Quick & Witty Comebacks / Putdowns

Hotblack Desiato

NeMiSiS wrote:

Pefect example I saw the other day was a a woman with a child hanging round her neck like a monkey and jumping all over the front seat of the car, no seatbelt no nothing.

Well then she should obey the law and put her child in a child seat. People that stupid shouldn't be breeding, or driving, anyway...

AMurphy

prospect wrote:

If someone has been driving up your ass, and you are stopped at the next set of lights:

Hop out of the car, open the boot, and gesture to them if they would like to get into it...

I know a lady here got more than irritated when the car behind started hooting, cause she did not take off on a green light. So she got out, walked back to your man, threw the keys at him and said, "OK, you drive over her".

He had failed to notice a little old doddery lady crossing the street was standing in front of her car at the time.

another guy I know, hooted at some pair of teenage girs driving a car, I don't know what they were doing wrong, if anything. In any event, their response, a pair of middle fingers. So he hooted again, same response from the ladies. So he did it again, same response.
So he started amusing himself.
Hoot, fingers, hoot, fingers on down the street.

When someone makes a stupid manouver, such as coming up on your outside,while you are waiting at the head of a turning lane, and then cutting in in front of you from the straight ahead lane.

"Do you have a name for that manouver?"

ds20prefecture

One day a young wan from de 'brack, complete with puffa jacket and Finglas facelift shouted at me as I reversed from a parking space - "Heyah, mistah - yer car is a bangah! Hehhehehehe!" I ignored her, but she repeated it louder. So I replied, Churchill-esque:
"I can change my car - what will you do about your face?"

Her mates all cracked up and the gobsmacked expression on her face was priceless. So unusual to have a rejoinder to hand but she gave me two chances, in fairness.

Victor

At a staggered junction, I adjusted my road postion (I was cycling) to be just on the double yellow lines of the road I was entering. I got honked at by the car behind me for "swerving in front of him". I caught up with him at traffic lights a minute alter, stuck my head in his window and said "BEEP!".

Attitude adjusted.

Diamondmaker

If a car ever dangerously pull out in front of me at a cross roads and ends up in a break slamming situation and we are both stopped in the middle of the junction, they in the yield end plannning on passing straight through I stare at them and make them jump through hoops to get where they are going. Just sit there and let them try loop around the fron t of me and making them all self conscious:D
or pulling away slow enough that a lot of the cars behind keep the chain going and they are left blocking the oncoming!;)

Steffano2002

All these stories remind me of a time I was leaving my sister's flat when she lived on Mountjoy Square. Was driving away but wasn't going very fast as both my sister and nephew were waving at me at the window so I was waving back with my arm through the sun roof. All of a sudden that knacker-mobile (= Nissan Micra for those of you outside Dublin/Ireland) rode up my ass and beeped at me! :eek:

My waving hand quickly lost four fingers and I actually slowed down even more to annoy the bollix. He then proceeded to pass me out with his knacker-mobile... Now he drove a Micra, nippy little car and all, but I had a 405 Mi16 with slightly more horse power ("and looks" you might add!). So I stepped on the throttle and just left him there, in the wrong lane, like the piece of sh!t that he was. W@nker...

My sister rang me a couple of minutes later to congratulate me on my great moves! Was chuffed with myself I was!

Diamondmaker

Steffanos story reminds me of my fave Motorway past time when its late.

I always cruise in the outside lane ........
( I know its wrong but I am generally the fastest driver at the time cos the rest are (a)pissed or (b) taxi drivers milking a long fare )

If a car is going faster than me I always pull in to let them pass then carry on my merry way........unless its a Knacker mobile.

They pull up to my bumper ( not in the sense of that classic tune;) ) and flash and beep. I therfore start to slow down to annoy the hell out of them.
The second they slip into the inside lane I wait for them to get level and tap the accelarator. Now my car has far more power than any of these sh*ts.
I just stay parallell to tease give em a wink and then tear off. I slow down again further up the road and said procedure continues.....One time in cork I knew there was a speed check ahead as I saw it on my way out of the town.
So I was playing my game on the main dualler on the way in until just before the check. I allowed them "cut loose" in rage to only get stopped by the coppers I knew were there. I slowed right down as I passed them on the side of the road and gave em a wink...they seemed to be smoking it up ibehind the tinted windows too.
Classic:D

Steffano2002

Good man yourself Diamondmaker! That's the only way we're going to win!

Hotblack Desiato

Diamondmaker wrote:

If a car is going faster than me I always pull in to let them pass then carry on my merry way........unless its a Knacker mobile.

