Quick & Witty Comebacks / Putdowns

Anan1

Prospect - don't feed the troll.

prospect

Anan1 wrote:

Prospect - don't feed the troll.

You are probably right.
Sorry all for falling into that one....

Anan1

If anyone's bored then they could try figuring out how this simpleton became a moderator.

Steffano2002 wrote:

All these stories remind me of a time I was leaving my sister's flat when she lived on Mountjoy Square. Was driving away but wasn't going very fast as both my sister and nephew were waving at me at the window so I was waving back with my arm through the sun roof. All of a sudden that knacker-mobile (= Nissan Micra for those of you outside Dublin/Ireland) rode up my ass and beeped at me! :eek:

My waving hand quickly lost four fingers and I actually slowed down even more to annoy the bollix. He then proceeded to pass me out with his knacker-mobile... Now he drove a Micra, nippy little car and all, but I had a 405 Mi16 with slightly more horse power ("and looks" you might add!). So I stepped on the throttle and just left him there, in the wrong lane, like the piece of sh!t that he was. W@nker...

My sister rang me a couple of minutes later to congratulate me on my great moves! Was chuffed with myself I was!

Diamondmaker

There are more strictly regimed forums out there boys.
If you feel people are having a bit too much fun or express views that are not strictly within the bounds of the law you should go use them.


If you dont like the mods go use one of the aforementioned sites also or better still set up your own.


Chill guys maybe you dont think I am cool but my mom says I am.
Now go back to a bit of "ranting" or "letting off steam" as its all about.

cheers
Troll;)

dahamsta

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Diamondmaker

You going to ignore everybody who post topics you disagree with or you judge to be a "simpleton" or "troll". Not once did I offend any body with such or any words I was just replying to a topic.
I also, as is true, pointed out much more heavily moderated sites where perhaps you would feel more happy. Although they would bar people for name callng so that may not suit.
I shall not persue this topic any further and I will go back to the light hearted posting of the forum.

Lord Nikon

"What do you have, a fishing licence?" - me

ambro25

prospect wrote:

If someone has been driving up your ass, and you are stopped at the next set of lights:

Hop out of the car, open the boot, and gesture to them if they would like to get into it...

(never had the neck to do this, but someday, I'll be pushed that little bit too far)

Done that one a few times myself, I usually also lift items in there one at a time to show the driver behind, "Wheel of Fortune chick"-style, with a big 'Hollywood' smile. Never fails to get onlookers in stitches.

Another fave is blowing a kiss to a lady who'll let me out of a junction or similar situations - so not a "put down" as such, but it's nicer (cheekier?) that a "thank-you wave" and never fails to raise a smile back. We all need some cheering up and to lighten up behind the wheel.

As for 'put downs', "You waiting for a guilded invitation?" has been a long fave of mine (for appropriate situations), or the uber-traditional "Ya (optional:f*cking) W**ker / Tw*t / C**t" in the most knacker-like manner imaginable - especially if a 'this road is mine' Beemer/Merc is involved.

Generally though, I'm more likely to use manoeuvering tricks learned in a few advanced driving/evading courses over the years. All downto the situation, not one is ever the same

Graki_Khan

The funniest ones I've ever heard are from my mam who has normal english but talks like a sterotypical chinese person when she gets p*ssed off.

Most of the time, for people walking infront of the car, she says "Do you want to die?"

One day she was driving along and some young one who thinks that pushin a pram gives her right of way over the universe, suddely steps out onto the road infront of my mam. She slams on the breaks, but still says
"I bump you! And then you be dead!"

....classics

Fey!

A couple of Christmas' ago I got cut up by a taxi, which stopped dead 10 yards later, blocking the road, to drop off passengers, which took a few minutes. Then he moves off and pulls up half on the path around the next corner (outside CP in Galway), essentially blocking the road again, forcing cars up on the path opposite him to get around him. I pulled up abreast of him and let down my passenger window, and he let down his drivers windo.

Me: Where did you get your Christmas crackers this year?
Him: Dunnes. Why?
Me: Because I'd like a drivers license just like yours!

I drove off, but had to stop a few seconds later as some drunken revellers fell out onto the road in front of me. As I glanced in my mirror, I took great pleasure seeing 2 Gardai having a "chat" with him, with one of them writing in their little black book.....

