Confessions of a [insert job title]

pred racer

My mate and I spent 3 weeks laying floors at a nurses training college;)
job should have taken about a week and a half, but we came across a good few 'problems' that entailed us staying on:D lets just say that they didnt see the need to change their showering habits just cause there was 2 blokes in the place! and didnt see why we shouldnt be the entertainment for the 3 weeks..:D
had to leave after 3 weeks though the two of us were nearly dead.

But it wasnt all good...... my mate got a dose of the clap!

Robbo

Robbo wrote:

Similar but inferior to the mighty Star Bar.

Currently working in property management in a student village and I can't get over some of the stuff left behind. We found loads of bongo (although all the DVDs were just empty cases), at least 12 crutches, loads of hair straighteners and one girl who must have left one of every pair of her shoe behind (unless she lost a leg during the year).

Cuirt,Gort or Corrib?

Agamemnon

I had a summer job in a factory once and me and another student part-timer had to paint the floor of the factory while it closed for 2 weeks holidays. I don't know what was in that paint but we didn't dilute it enough and it made us high as kites. We would paint for a bit, then burst out laughing for no reason. It made us so giddy we forgot all about work and had trolley races and climbed all over the machinery. Several times I was literally rolling on the floor laughing, usually on a part I'd just painted. A job that should have taken a few days still wasn't done by the end of the 2 weeks and they got someone else to finish it. I had a "hangover" for a week after it.

Used to work in supermarket and it really annoyed me when customers left goods in front of me on the counter then went off shopping again, too lazy to use a basket or trolley. They always barged up to the head of the queue after this as well. I got my sweet revenge by damaging the goods and putting them into a bag before they got back: I smashed eggs, scratched cds, tore newspapers, shook up bottles of fizzy drinks, spat into salad, sneezed into coleslaw and wiped meat on the floor. Oddly enough, nothing was ever returned. Happy days.

Gone West

... I had to sign multiple NDAs
and as such cant say anything.

Odysseus

Work as a therapist now in the Addiction Services, about ten years ago when I was just training, I was talking to a client in the kicthen of the centre I work. He had an abcess on his arm which was only starting, told me he burned himself. Before he knew I had opened the first aid kit and sprayed it with a burn spray, you would want to have seen that cnut jump!

Dooom

I robbed an MP3 (worth bout €400) player from an electronics shop I worked in before.
Wrong yes, but they were such prìcks. Making me go on my own to bring a fuppin' 40" TV to a customer.
That and seeing a price list: they bought these tiny handheld radios in at something like €2 each, and then they marked them up to €14! FFS like. I know that's Ireland, but seeing it made me want to rob so much more.

Robbo

Deleted User wrote:

Cuirt,Gort or Corrib?

Nah, the one for the cow college.

sturgo

I worked in a bar in Australia where me and some of the bartenders had a compition going on who could sell the most amount drinks without alcohol. It quickly got out of hand when it came to cocktails. We were selling alcohol-free Cosmopolitans (which is basically cranberry juice and lime juice) for about €10 a pop. To our amazment nobody noticed.

In a very short period of time we were far drunker than any of the customers. To be honest I could write a book on the amount of fúcked up shít I've seen working in bars over the years. I rember I sold a guy a handful of ice for $3.

Terry

Robbo wrote:

Nah, the one for the cow college.

bovine university?

whiskeyman

julep wrote:

bovine university?

nope, I think it's the udder one...

sturgo wrote:

It quickly got out of hand when it came to cocktails. We were selling alcohol-free Cosmopolitans (which is basically cranberry juice and lime juice) for about €10 a pop. To our amazment nobody noticed.

That's class! I'd say after a certain time, the punters wouldnt know anyway.

sturgo

To be honest we never did it to the sound customers. Usually arseholes with no manners. In one place I worked in where there were a lots of bar tabs runing, we'd literally punch the till and whatever came up we'd charge them for it.

LovelyHurling

kearnsr wrote:

I've had a few experiences in Tesco. Once caught the coke rep stealing 40 bottles of rum.

