starting again

LegacyUser

hi.long term boards user but going anon for this.

My wife and I broke up 2 years ago (no one else involved but she is with someone now).
I feel im at a crossroads in my life and I feel I will never meet someone else again.I got heavily involved with my work after the breakup to take my mind off it and its only in the last couple of months that I feel im ready to start again and meet someone.Im not into the nightclub scene so that cuts my chances.I have been told by workmates that im good looking but I dont get out enough.(difficult to go out on your own after so long going with someone else).any ideas???
Ps Not keen on internet dating either

Strokesfan

I'm 25 but I've had a couple of break-ups where I was like "woe is me, life will never be the same, all the good ones are taken etc etc" but I've had the best time once the fall out was over and I attached myself to a like-minded new friend and went out at least two nights a week (not clubs=skanky but pubs where you can sit and knock your drinks over cute people (might not work for a fella) and get talking to new people... so your dilemma is to find a suitable drinking buddy that is on the lookout for ladies too and go out often for a few (no need to get rat arsed) and put yourself in the position to meet someone.... that's what I think is the thing to do! Don't be too predatory and after a few weeks - you'll surely catch someone's eye? There's someone for everyone and you need a little time to reassert yourself after a break up. I read an interesting article with Uma Thurmans ex husband after they broke up saying something like - if he'd put as much effort into being interesting in conversation when he was married as he had to now he was single he was sure they wouldn't have broke up? it's sketchy but do you get it? Swot up on something to talk to your ideal prospective conquest might be interested in and you're on the right track I'd say.

LegacyUser

Going anon for this also (why? whats to be ashamed of, but anyway...)

I'm in the same boat, mid 30s, separated 2 years, and now feeling ready to meet someone. At the same time, I am absolutely terrified, I haven't dated for 10 years fgs! Of course it doesn't help that there is nothing like marital breakdown to destroy confidence and esteem.

But where do you meet people? I'm not into clubs, and I don't want to be the "aul wan" trying to pull in a club anyway. I work in an all female environment. I have tried internet dating, but found it all quite soulless. Perhaps I wasn't ready then as I never got beyond the chatting to an actual date. I do go out to pubs with single female friends, but its a minefied. In your early to mid 20s you assume 80% of people are single. Now its the opposite!

I suppose we are the first generation of Irish people to do this whole second time around dating, so there is noone to tell us how it is done.

Crea

So Anon35, who is a guy, and Me too, who is a lady, are both looking to start a new relationship.........where oh where can they meet someone like minded??

bookiebasher

hey me too you should put up real name and take a chance.maybe anon35 might pm you

humanji

Crea wrote:

So Anon35, who is a guy, and Me too, who is a lady, are both looking to start a new relationship.........where oh where can they meet someone like minded??

lol, actually, Anon35, you're not alone in this. This site alone is full of people looking to start over. You can meet people everywhere. You can try doing some sort of night course or something, where you'll meet people, or take up a social hobbie of some sort. Get yourself out of the house and into groups of people. Just don't worry about consequences or looking foolish, as most of us do. Just go out and have fun doing what you want to do and you'll meet hundreds of ladies who'll be begging for your attention. The only real problem you have is deciding who the lucky lady will be

Heyes

jomanji wrote:

lol, actually, Anon35, you're not alone in this. This site alone is full of people looking to start over. You can meet people everywhere. You can try doing some sort of night course or something, where you'll meet people, or take up a social hobbie of some sort. Get yourself out of the house and into groups of people. Just don't worry about consequences or looking foolish, as most of us do. Just go out and have fun doing what you want to do and you'll meet hundreds of ladies who'll be begging for your attention. The only real problem you have is deciding who the lucky lady will be

Thats so true, although what jomanji says is easy to say, it is in fact a hard thing to do. think a lot of us need to just gather some strength and go out and do that. Most of would be much stronger individuals for doing so.

Baggly

easy in theory, but hard to do in practice.

at the end of the day, tho, i agree. you will have to put yourselves out there.

Black Swan

What do you like to do? Hike? Join a hiking group. Read? Join a reading club. Get the idea? Attend social groups, chat about mutual interests, and you just might meet someone.

DubNside

I fully agree that niteclubs are not the places to meet up with someone new, they are too noisy and over crowded. Most girls would have there defences up as they would expect to get hit on a number of times in a night.

Why not try internet dating? At least you get to know something about the other person through e-mails and pictures before you get to meet them in person.

Other than that company socials, introductions through friends are good too.

Don't think the boards are the place either, but maybe im wrong on that?

Heyes

To be honest there is not one particular place that you can say yes you will meet someone there, it could be a nighclub, pub, social night with friends you ve known years. shop, here, basically absolutaly anywhere. Its a case of not constantly looking for it, because as the saying goes it will happen when you least expect it, when you are relaxed and at ease and not scanning the room, you portray yourself better and suprising things tend to happen. So relax take your time and see what happens. Im sure it will be all positive.

Jes i should take my own advice :rolleyes: lol

jcoote

you can't plan stuff like that i don't think...from my experience the main thing is too stay positive and when talking to new people be upbeat and don't seem desperate. the most unattractive thing in the world is somebody who is negative and trying to hard...if people enjoy your company in work or in a socail surrounding or whatever its a big help.

Beruthiel

you lot should just go over to the Events Forum and organise a night out!

Marksie

The dating sites these days arent just about dating, there are events planned.

Having tried it as a complete foreigner to the country and not knowing anyone in dublin, i must say i was pleasently surprised as the members of the site often organised unofficial get togethers and the like.

MBF is the one i used.

Beruthiel is right by the way.. organise a night out in the events forum. Miss out the MBF middle man!