Clicked on the ex's Bebo page :'(

Saskia

I clicked on the ex's Bebo page out of curiosity and ended up reeading and seeing stuff that has deeply upset me. We broke up a year ago but I still love him and judging by the pictures on his page he is well and truly over me. Just when I was starting to come to terms with us been over I see stuff that has broke my heart all over again.

Im not sure what advice if any can be given here but I just needed to vent. No harsh replies please, Ive spent the last 2 nights wondering what life is all about really

Nevyn

Stalking your ex is never ever a good idea.
Time to take a deep breath and consentrate on the good things in your life or making good thing be in your life.

joebhoy1916

Yer finished for a year right!

Could be worse he could have pictures of you on his bebo! :rolleyes:

Time you move on and get yourself a nice guy!

WhiteWashMan

Saskia wrote:

I clicked on the ex's Bebo page out of curiosity and ended up reeading and seeing stuff that has deeply upset me. We broke up a year ago but I still love him and judging by the pictures on his page he is well and truly over me. Just when I was starting to come to terms with us been over I see stuff that has broke my heart all over again.

Im not sure what advice if any can be given here but I just needed to vent. No harsh replies please, Ive spent the last 2 nights wondering what life is all about really

what did you think youd find there?
a shrine dedicated to you, or something else?

why did you do it?

Saskia

WhiteWashMan wrote:

what did you think youd find there?
a shrine dedicated to you, or something else?

why did you do it?

Ever try and look away from a car crash? Morbid curiosity got the better of me and I wish to God I didnt look.

Dirk Gently

Saskia wrote:

Ever try and look away from a car crash? Morbid curiosity got the better of me and I wish to God I didnt look.

theres not looking away from a car crash and then theres going back to the scene of the crash a year later to remind yourself of what happened.

fuzzywiggle

Obviously she didn't expect to see herself plastered all over his Bebo but she probably just didn't expect to see what she did see either and is now a little shocked. If I was you I would have looked at it too, just for a bit of a nose..he's an ex, you were in love..nothing wrong with looking at it! My advice is to move on. It's been a year, you know? Maybe looking at it was the best thing you ever done. It might inspire you to get out there and meet someone else! Good luck!

LegacyUser

Really, everyone on bebo talks about how great their life is and how much craic they're having. I challenge you to find a page where someone is saying "i'm so depressed, i still can't get over my ex, i hate my life, etc."

That being said, get over him and find yourself a new man.

Talliesin

sound_advice wrote:

I challenge you to find a page where someone is saying "i'm so depressed, i still can't get over my ex, i hate my life, etc."

http://www.google.ie/search?q=site%3Awww.bebo.com+depressed

sound_advice wrote:

That being said, get over him and find yourself a new man.

Yep

Strokesfan

Saskia wrote:

I clicked on the ex's Bebo page out of curiosity and ended up reeading and seeing stuff that has deeply upset me. We broke up a year ago but I still love him and judging by the pictures on his page he is well and truly over me. Just when I was starting to come to terms with us been over I see stuff that has broke my heart all over again.
(

Saskia - they say how upset you are after a relationship ends is related to how long you saw the relationship lasting in your mind. So you probably adored this guy right? Did he break up with you? It doesn't really matter because you can't go back. I know there's a lot of regret when you really wanted something to last but had no control over it.
BEBO IS NOT REALITY - on dave fanning one night they were criticising it for being "too happy"... everybody wants to project the most bubbly, outgoing popular image they can on bebo, it's the nature of the thing. It doesn't reflect how he felt when you broke up. I know a couple of girls who deliberately took photos with some of the hottest guys they know just so they could put them on Bebo so all the nosy arses could see and interpret that how they want. Your ex probably did that too. I have a bebo page and only put my most flattering and sociable photos up. It doesn't mean his life is way better without you.
You need to forget, go out and enjoy yourself and when you least expect it someone will come up and say you're the most stunning girl they've ever seen and your ex will be a distant memory. Don't worry. He's not worth it!

chump

I don't think it's a bad thing that people project a happy image of themselves on Bebo. Better to put up pictures of a good night out/party, rather than a picture of the rash you got from doing the deed with Openlegs O Reilly.

