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Questions about Australia

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  • 04-07-2006 12:42pm
    #1
    forbairt
    Registered Users Posts: 3,594 ✭✭✭


    The questions below about Australia, are from potential visitors.
    They were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers
    are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously
    have a sense of humour.

    Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia?
    I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? (UK).
    A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around
    watching them die.
    Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
    A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
    Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the
    railroad tracks? (Sweden)
    A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.
    Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)
    A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.
    Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a
    list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)
    A: What did your last slave die of?
    Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA)
    A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe.
    Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which
    does not.. oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every tuesday
    night in Kings Cross. Come naked.
    Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
    A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here
    and well send the rest of the directions.
    Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)
    A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
    Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
    A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which
    is.. oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday
    night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
    Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK)
    A: You are a British politician, right?
    Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all
    year round? (Germany)
    A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers.
    Milk is illegal.
    Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense
    rattlesnake serum. (USA)
    A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from.
    All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled
    and make good pets.
    Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget
    its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)
    A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out
    of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them.
    You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before
    you go out walking.
    Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France)
    A: No, WE don't stink.
    Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth.
    Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)
    A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
    Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population
    is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
    A: Yes, gay nightclubs.
    Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)
    A: Only at Christmas.
    Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I
    dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? (USA)
    A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.
    Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
    A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.


Comments

  • Options
    #2
    GLaDOS
    Moderators, Regional East Moderators Posts: 23,224 Mod ✭✭✭✭GLaDOS


    Fuxing class :D

    Cake, and grief counseling, will be available at the conclusion of the test



  • Options
    #3
    tosh_thedude
    Registered Users Posts: 485 ✭✭tosh_thedude


    lol.... Very good!


  • Options
    #4
    jobonar
    Registered Users Posts: 1,305 ✭✭✭jobonar


    Brilliant! strangely enough its the american questions that are the stupidest! :confused: :eek:


  • Options
    #5
    projectmayhem
    Registered Users Posts: 9,480 ✭✭✭projectmayhem


    jobonar wrote:
    Brilliant! strangely enough its the american questions that are the stupidest! :confused: :eek:

    i wouldn't consider that strange at all :p


  • Options
    #6
    poggy
    Registered Users Posts: 264 ✭✭poggy


    error9 wrote:
    Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
    A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.


    exclent:D


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  • Options
    #7
    folan
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,630 ✭✭✭folan


    error9 wrote:
    Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
    A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which
    is.. oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday
    night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

    Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)
    A: Only at Christmas.

    Brilliant. Almost too good to be true but the questions are too stupid to be made up!


  • Options
    #8
    Ph3n0m
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,655 ✭✭✭Ph3n0m


    http://www.snopes.com/travel/foreign/olympics.asp


    yes I am a spoilsport :)


  • Options
    #9
    Plug
    Registered Users Posts: 9,248 ✭✭✭Plug


    Error9 you are a funny man;)


  • Options
    #10
    forbairt
    Registered Users Posts: 3,594 ✭✭✭forbairt


    Plug wrote:
    Error9 you are a funny man;)

    Email ... Repost ... didn't investigate the origins ... 4 / 5 jokes are made up :p
    Ph3n0m wrote:
    http://www.snopes.com/travel/foreign/olympics.asp


    yes I am a spoilsport :)

    :D still makes me laugh to read it :) ... nice link cheers


  • Options
    #11
    Capt'n Midnight
    Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 91,903 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight


    error9 wrote:
    Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense
    rattlesnake serum. (USA)
    A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from.
    All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled
    and make good pets.
    dead give away

    Just about everything in Oz is dangerous. Only place where they have poisonous mammals, most of the top ten deadly snakes / spiders live there too. And they have oodles of cane toads.


    All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled
    and make good pets.    :D


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