Boyfriend Has Never.......

Nevyn

And for some afterplay turns into foreplay again.

Ickle Magoo

Exactly! See OP - that's what you are missing out on

EPO_MAN

That's Strange wrote:

He's seriously 26 & have NEVER masturbated.



What does he do for me????
He puts it in out in out & shakes it all about...... , na seriously, there's really only kissing, arse grabbing, clothes stripping & penetration, but right now it's the intimacy that I absolutely love, & through time the rest will come, I'm sure...

He's either lying or strange on the masturbation.

I would strongly advise you to "re-train" (sorry best word I can think of) quickly cos it maybe harder to get him to perform x,y,&z later....start as you mean to go on......

been there and it broke the relationship.....

Chucky the tree

i dunno how he hasnt done it. Very strange.


Sure i am masterbating right now..



but seriously, i would be alot more worried aobut him not willing to do anything sexual to you then his lack of masterbation. I would never go out with a girl who wasnt willing to give me a bj.

Chakar

Thats very unusual not mansturbating.

LegacyUser

Im not going to use my real alias because i know to many poeple on these boards, and quite frankly i could see people taking the p1ss out of me, or calling me a liar if i was to say this with my real handel.

Alot of what you said there hit a nerve with me as i can relate to his side of things and i can also see where you are coming from.

That's Strange wrote:

I've always had the impression that he was pretty new to the whole thing. He's not at all reluctant to get to the penetration side of things, but I get the feeling that he's been brought to to think sex is bad / dirty.

i wasnt really a late bloomer with girls, i just never wanted to go out and 'score' all the time. I had/have my pick of girls if i want, but i like being with someone because you get more out of sex. I was with my last gf for 3 years and we had sex a total of 10 times, not because of me, because of her. The first time we had sex, she freaked out (it was both our first), the next day we got the morning after pill, we waited a month, and the usual signs put us at ease. Every time we had sex it was the same ordeal, and tbh, it put the frights into me something awful. I know it sounds really stupid, but any sexual act that put me in the driver seat, really scared me from that point on. In my head, theres nothing (within reason) i wouldnt do with a girl, and when im with a girl, i do my best to make sure she has her fun before i do. My new GF thought i was new to it, and tbh, i was new to sex and performing for her. Every time we had sex at the start of our relationship, i would freak out, i couldnt get my head around it(we had fkn loads of it), so i was digging a hole for myself. Through our sexual relationship, she would always tell me to relax, theres nothing wrong and so on. I started to brave touching her... lets face it, not everyone likes the same stuff, and technique can only be given the thumbs up by the reciever.. in a womans case, 9/10 times it can be false. I think thats whats playing on his mind. Its not so much that hes a prude, its the fact that hes worried that he wont live up to expectations.

That's Strange wrote:

He's not a boob man, (nothing wrong with that, a lot of men are like that) so my boobs don't get a look in.
He's only ever had his hand down south twice, i think he thinks it's disgusting, & as for him performing oral on me:- that'll NEVER happen, ever.

im not a boob man either really, they make good pillows tho... never the less ill still play with em if its nice for her, but you have to ask him to do this stuff. Sex isnt telapathic, you have to ask and tell the other person what to do. As far as him only ever having his hand down there twice... take his hand and shove it down there, tell him you like him putting his hand there, its comfy. Tell him he doesnt have to do anything, jsut get him used to it being there and eventually boredom will make him move, to which you giggle, to which he knows hes on to something good. As for oral... that was my worst nightmare. 'ok i have about an inch and a half wide and 2 inches long... wheres that button again?'.. Tell him where to go, dispite how much sex you have, its still hard for any bloke to find it, so it may feel like a lost cause for him. I read up on it, and tbh, id like a girls input on this.. i do the alphabet around the spot, and it drives my gf insane... A B C D E etc..(joint writing) why not give him some pointers eh?

That's Strange wrote:

I gave him his first BJ a few months ago, which though he loved it, he wasn't sure if he 'liked' it, if you know what I mean.... Again, I think it's the disgusting aspect of it. He wouldn't kiss me after it, which I don't mind, I wouldn't be that eager with the situation reversed either.

He fkn loved it, he just wouldnt show it. Head > sex. I dont kiss my gf after, unless its a warmup for the big show. Give the chap more head.