I assume the deeply upsetting things relate to perhaps a girl he's seeing, or some bad words spoken about you, or a pisstake of you, or something - probably best if you let us know as there is a bit of a difference in being upset at seeing him with the new GF or seeing pictures of you and him defaced.

If it's just a new girl on the scene, no big, you'll get over it with time. :eek:

eskimo

Strokesfan wrote:

Saskia - they say how upset you are after a relationship ends is related to how long you saw the relationship lasting in your mind. So you probably adored this guy right? Did he break up with you? It doesn't really matter because you can't go back. I know there's a lot of regret when you really wanted something to last but had no control over it.
BEBO IS NOT REALITY - on dave fanning one night they were criticising it for being "too happy"... everybody wants to project the most bubbly, outgoing popular image they can on bebo, it's the nature of the thing. It doesn't reflect how he felt when you broke up. I know a couple of girls who deliberately took photos with some of the hottest guys they know just so they could put them on Bebo so all the nosy arses could see and interpret that how they want. Your ex probably did that too. I have a bebo page and only put my most flattering and sociable photos up. It doesn't mean his life is way better without you.
You need to forget, go out and enjoy yourself and when you least expect it someone will come up and say you're the most stunning girl they've ever seen and your ex will be a distant memory. Don't worry. He's not worth it!

Excellent advice, you're deadly

Saskia I know exactly what you're feeling and I feel your pain! There are gazillions of others who know what you're feeling and most of these bozos (never actually used that word before) who replied to your message here do too but are prob ashamed to say so and want to forget that part of their life but we've all done it!

In a nutshell my best advice is... time will heal, in the meantime allow yourself to feel the pain. There's no way around it so embrace the hurt and you can then move on. Good luck!

r3nu4l

Hi Saskia, ouch, not nice to see but I understand why you went there and why you are upset. It took me a long, long time to get over an ex of mine simply because I was so shocked at our split. We had been going out for three years at the time and knew some of the same people. Occasionally I would hear about her being at a party and being with a guy or simply hear that she was going to Florence for her holidays etc. and it really used to hurt me.

To be honest, it is very hard but I did find someone very special and over time my ex has completely faded away from my memory and I can't imagine being without my gf to whom I am now engaged.

It hurts and will do for a while but there really, really is a better life out there for you, you just have to look for it and find it. Sure, some days like "The day of the bebo page" will leave you sad but other days will be good. Enjoy your life.

r3nu4l

Hi Saskia, ouch, not nice to see but I understand why you went there and why you are upset. It took me a long, long time to get over an ex of mine simply because I was so shocked at our split. We had been going out for three years at the time and knew some of the same people. Occasionally I would hear about her being at a party and being with a guy or simply hear that she was going to Florence for her holidays etc. and it really used to hurt me.

To be honest, it is very hard but I did find someone very special and over time my ex has completely faded away from my memory and I can't imagine being without my gf to whom I am now engaged.

It hurts and will do for a while but there really, really is a better life out there for you, you just have to look for it and find it. Sure, some days like "The day of the bebo page" will leave you sad but other days will be good. Enjoy your life.

dudara

If he has a page on Bebo then he's got the mental age of a sprat and will therefore behave accordingly. It's a venue for people to project glorified versions of themselves, so my advice is to take it all with a really big pinch of salt.

koneko

It has been a year. Surely you realise that is a very long time. You need to get on with your life, you're only hurting yourself by moping around like this and wishing he wasn't over you. By the sounds of it he's moving on with his life, you should too.

chamlis

It's been almost a year since my split with my ex. I've not been with anyone significant since.

Like was said earlier, it seems to me now that the things that hurt the most were when I'd hear of what she was doing, or going away on holliday somewhere. I realise it wasn't because she was doing things with other people and getting on with her life, but becuase she wasn't doing things with me and I wasn't getting on with mine. I guess I kinda felt left behind, you know?
It's the realisation that they don't NEED you anymore, I think. It was for me anyway, but that's the gift of retrospect for you :rolleyes:

Regardless, it's been my experience that no matter how low or useless you feel, there is at least one person out there (usually many, many) who thinks the sun shines out of your a*se. You just need to get out there and find each other.
x

6th

He's moved on, i'm sure you will too - some people just take longer than others.

clown bag wrote:

theres not looking away from a car crash and then theres going back to the scene of the crash a year later to remind yourself of what happened.