Who are you to decide who is allowed to pass you?
Driving in the right hand lane of the motorway when not overtaking is breaking the law, hopefully a whole bunch of penalty points is coming your way soon.
You might think your little game is a bit of fun but it's other people's lives you're playing with. How would you feel if your actions pushed another driver 'over the edge' and a fatal crash resulted?

Now my car has far more power than any of these sh*ts.

How arrogant can you get...

prospect

Diamondmaker wrote:

Steffanos story reminds me of my fave Motorway past time when its late.

I always cruise in the outside lane ........
( I know its wrong but I am generally the fastest driver at the time cos the rest are (a)pissed or (b) taxi drivers milking a long fare )

If a car is going faster than me I always pull in to let them pass then carry on my merry way........unless its a Knacker mobile.

They pull up to my bumper ( not in the sense of that classic tune;) ) and flash and beep. I therfore start to slow down to annoy the hell out of them.
The second they slip into the inside lane I wait for them to get level and tap the accelarator. Now my car has far more power than any of these sh*ts.
I just stay parallell to tease give em a wink and then tear off. I slow down again further up the road and said procedure continues.....One time in cork I knew there was a speed check ahead as I saw it on my way out of the town.
So I was playing my game on the main dualler on the way in until just before the check. I allowed them "cut loose" in rage to only get stopped by the coppers I knew were there. I slowed right down as I passed them on the side of the road and gave em a wink...they seemed to be smoking it up ibehind the tinted windows too.
Classic:D

You sound so arrogant, and you willingly and knowingly break the law.
You are no better than the "Knacker mobile" mobiles you speak of.

Someday you'll get done, either by the Gardaí or someone who gets pushed too far, and I for one would applaude that person/Garda.

CPG

No thats not impressing me either....

delly

Diamondmaker wrote:

Steffanos story reminds me of my fave Motorway past time when its late.

I always cruise in the outside lane ........
( I know its wrong but I am generally the fastest driver at the time cos the rest are (a)pissed or (b) taxi drivers milking a long fare )

If a car is going faster than me I always pull in to let them pass then carry on my merry way........unless its a Knacker mobile.

They pull up to my bumper ( not in the sense of that classic tune;) ) and flash and beep. I therfore start to slow down to annoy the hell out of them.
The second they slip into the inside lane I wait for them to get level and tap the accelarator. Now my car has far more power than any of these sh*ts.
I just stay parallell to tease give em a wink and then tear off. I slow down again further up the road and said procedure continues.....One time in cork I knew there was a speed check ahead as I saw it on my way out of the town.
So I was playing my game on the main dualler on the way in until just before the check. I allowed them "cut loose" in rage to only get stopped by the coppers I knew were there. I slowed right down as I passed them on the side of the road and gave em a wink...they seemed to be smoking it up ibehind the tinted windows too.
Classic:D

Man, I stick to the left lane whenever possible, even if i'm back in for 30 seconds and back out again to make an overtaking move, and no, I'm not a slow driver. I'm rarely overtaken myself, but I don't care if its a Micra or an M5 coming up the rear (:o), i'll always give way if its faster.

Anan1

Steffano2002 wrote:

All these stories remind me of a time I was leaving my sister's flat when she lived on Mountjoy Square. Was driving away but wasn't going very fast as both my sister and nephew were waving at me at the window so I was waving back with my arm through the sun roof. All of a sudden that knacker-mobile (= Nissan Micra for those of you outside Dublin/Ireland) rode up my ass and beeped at me! :eek:

My waving hand quickly lost four fingers and I actually slowed down even more to annoy the bollix. He then proceeded to pass me out with his knacker-mobile... Now he drove a Micra, nippy little car and all, but I had a 405 Mi16 with slightly more horse power ("and looks" you might add!). So I stepped on the throttle and just left him there, in the wrong lane, like the piece of sh!t that he was. W@nker...

My sister rang me a couple of minutes later to congratulate me on my great moves! Was chuffed with myself I was!

You may be chuffed now, but you'll be embarrassed when you grow up.

Torak

Ken Shabby wrote:

I just pop the brakes with **** like that. If they bump me that's their loss.

adam

Its never worth it.. regardless of who is right or wrong there could be kids or passengers in the car.... its not their fault the driver is an ass. tbh.

just to be clear.. i always feel like doing it....

ianobrien

The best one that I heard was after a silly move by me, a female driver shouts "Is the fast car to compinsate for the small d*ck!"

It worked on me and I drove away an embarresed boy!

prospect

ianobrien wrote:

The best one that I heard was after a silly move by me, a female driver shouts "Is the fast car to compinsate for the small d*ck!"

It worked on me and I drove away an embarresed boy!

too which my reply would be:

"is the tiny engine to compinsate for your huge ar$e?"

alias no.9

Fozzie Bear wrote:

I did the Hibernian "ignition" course a few years ago and they told us that you should gently tap the brakes so that your brake lights come on (but you don't slow or suddenly stop) and they usually back off. It works normally for me.....