That's Strange wrote:

But, the strangest thing of all that I just found out is this:- he has NEVER masturbated. He's 26 & he never has!! (The conversation came up & he told me, & he was 100% genuine)

im 22 and i've never had a ****. Its nothing judgemental, i just cant get turned on by my fist, or an image. I need physical contact to get aroused, and i need to be attracted to the girl to do anything. Im sure your fella is the same, so count yourself lucky - this means that he would be faithfull to you, but not only by choise.. he would need to be VERY comfortable with the girl for anything to happen. Another reason for me not sorting myself out, would be from school boy days when the term 'wanker' got thrown about. When i found out what that was, it scared me to actually become one. Its silly, i know, but thats just how it is with me.

That's Strange wrote:

Is that not just REALLY strange? What does he do with it? I mean, I thought fella's practically had to, & that it was actually beneficial healthwise (well atleast while not sexually active)

Nope, not strange at all, it makes sex 100x better too. Im in a long distance relationship, and i see my gf every 2 weeks. Granted sex lasts for a subtotal of about 5 seconds the first time, but after that its back to normal. Nothing to be ashamed of, infact anyone who says otherwise... well i can just call em a wanker or something haha!

That's Strange wrote:

Again, it must be down to how he was brought up or something:- that it's very wrong or something.

doubt it.

That's Strange wrote:

It doesn't really bother me, I'm crazy about him, more than happy for things to continue as they are, & hopefully long term I can encourage a little more 'play' time, but:- is he unique, or are there guys like him out there?

all i can say, is be understanding, dont scare him. Ease him into foreplay. Dry humping is also another good thing to do. dont let him have sex with you unless he makes the moves, takes off your cloths and so on. Touch him, and make yourself accessable too.

Theres not much more i can say on the subject except give him time, tell him what to do, and make sure he knows that anything that happens is ok and nothing to be scared/ashamed of.

LegacyUser

Regarding his not masturbating, and not wanting to touch you "down south" with his hands, I dated a guy like that. He needed therapy, and eventually got it, but yeah, he was kind of misguided.

I used to listen to Sue Johansen when she was on the radio, she had a sex advice radio show. From time to time there was the odd dude who, after a little discussion, admitted to never having masturbated. They never touched themselves; some thought that was a task for a girl to do FOR them, not something they did for themselves. Sue would discuss how dysfunctional the sex life of someone would be, someone who can't make do on their own without someone else's help. So yeah, he might need therapy.

With the non-masturbator I dated, he got therapy on his own, years later - I thought he was weird, but never wanted to pressure him into anything, so I put up with it, but I was still a virgin back then so I was happy enough to not have someone be demanding in bed. Turned out he had a porn addiction too; not sure how that really worked. I have never given a blowjob yet, so I have my own dysfunction too, I guess. Years of hearing guys say things like "I told him he could suck my dick!" kind of put me off it.

LegacyUser

DaveMcG wrote:

OP, is your bf particularly religious or anything?

No, I wouldn't say he's particularly religious.

When he hasn't been out late the night before, he would get himself up for 8.30 mass. I think it's out of respect or something like that more than devotions to the church.

I don't know how to describe him. His sis got pregnant outside of marriage:- he practically treats the child as his own. Anyone watching them would think he is the father.

For a while we couldn't even have sex on the sofa in his bedroom:- the child would be sitting / playing on the sofa & he'd be uncomfortable with that knowing what we were doing on it the night before......

Someone mentioned child abuse or something like that earlier. Nothing like that has ever happened to him.

I honestly am happy at the minute with what I get. (Maybe I'm very easily pleased???) He's the most wonderful man you could ever hope to meet. He's absolutely devoted to me, & will never ever do me wrong. So, he's not the most sexually experienced person I've ever known, but I believe that'll come with time.

It's up to me to teach him & guide him, but like Mark Sutton said:- we need to get away more often so we have the privacy & time for that, instead of a quickie upstairs.
We're going away on hols in a few weeks, so I should know better then how things are progressing.

LegacyUser

Thanks so much for your reply Superpants.

