Pick up lines

Capt'n Midnight

Are we related? Do you want to be?

Do you know how to use a whip?

Hey babe...can you suck a golf ball through 50 feet of garden hose?

Hi, I just wanted to give you the satisfaction of turning me down; go ahead say no.

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put you between F and CK

Like the look of your crotch.

That outfit must make a lot of noise in the dryer, huh.

What's a slut like you doing in a classy joint like this??

Would you like Gin and platonic or do you prefer Scotch and sofa?

Wow! Are you really as beautiful as you seem or do you remind me of myself?

You are just truly absolutely beautiful! Can you cook and clean also?

You know what I like about you? My arms.

You look just like my mother.

You look like a hooker I knew in Fresno.

You remind me of a girl I used to date.

You remind me of my dead ex-girlfriend.

You're 'No Parking' right? Just trying to guess your sign.

Are my undies showing? Answer: "No." You: "Would you like them to?

Do you like clocks? (Yes.) Put two hands and a face on this. (Point down)

Hey baby... you got any diseases? Want some?

Is your name daisy? Because I have a sudden urge to plant you right here!!!

Pardon me, do you mind if I push in your stool?

If belly buttons were a status symbol, then baby you would be God.

Is your name Brandy? Because your the best liqueur I have ever had.

Do you want a worm-do? (Whats a worm do?) It does this..(Move your finger like a worm~~~~~~)

I'd call this puppy love but I'm not into all those new positions.

Wow, your eyebrows are thick.

I'm feeling a little off today. Would you like to turn me on?

I lost my virginity. Can I have yours?

(if your name is Dan) Did you know my name backwards is "Nad"?

I'm not actually this tall. I'm sitting on my wallet.

Buy me a beer, will ya hon?

You look like my mommy. I like my mommy.

(go up to a table and whip it out) Charlie!! Anyone you recognize?

Someone vacuum my lap, I think you need a clean place to sit.

Excuse me, but do you have the temperature?

I want you to have my children (pause) GREAT! They are in the car outside..

Hi, do you speak English? (yes.) Oh, me too.

Can I impregnate you with my Demon spawn?

You are like a candy bar: weet and nuts.

If I had AIDS, would you have sex with me? (No.) Well, I don't, so let's go.

Your eyes remind me of diamonds, because diamonds are expensive, and so are eye replacements, and baby- you need eye replacements.

Excuse me, but does this smell like chloroform to you?

You look cold. Want to use me as a blanket?

Excuse me, but why is your moose drinking my cheese?

Do you come here often or wait till you get home?

Are you cold? (Yes) You want a jacket? (Sure) Well, not here, you can jack it when you get back to my room.

Hey sexy. I like shoelaces, bow-ties, and motorized wheelchairs. Wanna go back to my place and use all three?

Excuse me, but I think I left your sunglasses in your pocket. Mind if I check?

One day there was a bird. This was a magical bird that sang all day. It had many jolly frolicking happy prancing friends that sang songs of joy and happiness. Whenever they flew by the flowers they became happy too. Then everything died. Now doesn't that just turn you on?

Hi, I was just wondering? Do you wipe front-to-back or back-to-front?

I once knew a squirrel named Marvin. God your hot. Marvin is in Africa now.

Excuse me, are you well protected?

Hey baby, everything I'm going to do to you tonight I learned at SeaWorld.

You can’t be first, but you could be next.

I have a cat. She would really like to meet you.

Hey, Laura! (Big hug). I haven't seen you forEVER!! (huge kiss) Wow, you've really changed! (I'm not Laura) What? Oh my God, you even changed your name!

You, Me, and a midget makes three.

Just remember: To you, I am a virgin.

I've got a big nose, big hands, and really big feet. That's right, I'm a clown.

Wanna see a trick I learned in prison?

You know, its girls like you that make me wish I were a lesbian.

Be unique and different, say yes.

Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money?

I'm trying to determine after years of therapy and lots of testing, whether or not I'm allergic to sex.

Inheriting eighty million bucks doesn't mean much when you have a weak heart.

Do you have a boyfriend? No. Want one?(if yes: Want another one?)

Do you have a boyfriend? (Yes) Do you mess around? (No) Would you hold still while I do?

Gee, that's a nice set of legs, what time do they open?

Does your boyfriend know where you are?

(Approach a group of them) I'm gonna have sex with you, you, and you. Alright, who's first?

Hi, will you help me find my lost puppy? I think he went into this cheap motel room across the street.

As you walk by, turn around and say: Excuse me, did you just touch my ass? No. Damn!

I bet you $20 you're gonna turn me down.

So, do you like fat guys with no money?