It's much more fun to use your windscreen washer, the some of the water will runoff, over the roof and land on their windscreen. When you do it a few times, repeating after they've cleared their windscreen, so that they know it's deliberate, they'll get the picture and the laugh you'll get seeing the look on thier face after you do it the third time will relax you and get rid of any feelings of rage.

Anan1

alias no.9 wrote:

It's much more fun to use your windscreen washer, the some of the water will runoff, over the roof and land on their windscreen. When you do it a few times, repeating after they've cleared their windscreen, so that they know it's deliberate, they'll get the picture and the laugh you'll get seeing the look on thier face after you do it the third time will relax you and get rid of any feelings of rage.

Entertaining as this sounds, it's also a pretty good way to distract you from the road ahead. I find a quick flash of the hazards almost always works.

vorbis

best one I remember, I was giving 5 friends a lift home from work one Friday evening. This in a Starlet! I pulled up to a roundabout and who should pull up alongside me but my landlord all alone in his shiny X5. He looks at me and makes a quip about being overcrowded. As he pulls off, a friend just says "Small dick". One of the best "had to be there" moments I can remember.

ninty9er

"obviously they don't have roundabouts where you come from"

"just because the plate says 06 doesn't mean you can't go faster than 6 kph"

Or here's one i would have used on myself at the weekend

"****in idiot. does he not know what a mirror is"
(sticky incident on the M7 involving me in my corsa an e-calss and the blind spot in the driver's wing mirror - needless to say it didn't happen again)

Steffano2002

Anan1 wrote:

You may be chuffed now, but you'll be embarrassed when you grow up.

Sorry to hear you drive a Micra mate...

Anan1

Steffano2002 wrote:

Sorry to hear you drive a Micra mate...

I'm not the one with the sister on Mountjoy Square.;)

Diamondmaker

prospect wrote:

You sound so arrogant, and you willingly and knowingly break the law.
You are no better than the "Knacker mobile" mobiles you speak of.

Someday you'll get done, either by the Gardaí or someone who gets pushed too far, and I for one would applaude that person/Garda.

I know I may be "technically" guilty of dangerous driving but if a cop was to see the incident I think the bumper riding, attempted overtaking on the inside lane tinted Micra is going to some how come off worse for ware!
Its not the law to pull over if a speeding car comes up your ass. It is illegal to pass on the inside though.

The Cork incident I descibed hopefully went some way to preventinmg those kides speeding and smoking dope further while driving.

Diamondmaker

Anan1 wrote:

I'm not the one with the sister on Mountjoy Square.;)

Eh so what? And I get accused of arrogance

prospect

Diamondmaker wrote:

Its not the law to pull over if a speeding car comes up your ass. It is illegal to pass on the inside though.

It is the law to drive in the left lane though.
You specifically stated that you "always cruise in the outside lane ........"

DBK

"you keep reading that paper and I'll make you front page news"......poxy free papers...:mad:

Diamondmaker

prospect wrote:

It is the law to drive in the left lane though.
You specifically stated that you "always cruise in the outside lane ........"

This must be

A.In the top ten least enforced laws of all time especially on a quiet road and

B.Does not apply if over taking, as discussed I referred to taxi drivers milking fares and drunk drivers "driving safe" during the hours I referred to. I am constantly overtaking at 120k and lane hopping would be less safe.
I do pull in as required bar the occasional instance as discussed.

blastman

AMurphy wrote:

I know a lady here got more than irritated when the car behind started hooting, cause she did not take off on a green light. So she got out, walked back to your man, threw the keys at him and said, "OK, you drive over her".

He had failed to notice a little old doddery lady crossing the street was standing in front of her car at the time.

Dave Allen told that story years ago...

joejoem

Garda to motorist nearing dusk

"So what would you have done if mist or fog came down suddenly"

Motorist

"Well I would have pulled over mister car, turned on Mr fog lights, and continued on home"

prospect

Diamondmaker wrote:

This must be

A.In the top ten least enforced laws of all time especially on a quiet road and

B.Does not apply if over taking, as discussed I referred to taxi drivers milking fares and drunk drivers "driving safe" during the hours I referred to. I am constantly overtaking at 120k and lane hopping would be less safe.
I do pull in as required bar the occasional instance as discussed.

You are digging a hole here for yourself.

Your original post paints a picture of an arrogant driver who ignores the law, and who seems to think you have some right to impede the progress of other drivers based on the type of car they drive.

You though you were cool or something and judging by the other responses here, the general consensus is that you are out of order.

So drop it, and for everyone’s sake, drive more responsibly.