advice needed...I want to enjoy this

LegacyUser

Hey guys

I found out today that my wife is 2 1/2 months pregnant and I have to say I was totally over the moon. Its what we wanted and what we tried for( although I didnt expect it to happen within the first month of trying),but I find myself totally terrified.Im determined to enjoy our first pregnancy and not let any feelings of fear take away from the experiance so I was kinda hoping people could give a bit of advice on the matter,or maybe direct me to any websites that are aimed more towards dads to be.

Thanks a mill guys

nesf

For me it has been just a long string of coming to terms with realisations, a bit of fear, then happiness again and then another realisation. It's a very large and life changing event, it's going to shake you up a bit. The important thing to remember is that having a bit of fear now and then is fine! It's only if it is really getting to you that you should be worried about it.

Mostly I'd say just sit back, help herself whenever you can and relax about it. Worrying won't help things.

LegacyUser

Sounds like wise words...take it youve been there before?

nesf

kaiser1 wrote:

Sounds like wise words...take it youve been there before?

10 days to go until due date.

Nevyn

Well just so you know, it may be a few days before the due day or up to 12 days after

embee

Heya kaiser1,

First off - congratulations! I'm the other side of your story, so to speak. I had my first baby on February 11th this year, a little girl.

My partner was like you when he first found out... he was unsure, then scared, nervous etc. We're both in our mid twenties, so finding out we were expecting a baby was nerve wracking and terrifying to say the least. But, once you get used to the idea, for us anyways, it was more a case of planning for the future etc. I have to say though - the fear and anxiety, whilst it lessened, was always there in the back of both of our minds. He was anxious about the birth - being there, not knowing how to support me as I laboured, was also worrying about being a Dad and all the implications that meant for the rest of his life. Its SUCH a huge adjustment to anyones life, planned or unplanned, but I can honestly say that, as time goes on, it will be so much easier.

Has your wife had any scans yet? I know for us, seeing our little one on ultrasound for the first time was an unforgettable experience. I was about 14-15 weeks pregnant when we had our initial scan, and it was amazing. She was so tiny, but we saw her little hand waving at us so clearly... Also heard her heartbeat through the Doppler machine. A lot of the fear went when I saw her for the first time at that scan. Up til then, I almost felt like I was imagining being pregnant, that it was a dream etc.

When baby starts to make his/her presence felt, I think things get easier. The first time I felt her move it was such a shock, but I was overjoyed! Every time she moved at all, I was delighted beyond belief... a simple movement means so much in terms of quelling fears about the wellbeing of your unborn.

The best way to eliminate fear, IMO, is to try and educate yourself about pregnancy, labour and childbirth. I think if you're fully prepared for all the things you might see (and also all the things that may go wrong, no matter how tiny the possibility), the experience will be more of an anticipative one, rather than a feeling of trepidation.

Spare a thought for your wife during this time as well. I know it seems obvious, but pregnancy is emotionally, physically and mentally draining and she will need to sometimes draw on your strength to get her through her worse times. For me, I was aware that everything I did during my pregnancy could impact on my baby - from driving to eating "banned" foods to working late at night etc.... there is a big weight of responsibility on any pregnant woman on TOP of all of the other normal worries. I was never really scared about it all to be honest. That all changed completely in the week or so before I delivered. I went 12 days overdue and I was SO afraid of being induced (as being induced means a higher likelyhood of needing a c-section). I ended up being induced anyways, was admitted on a Friday evening. That Friday, before I was given any induction drugs or had a single contraction, I was in floods of tears. I was so afraid of the unknown... I was an expert on pregnancy but a complete novice on childbirth if you know what I mean. My partner was great - he told me that he had 100% faith in me, that I would be fine, that I was strong etc. Platitudes maybe, but his faith in me honestly did make me feel more positive.
In the end, it honestly was nothing as bad as I had built it up to be in my head (that said, I had a very very short labour - 3 hours.. if it had been one of those 24 hour labours, I'm not sure I'd think that way) and I delivered completely naturally without any drugs. Again, my partner was wonderful... he talked me through each contraction (I kept saying I couldn't do it, he assured me I could etc) and I leant on him (literally as well as figuratively). He admitted later to me that he was really, really scared.. but was amazed at how the very moment she was born, the pain was gone.

