Advice please on a sensitive subject

LegacyUser

I am a 20 something male having recently finished college. The nature of advice I am seeking has to do with my lack of experience with the opposite sex. I have never had sex and have only ever kissed a girl once. Up until I finished secondary school I never really saw it as a problem and to be honest I wasn't expecting much to be different in college when I started, except that things might change. Yet here I am and nothing has changed and I feel pretty lonely and inadequate about my situation. During secondary school years I never really cultivated a going out, disco, popscene kind of personality in brief I am a nerd or to be kinder to myself not interested in what the crowd is doing (because it usaually means alcohol and I don't drink) So I think I never really learned the ways of courtship or interaction with girls or young women. It is hard thing, I feel, to talk about and when I do, I get a standard response from everybody "Ah don't worry it will happen." Well I am worried and I have been a long time just waiting for IT to happen.
I feel so alone with this problem so all and any advice would be welcome on the situation.
Thank you.

LegacyUser

Was there myself not too long ago, I have a lot done but still far more to do, had a very similar belief in sec. school(sure theres plenty of time and all that), which looking back was stupid, being shy doesnt help either, but i have gotten alot more confident since leaving school. I am finished college for now, in the real world, and it doesnt allow for much time to socialise, although one should make time, Im thinking of going back in a couple of years time.

But anywho, the hardest part about meeting/talking to someone new, is the anticipation the first few second before you first speak/meet them, but then after that once you get talking its grand, be yourself if you want to be someone else become an actor. No seriously, if your meeting someone for the first time try not to think about it too much thats when doubts start raring their ugly heads, the longest journey starts with the shortest step, ............................................ a few cliches later, I know its hard but you have to bite the bullet, grasp the nettle, it may sting but only for a while.

LegacyUser

My boyfriend at the moment (and who i intend to be with forever i might add) he is 22 had his first kiss when he was 20 and his only relationship ever is me. We got together 6 months ago and his lack of experience doesn't effect our relationship in anyway, everything is perfect.

Just because you are a late starter doesn't mean it's going to effect anything in your relationships in the future.

I know it might seem like it's never going to happen but trust me it will, you will find someone and yous will just 'click'. I know it's okay for me to say don't stress about it cause it's not happening to me but just wanna point out it's not the end of the world either.

My boyfriend doesn't drink and never has either but it doesn't stop him going out with friends, you can go out to pubs/clubs socialising it's nobodys business what you drink or don't drink.

However I dont think pubs are the best places to meet people. Try looking around college ect. ask someone out for a meal, cinema whatever it's not the end of the world if they say no the more you try it the easier it will become.

Good luck!

tbh

LoneGunman wrote:

I am a 20 something male having recently finished college. The nature of advice I am seeking has to do with my lack of experience with the opposite sex. I have never had sex and have only ever kissed a girl once. Up until I finished secondary school I never really saw it as a problem and to be honest I wasn't expecting much to be different in college when I started, except that things might change. Yet here I am and nothing has changed and I feel pretty lonely and inadequate about my situation. During secondary school years I never really cultivated a going out, disco, popscene kind of personality in brief I am a nerd or to be kinder to myself not interested in what the crowd is doing (because it usaually means alcohol and I don't drink) So I think I never really learned the ways of courtship or interaction with girls or young women. It is hard thing, I feel, to talk about and when I do, I get a standard response from everybody "Ah don't worry it will happen." Well I am worried and I have been a long time just waiting for IT to happen.
I feel so alone with this problem so all and any advice would be welcome on the situation.
Thank you.

Standard Advice Follows. Socialising doesn't necessarily mean drinking. What are your interests? Could you join a club or something where you would meet women with similar interests?. It won't happen if you don't go looking for it.

tbh.

LegacyUser

I see where you are getting at it just feels like the things that I am interested in or the place I am at in my life kind of steer me away from lots of women. But then agian What exactly are women interested other than a night out drinking? What do they do when they are not posting on boards or dressing up to go out? I have 2 sisters and they seem interested in little else.

LegacyUser

I can understand your feeling that way. I think everybody feels that way at your age to some extent.

As to where to meet them?
Do you have any coffee shops? With live bands????? No alcohol there.
Or get a job as a waiter??? Dress nice and be charming. We love a guy with manners!

And now for the secret.... This will load you with ammo a lot of men do not know.... A woman will decide within the first ten minutes of a date if she'll sleep with you or not. Of course that could change throughout the evening, say she sees a booger on your nose or something, but 99% of the time if you're going to get lucky at the end of the night, she knows it right away and will give you signals throughout the night.

Other women may deny this fact, but if they search their souls, they will know it to be true!

Be yourself! Talk about your interests! Tell them about whitty things you've read here! Ask their favorite movie. Favorite places to go. Make them laugh. Get their interest. Do you cook? Have a dinner party! Have friends invite other friends!

Hope this helps!

Lust4Life

How about coffee shops?
Any live music at coffee shops????
Maybe take a job as a waiter? Gals love a well groomed guy with manners!
Maybe a public beach?????

Be charming. Talk about your interests. Make her laugh. Ask her favorite movie. Talk about funny posts you've seen on this site! Who's your favorite band? Been to a concert lately? What do you do for work? What does she do for work? And annoying customer stories?

Something else that will help is SMELL GOOD! Get a good cologne. If she likes it, she will REALLY like it! But don't drown yourself in it. Spray it in the air and walk into it. That is how it ought to be applied.

