Confused

LegacyUser

I was going out with this guy a 4 years ago ,madly in love but it all ended because he had to move for work and I didn't want a long distance relationship as I could never do that , anyway we stayed in contact the odd text/phonecall here and there.

Two months ago the texts started getting more frequent and more serious telling me he really missed me , couldn't get me out of his mind lately and that he had realised what a mistake he had made taking a job over what we had etc etc...

Anyway fast forward to 2 weeks ago when he rings me to tell me his girlfriend just had a baby, i didn't even know he had a girlfriend

What is going on in his head and why would he drag it all up after this length of time???

Miss Fluff

Unreggie wrote:

Two months ago the texts started getting more frequent and more serious telling me he really missed me , couldn't get me out of his mind lately and that he had realised what a mistake he had made taking a job over what we had etc etc... .........Anyway fast forward to 2 weeks ago when he rings me to tell me his girlfriend just had a baby, i didn't even know he had a girlfriend

He's essentially reminiscing about the good old days when he’s wasn’t really tied down. He's panicking because he's suddenly realised he's in pretty deep. Having a baby with someone is a huge commitment. The grass is always greener and all that. I wouldn't waste your time replying to be honest, sounds like a bit of a toad imo

Sleipnir

Your grass is greener at the moment basically.

spinandscribble

dont go near him. you seem to be not hung up on him and it really does seem a case of commitment fear regarding his new family.

WhiteWashMan

Unreggie wrote:

I was going out with this guy a 4 years ago ,madly in love but it all ended because he had to move for work and I didn't want a long distance relationship as I could never do that , anyway we stayed in contact the odd text/phonecall here and there.

Two months ago the texts started getting more frequent and more serious telling me he really missed me , couldn't get me out of his mind lately and that he had realised what a mistake he had made taking a job over what we had etc etc...

Anyway fast forward to 2 weeks ago when he rings me to tell me his girlfriend just had a baby, i didn't even know he had a girlfriend

What is going on in his head and why would he drag it all up after this length of time???

he is remembering the good times. it sounds liek he is either lonely or depressed, and you just happened to be the person he went out with for so long. you could be anyone to be honest.

i really hate this type of crap, becuase he is just using you to make himself feel better. i dont mean in a malicious type of way, its just the way of people.

plus the fact that you were in contact and he didnt tell you about his relationship, or even the fact his partner was pregnant. its all far too selfish.

blokes do this when they are keeping thier options open. tagging someone along until it comes to a situation where they have to make a choice. hell, ive done it myself.

what miss fluff says is spot on.

id tell him to go to his partner and prioritise his responsibilities. you are not one of them.
he is also doing your head in.

to be honest, id tell him to go away. you dont need that sort of crap form someone who hasnt been in your life for 4 years.

Nalz

WhiteWashMan wrote:

to be honest, id tell him to go away. you dont need that sort of crap form someone who hasnt been in your life for 4 years.

Trilla agrees with WWM....

Sleipnir

Your grass is greener at the moment basically.

Lust4Life

Shame on him!!!!!
You deserve better!
It would only get uglier if you let it drag on.
Post Natal Hormones and all, I would back off quickly. If The new mom catches wind of it, she'll be wild and ultra defensive!!!! She won't focus the anger on him, it would be on you because she doesn't want to lose him right now.

Run! Run like the wind!!!!

L4L

Marksie

Lust4Life wrote:

Shame on him!!!!!
You deserve better!
It would only get uglier if you let it drag on.
Post Natal Hormones and all, I would back off quickly. If The new mom catches wind of it, she'll be wild and ultra defensive!!!! She won't focus the anger on him, it would be on you because she doesn't want to lose him right now.

Run! Run like the wind!!!!

L4L

Absolutely correct. One big can of worms there. you dont need this

LegacyUser

I should also mention that he was my first love so I thought I would always have feelings for him but I can't believe what an a**hole he is to do something like that to me and to his g/f and son.

Zombrex

Unreggie wrote:

I should also mention that he was my first love so I thought I would always have feelings for him

Thats a bit of a myth to be honest. Most people's first love is more a romanticed version of what they think love is and should feel like (if that makes sense). It is perfectly natural that after you have grown up and matured a bit you might not have the same feelings you used to.

Unreggie wrote:

but I can't believe what an a**hole he is to do something like that to me and to his g/f and son.

Sounds like he isn't dealing with his situation well at all. I suppose having a child can freak some people out, but that still isn't an excuse.

I would stay well clear of him. What you had has been over for 4 years, that is a long time.

Wing Walker

No, you want to stay the hell away from this one. Agree with others here that he's now into a serious relationship and perhaps can't handle it.

You don't need this and I don't think his gf & baby do either.

LegacyUser

Wing Walker wrote:

No, you want to stay the hell away from this one. Agree with others here that he's now into a serious relationship and perhaps can't handle it.

You don't need this and I don't think his gf & baby do either.

I have no intention of going anywhere near him especially with a child involved , i just can't understand what kind of person would do that, if he is having doubts he should talk to her and not start dragging me into it.

Wing Walker

Guys (or a lot of them anyway) seem to panic when something like this happens. I've had personal experience of it. They need time to adjust to something like this and sometimes part of that adjustment involves moving away (and panic?) from the actual thing itself, like a relationship. Eventually we relax and gradually accept the change.

At the end of the day, we're still kids, just grown up ones! Maybe remind him that his gf and baby need him and that he should concentrate his efforts on them and not on much else?