Am i Jinxing myself

craichoe

Hmm .. were to start..

Well basically myself and my ex broke up about a month and a half ago .... Over the phone, shes abroad, we had broken up before just before she left and she went off with someone just before she left .. who she had made friends while we were going out. Long story short, she went away and we ended up getting back together while she was away. So shes been away for the college year. We were going out for nearly 3 years in total.

Anyways I dont really care about all that .. What i am concerned about is that i'm still talking to her, I dont feel anything for her anymore and talk to her as a friend because she is really an ok person but were just not suited. I don't feel any jealousy or any sort of longing to see her, its just .. meh .. another friend.

So heres the thing.
I broke up with her (a month and a half ago) because it just isnt what i wanted, I knew it wasnt going to work but what tipped the scales was that I had met someone else that made me feel what it was like to be on that level with someone, equal footing i guess.

So this girl now .. who is much closer to my age (slightly older) well i didn't think anything was going to happen, because we know about each other and she knows i broke up with my g/f and shes not long out of hers.

We went out and ended up kissing, then went out another night and had a really romantic night and kissed again. I don't know where its going but i'm taking my time and i don't want to rush things either.

1. Do you think this is going to go anywhere, if we both know were not long out of relationships, i don't even know if its what i want being single has its upsides ! and i wouldn't mind being like this for a while, but she is absolutely incredible.

2. Should i still talk to the ex, Am i shooting myself in the foot here ? It wouldn't be hard just not to talk to her anymore, but i dont understand why i should. Easier for her ? i dunno.

One thing about this whole experience though, it really did teach me to act more like a guy and not a whining puppy that pesters and runs after women, i wouldnt like that ... don't think women would either

Gordon

I can't work out the maths of your first few paragraphs but you say it doesn't matter so I won't get out my slide rule.

1) It's very possible that you and the new chickie will go somewhere, I guess it just depends on what you want. But you don't know what you want.But she is incredible. Tricky, I guess you have to decide if you want to have a potential relationship on the go.

2) You should talk to your ex if you want to talk to her. What's the problem here, you say she's a friend - so act like a friend. You're broken up so you are now strictly friends, am I missing something?

craichoe

Gordon wrote:

I can't work out the maths of your first few paragraphs but you say it doesn't matter so I won't get out my slide rule.

1) It's very possible that you and the new chickie will go somewhere, I guess it just depends on what you want. But you don't know what you want.But she is incredible. Tricky, I guess you have to decide if you want to have a potential relationship on the go.

2) You should talk to your ex if you want to talk to her. What's the problem here, you say she's a friend - so act like a friend. You're broken up so you are now strictly friends, am I missing something?

Well i wanted to give a bit of background ... but it would be too long to write and its the past isn't really my concern, The future is all that matters imho.

1. That was my initial thought i guess, i've never been able to express myself or felt the same way for a long long time like i have about this woman i've met and i've told her eveything .. i've never been so honest with someone

2. Also what i thought, but i have friends that would say .. CLEAN BREAK MAN .. get rid of her. I had a friend telling me all along that my ex was a user in many ways and he was right but i couldn't see it at the time, but i guess thats when i was under loves spell. At the moment i'm thinking about me.

Anyways ANYONE thats in a relationship and its not working out, get out of it, its better for the two of ye! It can only get better.

Gordon

Well they say that to truly love someone you've got to be truly open to them so you're off on a good start according to them.

Don't take your friends' words as gospel when it comes to ditching other friends, make your own mind up. Yeah, a clean break is nice but it's also burning bridges and more importantly it's running away from a problem. And if it's not a problem then why do you want to break off connections?

Your ex was a user? Are you 100% sure about? Have you gone over this with your ex?

fuzzywiggle

Who knows if it's going to work out or not? Time will tell. People go into relationships straight from other ones. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. Depending on the people! And why not talk to your ex? What's wrong with that? You shouldn't feel like you have to. Just if it feels right. It's not a big deal really

craichoe

Just alot of the time the consensus is NO CONTACT ..

Gordon

Why do they say that you should have no contact? And what do you think about that, do you think that you should have no contact?

/V\etalfish

craichoe wrote:

1. That was my initial thought i guess, i've never been able to express myself or felt the same way for a long long time like i have about this woman i've met and i've told her eveything .. i've never been so honest with someone

Wow thats a very similiar situation to the one i was just in myself.
But my timelines were a lot shorter ..as in i broke up with my ex and got with my girlfriend quicker, but anyway if you want to talk to your ex do
I still talk to mine, we're good friends, nothing more nothing less.
As regards the new lady ..best thing to do is take it as it comes.
No need to committ to anything this early , so just enjoy yourself and have fun.
If it looks like it could be going somewhere in a few weeks/months time then decide then wether you want something more long term.

Its early days , so no need to look at everything from a relationship point of view, although it is hard to adjust when your recently out of a long term relationship.

Roll with it and see how it goes

craichoe

Well .. i think they say it because its just easier to "Dump the b*tch" and be done with it, their words not mine

But i'm not that way with anyone .. And i'm wondering if i should be the same way i am normally with someone i was in a relationship with.

/V\etalfish

craichoe wrote:

And i'm wondering if i should be the same way i am normally with someone i was in a relationship with.

simple answer yes.
your not in the relationship now so theres nothing to worry about
If your friends and you get on well still then theres no harm.

Dont change the way you do things because of what other people think or say !

Strokesfan

So what if you are both rebounding - I'd go for it and if it ends, it ends...
It's nice that you consider your ex but if you don't want to get back with her - I don't see why you shouldn't get on with your life

Gordon

/V\etalfish wrote:

Dont change the way you do things because of what other people think or say !

I agree.

One thing about this whole experience though, it really did teach me to act more like a guy and not a whining puppy that pesters and runs after women, i wouldnt like that ... don't think women would either

Women also like a man that makes his own decisions and thinks for himself as opposed to being led by the pack.

AngryBadger

Lay on MacDuff! There's no sure fire way to know how things will turn out with the new girl until you get your hands dirty with her....anything else is just playground speculation