Was amazed that a) I came up with a put down on the spot and b) that I had the cheek to use it!!!

Sauce

"You must be paying high road tax"

Whenever I meet somebody taking up more than half the road

kikel

joejoem wrote:

Garda to motorist nearing dusk

"So what would you have done if mist or fog came down suddenly"

Motorist

"Well I would have pulled over mister car, turned on Mr fog lights, and continued on home"

Excellent quote. came from a channel 4 series years ago about a group of people becoming rock stars. I laugh for days at it. very funnt

Steffano2002

Anan1 wrote:

If anyone's bored then they could try figuring out how this simpleton became a moderator.

My God... Another 6 year old... I was told about people such as yourself on this forum. I told a story about some crazy knacker driving dangerously up my ar$e. I put him back in his place and it felt good. Got a problem with that? And what does it have to do with me being the moderator for the Call of Duty forum? I feel sorry for you....

I don't even know why I'm actually lowering myself to your level and answering you there... :rolleyes:

Seth Brundle

Graki_Khan wrote:

One day she was driving along and some young one who thinks that pushin a pram gives her right of way over the universe, suddely steps out onto the road infront of my mam. She slams on the breaks, but still says
"I bump you! And then you be dead!"

I remember being on the #30 bus years ago turning left off Talbot St. to the Marlborough St terminus when a young one stuck her pram onto the road right in front of him.
He opened his window and said politely
"If you don't like the kid then use rat poison. Its not as messy!"

netwhizkid

Ken Shabby wrote:

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Legends: Absolute Legends, totally pwnd some crappy Micra owner, legendary. KnackerMobile, I nearly had a lollercaust when I read that. Switching lanes and getting boy racers caught for the speed limit, absolute perfection. I salute ye.

Nissan Micra drivers please don't take offense ye can always upgrade to the "stylish" :rolleyes: Obvio! 828 it has ties to Porsche and would guarantee exclusivity here. You'd totally pwn any Smart Car driver with one of these little beauties. If you wanna stick with the Micra remember at least ye are still a step above any Fiat Punto or Toyota Starlet.

I drive a BMW btw and as for Road Rage I have seen some really bad insults in my time, with one of the worst in Britain lat month while I was over picking up my Beemer. A man came up on the right hand lane while the car I was in had a space in front of it, the driver was leaving this space for a Mini Metro* driver across the road who was indicating in, anyway the driver of the SUV on the right says move up you cow (as he was in the wrong lane himself and wanted to cut in) He then procceded to curse my driver out of it and she responded saying you fat English c**t, go wa*k yourself and it was quite hilarious as he was kinda dumbfounded that a woman driver should give him lip back. Funny as f*ck and yer man was totally owned.

*Nissan micras also are slightly better than any Mini Metro*.

*Open to debate

Anan1

Steffano2002 wrote:

I told a story about some crazy knacker driving dangerously up my ar$e. I put him back in his place and it felt good. Got a problem with that?

Actually, you told a story about you blocking traffic while you waved goodbye out the sunroof. When another road user beeped at you, you slowed down, gave them the finger and then, when they tried to overtake you, you accelerated so as to leave them on the wrong side of the road. I'm going to explain this nice & simply for you, so read carefully. What you did was dangerous, illegal, and above all immature. For you to then refer to them as a "knacker" is quite simply laughable. Time for a look in the mirror, my friend.

Steffano2002

Anan1 wrote:

Actually, you told a story about you blocking traffic while you waved goodbye out the sunroof. When another road user beeped at you, you slowed down, gave them the finger and then, when they tried to overtake you, you accelerated so as to leave them on the wrong side of the road. I'm going to explain this nice & simply for you, so read carefully. What you did was dangerous, illegal, and above all immature. For you to then refer to them as a "knacker" is quite simply laughable. Time for a look in the mirror, my friend.

*yawn* Yeah whatever...

Anan1

Steffano2002 wrote:

*yawn* Yeah whatever...

Wow! Is this your most cogent & reasoned argument, or your quickest & wittiest comeback?

Steffano2002

Anan1 wrote:

Wow! Is this your most cogent & reasoned argument, or your quickest & wittiest comeback?

*yawn* Yeah whatever...

Anan1

Steffano2002 wrote:

*yawn* Yeah whatever...