And now, I'll share a BIG secret... A woman usually decides at the beginning of the date which direction it will go. If you're going to get lucky at the end of the night, she knows it within the first ten minutes! (of course if she sees a booger on you half way through the evening or someting like that, all bets are off!!!) Other women may deny this, but if they search their souls, they would agree. We're not as complicated as men make us out to be.

Hope this helps!

Hugs,

L4L

Ruu_Old

I never touched a drop of alcohol in my secondary school days and still had great fun having a laugh with mates (most of them drinkers) when I went out to the clubs. What the other posters said, join a club or group sport maybe.

LegacyUser

LoneGunman wrote:

I am a 20 something male having recently finished college. The nature of advice I am seeking has to do with my lack of experience with the opposite sex. I have never had sex and have only ever kissed a girl once. Up until I finished secondary school I never really saw it as a problem and to be honest I wasn't expecting much to be different in college when I started, except that things might change. Yet here I am and nothing has changed and I feel pretty lonely and inadequate about my situation. During secondary school years I never really cultivated a going out, disco, popscene kind of personality in brief I am a nerd or to be kinder to myself not interested in what the crowd is doing (because it usaually means alcohol and I don't drink) So I think I never really learned the ways of courtship or interaction with girls or young women. It is hard thing, I feel, to talk about and when I do, I get a standard response from everybody "Ah don't worry it will happen." Well I am worried and I have been a long time just waiting for IT to happen.
I feel so alone with this problem so all and any advice would be welcome on the situation.
Thank you.

I still haven't finished secondary school and I'm having problems with this. I've been rejected too many times and I don't know why. It's frustrating especially when I see everyone around me is going out with someone. Can anyone give me any advice / pointers thanks.

claire h

lonegunman wrote:

I see where you are getting at it just feels like the things that I am interested in or the place I am at in my life kind of steer me away from lots of women. But then agian What exactly are women interested other than a night out drinking? What do they do when they are not posting on boards or dressing up to go out? I have 2 sisters and they seem interested in little else.

What are these interests? Unless your interests are limited to gay orgies, there is probably room for interaction with women somewhere. Even if many of your interests are solitary activities rather than group ones, you can still talk to other people about them, or start/join a group of interested persons.

May I also suggest being a little less inclined to group all women together? Generalisations are not your friend, especially when they're a tad judgemental.

LegacyUser

i was like that til 6 months ago. not even a kiss on the lips and i was only 3 months shy of my 19th birthday. then bang... met a nice guy and it clicked. we're broken up now but im hopfully about to start something with a new guy. this new guy was just a dude who sat across from me on the train. you can meet ppl without even trying.

A Primal Nut

SimilarSit wrote:

My boyfriend at the moment (and who i intend to be with forever i might add) he is 22 had his first kiss when he was 20 and his only relationship ever is me. We got together 6 months ago and his lack of experience doesn't effect our relationship in anyway, everything is perfect.

Just because you are a late starter doesn't mean it's going to effect anything in your relationships in the future.

I know it might seem like it's never going to happen but trust me it will, you will find someone and yous will just 'click'. I know it's okay for me to say don't stress about it cause it's not happening to me but just wanna point out it's not the end of the world either.

My boyfriend doesn't drink and never has either but it doesn't stop him going out with friends, you can go out to pubs/clubs socialising it's nobodys business what you drink or don't drink.

However I dont think pubs are the best places to meet people. Try looking around college ect. ask someone out for a meal, cinema whatever it's not the end of the world if they say no the more you try it the easier it will become.

Good luck!

How did you meet him, coz that might help the OP. Did he pluck up the courage to talk to you one nght.

LegacyUser

Yes I have no real concept boundaries or edicate when it comes making first contact.

tbh

lonegunman wrote:

Yes I have no real concept boundaries or edicate when it comes making first contact.

There's your problem right there. Don't put any significance on first meeting, or first contact. If you are in an environment (say a drama group, or hobby club), then don't look at it as an opportunity to meet girls. If you do, you'll give off subtle waves of desperation that women can pick up so easily! Look at it as you being in an environment where you are doing something you enjoy, with a load of other people who enjoy it as well. Don't worry about forcing the issue, people will talk to you (people are usually nice, esp. if it's something like a club, and they all remember what it's like to be new). You'll find you enjoy talking to some people more than others, and then, there you go! It's quite easy once you can calm down, relax, and don't try to force the situation. Think of it as "this is a chance to get to know new people" rather than "this is a chance to get to meet girls, so I can't **** it up". Life is funny, you could meet a guy there, get on great with him, and end up marrying his sister. But if you don't buy a ticket, you can't win the raffle.

chazzy06

tbh wrote:

Standard Advice Follows. Socialising doesn't necessarily mean drinking. What are your interests? Could you join a club or something where you would meet women with similar interests?. It won't happen if you don't go looking for it.

tbh.

i agree.. join as many clubs as you can that interest you.. therefore if you do meet a lady with similar interests, it will be easier for you to talk to her.

smilydude

I agree with everyone else on this, I think if you are true to yourself and follow your own interests then you will find a like-minded girl as yourself. Don't think you have to follow the rest of the lemmings who have to get plastered to get a girl, just be yourself.

Go for the clubs and socities that interest you or the sports, I found that everyone is in the same boat and love to share their interests with similiar minded people. This takes time though, there is no quick-fix.

Many of my friends don't drink, don't feel under pressure to conform, many ladies find the sight of a drunk lad at the end of the night a complete turn-off.

You will find someone if you are yourself, don't try being someone else!