Tesco rum? I dont know who would buy that sh1t let alone steal it???!!!


This didnt actually happen to me, but a girl who I work with got a call to euthanise a horse one day. She was a new graduate and was given this job cos it was nice and easy, confidence booster etc. What could go wrong?

So she walked the horse out the field, injected it, stood back and comforted the owner as the horse fell to the ground. She had not appreciated where she was standing... on the side of a hill!

The horse rolled...


and rolled....


and rolled.....

L31mr0d

Aard wrote:

-1. So not cool.

I know, well it is called "confessions" you can't really confess something you are proud of can you.

Reminds of another time I was working on a building site as a general labourer for the summer. I was constantly being sent all over this massive hotel/apartment complex to clear stuff here, move stuff there. It was happening so much, I realised no one person in the place actually knew where I was at any given time. So I used to nick all the newspapers from the plasterers canteen after lunch (they would be finished with them by then) then go off to one of the show penthouses which where finished months before the rest, put my feet up, and do nothing for the day. The best and worst moment was when I was in there one day and the foreman walked in right while i've got my filthy boots on the table reading the articles on the right side of page 3 of the sun. Funny thing was, he didn't say anything, just grabbed one of the papers and went into one of the other rooms. I sat there for 10 minutes waiting to be fired, but he never did. I ended up leaving before he did. Needless to say, they now knew where to find me. Still I got paid a months wages for nothing.

embee

I used to work in a fried chicken place in Cork City, many moons ago.

The actor Jonathan Rhys Meyers came in, ordered a burger from me, and gave me a tenner as a tip.

I work in Vodafones call centre. Last year, I had a customer call in and start telling me about how he had just gotten out of hospital and couldn't pay his bill. The reason?

"I'm after having an operation on me hole, got a load of my bowel removed. Sure, wasn't half of it falling out of my arse? I'm flooded with cancer you see, and I can't walk that well. Now, I'm wearing a shítbag stuck to my front! HAHAHAHAHA! I was in the hospital longer than I thought too. The eejits beyond in (insert hospital name) only went and gave me MRSA, and half my face is hanging off now as a result! Stupid bastárds. Still and all, I suppose I could claim compo or something. I've no face and my gut is covered in shíte! So luvvie, I couldn't pay me ould phone bill there... sure, every time I walk I'm afraid of my bag bursting! You couldn't just reconnect me there, I'll get my daughter to pay the bill. She's a theiving wee bítch though, would steal the tongue out of my head if she had half a chance...." etc etc ad nauseum.
He went on to start trying to tell me about the intricacies of his colostomy bag, but I was so repulsed I cut across him and said "You're reconnected now! BYEEEE!"

neoB

WOrked at a Steak N shake fast food type place. I would be on the graveyard shift and was expected to clean the store with only one other person there as well. :mad: Either I would clean and not stock up for the next shift(only b/c the place was **** when I came in at night) and or tell customers sorry shake machine is down or no i'm not doing breakfast until such and such time. Hehe couldn't be bothered to make 20+shakes for a bunch of drunks. My sis worked there too and I guess this lady was a royal bitch so she dropped her burger on the floor, smearing it and put it back on the bun, wrapped and gave it to her.

Worked on a cruise boat, and a mate would take steaks out of the cooler and take them home, as well as salmon. We'd take the cookies out the freezer, bake them and snack.

Ha my fav, I don't mind helping out people but I can't stand rude ****s. :mad: I was into work at a petrol station and I was feeling quite sick. I thought I was going through a miscarriage and needed to go to the emergency room. SO I call my manager to come up to the store. She tells me (having kids herself) I'm sorry id come in but im not about to miss my doctors appointment for her knee. (her knee is fine :rolleyes:) So as pissy as I am call up my best mate to collect me, bag a **** load of food and as well as opening numerous bags of snacks and drinks, just ****ing up her store. She comes in, I leave the key to the place and quit.

biko

embee wrote:

I used to work in a fried chicken place in Cork City, many moons ago.

The actor Jonathan Rhys Meyers came in, ordered a burger from me, and gave me a tenner as a tip.

