The 40 year old sister from hell

LegacyUser

Yes she's 40 and visits every weekend.
Nag nag nag all the time.
Last week she was down for the entire week :mad:

She calls my friend bastards,reads all my post and generally f's and blinds me and taunts all weekend.

She's got some serious chip on her shoulder and it's no use talking to her.
I just ignore her.

Lately I just laugh and say oh terribly sorry for you but mind your own business.

Some of the things she says and does would make anyone give her a kick up the árse.
The only reason she comes home is to see our very ill mum.The illness is not the reason for her carry on though,she's been like this for as long as I know her.I think its some kind of social problem she has ie a complete lack of an ability to interact properly with anyone.

I must have the patience of joab.Last night she started with such a litany of vitriol,It got to me to the point that I wanted to hit her (I never would)

Have ye any solution for this witch? Despite it all she's my sister and I wouldnt wish her any bad luck and I would help her out if anything went wrong BUT she is an impossible cúnt to be anywhere near.

I'm the youngest in the family by the way and have owned and run (quite well I think) my Fathers business since he died a few years ago.I'm quite sure she resents this but like tough titty, she has her own job,house and is fairly well off.She's not married (surprise surprise)

Nevyn

Her beheaviour is clearly detrmenatl to you and to your mother and you should point this out to her and that she is a GUEST in the house and should be have as such, she does not pack her bag for her and tell her when she learns to behave like a civilsed person she can come visit for a few hours.

quickbeam

pestered wrote:

She's got some serious chip on her shoulder and it's no use talking to her.

Are you sure you can't talk to her? Maybe she doesn't realise how much her attitude bothers you.

Is she the same way around other people in your house - like your mum? If it's only with you that she acts like this, and you really can't talk to her about it, then ignoring her might not be such a bad idea. Just don't be there when she calls, or don't be in the same room.

But if her attitude is disturbing your mum too, then you really do need to make the effort and tell her off for it. Like Thaedydal says, tell her that she's a guest in the house and that she has to behave as such. Family members often forget that once they move out of the house the grew up in, they are only a guest when they return.

Best of luck with it anyhow - families eh! Who'd have 'em?

doctor evil

Do you still live at home, if you do perhaps she feels more threatenned since you r mam is ill.

jimmycrackcorm

Keep asking her why she isn'tmarried - is it because no one could live with her? she'll give up after a while. Just do it every time she annoys you.

ST*

It is time you really start standing up to your sister. Thaedydal said she is a guest in the house, and I'm inclined to agree with that. You have taken over your fathers business, and taken care of your mum in his absence. A lot of people however, feel that the family home will always be their home. That may cause some ructions between yourself and your sister.

She sounds quite set in her ways, and doesn't appreciate what you have had to do since your dad died. Being older than you, she thinks she has some sort of authority to do as she pleases. I think it is time to remind her that it is you that has to hold the fort when she isn't there. Also, put her back in her place regarding your post, friends etc. How would she feel if you walked into her home and started nosing through her post? called her friends all-out? I bet she'd put you back in your place very quickly.

When she over steps the mark again, be calm, but hold a firm tone with her and tell her you want her to stop. If she starts to go off on one, leave the room. I wouldn't entertain her hissy fits. She will only get away with her intrusive behaviour so long as you allow it.

netwhizkid

Serve her coffee with laxative in it a few times, give her several doses of the runs and she will soon get the idea. How annoying, also ask her is she a lesbian or maybe get a child to say something:- like lady are you weird

Dudess

pestered wrote:

She calls my friend bastards,reads all my post and generally f's and blinds me and taunts all weekend.
She's not married (surprise surprise)

The following is just speculation and I hope I'm not out of line with anything I say: It seems like your sister is bitter because she's still alone at 40 (not that there's anything wrong with that, but it must be difficult for her when most women her age are in a relationship/married). She also seems jealous of you because you have friends and you're younger than her - hence calling them 'bastards'. If that's the way she behaves, I presume she doesn't have many friends herself. She sounds terribly unhappy and clearly needs help. I bet that beneath her tough exterior is a very lonely, vulnerable person. Being 40 and single and with societal pressures as they are, she probably feels like it's all over, and she's taking it out on you. You need to tell her that if she feels bad about her life now, imagine how much worse it's going to get. She'll find it hard to let go of her bitterness but it is the only thing she can do.

Strokesfan

I wouldn't care if she's lonely and vulnerable deep down if she's going to act like that! Because of your mom and your situation I'd say you must feel like a captive audience! If you say anything she'l probably blow up and stomp off and cause a load of hassle? We have an aunt like that, has to have a different opinion to everyone else, says whatever she feels like cos if we stood up to her - she'd erupt. Does she come down to help look after your mom? If i was you, I'd glaze over every time she spoke and wander off while she was talking or glaze over and keep saying "sorry, I got distracted...what was that" and jus act totally not bothered. It might not make you feel any better but you might end up driving her demented.
I'm sorry you have to put up with this, it sounds like you have enough on your plate.

Pet

That whole "blood is thicker than water" thing is overrated.

If your sister is a bitch, tell her what you think of her. And don't entertain her ****. If she wasn't related to you, would you still be talking to her? I don't think so.