I do give him lots of encouragement everytime he does something right so he knows ok, she likes that (& he can jot that one down for the next time)

but like you said, right now I want to give him time to get used to me & what I think is his first regular-sex relationship, instead of putting pressure on him to do this for me, now do that..... (Scare the fella away from sex altogether)

Thanks for everyone's input

shellie11

As i have read all the posts,its brings close to home.when me and my boyfriend have sex it feels great but he literally lasts about 1 min, and then thats it,He has gone down on me but he hates the taste of it so id rather he not do it if he isnt enjoying it as much as i am.I've been with my boyfriend for 2 and half years and i havent climaxed during oral or intercourse since about a year and half ago.But i still love him to bits and love having sex for the amount of time it lasts.

smash

shellie11 wrote:

As i have read all the posts,its brings close to home.when me and my boyfriend have sex it feels great but he literally lasts about 1 min, and then thats it,He has gone down on me but he hates the taste of it so id rather he not do it if he isnt enjoying it as much as i am.I've been with my boyfriend for 2 and half years and i havent climaxed during oral or intercourse since about a year and half ago.But i still love him to bits and love having sex for the amount of time it lasts.

Sounds like it would be a bit frustrating to me

shellie11

steve06 wrote:

Sounds like it would be a bit frustrating to me

I love having sex with him, and i masturbate to amuse myself, so then everyone is happy

smash

shellie11 wrote:

I love having sex with him, and i masturbate to amuse myself, so then everyone is happy

Seems like all the chicks here are at it all the time!

oulu

All people are different some like it down there some do not. I remember I went out with a girl when I was about 20 many yrs ago. I remember when I would drop the hand and take down her panty,s this really beautiful smell would rise up and it was wonderful. She had a very strong smell down there so much that when I would touch her there with my hand the following days I would not wash my hands and I could still smell her.It really was a great smell.

Blisterman

Well, my ex was 26 and she'd never masturbated. When I asked her why not, she said she had better things to do with her time.

shellie11

Blisterman wrote:

Well, my ex was 26 and she'd never masturbated. When I asked her why not, she said she had better things to do with her time.

Once she tries it once, as they say once you pop you cant stop

shellie11

steve06 wrote:

Seems like all the chicks here are at it all the time!

All the guys are allowed and there's no problem,so why not the women

Santa Claus

That's Strange wrote:

No, I wouldn't say he's particularly religious.

When he hasn't been out late the night before, he would get himself up for 8.30 mass. I think it's out of respect or something like that more than devotions to the church.

For a young guy to get up for 8.30 mass....that sounds like "religious" to me.
So you can be sure there's some good old catholic guilt in his head about not playing with yourself and not enjoying sex too much!!

That's Strange wrote:

I don't know how to describe him. His sis got pregnant outside of marriage:- he practically treats the child as his own. Anyone watching them would think he is the father.

Maybe he's afraid you'll get pregnant (although I've haven't heard of any link between women who get oral being more likely to conceive so maybe you should mention this to him :rolleyes: )

smash

shellie11 wrote:

All the guys are allowed and there's no problem,so why not the women

I don't have a problem with it!

shellie11

steve06 wrote:

I don't have a problem with it!

Thats good then

LegacyUser

You see, I think one of the main reasons that I'm content is that I don't know what a good sex life is

I've only had a few sexual partners. The 1st had a problem with keeping it up so we rarely had actual penetrative sex. It was more a case of you scratch my back & I'll scratch yours:- He'd give me manual, I'd give him oral.
We wouldn't give me oral as he didn't like it at all.
I got really bored & actually resentful of this towards the end as he wouldn't get his erection problem looked at. In a relationship that lasted a number of years, we had penetrative sex twice.

The next sexual partner was better but still it was no great shakes. He did like giving me oral & said he liked it, but I was never that comfortable because of how my 1st partner felt. I thought this guy must be lying. After the initial 15 seconds or so, I'd enjoy it (when I realised he wasn't about to start gagging!!)
But still the sex life was very boring. He'd make me cum either manually or orally then we'd have penetrative sex or i'd give him oral. That was it, every time & positions rarely, if ever changed. It rarely lasted more than a minute

That's all I know. Now I'm with this bf & as I'm crazy about him I'm quite happy with our sex life, as my sex life hasn't exactly been red hot before this. It still doesn't last all that long, but whatever he does do feels amazing, he hits something the last fella never did.

