Have you ever wondered

PowerHouseDan

> >>Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake

> >>up every two hours?

> >>

> >>If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

> >>

> >>Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the

> >>batteries are flat?

> >>

> >>Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know

> >>there is not enough?

> >>

> >>Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion

> >>stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

> >>

> >>Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

> >>

> >>Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

> >>

> >>Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you

> >>throw a revolver at him?

> >>

> >>Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

> >>

> >>Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?

> >>

> >>What is the speed of darkness?

> >>

> >>If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be twice

> >>as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?

> >>

> >>If it's true that we are here to help others, what are the others

> >>doing here?

> >>

> >>Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem

> >>longer?

> >>

> >>How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would

> >>be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

> >>

> >>Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in

> >>binoculars to look at things on the ground?

> >>

> >>Did you ever stop and wonder......

> >>

> >>Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll

> >>squeeze these pink dangly things here, and drink whatever comes

> >>out?"

> >>

> >>Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there... I'm

> >>gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it's bum."

> >>

> >>Why do toasters always have a setting so high that could burn the

> >>toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

> >>

> >>Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

> >>

> >>Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but

> >>don't point to their bum when they ask where the bathroom is?

> >>

> >>Why does your Gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed if

> >>they are going to look up there anyway?

> >>

> >>Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're

> >>both dogs!

> >>

> >>If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

> >>

> >>If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from

> >>vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

> >>

> >>If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

> >>

> >>Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the

> >>same tune?

> >>

> >>Stop singing and read on . . . . . .. . . ..

> >>

> >>Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

> >>

> >>Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad

> >>at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out

> >>the window?

> >>

> >>Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive

> >>faster?

> >>

> >>

> >>

Oriel

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up every two hours?
Because babies sleep A LOT.

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
Because they're hardly going to ****ing make up a new name just for deaf people.

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?
Because the remote control is not working. A possible cause of this would be that there is no contact being made between the button and the circuit. Pressing harder may make this connection.

Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough?
To try to prevent you from being so careless or greedy the next time.

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
Do you ever say there are four billion stars in the sky? I certainly don't. And I can't remember the last time I touched wet paint.

Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?
Because they run out of the ones labelled "dirty"?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
Because he's a fictional character.

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?
Because he's too is a fictional character.

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
To minimise skelatol distress upon impact. When they decide to kill themselves in a last-ditch attempt to take out the enemy in a honourable death, they see little point in taking the helmet off.

Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?
Lisp's do not only affect the pronunciation of the letter 's'. People with a slip would probably not say the word "lisp" any more than a person without one.

What is the speed of darkness?
Darkness is a lack of light. The speed of light is 299,792,458 m/s.


If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?
It cannot be "twice" anything as there is no set reference point. The only valid reference point would be 0 degrees Calvin. In which case you must rephrase your statement.


If it's true that we are here to help others, what are the others doing here?
It's not true.


Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer?
While there may be health benefits from the happiness gained from being with a partner, and producing offpsring, there is, as yet, so soli proof that this prolongs life.


How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
When was wheeled luggage inverted? Anyway mass casual travel was only possible thanks to the aeroplane, so we're not even going that far back anyway. It's not exactly the ****ing wheel.


Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
They find the change in perspective amusing.

Did you ever stop and wonder......
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these pink dangly things here, and drink whatever comes
out?"

Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there... I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it's bum."
Possibly Billy Connolly.

Why do toasters always have a setting so high that could burn the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
This is not for toasting bread you silly fcuk.

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
The freezer is generally not opened often enough to make installing a light a feasible idea.

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their bum when they ask where the bathroom is?
Stop watching Billy Connolly.

Why does your Gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?
I don't have one, but I would assume it would be to let patient assume some proportion of dignity.


Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!
They are fictional characters written at different periods in animation history.

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
Testing.

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
A wide mixture of chemicals, some natural, some synthetic.

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
No.

Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
Because the tune is catchy and easy to be remembered by children.

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
Yes. It tastes the same. Illeterate people can still recognise letters anyway.

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
One is mainly made up of Carbon Dioxide and is travelling at a slow speed. The other is fresh air and a much higher speed. The latter is much more pleasureable for the dog.

Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?
It does not.

Oriel

Take The Arrows Out Of The Email Before You Paste It Please.

gerire

Sinecurea wrote:

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up every two hours?
Because babies sleep A LOT.

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
Because they're hardly going to........

I was in a bad humour after a fight with the missus, that post of replies cheered me up no end. Cheers mate

fun bus

priceless! absolutely priceless!

Nietzschean

sinecurea wrote:

<-- alot of crap -->

You really, really have way too much time on your hands.

dinjo

oh.... tough crowd !

unlucky dan, "another one bites the dust"

RobertFoster

Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

Baa Baa Black Sheep too

TerrorFirmer

sinecurea wrote:

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

One is mainly made up of Carbon Dioxide and is travelling at a slow speed. The other is fresh air and a much higher speed. The latter is much more pleasureable for the dog.

lol...

Oriel

gerire wrote:

I was in a bad humour after a fight with the missus, that post of replies cheered me up no end. Cheers mate

As long as it cheered one person up, then that makes the typing worth it.

Plug

Thought they were all brilliant;)

GLaDOS

> >>Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the

> >>batteries are flat?

Because it works

Some of them were funny though

Apparently Bernard Sadow came up with wheeled luggage in 1972...

"Did you ever wonder...
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll
squeeze these pink dangly things here, and drink whatever comes
out?" "
No, because people know mothers produce milk. It's not that difficult to cop on when you see calves nursing.

"Why do toasters always have a setting so high that could burn the
toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?"
To toast from frozen?

"Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad
at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out
the window?"
Did you ever notice that people are the same?

Kojak

PapaDon'tPreach

I was enjoying that original post - then I read on!

dry****es!

PowerHouseDan

Yeh some people just cant take a joke one person comes to mind, isent that right sinecurea

PapaDon'tPreach

PapaDon'tPreach wrote:

I was enjoying that original post - then I read on!

dry****es!

That post has been forwarded around email for at least the last 3 years. It's old, it's not smart, and little is funny.

Oriel

PowerHouseDan wrote:

Yeh some people just cant take a joke one person comes to mind, isent that right sinecurea

Oh I can take a joke the first 5 times perfectly fine

PowerHouseDan

Every joke has been around for years or has been seen its just the fact not EVERYONE has seen the jokes, just cause ye have seen it doesnt mean everyone else has.

r3nu4l

sinecurea wrote:

The only valid reference point would be 0 degrees Calvin. In which case you must rephrase your statement.

Seeing as how we're being pedantic and all, what the hell is a Calvin? It's not any unit of temperature I've ever heard of. Now a Kelvin on the otherhand is a unit of temperature.

When pissing on someones parade, always check first to make sure to get the facts right

That said, loved the responses

OP, not tidying up the text and taking out the forward arrows was more than a little lazy and with the tough crowd at the humour forum, always gaurantees a rant

themadchef

nice post dan, got a giggle out of it.

mang87

yeah most of them are easily answered. They don't really get you thinking much at all