Chakar

Well if you say that all avenues have been exhausted then just cut her out of your life, no more visits and explain its because of her behavior.But its important you don't overreact or else she can have ammunition to use against you, oh like she won't take my calls once a week and that sort of thing.

dudara

@netwhizkid, useful posts only please. Please read the charter or face a banning

netwhizkid

dudara wrote:

@netwhizkid, useful posts only please. Please read the charter or face a banning

Sorry about that dudara,

As for the OP, perhaps your sister is going through some sort of mid-life crisis. Then again with your mother being ill it is sure to be affecting her big time. If you maybe have a frank talk with her asking her, what issues she has in her life right now and what it is troubling her, maybe break the ice by discussing whatever problems you may be having yourself too. It is a tricky situation which I would not like to be in, perhaps like a lot of things, time may be the healer.

foggy

Pestered,

i hope your mother has a will drawn up and it is easy to understand, if you and your sister cann't agree now then there will likely be further reprecussions when the time comes to divide the estate. Especially if you have run your fathers business since his death.

could it be that your sister is jealous of the fact that you still live at home, or the closeness that you have with your parents.
I think you said she is the eldest and you are the youngest in the family. do you have anyother siblings that could talk to her for you?

I think you need to sit down and talk to each other. Explain how it makes you feel and also how much you need her (especially with your mother being ill).
Try and find out what it is that motivates such anger in her.

best of luck

Beruthiel

pestered wrote:

She calls my friend bastards,reads all my post and generally f's and blinds me and taunts all weekend.

You probably don't want to hear this, but it's really time you stood up to her.
She's older than you, I'm betting she still see's you as that young teenager she knew and hasn't realised that you've grown up. It's time you made her see this is not the case.
Invading your privacy just isn't on. I often find that when people know their place and the lines that they shouldn't cross with you, they normally stick to it. Might I suggest you haven't shown her these lines yet.

She's got some serious chip on her shoulder and it's no use talking to her.

Perhaps it's all in the approach. Firm, calm telling off about how she has no right to treat you as she does, she is not your mother and it's time she treated you with some respect. She can either bite her tongue when she pops over or you are putting her on ignore ( )
As someone else said, she sounds bitter, it sounds like life has not turned out as she expected and you are the only one she can take it out on.
Tell her that in future she can kindly keep her opinions regarding your friends to herself, they are your friends not hers, you'll hang out with who ever you wish and that's just tough sh!t for her, hardly any of her business either way.

I'm quite sure she resents this but like tough titty

Did she resent it enough at the time to also get stuck in and help with the business or help take care of your mother on a weekly basis? I'm betting not.
All she needs is a good shag tbh

quad_red

This all seems too familiar.

Man, good luck. Just keep calm and remember it isn't you.

sachamama

im so sorry to hear all these stories. i have my own too, my mother. im not going to tell the stories though.

its time for you to look after yourself now. they get the attention and you get the heartache. if you cant do it by yourself, get help. get your parents on board to help.

confront her, all of you together. or if you cant do that, get the strength to confront her yourself by going to a counsellor perhaps and getting more self confidence.

believe this is not your fault. drinking out of the wrong coffee cup or not answering a text is not enough to justify their behaviour. and you are human and deserve to be treated with respect. dont forget that.

walk in beauty,
sachamama

LegacyUser

Thanks everybody.

I'm going to have a think and give a measured standard reply to her from now on.
I'll also have a think about policing the boundaries that she is not to cross.It's like talking to the wall though and theres only so far you can take it without upsetting my Mum.The rest of the family know what she's like but they dont have to bear the brunt when shes home.I own the house by the way and you'd wonder if she even realises or understands this,its me that keeps that homefire burning.I could as easily sell up everything and move on but I dont want to (for now anyway)
I'm calm patient and reasoned enough never to bother with ordering her out but I will start imposing rules for all the good that it will do and maybe get some cotton wool for the ears.

All she needs is a good shag tbh

Thats probably very very true...
Not under my roof though :eek: the poor bástard! (whoever he may be)

ste

It sounds to me like these people need some professional help. It's not normal to act that way. Can you get people like that committed?

FranchisePlayer

Personally I would Have It with her.It has gotten To the where she is invading your privacy.She also probably thinks you are trying to get everything for yourself because your mum Is ill.

Beruthiel

FranchisePlayer wrote:

She also probably thinks you are trying to get everything for yourself because your mum Is ill.

The OP deserves everything. He's taking care of his Ma 24/7 while she's off doing her thing and just popping over at the weekend.
Taking care of a parent like that is no easy thing and you have to give up a lot of your own time and freedom when you could be out enjoying your life footloose and fancy free.
It doesn't appear from what the OP has said that she offers on a regular basis, out of the goodness of her heart, to take on their mother so he can take a break (am I wrong OP?)

I'll also have a think about policing the boundaries that she is not to cross

That's a good start, if it's like talking to the wall, then perhaps repeating the rules till it seaps into her skull is not a bad idea.
Either way, she needs to see you standing up for yourself, that you've had enough of her crap and that there are now lines she should not cross. Honestly, this is what any parent teaches a child in order that they learn how to behave in life, otherwise that child will walk all over the parent.
It takes persistence and a firm hand.
good luck with it

FranchisePlayer

I am sure He does look after his ma well but the sister could just have out and out Jelousy

Dudess

ste wrote:

It sounds to me like these people need some professional help. It's not normal to act that way. Can you get people like that committed?

Yep, lump 'em all into a psychiatric hospital. That'll learn em! Maybe a frontal lobotomy or ECT would also sort them out. :rolleyes:

Yes, it does sound like these people have emotional and possibly psychological issues, but counselling would be the first step.