I don't know what a normal sex life even is. I mean, what is a typical night of passion? (You don't need to be too graphic!!) What does the average person expect. I guess I've nothing really to compare it with, so I can't be disappointed with what I'm getting.

nitrogen

Santa Claus wrote:

For a young guy to get up for 8.30 mass....that sounds like "religious" to me.
So you can be sure there's some good old catholic guilt in his head about not playing with yourself and not enjoying sex too much!!

I totally agree. I have to say I'm very shocked at a guy not having wanked, but I tend to believe the OP. While reading this thread, I've tried to understand it and I can't. I honestly feel OP, that there is something your boyfriend is not telling you. I'm not assuming anything, maybe more religious than you think, abuse, traumatic incident as a child/teenager but there is something behind the mystery. Therapy is needed.

I can't quote my source but I once read that girls who never masterbate will have higher chances of a crap sex life. I assume the same applies to guys. If you can't statisfy yourself, how on earth do you expect someone else to know what you like and do it for you.

Marksie

That's Strange wrote:

I don't know what a normal sex life even is. I mean, what is a typical night of passion? (You don't need to be too graphic!!) What does the average person expect. I guess I've nothing really to compare it with, so I can't be disappointed with what I'm getting.

I wouldnt worry about what others nights of passion are. Its what you want/ need it to be thats important.

You have talked about all the bad things, lets concentrate on helping:

1) you have said he is touchy feely and very affectionate. THAT is good. Build that into your foreplay and allow it to develop into intimate touchy feely

2) Take time together, get out of the situation you are in and really take time. Share a bath, really just relax dont rush

3) Communicate: concentrate on how he makes you feel and tell him so. But tell him what you like and want. Do it gently and dont expect to leap from the current state to non-stop orgasms.

4) you could try guiding his hands or massage, get him used to intimate touching.

5) there are books aout there, and some are excellent and introduce them as a"giggle"

6) when he penetrates you..why dont you touch youreslf all over and on your favourite spots.. show him where you like to be touched. touch and tease him as well.

7) there is a strong bond there, build on it and develop it further.

8) Initially you will have to gently take the lead to help him overcome the issues you have raised. Hopefully by that time you will both be able to go further TOGETHER as you will both have gained mor awareness of each other and the possibilities

PeterJL

OP,

Mark has given some very thoughtful and constructive advice here.
It is definitely worth heeding although I know some of these may
be challenging in practice because they depend to an extent on
your partners cooperation .. but hopefully that will be forthcoming.

I can only say from my own experience.. I am male (39) and I've
been married for 10+yrs. My dear wife (who I love very much which
almost goes without saying) would appear to have some similar
issues to your BF. I can definitely identify with the avoiding of
going "deep south" as you alluded to. I've often wondered if there
is some kind of "sex is dirty" barrier going on in her mind. It is really
hard to get to the bottom of it and usually it is more pain to
try to figure what is going on and best to be constructive in the
things which are right for us.

Her parents definitely place a lot of store in Catholic morality
(I am not RC bashing here .. I am one myself!). They just would
have been active in some of the moral campaigns in the 70s/80s
and would have opposed the legalization of artificial contraception.
Even though my wife is more liberal than them there is still something
which was instilled in her I think and it has come to play havoc
now and again on our relationship. For example, she has never
touched me orally in any way in the southern regions. She is
extremely awkward to receive orally and has stopped me in the
past when I tried to do it as a treat (so as to speak). We once
were in her mothers house (married) and she opposed to making
love in her house along the lines of "not in my mothers house"
although I'd imagine there are some who are not so prudish who
might be inclined to feel the same way.

One of the things which frustrates me is that I still feel she doesn't
fully appreciate that there can be as much fulfillment for a partner
to provide pleasure to the other one as there can be to receive.
One thing which strikes a chord is a tendency for her to be
a little over focussed on the two of us climaxing (when we do
get around to it) as if the act is null and void if we don't both
come together. The other area which has frustrated me is that
I get the sense of a slight hygiene freakishness in that I almost
have to remind her to touch me in those more private places
and she seems grossed out by the act of male ejaculation and
semen in particular (sorry for being slightly graphic to explain this)

This isn't good. I end up somewhat feeling a sense of being
dirty/unworthy/undesired because of her slight discomfort with
dealing with the normal physicality of intimacy and sex.