Here is $11. Drink until I am really good looking, then come to talk to me.

You are so beautiful that I want to be reincarnated as your child so that I can breastfeed by you until I'm 20.

You must be Jamaican, because Jamaican me crazy.

Of course there's lots of fish in the sea, but you're the only one I'd love to catch and mount back at my place.

Excuse me, do you have your phone number, I seem to have lost mine.

You've made me so nervous that I've totally forgotten forgotten my standard pick-up line.

Do you think I could borrow that dress sometime?

You're so hot you melt the plastic in my underwear.

Are you from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see!

Baby, I'm no Fred Flintstone, but I can make your Bedrock!

Did you clean your pants with Windex? I can practically see myself in them.

Do you have a boyfriend? [No] Want one? [Yes] Well, when you want a MANfriend, come and talk to me.

Excuse me, but you have a beep on your nose. What? (Reach up and gently squeeze her nose) BEEP!

Excuse me, I'm a little short on cash, would you mind if we shared a cab home together?

Hey babe, wanna make an easy fifty bucks?

I am conducting a field test of how many woman have pierced nipples.

I'd marry your cat just to get in the family.

No, I'm not a cop. What can I get for fifty bucks?

Should I call you in the morning or nudge you?

So, you're a girl huh?

Stand back, I'm a doctor. You go get an ambulance, I'll loosen her clothes.

Want to come see my HARD DRIVE? I promise it isn't 3.5 inches and it ain't floppy.

You know how they say skin is the largest organ? Not in my case.

You make my software turn to hardware!

To a girl with braces, and if you have them as well: "Hey, wanna hook up sometime?"

Pardon me, have you seen my missing Nobel Prize around here anywhere?

My name isn't Elmo, but you can tickle me any time you want to

There's this movie I wanted to see and my mom said I couldn't go by myself.....

Weren't you at the tractor pull last night? I remember your tits.

Hi. I'm an astronaut, and my next mission is to explore Uranus.

I'm bigger and better than the Titanic..... only 200 woman went down on the Titanic

Tickle your pussy with a feather? (What?) I said, "Particularly nice weather."

I have a .357 magnum pointed at your kidney. Wanna go get some coffee?

Roses are red, violets are blue, I have warts, so will you.

Don't worry about the missing teeth. It just means that there is more room for your tongue.

Are you Natasha, my contact?

Hi, I have my own place... well, my own room... in my parents basement...

My name is Justin. Justincredible.

Are you free tonight or will it cost me?

Hi. You'll do.

I had a friend who used to hand out phone cards that said: "Smile if you want to sleep with me." And watch them try to hold back their laughter.

Miss, If you've lost your virginity, can I have the box it came in?

Nice dress. Can I talk you out of it?

Do you believe in the hereafter? Then you know what I'm here after.

(Hold up a screw) Wanna screw?

Excuse me miss... Do you have a cigarette? Actually, I don't want one, I just wanted to start a conversation with you.

I'm sterile.

Hi, my name is Laura. I don't have a gag reflex.

You're ugly but you intrigue me.

Hi, the voices in my head told me to come over and talk to you.

I'm drunk.

I've had quite a bit to drink, and you're beginning to look pretty good.

You have the face of a saint -- a Saint Bernard.

I'm sorry, but, have we met before? (No.) Oh, I'm sorry, I guess that it must have been your mom.

Will you be my derivative? I'll be the area under your curves.

You don't look too bad, I'm guessing you only got hit once in the face with that sack of nickels, right?

Your eyes are as blue as the water in my toilet bowl.

Chicks dig me. I wear colored underwear.

Come on, you can't get pregnant again.

Your place or my Mom's?

I... uh... ummm... I... uh... (slaps own forehead) Stupid! STOO-pid!

You're even prettier than my fantasy girlfriend.

Date, or date not -- there is no 'let's just friends be'.

Nice shoes. Wanna f*ck?

You know, I'm the one responsible for those crop circles ...

Zapp Brannigan

You must be Jamaican, because Jamaican me crazy.

Love it!

wyndham

Puke-up lines.

jobonar

such a long post for only a few good 1's...

Lust4Life

Some of those are VERY cute! May even work!

L4L

Zapp Brannigan

lol I used some of my fav ones when I was out last night. Though only on my girl mates who seemed to think they were funny. So at least ya get a laugh!

Attractive Nun

Pardon me, do you mind if I push in your stool?

TerrorFirmer

Attractive Nun wrote:

Haha, that was the best one. Was just posting to commend that one actually, but you beat me to it...

Reganio 2

The one I remember is "I am not feeling myself tonight can I feel you" or "I lost my teddy will you sleep with me instead".