Its a fearful time indeed, but it doesn't have to be. Let yourself worry, but within reason. Imagine what your life will be like after you have your son or daughter... its hard to imagine it now but, believe me when I say this, pregnancy FLIES past. I wish now on reflection that I had enjoyed it more and worried less, but there will always be a degree of worry with any first pregnancy.

Oh, also... I used this site - http://www.magicmum.com through my pregnancy and found it invaluable. Its a forum just like boards, and every conceivable question you could ever have will be answered on there. Also, I seem to recall first time dads to be posting on it before, with plenty of responses - maybe you could give it a go and see if there are any other dads to be out there?

Let me just say this to you - all the fear and worry is so worth it. I'm a first time mam, I'm sure I'm making mistakes here and there (no parent is perfect, after all), but I am loving every minute of it and I can't imagine my life without Rhiannon now. I wonder what I ever did with my acres and acres of free time! I'd also say to you - try and spend lots of "quality time" with your wife between now and your new arrival....6 and a half months from now, you don't want to look back and think "Oh, I wish we'd gone away for a weekend or two before the baby came" etc. Go for meals, take a weekend break away (obviously, try not to fly towards the end of the pregnancy), even go to the cinema... ye will never, ever just be a couple on your own again, so make the most of your time. Taking time to do these things will help ye both relax too, which is always good!

Best of luck to the three of ye

nesf

Thaedydal wrote:

Well just so you know, it may be a few days before the due day or up to 12 days after

Yup.

Debracd

On our last little one DH bought a great book called 'The blokes guide to pregnancy' I think he still hadn't come to terms with having the last one(bad pregnancy and birth!) and was still quite fearful about the whole thing because he had been so unprepared. He found the book great, he still reads it now for a laugh!

So I'd definitely recommend it. Plus what Embee said, check out www.magicmum.com and www.rollercoaster.ie

Deb

magnumlady

My hubby was exactly the same as you. He didn't know what to do and was terrifed of simple things like how he was going to talk to the baby.
After my son was born he was delighted and coped really well, 13 years later he's still doing great.
You'll be fine, it is a big change but its the best thing that could ever happen to you.

The Hill Billy

Congratulations kaiser1! Mrs Billy is 2 1/2 months pregnant too (we're on our second). Want to have a race?

Check out the pregnancy calendar at http://www.pregnancyguideonline.com/.

There's a week-by-week breakdown of what's going on (Mum & Baby) & especially for you (;) ) - suggestions for what Dad-to-be can be doing to help. It is rather-US focused, but I found it a useful source of info on our first.

Also, try to get your hands on a book called "My Boys Can Swim" - I found it very good & an easy read.

Feel free to PM me if you have any questions.

Best of luck to kaiser1 & you too nesf!

nesf

One week to go...

Looks like apartment keys might appear tomorrow...

And there I was thinking that JIT was a system only used in business world...

The Hill Billy

New apartment?!

That's just taking the whole "nesting" thing too far!!

nesf

Hill Billy wrote:

New apartment?!

That's just taking the whole "nesting" thing too far!!

More like "first" apartment! We were living in rented accom upto now essentially.

MonkeyTennis

Spend as much time with your missus as possible..its quite common for the hormone changes in her to trigger off some cool calm and collected ones in you!! My missus had our first a month ago. You'll be fine!

Let us know how it goes!!

The Hill Billy

nesf wrote:

More like "first" apartment! We were living in rented accom upto now essentially.

Jaysus! Having your first baby AND buying a home :eek:
You're a sucker for punishment.

The very best of luck to you & your family!

cue

Congratulations. Get plenty of sleep. Look after the missus. Have fun