I work in Vodafones call centre. Last year, I had a customer call in and start telling me about how he had just gotten out of hospital and couldn't pay his bill. The reason?

"I'm after having an operation on me hole, got a load of my bowel removed. Sure, wasn't half of it falling out of my arse? I'm flooded with cancer you see, and I can't walk that well. Now, I'm wearing a shítbag stuck to my front! HAHAHAHAHA! I was in the hospital longer than I thought too. The eejits beyond in (insert hospital name) only went and gave me MRSA, and half my face is hanging off now as a result! Stupid bastárds. Still and all, I suppose I could claim compo or something. I've no face and my gut is covered in shíte! So luvvie, I couldn't pay me ould phone bill there... sure, every time I walk I'm afraid of my bag bursting! You couldn't just reconnect me there, I'll get my daughter to pay the bill. She's a theiving wee bítch though, would steal the tongue out of my head if she had half a chance...." etc etc ad nauseum.
He went on to start trying to tell me about the intricacies of his colostomy bag, but I was so repulsed I cut across him and said "You're reconnected now! BYEEEE!"

ewww and good one!

Metacortex

LovelyHurling wrote:

This didnt actually happen to me, but a girl who I work with got a call to euthanise a horse one day. She was a new graduate and was given this job cos it was nice and easy, confidence booster etc. What could go wrong?

So she walked the horse out the field, injected it, stood back and comforted the owner as the horse fell to the ground. She had not appreciated where she was standing... on the side of a hill!

The horse rolled...


and rolled....


and rolled.....

OMG, LOL.
She must have been mortified.


I used to do customer service for a well known computer manufacturer in a different department of where i work now.
Anyway, the company had decided to close the customer service line here in Cork and move it to England. So on the last week, we had this one bastard who kept ringing up and screaming at us for some reason or another. Demanding to speak to the supervisor.
Because he was such an arrogant, abusive bastard. I ended up throwing away all the messages for my supervisor. He also kept ringing from his mobile so i took down his number and didn't bother picking up anytime i saw him ringing back.
This is actually quite standard practice for anyone who is overly abusive.

After it closed down i transferred to another department which is where i am now. I've been doing night shifts for the last three months. I get maybe 3 calls a month, if im lucky.
Last week i figured how to get two items from the vending machine for the price of one. Takes about 10 minutes but its the best nights work i've done yet.

scojones

While working for Ferrero in Cork, I was in a very small room transporting a good few tonnes of tic tacs. I managed to knock the container over, tic tacs went everywhere and filled up the room up to my chest. And when I mean they went everywhere, I mean EVERYWHERE. I couldn't get out of the room because the door opened inwards. I contemplated eating my way out but I wasn't up to the task. After about 3hrs someone opened the door from the outside and I was saved!

Siogfinsceal

Femmy wrote:

sometimes i fall asleep at work and do nothing all day. Sometimes i keep prizes for myself. Once i took tickets to a big concert. meh! and been to 2 concerts this week so far with the compliments of work.

sounds excellent must gt myself into that line of work - what do you work as if u dont mind me asking

Archeron

Dont read if you'eating lunch.

Many moons ago, i had a factory job sticking bits of plastic to other bits of plastic which eventually became hand held CB/radios (like the type the police use).

One fine overtime Saturday morning, everybody came in with hangovers. That particular day we were working on the rechargers these big radios sit in. Really HUGE chargers.

One lovely girl didnt realize how sick she was, and puked everywhere at her workstation. About 3 hours of prep work was completely dripping with her regurgitations. We didnt quite know how to explain this to the boss, so we just put on gloves, clipped the tops onto the chargers which were full of sick, and put them in the boxes ready to ship. We just cleaned off as much as was nessecary so it wasnt too obvious what had happened.