Anan1 wrote:

Is this your most cogent & reasoned argument, or your quickest & wittiest comeback?

Steffano2002 wrote:

*yawn* Yeah whatever...

Both, by the looks of things.;)

Steffano2002

Anan1 wrote:

Both, by the looks of things.;)

*yawn* Yeah whatever...

Green_Martian

Anan1 wrote:

Both, by the looks of things.;)

Listen "Build a Bridge and get over it"................

Its not somebody elses fault that you drive a Micra..........that is prob suped up to bits and with an exhaust that is bigger than the actual car.........

P.S Get a life............

Anan1

Green_Martian wrote:

Listen "Build a Bridge and get over it"................

Its not somebody elses fault that you drive a Micra..........that is prob suped up to bits and with an exhaust that is bigger than the actual car.........

P.S Get a life............

Sorry kids, I'm having too much fun now! And I hate to disappoint you, but it's a Mercedes, not a Micra.;)

i71jskz5xu42pb

Steffano2002 wrote:

My waving hand quickly lost four fingers and I actually slowed down even more to annoy the bollix. He then proceeded to pass me out with his knacker-mobile... Now he drove a Micra, nippy little car and all, but I had a 405 Mi16 with slightly more horse power ("and looks" you might add!). So I stepped on the throttle and just left him there, in the wrong lane, like the piece of sh!t that he was

There was certainly one piece of sh1t on the road that evening ...... I'm just not sure it was the guy in the micra.

Cake Fiend

Diamondmaker wrote:

The Cork incident I descibed hopefully went some way to preventinmg those kides speeding and smoking dope further while driving.

What a beacon of goodwill you are. A fine example to the law-respecting people of Ireland.

Why don't you go around the streets of dublin where the kids in tracksuits hang around street corners getting up to no good and break their legs with a crowbar? It'll teach them not to loiter, and you'll feel like a big man too!

Diamondmaker

"Why don't you go around the streets of dublin where the kids in tracksuits hang around street corners getting up to no good and break their legs with a crowbar? It'll teach them not to loiter, and you'll feel like a big man too!"

Sico by name sicko by nature, that really would not be a nice thing to do now would it.
Why do people feel the need to hurl abuse at other posters. It is a forum for free speach and light hearted at that.
I dont stalk you around the forum and throw ridiculous analogies at you.

Anan1

Diamondmaker wrote:

Sico by name sicko by nature, that really would not be a nice thing to do now would it.
Why do people feel the need to hurl abuse at other posters. It is a forum for free speach and light hearted at that.
I dont stalk you around the forum and throw ridiculous analogies at you.

What a sensitive soul you are! Did you really think you could post this on a Motors forum and not be taken up on it?

Diamondmaker wrote:

Steffanos story reminds me of my fave Motorway past time when its late.

I always cruise in the outside lane ........
( I know its wrong but I am generally the fastest driver at the time cos the rest are (a)pissed or (b) taxi drivers milking a long fare )

If a car is going faster than me I always pull in to let them pass then carry on my merry way........unless its a Knacker mobile.

They pull up to my bumper ( not in the sense of that classic tune;) ) and flash and beep. I therfore start to slow down to annoy the hell out of them.
The second they slip into the inside lane I wait for them to get level and tap the accelarator. Now my car has far more power than any of these sh*ts.
I just stay parallell to tease give em a wink and then tear off. I slow down again further up the road and said procedure continues.....One time in cork I knew there was a speed check ahead as I saw it on my way out of the town.
So I was playing my game on the main dualler on the way in until just before the check. I allowed them "cut loose" in rage to only get stopped by the coppers I knew were there. I slowed right down as I passed them on the side of the road and gave em a wink...they seemed to be smoking it up ibehind the tinted windows too.
Classic:D

Steffano2002

Stop answering Diamondmaker...

As they say: "Never argue with idiots they drag you down to their level, and then beat you with experience"... :rolleyes:

Fey!

Steffano2002 wrote:

Stop answering Diamondmaker...

As they say: "Never argue with idiots they drag you down to their level, and then beat you with experience"... :rolleyes:

I thought that this was supposed to be a "quick and witty comebacks / putdowns" thread??? :rolleyes:

Laura Fitz06

hi all if someone is driving up your ass just use your left foot to slightly touch the brakes while keeping your right foot on the acc