to getting a ring. If you really know her you should know exactly what type of ring she'd like (style, metal, etc), and not have to resort to a dummy ring.

Ha ha, be sure to give us a shout when you wake up from your dreamworld.

Velvet Vocals

HelterSkelter wrote:

I'd propose and then go together to let her pick the ring. By the way, when you're buying it you will get 10% off the marked price if you ask.

What do you mean, ask what?

HelterSkelter

Saint Something wrote:

What do you mean, ask what?

Ask the jeweller what kind of discount they will give you for paying cash. I did this and she knocked 10% off straight away. I might have got more if I pushed it but I was happy enough with that.

Velvet Vocals

HelterSkelter wrote:

Ask the jeweller what kind of discount they will give you for paying cash. I did this and she knocked 10% off straight away. I might have got more if I pushed it but I was happy enough with that.

Nice one!!!!

simonster

irlrobins wrote:

This has come up as a topic of dicussion among my group of friends a couple of times. My view is that this is the girl who you want to (hopefully) spend the rest of your life with. You should know exactly what her likes and dislikes are and this extends to getting a ring. If you really know her you should know exactly what type of ring she'd like (style, metal, etc), and not have to resort to a dummy ring.

That's my opinion anyway. It's what I would do in your place. Although be a few years before I get around to that! Best of luck!!!

Of course I know her likes and dislikes, but she still has opinions, and she's the best person to give that opinion. All in all, I'm glad that ye're advising to pick out the ring together, and propose with a token ring (it will be something silly like Haribo ). It gives a better chance that she'll like the ring in the end, because she'll have picked it out (all talking about HOPEFULLY here ).

Saint Something wrote:

Well I see what your saying, but my BF and I are together 5 years, we both know that we want to spend the rest of our lives together... I know everything about him and knows everything about me.... but he also know's that I'm going to pick my own ring!(no jokes please) there's no harm in letting the girl pick the ring because in fairness, she's the one who's going to have wear it for the rest of her life, if you picked out the wrong one,she'd be stuck with something rather then getting to have something....

There it is again! That thing saying that she'll be wearing the engagement ring forever. I thought it was just the wedding ring that one wears forever!

HelterSkelter

simonster wrote:

Of course I know her likes and dislikes, but she still has opinions, and she's the best person to give that opinion. All in all, I'm glad that ye're advising to pick out the ring together, and propose with a token ring (it will be something silly like Haribo ). It gives a better chance that she'll like the ring in the end, because she'll have picked it out (all talking about HOPEFULLY here ).



There it is again! That thing saying that she'll be wearing the engagement ring forever. I thought it was just the wedding ring that one wears forever!

They wear both rings forever

astrofool

On jewellers, in most other countries you can expect to get a 20-40% discount on the ticket price, if not more sometimes. In Ireland you're pushing it at 10%, so its definitely worth shopping around, looking at other means, maybe planning a holiday somewhere, and picking the ring out there

r3nu4l

I got engaed a year ago and I can say definitely allow her to choose the ring with you.

I was with my gf seven years, know her inside and out (no jokes please ) but knew I owudn't be able to pick a ring she would be truly happy with. There is a difference to liking the engaement ring and loving the engaement ring.

Also, with engagement rings there are so many choices: there are gold rings, platinum, titanium etc. Then there are the different stones!
With diamonds, it's all about cut, clarity, carat and colour. Any jeweller will explain these to you. Each factor contributes to the cost.

I found choosing the proposal slightly nerve-racking (I did it in public at the top of the Eiffel tower! I knew she'd like it even thouhg I felt like a cheesy prat! ) but choosing the ring together was quite romantic and exciting so that's the way to go!

Definitely ask for a discount. You should make out that you are interested but have an appointment soon to look again at another ring you have seen.

Nevyn

HelterSkelter, unhelpful and off-topic posting will get you banned from this forum.
Do take time to read the charter which contains the rules and abide by them.
Have a nice day.
Thaedydal

seamus

irlrobins wrote:

This has come up as a topic of dicussion among my group of friends a couple of times. My view is that this is the girl who you want to (hopefully) spend the rest of your life with. You should know exactly what her likes and dislikes are and this extends to getting a ring. If you really know her you should know exactly what type of ring she'd like (style, metal, etc), and not have to resort to a dummy ring.

That's my opinion anyway. It's what I would do in your place. Although be a few years before I get around to that! Best of luck!!!

Ì know exactly what type of ring my gf would like, and when my time comes, it would give you massive kudos to pick the right ring, but I've been told in no uncertain terms, a number of times, that if I just picked out a ring, I'd be killed.

There are so many different styles, and nuances of rings, that although two rings may be similar, and cost the same, the girl may not like one, and may love the other. How do you choose? Men look at jewellery like they look at clothes - they only remember the major details - type of rock, thickness of band, and carat of metal & rock. Women on the other hand can pick out two different rings at 500 metres.

