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wont sleep in her bed.

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  • 25-06-2006 11:42am
    #1
    MonkeyTennis
    Registered Users Posts: 3,098 ✭✭✭


    hi all, wondering if you can help.

    I have a three week old baby girl who wont sleep anywhere but in my arms. Sounds quite cute but its starting to be a real problem. I am taking parental leave at the minute and am due to go back to work soon. She wont sleep in my wifes arms just mine. As soon as i put her down she wakes up again crying.

    is it body heat or smell?:confused:

    im typing this one handed by the way as shes on my lap


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    #2
    Ickle Magoo
    Closed Accounts Posts: 17,485 ✭✭✭✭Ickle Magoo


    Hi MonkeyTennis,

    My son was exactly the same with me & to my everlasting regret I would give in & end up holding him 24/7.....you have two options.....you can buy a sling/carrier ;) or you could try popping a hot water bottle in her cot/crib (use a worn t-shirt of yours as a matress cover), wait until she is nearly asleep, take out the hot water bottle & pop her in the cot/crib....she won't like it at first but she will get used to it if you persevere.....you have to untrain her to be reliant on being in your arms as everytime you give in & let her fall asleep in your arms you are reinforcing the message that your arms are her bed & you have to retrain her to sleep alone in her crib....let her cry for a minute before picking her up, she may even fall asleep within that minute....if she starts screaming then pick her up to settle her & then put her straight back in the crib, she will eventually get the message....you have to be firm & consistant, it's the only thing that worked for us...best of luck! :)


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    #3
    eiretamicha
    Closed Accounts Posts: 345 ✭✭eiretamicha


    Is your wife breastfeeding? If not, she may consider trying to induce lactation and begin breastfeeding--even if her milk supply has semi-dried up, it's not too late. This will give you guys a huge advantage to getting baby to sleep in Mama's arms. Also, will Mama be staying home with your baby once you go back to work?

    I think the best way to go about this is redirection to her mother's arms instead of redirection to a cot. It will take a little time, but would happen much quicker than trying to get your little 3-week old to sleep by herself in the cot.

    Firstly, I recommend getting a sling or wrap. :) You can do this without one, but it's much easier to cart your daughter everywhere when the weight is shifted away from your arms.

    Start holding your daughter in her wrap and take her wherever you go--let her get used to the wrap. Once she's falling asleep in the wrap, try to go to sleep with her--and with her mama as well. You and Mama may not be used to naps, but this part is crucial. With your baby in the sling, hold your baby's mother in your arms and the three of you sleep together. Have mama put an arm around baby for the duration of the sleep. Eventually, move baby between the both of you, and both of you hold her for the duration of the sleep. After she gets used to this, have Mama wear the sling--but you still put an arm over baby. Pretty soon, she should be able to fall asleep with just Mama!

    It takes some work, but you guys can do it! Good luck! :)


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    #4
    MonkeyTennis
    Registered Users Posts: 3,098 ✭✭✭MonkeyTennis


    thanks all. Some great advice there


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    #5
    embee
    Registered Users Posts: 2,890 ✭✭✭embee


    The reason she may be crying when you put her down is that, when you are holding her, she is cocooned to a certain extent and feels safe and secure. Then, when you're putting her down, she doesn't feel that as her cot/crib/moses basket probably feels like a big space to her.

    One way to combat this sensation of not being cocooned is to try swaddling, which is basically wrapping her snuggly in a blanket. If you google swaddling, you should get some great tips. Be warned though - not all babies like swaddling, and it may make her more upset, but its definitely worth a shot. Also, if you are swaddling her, make sure and keep her hands free so that she can suck on them if she so wishes - babies can placate themselves by sucking.


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    #6
    MonkeyTennis
    Registered Users Posts: 3,098 ✭✭✭MonkeyTennis


    thanks embee but she hates swaddling..we tried once and she went nuts :D


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    #7
    ST*
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,735 ✭✭✭ST*


    It is definitely a security thing, the closeness and her dads smell. It is something you are going to have to persevere on I'm afraid. After her feed she will start to feel dozy, so it is best to try put her down shortly afterwards. It is going to be very frustrating for a while, you and your wife are probably really tired from all the baby-related chores, but it is a habit that will not go away unless you are determined.

    Congrats to you and your wife btw. :)


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    #8
    Nevyn
    Closed Accounts Posts: 43,045 ✭✭✭✭Nevyn


    How about putting a shirt of t shirt in the cot/crib with her for the smell,
    taking all precautions needed.
    And congrats to you both.


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    #9
    luckat
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,366 ✭✭✭luckat


    What Ickle says - excellent points.

    If you want to train anyone to do anything, it's a good idea to connect a whole series of sensory cues. So if you can, wear the same garment - let's say a wine-coloured T-shirt - when you're snuggling her in your arms, and every now and again get up and walk up and down towards her crib. Play the same music. Have the same scent burning. Feed her a bottle.

    Then gradually introduce a little time in the crib - first just a gentle bounce down into it and back up to your arms - done in a sleepy way, not as a loud game - and make it a pleasant, happy thing.

    (At the moment, you may all be unconsciously tensing up when she goes near the crib, because she hated it before. You have to edit this out of all of you.)

    Then at some stage take the T-shirt off and put it in the crib, and put her down and wrap it round her - not tightly if she hates being swaddled, but just so she can smell it. Then pick her up again and coo at her and praise her quietly.

    Try to get her to a stage where she can lie there in the crib, wrapped in the T-shirt, but watching you from the crib.

    Then just lengthen out the time she's able to do this - making it pleasant and full of gentle praise all the time.

    Incidentally, there's very good software called Pzizz, brilliant for getting to sleep - http://www.pzizz.com

    The test version has a voice saying various sleepy and pleasant things, but if you pay for it, you can just have the sounds, which are incredible. If you listen in stereo, the sounds kind of rock from ear to ear, so your eyes rock slightly as if you're in in REM sleep. There's electronic sounds, music and the sounds of sea, flowing water, wind in trees, wind chimes, Tibetan chimes, a distantly ringing bell and birdsong. It works incredibly well for power naps and for getting to sleep.

    Edit: three weeks is a little young to start worrying about this. If she's still doing it when she's thirty, worry a bit.


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