How to let go?

LegacyUser

Right going unreged for this.

With the bf 2 years and 3 months. I know in my heart that he's not the one for me. I know it. But I just can't let him go. He feels the same too. I love him but we don't have much in comon and he's just not that much of a laugh but I think it's because we're so used to each other now. We have such a boring routine.

I'm afraid of being lonely, of not having someone there. Afraid that i'll never meet another fella again. Like in some ways he's great.. but he's more, I don't know, marriage material or something? He's only 2 years older than me, but I want to be out having a bit of craic and he doesn't..i'm 19, he's 22..going on 33. He's a decent chap like he hardly ever goes out or gets drunk, has saved up for a lovely car which he now has, always comes into see me everyday, gets up early every morning to help his dad with the farm before he goes to work (at 3pm)... but he just doesn't have a personality. He proposed to me a few months back, ring and all, I said no, that we're too young. It's kind of gone down hill since around that time. But I don't think that has anything to do with it.

We're just not complatible. Why can't we just finish it? We both feel the same. I'm just afraid of the unknown I suppose? Maybe he is too. I think if I had of met him in 6 years time then he'd be ideal. Right person, wrong time? Anyone been in this situation before? Any advice/comments are welcomed. I really feel upset about this.

Donegal Lass

i can understand how you feel!! i went through the same thing a few years ago. i know what you are saying about fearing the unknown, but in all honesty, you are only 19 and you have a complete lifetime of unknowns ahead of you, as do we all! the best thing you can do is make a clean break- it will be hard and at times you'l thinking that maybe you are better off with him but what kind of life are you going to lead if you know deep down you arent meant to be?

If you stay in this situation, you will wake up day in day out wondering what he is going to do to annoy you today.....in the end up you will drive each other mad, and what can be salvaged as some sort of friendship now, will turn into a slanging match everytime you both meet!

my advice? get out of this situation before you both get to the point of no return!

BoozyBabe

Been there done that twice.

Yes, it's hard. There's nothing really broken, like he treats you well & all, it's just he doesn't excite you any more, etc, but you're used to the company & don't like the thought of being on your own.

Yes, I've been there twice:- a 4yr relationship & a 5 yr relationship.
Both times, I didn't know how to break up, but knew I needed to. I kept putting it off. (actually put it off for nearly 2 years in both cases)

Then, when I'd done it, I realised, that wasn't so bad, I wish I'd saved myself the time & done it long ago.

You're very young. Of course you're gonna meet someone else, well put it this way:- you're not going to meet anyone else while you're with your bf.

Life's too short, when you know what you want (or what you don't want) you have to just go with it & do what's needed.

I'm now happier than I've ever been, with my soulmate (if you believe in such a thing), if I hadn't have ended my last relationship, I'd never have known such happiness, so just go for it.

Best of luck.

Don't be afraid of the unknown.

Wing Walker

If you're not happy then you're not happy. Nobody can blame you for the way you feel and you shouldn't beat yourself up for feeling that way.

You've just got to sit down with the chap and explain the situation to him. It mightn't be very nice for either of you but then again niether is living a "boring routine", especially at 19 and 22.

You're right, you need to be out there having the craic. It sounds as if your bf has a lot on his shoulders but that's not the immediate issue here. You need to have fun in life. You're just not happy or having fun. Who knows where you'll be in 6 years time.

Live for the moment not for what might, just might, happen in the future.

Best of luck with it.

Strokesfan

Same situation myself, it's like losing your best friend - we're really close but I'm not really in love with him, just broke up but I already feel better and more positive about the future. You sound like you really respect him but he's just not what you're looking for and you know it in your heart. It'l be hard for a couple of months but it will get better and it's the best thing for him too. You're 19 you will have absolutely no trouble meeting someone else in a few months if you want to be with someone. Don't wait, if you feel you'd like to be doing something else, go for it. We only get one life and it's short.

KdjaCL

sadgirl wrote:

We're just not complatible. Why can't we just finish it? We both feel the same. I'm just afraid of the unknown I suppose? Maybe he is too. I think if I had of met him in 6 years time then he'd be ideal. Right person, wrong time? Anyone been in this situation before? Any advice/comments are welcomed. I really feel upset about this.

Your together for X so obviously theres something, if you dump him and he is the one paddypower would offer odds of 1000-1 that you wont find anything like him in 6 years time.


Do what all the cool kids are doing and take a break, just ensure being with other people is ok, see how long you last without him, you only know what you have/want when its gone.

If you both feel that its over then the break will end it for both of you (amicably)if not well life happens or as its commonly known **** happens.


kdjac

Layla1981

i was going out with my boyfriend about 4 a bit years. we broke up around 2 months ago now i suppose. weekends are the hardest of course cos you are not as busy as midweek and the mind gets a rest to do a bit of thinking. we both knew we had fallen out of love with each other but still it is hard to let go. i still care greatly and am hurting from the loss of a friend now that is what is really at me. i want to hug him and for him to give me a squeeze but i do not desire him intimately. right now get to know yourself a single person again which is what i am doing

LegacyUser

Thanks for all the replies guys.. thing is we didn't go through with it. We're still together. I suppose I'm just waiting for something to happen so that the spark will be there again. I don't know really. A little confused. Anyway thanks for the comments..appreciate them and who knows, some day when I feel I'm strong enough to do it, I'll look back on this thread for support!

Marksie

i would say summon the courage soon. You both are young and have a lot of developing to do. I certainly am not the person i was when i was your age.

You are still friends and know that moving on is the best, but like all humans, getting into a routine is comforting.

For both your development you should take a break from eah other, there are oodles of opportunities there.
if you do continue on things will get worse.