Then we all went for a big Irish fry up each.

fjon

I used to work in a offlicense.
Every day or two people would bring back bottles of corked wine. We would keep the bottles to send back to the supplier and get credit.
There was a wine tasting table with a woman who handed out little samples of wine from that table Mon-Fri. However, some cheeky customers would help themselves to the wine on Saturdays and Sundays - some would even open the display bottles themselves.
We started to get a bit pissed off with this, so every Sunday when the boss wasn't around we would swap all the display bottles with the corked bottles customers brought back.
I would say about 75% of the people who helped themselves never said word! The few that did complain were told "You mean you helped YOURSELF? We don't have any wine tasting on today - those bottles are corked".
We had to stop it after a pretty nasty incident.
This 70 or 80 year old woman spent a bit too long at the table drinking the wine - she polished off two bottles. She got into such a state that she couldn't walk. We had to get 3 security guards to escort her out of the (very busy) shopping centre. Halfway through this she starts projectile vomiting red wine all over the Hardware section of the shop. Nasty :eek:

Siogfinsceal

Used to work in a butchers at as a teenager. This mad oul wan up the road used to claim she was psychic (people used to visit from all over) and she made us cook her a roast every sunday. I was left in charge at weekends but she always claimed I did it wrong, too cooked, not cooked enough, etc etc I think she just wanted to get it cheap. so one wk I got the boss to come in and do it for her. She comes in and as usual starts complaining saying its always lovely when the boss did it. So I politely pointed out the fact that he had indeed cooked it himself and that he was out the back if she wanted to speak to him hahaha she was mortified - psychic me @rse!!

also used to work in telesales and we had one customer and evertime we rang he would claim his wife was in the bath. no matter what time of day. I eventually suggested that if she wasnt interested we could stop calling but apparently she was just in the bath.!

LAAngel

sturgo wrote:

I rember I sold a guy a handful of ice for $3.

Haha people will buy anything. I remember at christmas time a fella really wanted my santa hat when I was dancing I told him no and he started saying he'd buy it off me (I bought it for £2) then he offered me £13 for it I gave him the hat he gave me the money and a few minutes later he was back cause someone stole it off his head haha, unfortunatley for him I do refunds.

A few months back was doing promotions in a bar/nightclub and was walking around selling shots, this fella really likes the tray that I'm using for the shots (its was a metal coke tray appartently worth less that 5 euro) I told him I couldn't sell it to him, the manager comes over and I say to the manager, who then says to the fella 'much will you pay' the fella hands him 15 euro and the manager, lifts off all the shots puts them onto another tray and hands the fella the tray. The manager took the 15 euro and when the fella was leaving that night one of the bouncers seen him with the tray and took it off him, and left it back at the bar haha, lousy.:p

tba

Petrol Station: Played Frisbee out the back with a mayonaise lid for hours every day, useed to skim off the top on lazy bastards that wouldn't get out and fill their own car - £10 for a £9.50. 50p in the pocket. Bear in mind I was payed £1.70 an hour.

Tesco: Similar to Rhymes except mine was mars bars, and I splept it off for 4 hours on the top shelf upstairs in the store room, after having made a fort of toilet tissue packs.

Building Site: Was payed to stand and listen to a electrican whoses apprentice was off sick. Without somebody to talk to he would wander off without finishing his work, so I had to listen to his stupid stories.

Another site: Was on an old houses land (around 100 acres) for 2 months to catalog items. Finished in about a week, So I explored the lands for the month and a half after that, found a nice little gazebbo in the wood that served as my reading platform for a least four books slept on green meadows in forest clearings and feed ducks with my lunch. I also improved my singing, I never saw anybody else on my travels.

Now that I have a proper job the skiving has stopped, the only vice is free pens and an internet connection that I use too much...

r3nu4l

Bowling alley mechanic:

I worked as a mechanic in a Dublin Bowling Alley one Summer. Loved the job (I was big into tenpin bowling at the time) but sometimes on evening shifts I would catch up on my sleep for a couple of hours I used to sleep on the workbench behind the machines. It was right underneath the tannoy so I always woke up if there was a lane that needed fixing.