Its not often a post in PI makes me laugh .... at least not for the right reasons!

Marksie

It DOES take time. One realtionship breakup took nearly two years for me to get over.

And i appreciate the "car crash" comment. It sometimes is very hard not to have alook to see if he.she is as unhappy or hurt as you.

BUT the thing remains a page like that is like a snapshot photo. Everyone smiles for those.

The thing is, there will come a time that you will not worry about seeing things like that. You certainly wont forget, but it wont matter anymore, you will have moved on, but it will happen in your own time

Strokesfan

chump wrote:

I don't think it's a bad thing that people project a happy image of themselves on Bebo. Better to put up pictures of a good night out/party, rather than a picture of the rash you got from doing the deed with Openlegs O Reilly.

Chump - I've no problem with Bebo, as I said I've my own page, I was jus saying she shouldn't feel left behind or upset by what she saw

Strokesfan

eskimo wrote:

Excellent advice, you're deadly

Thanks eskimo *big blush* love compliments hahaha:D

Sandie-B

Saskia,

Don't worry about it!!

I understand exactly that pang u felt in ur stomach, it's a normal reaction and it'll probably always be there you just have to learn to say 'ok, thank you for that aknowledgement stomach, now get lost, i've better things to do!!'

Everyone is right, Bebo only shows a tiny part of someones life.

No one writes about the other night when they sat at home and cried coz they really felt work or college was getting on top of them. No one writes a bolg entry about how they wonder if their ex took the break up as hard as they did.

Everyone writes about the good and the happy and the fun things they did!!

The reason is that no one wants to look like a whingy muppet coz they all want to have 6 million views and Mr. Depresso isn't gonna get that!!!

Your ex probably is enjoying his life but u were too!! Go and visit ur friends pages instead, fill out some of those stoooopid Bebo quizzes and forget about it.

Life's too short to go backwards!!!

smash

So why don't you create a bebo account full of photos of you having a good time and shagging lots of fellas or something, then send him the link....

Or you could just face it that it's over and life does go on so you could just ignore his bebo account and get laid and feel better......

quad_red

Talliesin's link led me to entering my exes name in bebo.

And there she is...

Weird feeling man. Went out for 4 years. Broken up now for 2 years (& no regrets about that). A pretty ****ty split as well.

And she has photos of places we visited! But (rather obviously) all are ones I ain't in.

And lots of pictures of her with some guy. And she looks really happy.

And in a way I can't really explain, I'm really glad for her.

Saskia, don't worry about it. Bebo looks to be fake as hell so don't assume that he never cared. He probably does still think about you sometimes. But it's time to move on...

You'll never forget him. But you'll forget feeling like this. Trust me.

panda100

Strokesfan wrote:

BEBO IS NOT REALITY - on dave fanning one night they were criticising it for being "too happy"... everybody wants to project the most bubbly, outgoing popular image they can on bebo, it's the nature of the thing. It doesn't reflect how he felt when you broke up. I know a couple of girls who deliberately took photos with some of the hottest guys they know just so they could put them on Bebo so all the nosy arses could see and interpret that how they want. Your ex probably did that too. I have a bebo page and only put my most flattering and sociable photos up. It doesn't mean his life is way better without you.
You need to forget, go out and enjoy yourself and when you least expect it someone will come up and say you're the most stunning girl they've ever seen and your ex will be a distant memory. Don't worry. He's not worth it!

Couldnt agree with this more!
His bebo page does not reflect his life at the mo.Its just a painful reconstruction of what he'd like his life to be.
Saying that I couldnt resist a peek my ex's bebo,and was bit upset too when I saw a mega gorge girl as his 'other half'. But you know what 'c'est la vie'. I have no doubt in my mind that you will find an even better other half as well:) .
From now on dont think about your ex and you have to resist the urge to pry into his life,even if it is just bebo.