There's a 99% chance that she already knows which ring she wants and where it is. Unless she's pointed it out to him, and he took very careful notes, then buying her any other ring will be buying her the wrong one.

Black Swan

simu wrote:

I think it would be better to let her pick one out later or for ye both to do it together.

Hey, if you are truly ready to pop the question, then I would assume that you really know her? If in fact you do, then I agree with simu in the quote above.

Unless, in knowing her, you know that she would want the melodrama of experiencing surprise. Not sure how you two play together, but this might be an important part: Playfulness. In that case, doesn't she already have some rings that you could get the size from? Yes, it might not be the appropriate finger, but you could get close, and if you miss, then resize later.

meowCat

I'm surprised that people suggest that only because you know someone very well, you'd be able to pick a ring. There are too many options of how to screw it and in fairness, they are quite pricey, so if she doesn't like it in the end... I do think though, that the OP should know if his future wife would like to be surprised that way or not.

Of course it is more romantic to propose with exactly the kind of ring she'd like and have that momentum of surprise that adds to the whole experience. But actually, I think it is very rare that the girl wouldn't know that something is up. Have you not casually talked about this issue at some stage? Or maybe while talking about friends that got engaged? Did she not indicate a preference then?

I knew a proposal was coming my way and he very clumsily asked me this and that -- in the end I took pity on him and sent him a link Probably very unromantic. But depends on how much of a surprise it should be. A friend of mine who went ring shopping together with her fiancé told me that she was sad when they had finally chosen one, because she just loved sitting at the jevelers' ...trying out different rings and just the way they make all this special effort. Additionally, when the ring arrived, he picked it up himself and organised some very romantic surprise midnight picknick (beach, champagne, etc) where he presented the ring. I thought that was a really lovely idea.

Dermington

simu wrote:

You could get an edible jelly ring likethose Haribo mix ones first for a laugh. Well, if she'd appreciate that sort of humour.

That is funny but I can honestly say thats the kind of thing that you get torn to shreds for at family gatherings etc etc. so dont bother trying to be funny...

Good luck.

simonster

Dermington wrote:

That is funny but I can honestly say thats the kind of thing that you get torn to shreds for at family gatherings etc etc. so dont bother trying to be funny...

Good luck.

Interesting. I have one ring that she knows I wore and liked for years, that would be a good token ring. Anyway, I don't want to get too bogged down by the rings business. It'll be in a special location for us, and popping the question to her in itself will be great. Then (hopefully) picking out the ring will be good fun too together. I'll find this thread again in a few months and keep you posted

Simon

cee_jay

Why not ask her friends what type of ring she would like?
They would probably know her style, and more than likely they would have discussed it (I know all my friends have).
One friend in particular wants her boyfriend to propose with the ring and for him to pick it out - so we went to him with an Argos catalogue, and showed him the style of ring she likes - just in case!!
And if she has any rings at home you can sneak that out for sizing guidelines!

billius

Another thing you could do is ask your mother does she have any family rings (like her mothers, her grandmothers etc...) so it's an important part of your life. Don't worry if it doesn't fit exactly and if it's ugly as hell as it's only a gesture for the proposal itself and your girlfriend will probably appreciate the gesture of using something that's been passed down through your family. Then you can both go ring shopping. Make a day of it. It's great!! And this way you know your girlfriend gets the engagement ring she really wants...after all she has to look at it for the rest of her life!

SimpleSam06

My husband surprised me with the ring he picked himself..it can only fit on my left ring finger but i was so happy about it..hmmm..where should an engagement ring be?:D
maybe u can ask somebody near to her regarding the size of her ring like what they said..:)

Qwerty?

Simon,

Have ye never been ring shopping just for the fun of it? We did a year or so before I proposed, it gave me a great idea of what she'd love, and a great idea of what size would fit, as I checked one ring that fitted her perfectly fitted my little finger.
When it came to buying the ring I was able to go into a jewellers, and explain what I/she was looking for and get the exact match. It was a 5 minute purchase.
Otherwise I'd suggest a piece of jewellery e.g. a bracelet or something ye would have forever to remember the special day. But mainly, don't get to bogged down with details, I'm sure she will be trilled that you prosposed regardless.

Best of luck.

SingingCherry

irlrobins wrote:

This has come up as a topic of dicussion among my group of friends a couple of times. My view is that this is the girl who you want to (hopefully) spend the rest of your life with. You should know exactly what her likes and dislikes are and this extends to getting a ring. If you really know her you should know exactly what type of ring she'd like (style, metal, etc), and not have to resort to a dummy ring.

That's my opinion anyway. It's what I would do in your place. Although be a few years before I get around to that! Best of luck!!!

I agree with you 100% and this is what me and my girlfriends have said for years. In the end, my husband proposed with a ring and one he know I would love. If you know her well enough to marry her, you should know her style. Don't do the dummy ring thing, it's not as fun for her to show her mom and girlfriends after she calls them to tell them you proposed.