These are just some of my thoughts/experiences. Mark is
definitely being the voice of reason here.

sweet_ass

Have you ever considered the fact, that maybe your boyfriend is gay. And that the only reason he's with a girl because he was brought up that being gay wasn't a good thing. Perhaps that's why he wasn't sure if he "liked" the BJ, but loved it at the same time. And why he never masturbated because whenever he thought about girls it just never made him horny.

I mean when you think about it, it really makes sense.

LegacyUser

shellie11 wrote:

Once she tries it once, as they say once you pop you cant stop

not true...ive done it loads of times but dont do it regularly its been months,i just dont fine my hands turn me on.

Sleepy

What I find amazing isn't that some people don't masturbate but that so many women in cosmo-era Ireland are prepared to go out with guys that are so clearly **** in bed...

LegacyUser

sweet_ass wrote:

I mean when you think about it, it really makes sense.

Erm, no it doesn't!!!!!

My BF if definitely not gay, I can easily bet my life on that.

I was really annoyed when I read you saying that, but I guess it is a fair point, as ye don't know my bf, so thanks for your input, but no, he's not gay

LegacyUser

Sleepy wrote:

What I find amazing isn't that some people don't masturbate but that so many women in cosmo-era Ireland are prepared to go out with guys that are so clearly **** in bed...

That's love I guess!!

I'd rather have everything that I have with him & a so so sex life for the rest of my life, than have mind blowing sex for the rest of my life with an idiot, or even just with someone I don't get on as well with.

My life with my bf is absolutely perfect, I don't think relationships get much better tbh.
Sex in a relationship is very important, but for me it's the intimacy of the act, skin on skin if you like, the love that is shared between us during the act. For me, it's not really about how many minutes I'm left panting after the act that makes it good.

& at the minute, I'm getting that on a regular basis, & we get closer & closer & the bond between us gets stronger every time we do.

Of course I'll admit that the sex could be better, & probably will get better, I mean, really, who's sex life couldn't improve somewhere??

We'll take things slowly & build on it bit by bit, I mean, we've the rest of our lives to get comfy with one another & improve.

Our sex life would never outweigh everything we have so much that I'd consider ending it.

LegacyUser

Are you not jumping the gun a bit there?

LegacyUser

cheesedude wrote:

Are you not jumping the gun a bit there?

What you mean?

Collie D

That's really strange, I'm male and I would have thought it was a physical necessity to let loose, I'm sure even the Pope must do it. I understand that he could have a low sex drive but it's the actual release that I'm curious about. I reckon that seeing as you think he has this issue about sex being dirty that he also believes that masturbation is too and is just afriad to admit to doing it. All guys do it, Christ, I even know one who couldn't lasdt a plane journey without having one, believe me it is not nice to have to share a room with someone who thinks **** is a sport.

LegacyUser

Hey all, Ive just read through all these posts and it has made me think!! Im going out with my b/f for a year and a half and we've been living together 8 months...We have talked openly (or so I thought) about masturbation before and he has told me that he hasn't done it since we starting living together!! Hmmm... seems like most guys cant go without doing this at some stage regardless of relationship status so Im having my doubts now. He said he did while he was at home or single or whatever but not now! We have sex most days so he says he doesnt need to, but there are times I have gone away or maybe was too tired etc and he said he still didn't!!! Do you think he's lying??? To be honest, I dont know what it is but it turns me on, and Ive told him this so I dont think he could be embarresed or anything!!!
He knows I do it so theres no problem with it..... He said he thinks 'guys grow out of it and women grow into it'.....
????

smash

MADEMETHINK wrote:

seems like most guys cant go without doing this at some stage regardless of relationship status

MADEMETHINK wrote:

He knows I do it so theres no problem with it.....

I'd say after this thread it looks like girls are at it more....

cance

no shame in it fella, up to 5 years ago they were lyin about it. now they can admit it!

Surrender

That's Strange wrote:

But, the strangest thing of all that I just found out is this:- he has NEVER masturbated. He's 26 & he never has!! (The conversation came up & he told me, & he was 100% genuine)

How....., Is he physically unable to do this, this amazes me.........

cance

Surrender wrote:

How....., Is he physically unable to do this, this amazes me.........

beats me...

ahahahah i made a funny

seriously tho, how? how did he survive puberty?