Nalz

WhiteWashMan wrote:

what did you think youd find there?
a shrine dedicated to you, or something else?

why did you do it?

do ya know what WWM, your deadly. feckin brilliant. What a man! I would love to be like you. Legend.

to the OP, seeing your in this mood of "i can't go on" "life is bítch" etc...

1) my advice to you would be to get one really good friend of yours, tell him/her everything you feel, beit corny,embarressing,hurtful etc; cry if ya got to. Spend a few hours talkin everythin out with this friend and listen to what they tell you. ya need 1 or 2 of them to help ya snap out of it; not some powertrippin cyber hard man tellin ya to cop on with their great internet snappy comments and lingo

2) do your best to kill off any stupid ideas like contacting him again, or using his friends/relations to keep in touch with him or keepin him as a part of your life. Clean (squeeky clean) break is what ya need

3) Go out, meet new mates, join a club, go apeshít on a fe nights out, get a hobbie, concentrate on school/college/work....enjoy the time ya have

take it from me who made a complete muppet of himself over a girl he was with for nearly 4 years. hope that all helps.

quad_red wrote:

Weird feeling man. Went out for 4 years. Broken up now for 2 years (& no regrets about that). A pretty ****ty split as well.

join da club boss! ya see op, nearly everyone goes through somethin like this, some react great and others dont. up to you which one you wanna be

Valmont

dudara wrote:

If he has a page on Bebo then he's got the mental age of a sprat and will therefore behave accordingly. It's a venue for people to project glorified versions of themselves, so my advice is to take it all with a really big pinch of salt.

I have a sudden and uncontrollable urge to get rid of my bebo page.enlightening post.

Nalz

Valmont wrote:

I have a sudden and uncontrollable urge to get rid of my bebo page.enlightening post.

I had one for about 6 weeks... I soon got rid. Its a bit much for me, a novelty that wears off after a while. Wasnt into it to begin with. Too much work replying to messages and all that crap for the sake of replyin to messages. But people are different, and some see it as a light hearted laugh. wouldnt judge people cas there on it. alot of my mates (some really quiet, some good head on there shoulders) are on it - its not for me though!

Chinafoot

panda100 wrote:

His bebo page does not reflect his life at the mo.Its just a painful reconstruction of what he'd like his life to be.

wtf? Do you know him? If not, that's quite an assumption to make. "Oh you look happy on your bebo page....you must be desperately unhappy on the inside and merely projecting an image of what you want your life to be" Gimme a break :rolleyes:

It's been a year since they broke up. Maybe he has just managed to get on with his life. Maybe he's happy with whoever he is seeing now. Maybe he's just having a good time and enjoying his life instead of pining away for someone he hasn't been with for a year.

OP: Your ex has moved on. You need to do the same. I know that breakups suck. Went through a very messy one a few years ago and it does take time. I'd follow Trilla's advice. Spend some time with a really good friend and get it all out. Have a few glasses of wine, get some goodies and have a good ol' girly chat and tell your mate everything you're feeling.

It's never easy to see them after a break up. Even if you have moved on yourself, it can still knock you for six when you see them with someone else.
Just try and get on with things and you'll feel a lot beter.

Also, if it's a case that this guy slagged you off on his bebo page, then he's clearly a moron and not worth thinking about.

Best of luck.

eskimo

peachypants wrote:

wtf? Do you know him? If not, that's quite an assumption to make. "Oh you look happy on your bebo page....you must be desperately unhappy on the inside and merely projecting an image of what you want your life to be" Gimme a break :rolleyes:

But that's exactly what Bebo is... a chance for 12-25 year old Irish people to give off an image of a fantastic life filled with pubs and clubs and holidays... It's one of the most pretentious websites I've ever come across. It's basically a popularity contest, although Bebo users will flat out deny that - who has the most fun on a night out. It's like being back in secondary school! I couldn't give a **** what people I went to school with do on their nights out or while on holiday in San Diego, let alone complete strangers.

It's basically "Look at me! My life is lots of fun! Yayyyy". Bebo users have a need to let the whole world know they're having fun. Why? Who even asked?

Bebo is the answer to a question not a single person asked but Irish 12-25 y/o's are clearly DYING to answer.

And, Saskia, your ex is simply one of the people who got caught up in it. His Bebo page means fu.ck all.