Never got caught once Also very lucky one night as the part-owner arrived about five minutes after I woke up to find one of the the machines had severly broken down, so he walks in and finds his mechanic deep in the bowels of the machines looking like a proper grease-monkey, covered in oil and dirt and monkey-wrench and spanners in hand

6th

When I used to make up property adverts for a few newspapers i used to photoshop in "ghost kids" in the windows of houses and if it was land for sale i'd stick a nessie in any lakes, ponds etc i could. Had some nices ones with Bigfoot in them too.

Best was alittle jpeg of a dog i named rex, used to put him sitting in peoples gardens til one home owner asked the estate agents why there wasa dog in their ad that wasnt there when they took the picture ... oops.

HelterSkelter

6th wrote:

When I used to make up property adverts for a few newspapers i used to photoshop in "ghost kids" in the windows of houses and if it was land for sale i'd stick a nessie in any lakes, ponds etc i could. Had some nices ones with Bigfoot in them too.

Best was alittle jpeg of a dog i named rex, used to put him sitting in peoples gardens til one home owner asked the estate agents why there wasa dog in their ad that wasnt there when they took the picture ... oops.

Got any copies of the ads u can show us?

6th

Ah that jobs ended a year ago. good craic though and was all that got me through the job.

Gone West

sure it is.
If you didn't have anything interesting to say you didn't have to post.
No point making stuff up...

monkeyfudge

Similiar to 6th there many years ago I too used to have fun when I was a graphic designer for a large chain of hardware stores, actually 2 chains.

If there was a TV set that had to go into a flyer or a catalogue I would always stick a monkey on the teleivision.

Oh.. and because I don't clue about DIY and hardware I would regularly put the wrong prices in by mistake as I don't how much a powertool or a lawnmower is worth... which would always land me in trouble after 500,000 copies or so of a catalogue had been printed.

bking

I used to work as a trolley collector (don't ask!) in Dublin Airport. We used to take the pi$s when it came to dossing. One particular favourite was wheelchair racing down the ramps of the multi-story car park(the 6-storey one). It has these lovely curvy ramps that are steep enough to build up some serious speed. You'd just pull the left hand brake to turn. I remember one guy clipped the kerb, and tumbled over, giving himself a lovely friction burn! Another time, one of the lads used this strap thing they gave you to hold the trolleys together, to abseil on the outside of said car park :eek: These straps were only cheap auld things!

Working as a network administrator now. Not much excitement!:(

Degsy

I used to work as a chef in a well-known chain of fish and chip reaurants.One of my jobs involved balancing a five litre bucket of batter on the side of the fryer,dipping the fish in the batter and putting the fish down into the hot oil.On more than one occasion the bucket of batter tipped over onto the floor,and rather than waste it or try to clean it up straight away,id run the fish through the batter as it oozed all over the place.Never picked up too many foreign bodies butthe floor would be manky.

DamienH

name and shame

r3nu4l

DamienH wrote:

name and shame

I think Degsy know better than to do that I'd say you'd Best ask Hoff Either that or that young wizard in the sheep's living room

Raiser

I was chatting up the present day Mrs. Raiser one day in a computer factory, back when I was in that game - anyway people became concerned about a series of loud, crashing metallic thuds that could be heard every 10 or 12 seconds - I was just kind of aware some ominous noises of doom in the back of my mind....

....Anyway ironically Mrs. Raiser got blamed for the 7 or 8 mangled [previously showroom perfect] PCs that had been pushed off the very end of the conveyor belt and sailed to their doom on the floor.... People made comments on how she had distracted me - thus making me forget to put the gate back on.....[?] Gotta love people - She's still kinda bitter :cool:

We also used do a lot of "inexplicable overtime" - thats when you are asked to come in two/three hours early for overtime - But when you arrived there was always no work because of a shortage of components ? Time was filled with fiercely competitive office chair racing and socialising....Oh twas great.

Chakar

Sleepy wrote:

Dude, that's 9792 calories!!!

That's fvcking ridiculous. To put that in perspective that's the equivalent of 18 Big Macs!

Someone goes to Weight Watchers:D

seabee

r3nu4l wrote:

.... or that young wizard in the sheep's living room

Brilliant:D