Long Distance Relationships

LegacyUser

Hey. I was wondering if some people could just give me some advice. What Im about to say may sound like it has no structure at all, really because Im just saying it off the top of my head so try to follow (Im sure i'll mess up somewhere...)

Im 18 years old and from Kilkenny. Last March, while in France, I met a girl from Antrim who I really liked, and who had a genuine interest in me. We spoke a lot over there (we were both on school trips and staying in the same hotel) and struck up a great friendship. Now, I know we both had alterior motives but at the time, I was just glad that she noticed me. We exchanged numbers and email addresses at the airport back in dublin before splitting seperate ways. Im sure youll laugh when you hear that, in all my nervousness, what did I do? Kiss her goodbye? Hug her goodbye? No - I shook her hand lol. Anyway, I was over the moon, and the first thing I did when I got home was download MSN messenger so I could talk to her. We talked for months, and after I mentioned how much I was looking forward to Oxegen that year, she told me she had a ticket too!

So we were looking forward to it for ages, talking on MSN most nights. At Oxegen, we met up, and it was awkward at first but we spent the whole weekend together. We acted like a couple - I held her during the songs and we just stuck to each other the whole time, but we never kissed. Anyway, sayin goodbye on the Sunday night (she had to go, I wasnt going until the next morning) was grand until I cried myself to sleep in my tent that night because I thought I would never see her again. When I got home, I immediately went on ticketmaster and bought her a ticket for a concert I was going to in 2 weeks and asked her, and she said yes! We went to the concert, and I walked her home to her brothers flat afterwards. It was the perfect moment to kiss (we both know that now) but I just didnt have the balls to do it. I was afraid she'd say no and Id blow everything. So I hugged her, and left for home in our taxi.

The next day when I texted her I asked how it was and she said it was fine, but she had one regret and that she thought I shouldve kissed her. I said I wanted to, how I was scared etc. but we worked it all out and officially became a couple. We met up every now and then, but since last July, we've only had about 12 dates in total. Ive been to her debs which involved staying at her house for 5 days, and she's been down to my graduation recently and stayed for 6 days. After that, I realised even more how much I need to see her.

Well, I can cope with the long intervals - but only just. She, on the other hand, is the type of person who needs to be loved and needs someone with her the whole time. I love her to bits, and believe her when she says the same about me. The thing is, it pains me so much whenever she says 'I miss you' because I know how lonely she gets. She's been diagnosed with an illness recently and needs me more than ever, and while i'll be able to go up to her a lot more in the summer, what happens once I start college, and she starts the following year? Im willing to commit to more of this long distance relationship, but it kills me so much to think Im depriving her of a proper boyfriend. As great as we get on in person, it seems we have a relationship with each others telephones more than anything.... Saying goodbye every time we do meet gets harder with each date...What Im asking is, I can go on - but am I being fair to her? She'll tell me she doesnt mind, and on one hand I know she wants us to be together forever, but on the other hand I know she needs someone with her now. Any help would be much appreciated. Thanks.

LegacyUser

sure its gonna be hard, but im sure ya can make it work.

i presume you will be living in college, so she can come down every mid term and at holidays.

put in the effort for this year, has she thought about going to the same college as you next year?

anyway, best of luck with it

*marie*

I underdstand what you're saying because I'm in a long distance relationship too. But don't think that you're depriving her of anything, she has her own mind to and if she didn't want to be with you she wouldn't be. It's obvious you care about each other a lot, that must be worth staying together.

Having said that, you're both still young (no offence intended, you're the same age as I am!) and perhaps you shouldn't be thinking along the "forever" stages yet, especially if you will be going away to college which can put strain on any relationship.

I think all you can do is be there for her at this stage, as a boyfriend or a friend. I hope I haven't confused you more!

Sleepy

Two friends of mine got together in a similar enough fashion. They're together 8 years this summer which has included him living in the States for 18 months and she's about to move to Paris next week for a year or so and they've never lived in the same city for longer than a year. They've the strongest realationship of any of the couples I know so just before you get all the "long distance never works" posts, just thought I'd let you know that sometimes they do.

Keep going the way you're going. Think about it, which would hurt her more, you breaking up with her now when she needs you, or only getting to see you in person irregularly?

Could you maybe get a summer job in her home town and stay there for the summer?

Oriel

Why don't you apply to go to Uni in Belfast?

Peyton Manning

Well, as much as Id love to be in Belfast near her, I have to keep my own interests in mind and Queens isnt one of them. Still, thanks for all the advice, im sure if its meant to be itll work out.

Surrender

sinecurea wrote:

Why don't you apply to go to Uni in Belfast?

Whoa easy on there, I'm sure you like this girl loads but don't make hasty desicions its early days yet

Blub2k4

Sounds easy enough to me, I'm gettting married next year to an English woman I met on the internet.
We kept up an internet/flight relationship for about 2 years before she moved here.

If she says that she doesn't mind then why wreck your head second guessing her? Believe what she says and go with the flow.

Blub2k4

Archimedes wrote:

stuff.....

I dont think you meant to log in with your real account, did you?

takola

I honestly think that if she were unhappy then she would say so. I had a long distance relationship with my boyfriend before i moved to Limerick, and of course it was hard and we missed each other when we were apart! That's normal!

But you have to think of what it would be like if you didn't have each other at all??

Don't try to second guess her or read her mind. She's not a child. She can make her own decisions and it seems to me that she's happy to have you regardless of how little you two see each other. It's summer.. Enjoy it and see her as often as you can. Worry about what happens when it happens!

whippet

i managed to last nearly 4 years living in Dublin while the girlfriend was in london .. god bless Ryanair ... now she is my wife-to-be and things couldn't be better.

While she was away we really appriciated the time we had together .. and during the bad times now we always remind ourselves of the times when we couldn't be together !!

LegacyUser

I've been in 2 long distance relationships....each lasted around 2 years...I think if you only see the person at the weekend's its really tough...I'm not gonna go through that again...

edanto

Archimedes, just go to her. Some people say if it's meant to be rar rar rar... nah - opportunities don't walk past, they run.

It sounds like this girl is important enough for you - so why not think about heading up there for the summer at least? Stay in a hostel for a while, get a job somewhere easy. Might take a bit of convincing of the wrinklies, but you could have her down to yours a few times so that they get to know her first.

Go for it. It might not work out, but ya know what it might. I'm a couple years older than you and the few regrets that I have are things that I didn't do, not things I did. Best of luck.

funk-you

I met my girlfriend while she was staying in dublin for a year doing a course(she's from belfast). When that course finished she went to college in London and we've been doing the long distance thing for the guts of a year now.

It is a complete bitch having that kind of relationship but this tuesday i'm moving to London and moving in with her.

If you think she's worth it just stick it out, go with the flow and if you both come to a point where you are able to be with eachother everyday its worth it. Even if it never works out it's gonna be one hell of a ride finding out.

Long distance isn't the end of the world and can make you see eachother in a competely different light.

-Funk

Black Swan

Hi MeetByTheSpire (whomever you are)!
This sounds like love, so don't let a few miles ruin it. Do what it takes to keep it alive.

Oh, have you made a special trip to see her since she became ill?;)

Chakar

Good stuff, just try to be with her as much as you can.. like weekends or whatever.