Anxiety in family

LegacyUser

So, this is a bit weird, I guess I’m looking for advice more than anything else.
Basically I have a sibling who has a problem with anxiety and they drink to deal with this(self medication). It was only realised about 3 months when his wedding was called off as he didn’t want to get married or go through with it ago and since then my family have been helping him out and he’s been attending counselling. He basically didn’t want to speak up that he didn’t want to get married so drinking/anxiety got worse as he couldn’t deal with it.
The counsellor went on holidays and some other stuff which meant he hasn’t been getting regular sessions over the last few wks but from next wk its back to regular meetings. He’s seen somebody about anxiety but admits that he cannot work on it at all while he still uses drink as a crutch so he has to work on that first, its also making the anxiety worse. Whenever he goes to counselling he good for a while but there’s been such huge gaps in between that he may as well not have went.
So while trying to work through all this he’s also dealing with breaking up with a long term girlfriend (only one he’s ever had) and the date of the wedding would have been this wknd and there’s cousins home from US since they decided to come visit anyway even though it was cancelled.
He says he feeling the pressure of these guys only visiting because they thought there’d be a wedding and the fact that the wedding would have been this wknd, and after a good drink free two or three wks a few evenings he’s taken some drink (in the house, pub has never been a problem).
So I can’t help worrying like mad. My parents worry too but for some reason I seem to take it very seriously and all my thoughts on the subject include suicide, accident etc, even though I know this is unlikely and he’s never indicated to be thinking like this at all, and I asked him and was shicked I’d think this. My general day is taken up with worrying about what may or may not be going on since I live away from home. Even the worst I’ve seen him when drunk is still nothing compared to what I worry about.

Thoughts or experiences please?

Miss Fluff

What a big issue to have to deal with All very well having counselling but it sounds sporadic and it's obviously not providing him with the level of support he needs. Has he sought medical advice about this? Is drinking exacerbated by anxiety or does he drink lots which results in anxiety attacks? He definitely needs to see a medical professional imo.

withneill

I would think that regular sessions are a must. Can you find another more reliable source? He needs to have someone to vocalize his feelings to and usually it is easier to do this with a stranger. The poor guy and poor you. It really is a tough situation. The fact that he is better after sessions means they work, but the therapist leaving him in the lurch shows a complete lack of sincerity in his/her want to provide a solution. It could be the case that they are understaffed and Im being overly critical; however the need for him to have regular sessions is pinnacle.
I wish you and him the best in this touch time.

LegacyUser

It wouldn’t have directly been the counsellors fault really, the first guy went on holidays for 2wks and didn’t mention it until the last session before he went. In the meantime he found another guy closer to home who was a former alcoholic and therefore he finds a lot easier to relate/talk to. This guy has a very good rep and really helped out a friends brother who was off the rails and had a lot of drug/drink/emotional problems. But then this guy was away for 2wks and should be back some of these days now and from then on its regular sessions.
In the beginning of all this he went to his GP who was a bit of help but really we had to find everything ourselves. The general experience we found whether dealing with a GP or a hospital is they’re very slow and seem to think things are not urgent.

The anxiety was a problem he dealt with by taking some drink now and again, but nothing serious. But as anxiety got worse drink increased and became a problem of its own, now it’s being dealt with and he does face up to the fact he has a problem, its just he finds it hard while trying to deal with a break up and what people may think of him calling off a wedding.
Anxiety attacks aren’t the problem with him, its more a case of sitting on the couch thinking, and getting himself very worked up and anxious and then feeling he can’t sit still. When he takes some drink he calms down and is very quiet and relaxed, never angry, or violent or anything like that.
My biggest issue is this wknd when the wedding day would have been, it’l be tough I presume but I think once its over it might be a sort of a new start, or at least easier to focus on his main problems.

Odysseus

Unreg person wrote:

So I can’t help worrying like mad. My parents worry too but for some reason I seem to take it very seriously and all my thoughts on the subject include suicide, accident etc, even though I know this is unlikely and he’s never indicated to be thinking like this at all, and I asked him and was shicked I’d think this. My general day is taken up with worrying about what may or may not be going on since I live away from home. Even the worst I’ve seen him when drunk is still nothing compared to what I worry about

While I can clearly understand your concern for you family member it sounds like you are trying to fix him, and at the end of the day he is the only one that can do that . I understand that you want them to get the best available help. However, if your day is taken up with this, would you not think that this is a tad obsessive or intrusive. You have mentioned that there is a drink problem, if the person is alcoholic, maybe you would consider going to Alon, a self help group similar to AA but for family members. Maybe it might be worth it to give your self a bit of space to verbalise your concerns and most importantly how they are affecting you.

LegacyUser

Well this is what I was wondering, whether I am obsessing too much over whats happenin. It's hard to know whats the way to behave in a situation like this and was hoping there may be somebody who's gone threough a similar experience.
Basically as a person I am also anxious, not to the point my brother is but def a bit and it was worse when I was younger,it just seems to have left me naturally (for now) but it seems my bro cant deal with it whatsoever.
Its also on my mind more this weekend as with a lot of family home and sat being the day the wedding would have been so you just never know how he'l deal with that.

manufan

I think he needs to deal with the underlying problems that are causing anxiety. It could be unresolved childhood issues etc but the anxiety won't go away if he doesn't isolate the cause and work on it either via counselling and or medication. Unfortunately, guys bottle up their problems and often don't deal with the issue in the right way. I hope he can address the causes rather than self medicating to mask the problem.

LegacyUser

Well he does want to face up to the problem now through counselling and is currently on medication, but none of this can really be effective without first getting the drink problem dealt with.
He drank to self medicate and now this has grown into a problem of its own so its what needs to be addressed first.
He also avoids talking about stuff and is embarrassed about the whole thing.
I also forgot to mention that the last few wks have been pretty good and he hasn’t really drank. Its just this wknd with the date of the wedding coming up I suspect he’l drink as I know he said he’s dreading it.
I just see a wknd of going home and being on edge watching him whether there is something wrong or not.
But hopefully if this wknd isn’t too bad then he’l be on a good stretch since the date of the wedding will have passed.