CiaranC

Amen to that

Chinafoot

eskimo wrote:

But that's exactly what Bebo is... a chance for 12-25 year old Irish people to give off an image of a fantastic life filled with pubs and clubs and holidays... It's one of the most pretentious websites I've ever come across. It's basically a popularity contest, although Bebo users will flat out deny that - who has the most fun on a night out. It's like being back in secondary school! I couldn't give a **** what people I went to school with do on their nights out or while on holiday in San Diego, let alone complete strangers.

It's basically "Look at me! My life is lots of fun! Yayyyy". Bebo users have a need to let the whole world know they're having fun. Why? Who even asked?

Bebo is the answer to a question not a single person asked but Irish 12-25 y/o's are clearly DYING to answer.

And, Saskia, your ex is simply one of the people who got caught up in it. His Bebo page means fu.ck all.

Ah here, the girl is having a problem with her feelings for her ex. I think it's a bit extreme to assume that because he has a bebo page he must be unhappy. That's bull. Personally I set up a bebo account about 3 days ago in order to view an account that was being discussed in feedback. I don't participate in that kind of thing at all but I don't agree with such generalisations either.

The OP needs to move on and forget about him. Telling her stuff like he's only trying to make himself look happy is rubbish and could give her false hope. I agree that his bebo page does mean fúck all. The issue has more to do with the fact that he's moved on and she's having trouble accepting that. Or the issue could be that he said some really horible stuff about her on the site. I'm guessing it's the former as she would have probably said otherwise.

Bebo pages aside, the OP saw her ex looking happy with other people in photographs, and maybe saw some comments left by other girls. It's almost always upsetting to see your ex like that when you haven't moved on yourself.

She needs to try and move on.

chump

bebo booo hisss

I don't see the problem people have with bebo, it's a bit pathetic.
People on here may not realise it, but a lot of 'regular' people have friends. Bebo helps them stay in contact with each other, share fotos and share stories very easily. It's a social networking medium.

I don't have a page myself, because I'm too lazy to set one up and don't like the idea of strangers being able to know what/where/who I get up to or don't. But that's a personal choice. But I have looked at people's pages and tis mostly harmless fun.
Of course the kind of people who dismiss bebo remind me of years ago when mobile fones were first become fashionable and they swore they'd never own one - because it was becoming such a common cop out.

Chakar

chump wrote:

bebo booo hisss

I don't see the problem people have with bebo, it's a bit pathetic.
People on here may not realise it, but a lot of 'regular' people have friends. Bebo helps them stay in contact with each other, share fotos and share stories very easily. It's a social networking medium.

I don't have a page myself, because I'm too lazy to set one up and don't like the idea of strangers being able to know what/where/who I get up to or don't. But that's a personal choice. But I have looked at people's pages and tis mostly harmless fun.
Of course the kind of people who dismiss bebo remind me of years ago when mobile fones were first become fashionable and they swore they'd never own one - because it was becoming such a common cop out.

So true..

eskimo

I wasn't suggesting that her ex in particular is unhappy and trying to pretend otherwise. Not at all in ANY way is that what I was saying. My point was that she shouldn't allow herself be so affected by his Bebo page because it doesn't at all necessarily ring true to life and even if it does, it means fu.ck all.

I agree that Bebo has many positive aspects to it but the vast majority of people seem to use Bebo as a method of showing how happy they are. It's just so pretentious. It's basically a bandwagon that loads have jumped on while others have steered clear of. I'm not ashamed that I've steered clear of it, and I'm not proud either, I just have - it's not my thing and I've explained why. And in explaining why, I hope to help Saskia understand why Bebo isn't a representation of someone's life and can be extremely meaningless and false.

Who knew something called 'Bebo' could have such an impact on Irish youth?

Doomspell

chump wrote:

bebo booo hisss

I don't see the problem people have with bebo, it's a bit pathetic.
People on here may not realise it, but a lot of 'regular' people have friends. Bebo helps them stay in contact with each other, share fotos and share stories very easily. It's a social networking medium.