Nevyn

Unhelpful posting will get you banned from this forum.
Do take time to read the charter which contains the rules and abide by them.
Have a nice day.
Thaedydal

LegacyUser

But seriously do you think he's lying about not doing it now??? Im confused about this, as I said he has no reason to cover it up!!!

LegacyUser

Magic Pips wrote:

its true!!! 9 times? i didn't think women did it that often...

Yep dude, one thing I must tell you: women masturbate alot!!

Of course men **** it alot as well...almost as much as women do

shellie11

Unreg1981 wrote:

Yep dude, one thing I must tell you: women masturbate alot!!

Of course men **** it alot as well...almost as much as women do

Id say fellas do it more,they are way hornier. Well maybe im not sure.

And MADEMETHINK , it depends on his sexdrive as you said if he's getting it everyday from you then maybe he doesnt fell the need to orgasm more than once a day,unlike us women

Virginia Woof

"I don't know how to describe him. His sis got pregnant outside of marriage:- he practically treats the child as his own. Anyone watching them would think he is the father."

:eek: <snip> not useful

Virginia Woof Unhelpful posts will not be tolerated. Please read the charter. dudara.

LegacyUser

He he yea I suppose you're right Shellie!!!

That last post should be deleted!!!!!

LegacyUser

Virginia Woof wrote:

<snip>

<snip>. dudara does not like what was implied there, hence the deletions.

& to answer the question for the billionth time, no, he's NOT lying, he's 100% genuine, he does not & never has masturbated.

I believe him 100%. He had no reason to lie, in fact the way I was reacting would've made it easier for him to say that he did ****. (I didn't react in a bad way, I was just amazed / unshocked etc..)

PeterJL

shellie11 wrote:

Id say fellas do it more,they are way hornier. Well maybe im not sure.

And MADEMETHINK , it depends on his sexdrive as you said if he's getting it everyday from you then maybe he doesnt fell the need to orgasm more than once a day,unlike us women

Not sure if OP will find this perspective useful but...
I recall that when myself and my wife was more horny and had a sex drive which wasn't far behind my own that I rarely felt the need to masturbate.
Maybe if I was travelling and away from her for a week or so I might have.
When things changed and her sex drive/libido dipped I have found it much
harder to cope without the release,etc. One perspective I can give is that
when there isn't much sex/intimacy between myself and my partner I
struggle and I would be more likely to fantasize about doing the deed
with someone else. I'm pretty moral and smart enough ( I think) to
know that I'd avoid fulfilling that fantasy but masturbation works
for me then.

The point I am getting at is that while I feel secure and (sorry to
use this crude analogy but..) when I know where my next meal is
coming from (i.e when I know that sooner or later myself and
my partner will make love) I'm much less inclined to need to
privately pleasure myself. Some slight moral restraint probably
kicks in. I feel secure and I don't feel the need to be fantasizing
about other women, etc because my partner is fulfilling most
of my/our needs. From my perspective I'm not going to go off
for a **** and fantasising of my wife if I think there is a good
chance that by the weekend we might be intimate again.
It might happen but it is less likely to.

Also I remember seeing a scene in "pure mule" where one of
the brothers (the builder guy) was mb8ing while looking at
page 3. Personally I've always found the idea of sitting
in front of a 2 dimensional glossy photo and doing some amateur
arm/groin mechanics to be a bit seedy. I've probably done
something similar maybe once or twice in my 40 yrs on
the planet. Everyone to their own I suppose

Collie D

Collie D wrote:

'm sure even the Pope must do it.

lol

Civilian_Target

I can sort-of understand where this is coming from. I had never really masturbated at all until I met a girl who was superb with her hands
I would suggest, OP, that you do a wee bit of research and find out some hand techniques and pull him off on top of your own body - maybe he'll follow suit.

Not masturbating is much better from a woman's point of view during sex - the foreskin's a lot tighter so it's much harder to get to the point of release, hence longer sessions. But it's also a lot less pleasureable from the guy's perspective - things move a lot more fluidly if you take the time to lubricate yourself once in a while.

(Shouldn't this be moved to S&S?)