Sex Therapist for guys

LegacyUser

Hey

I was wondering has any guy ever been to a sex therapist? How do I describe this problem.... I'm sure its fairly common but i would like to get it sorted.

The root of my problem is in my head. You know all the pressure on Ronaldo in the world cup, you can imagine that in his head when he is about to kick a ball, someone goes "woogedie boogedie woogedie!" and he tumbles and what looked like a fantastic strike begins to dip and barely rolls into the keepers hands.

Enough with the analogy, I dont have any problems in meeting women or in gaining an erection, but when I go home with them the pressure starts to get to me as we leave the club. What was a masssive boner begins to retract like a turtles head until it dissapears. When I get back tot he house I get going to 70% but then when I go to put on a condom it happens again. "mother f@ck*r b*stard pr*ck" - he thinks in his head!

I know you can say - just dont think about it, relax, it will be fine. But that doesnt work for me, believe me. I believe my pressure and fear comes from a relationship that ended very very badly about four years ago. I think I need to speak to a professional, not to build up confidence, but to train my mind, and understand how to control my body a bit more, as well as come to terms with the humiliation of that relationship.

Also, what price to expect, because the shrinks I have looked into are €75 an hour, which, if I go once a week amounts to €300. That may give piece of mind, but I can afford that at the moment!

Anyway, thanks for the advice!

Sheltie

You may not be in need of sex therapy, per se, more general counselling/therapy. As you say yourself, it sounds as though it may stem from unresolved issues in a previous relationship. Yet while talking about your previous relationship in counselling can certainly be helpful, in my opinion it's more beneficial to focus on the current issue that you face and how you can overcome that. It does sound as though there's a bit of reverse psychology going on...the more you want something to happen, the more elusive it becomes. A very useful approach might be to find a general counsellor who can help you with general relaxation techniques...and I know some people find this poppycocks, but it does work....and help you to visualise your desired outcome ;-), in a safe, comfortable environment while linking that with an overall feeling of relaxation, so it becomes easy-peasy to recreate the same feeling in practice.

Yes, that appears to be the going rate for general counselling/therapy but if you do decide to pursue it, make sure you find someone who is accredited through either the NCII or IACP. You'll find them listed in the Golden Pages, but if you don't mind asking around generally about counselling, then word of mouth is usually the best for a recommendation. Also, I wouldn't forsee a need for you to spend ages in counselling, 4-6 visits maybe appropriate for you, maybe even less, and any good counsellor won't try to hang on to you for any longer than you feel is necessary.

Odysseus

Have you tried speaking to your GP, he may be able to make a referral to the HSE psychological services, but I don't know what the waiting list is like at the moment, but that would be free. As for paying for therapy there are places that offer a sliding scale service, sholud be in the golden pages.

The one I would say is try get a therapist who is aleast Masters level, though if you go to a sliding scale service this may not be possible. As regards the lenght of therapy, I would try not worry about that. Sometime what appears to be a simple problem [not making like of the impact this is having on you], can turn out to be quite a complex issue. Best of luck with it.

secret_squirrel

Goto the doctor it will be significantly cheaper than a shrink.

He will probably prescribe a short course of viagra to get you over the initial psychological problem.

Once you have sucessfully had sex a few times the problem will cure itself.

Canis Lupus

Drink prolly doesn't help either if you drinking when out and if you are scoring random birds it doesn't make it easy to relax with them either like someone you get to know over a period of time.

Marksie

Unregwinkydink wrote:

Hey

I know you can say - just dont think about it, relax, it will be fine. But that doesnt work for me, believe me. I believe my pressure and fear comes from a relationship that ended very very badly about four years ago. I think I need to speak to a professional, not to build up confidence, but to train my mind, and understand how to control my body a bit more, as well as come to terms with the humiliation of that relationship.

Also, what price to expect, because the shrinks I have looked into are €75 an hour, which, if I go once a week amounts to €300. That may give piece of mind, but I can afford that at the moment!

Anyway, thanks for the advice!

The difficuty tends to get stuck in a positive feedback loop where it contuines to reinforce itself.. i iam expecting that to happen so it will.

The doctor may prescribe you viagra, but cialis is better as it would generally last all weekend.
THe problem with cialis is that you take it 12 hours before hand... so you have to be pretty sure that you are going to have sex
Viagra you take one hour before hand. But both can be affected by drink

It may simply be that you are just not ready yet. Therapists can be expensive, but in the long run may be worth it, if it helps you out of the bad patch you are in. Sheltie has a good idea about general relaxation techniques.
Does anyone know if these "self help" books are any good

But, and perhaps someone can confirm this.. can't you claim this back on your Med1 for tax, or if your doctor refers you and you have VHI, is that covered?
It may help if money is a problem

Blisterman

It sounds like nerves. Try just realxing and spending some time pleasuring her, and perhaps when you get more relaxed, he'll stand to attention again.

Gateway

Blisterman wrote:

It sounds like nerves. Try just realxing and spending some time pleasuring her, and perhaps when you get more relaxed, he'll stand to attention again.

Yeah your best of telling her that you think the drink has effected the little man, make a joke about it and laugh. Now the the pressure is of you having to perform but keep on pleasuring her you'll get more relaxed and he'll end up up!

That what I had to do and it work a treat!

Good luck

daRobot

secret_squirrel wrote:

Goto the doctor it will be significantly cheaper than a shrink.

He will probably prescribe a short course of viagra to get you over the initial psychological problem.

Once you have sucessfully had sex a few times the problem will cure itself.

Agree with this totally.

madness

Why not just do the girl outside the club while you have a full erection........ PROBLEM SOLVED

UU

......do you have a car? Hehe!