I don't have a page myself, because I'm too lazy to set one up and don't like the idea of strangers being able to know what/where/who I get up to or don't. But that's a personal choice. But I have looked at people's pages and tis mostly harmless fun.
Of course the kind of people who dismiss bebo remind me of years ago when mobile fones were first become fashionable and they swore they'd never own one - because it was becoming such a common cop out.

You are the first persont that I haven't seen slagging bebo *claps hands*

But as for your ex, I know it takes a long time to, 'get over', someone so all I'm saying is take your time. So what if he has supposedly gotten over you, that doesn't matter. Fair enough you veiwed his page, I would have too! But keep in mind that just because he said that he's gotten over you doesn't mean he has. Thats the same with, if he's had girlfriends since you, its rebound, so it probably doesn't mean anything.

SO what I'm saying is go out with your friends and just try to forget about him, but take your time, theres no rush:D

LegacyUser

#Elites wrote:

its been a year, get over him! just because hes been with a few girls, doesnt mean you have to gety upset!!

I know but it can be really hard to get over someone youve been in love with. Me and my girlfiend broke up a few months ago and Im still in bits over it.
Everyone can say move on and get another girl etc. But what if she is the girl u want. The one who you had plans to spend the rest of your life with, and she with you!
It can be hard to moce on, do it at your own pace. I know what its like to try and grasp every little thing that reminds u of him/her. But Im finding its not a god idea. It hurts u more in the long run.

panda100

peachypants wrote:

wtf? Do you know him? If not, that's quite an assumption to make. "Oh you look happy on your bebo page....you must be desperately unhappy on the inside and merely projecting an image of what you want your life to be" Gimme a break :rolleyes:


.

I was trying to make the op feel a bit better about herself.I wasnt saying that her boyfriend was unhappy just that bebo wasnt a reflection of true life.It wasnt just me who said this peach,almost everyone else on the thread said it too so you didnt have to single out me for the 'wtf are u talking about treatment'. We are all entitled to our opinions!

Op as I said before just dont bother looking at his bebo page from now on and try not to think about him.Fill your day with other fun things with friends and you'll be back on track in know time

LegacyUser

hey im really sorry for you. sometimes ppl hide what they feel but i know its not what you want to hear but its been a year and whatever happened between you its time to find someone else.
i looked at my ex of 3 weeks myspace page just last night and he said he was fine and well on truely over me to my face but i saw on the myspace general interests profile he listed "dealing with heartbreak" as a interest. im not sure whats he's feeling now.
a year is a long time and no one likes to dwell on the past. i know i felt happy when my current ex said he had a new crush, it made me happy that he was happy. now i feel bad because the new girl wants nothing to do with him and its hurting him. when you really care about someone you just want them to be happy. granted i have a new love interest and that certainly makes the blows softer but you deserve to move on and be happy! trust me
lifes short and you wont want to realise 20 years from now you wasted over a year of your life on this guy, no matter how much he mattered to you.

im guessing by the fact the bebo page came as a surprise you both are no longer in contact. maybe you look at him with rose tinted glasses now? remind yourself why you broke up. step away from bebo and go out and meet a new guy!

panda100

chump wrote:

bebo booo hisss

I don't see the problem people have with bebo, it's a bit pathetic.
People on here may not realise it, but a lot of 'regular' people have friends. Bebo helps them stay in contact with each other, share fotos and share stories very easily. It's a social networking medium.

I don't have a page myself, because I'm too lazy to set one up and don't like the idea of strangers being able to know what/where/who I get up to or don't. But that's a personal choice. But I have looked at people's pages and tis mostly harmless fun.
Of course the kind of people who dismiss bebo remind me of years ago when mobile fones were first become fashionable and they swore they'd never own one - because it was becoming such a common cop out.

I totally agree with this and use my bebo page to stay in touch with a lot of my mates. But looking through all my mates bebo pages they only put up pics of them looking great,having a fun time.Which is only natural really,who is going to put a picture up for everyone to see of them looking dog rough in a really bad mood!
Maybe her ex has snogged loads of gorgeous girls since they broke up and is having the time of his life.I dont know but saying this really doesnt help the op and because its bebo is far from likely.He probably just choose a few pics that would impress his mates.

Placebo

ah u shouldnt have dumped him then