As for the ring size... does she have no rings that you could swipe to bring to the jewelers? If so bring that. Or you could ask her mom.

simonster

As promised a couple of months ago, I'm reporting back.

We're now engaged Happy as can be! I proposed at a place that was already special for us. Used a surogate ring that I have for years to propose, and we picked out a not-too-expensive ring for her once we got back home. She was more than happy to be able to pick a ring. I could have made a good enough choice, but without knowing her size, I backed away from buying it myself. Thanks for the help

Simon

ams

Congratulations!!!!!:D

Mrs_Doyle

I would like my BF to buy the ring and have it on him when he proposes. I just love the 'in the movies' vibe that has.
He know's what I like anyhow, so I wouldn't be worried about not getting a ring I was really happy with.

Mrs_Doyle

simonster wrote:

As promised a couple of months ago, I'm reporting back.

We're now engaged Happy as can be! I proposed at a place that was already special for us. Used a surogate ring that I have for years to propose, and we picked out a not-too-expensive ring for her once we got back home. She was more than happy to be able to pick a ring. I could have made a good enough choice, but without knowing her size, I backed away from buying it myself. Thanks for the help

Simon

Oh wow, sorry, just read this after I posted (note to self, read entire thread before posting), CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

astrofool

Mrs_Doyle wrote:

I would like my BF to buy the ring and have it on him when he proposes. I just love the 'in the movies' vibe that has.
He know's what I like anyhow, so I wouldn't be worried about not getting a ring I was really happy with.

Just make sure your ring size is available were a proposal to be planned

dr.bollocko

Are you actually absolutely sure that you want to get married in this day and age? Its a different marital climate to the one our parents were raised in you know, and this rush to marriage is not always a great thing. I wish ye the best of luck no matter what way it ends up, but marriage is still a very expensive proposition with few real guarantees....

Beruthiel

Dr. B
There are only two things guaranteed in this life, and they are death and taxes.
The OP is not interested in your views on marriage, nor did he ask for them.
Please keep on topic.
B

dr.bollocko

Sorry but I think it was fairly central to the topic, re. wedding rings, i was just trying to make the guy think. I didnt express any views on marriage, just asked a few questions. You dont know anything nor did I attempt to educate you in any way on my views on marriage.

If you cant see the link between weddings and wedding rings it'll take more than some poster on a forum to help you.

jehehesus...

simonster

dr.bollocko, all is I can say, when you feel it's right just do it. Cheesey, but the best feeling in the world

Demetrius

If she touch-types quickly, all you have to do is to get hold of something she has typed recently, and run it through spell-check.

Women generally have a weak wedding-ring finger, and so depending on the amount of spelling mistakes associated with the flank of letters corresponding to that particular finger, one may judge it's strength, and thus it's breadth.;)

Just so I don't get banned, I would recommend judging her size and buying it without her knowledge.

Santa Claus

Demetrius wrote:

If she touch-types quickly, all you have to do is to get hold of something she has typed recently, and run it through spell-check.

Women generally have a weak wedding-ring finger, and so depending on the amount of spelling mistakes associated with the flank of letters corresponding to that particular finger, one may judge it's strength, and thus it's breadth.;)

A far simpler way is to ask the mammy!
Actually you could kill 2 birds with 1 stone by asking her fathers permission (I would go that route because I'm an old fashioned guy and also because I saw the way my Dad was chuffed when my sisters husbands asked him).
Once you've gotten the nod her mammy is bound to know her daughters ring size (mammys are full of trivia like that).

If you don't get on with her folks, or her folks aren't in Ireland/alive then ask your mammy (see previous comment about mammys knowing stuff like this).

Once armed with the ring size, go and get some cheapo ring from Argos etc IN HER SIZE, pop question with cheapo but correctly fitting ring and then go in and choose the main ring together (It'll show her you went to that extra bit of effort as she'll have something to wear until she picks out what she wants).

[EDIT] Come to think of it, she may well have told her mammy what type of ring she wants, so you could end up being the best boyfriend in the world by getting the ring she wants in the right size to propose with [/EDIT]

narommy

I bought before hand, got the size by playing with rings on her fingers and then when I found one that fitted I measured it on my pinky finger and then used the jewellers ring on my finger.

Anyways I now (a bit late) have contacts in the jewellery industry so pm me if anybody wants high quality at reasonable price engagement/eternity rings.

Demetrius

Santa Claus wrote:

Actually you could kill 2 birds with 1 stone by asking her fathers permission (I would go that route because I'm an old fashioned guy and also because I saw the way my Dad was chuffed when my sisters husbands asked him).

Good thinking that!

Demetrius

Another idea would be to introduce the topic in a joking manner, plumbing the depths you could say and seeing if she she is up for it.