Q&A with the Gnome

Tori

Hail 2 Da Chimp wrote:

What is ricotta?

It's a horrible lumpy cheese with no taste -

Who invented ricotta and why?

Lust4Life

Why did I spend too much money shopping today?

Dirk Gently

Lust4Life wrote:

Why did I spend too much money shopping today?

cos yore a woman and can't help yourself.

apologies to the wise Gnome if I'm stepping on your territory but I thought that was an obvious one and not worthy of your attention.

Jules

this is all wrong, do not answer the gnome questions, it will anger the gnome!!!

what exactly is the green stuff that collects in the corner on your eye at night, i dont believe in the sandman and look to you for a more satisfactory answer??

why am i not good at slaggin ppl off??? can you give me some pointers?

Hail 2 Da Chimp

Amp says you and him are not going to have a baby and the baby is not going to take over the world.

Why is he lying and when is he due?

Patricide

What was jesus's second name?

Demetrius

Patricide wrote:

What came first the chiken or the egg?

The chicken smoked a cigerrette and said,

"That solved that problem."

Gnome, are you amp in disguise?

tyther

if stoats could eat one type of cheese for the rest of their lives what cheese would it be

Jules

think gnome is gone fishin!!!!!!

Matt Holck

can I call you Bly?

Jules

Bly?

The Gnome

Lust4Life wrote:

Why did I spend too much money shopping today?

It is temptation my dear and the human need to posess. Both evils things are to be avoided.

clownbag wrote:

cos yore a woman and can't help yourself.

My dear clownbag you've let me down. I can say no more.

jules80 wrote:

what exactly is the green stuff that collects in the corner on your eye at night, i dont believe in the sandman and look to you for a more satisfactory answer??

why am i not good at slaggin ppl off??? can you give me some pointers?

Throughout the course of the day the flotsam and jetsam of the air bombards the surface of the eye. Some of these particles become lodged and during the course of the night a fleet of tiny weevils clean the eye and deposit the fruits of their labour in a neat pile adjacent the tear duct.

Your social difficulties stem from your lack of inner power. I suggest you read Sun Tzu's Art of War and learn the 48 Laws of Power by heart.

Hail 2 Da Chip wrote:

Why is he lying and when is he due?

He?

Patricide wrote:

What was jesus's second name?

I believe he used by the travel by the moniker of Jesus "Mother****in" Christ

Demetrius wrote:

Gnome, are you amp in disguise?

Don't be silly! You're so silly! I mean I just can't believe how silly you are! Ahhhhhh, silly.

No.

tyther wrote:

if stoats could eat one type of cheese for the rest of their lives what cheese would it be

Ah the noble stoat, proud and stout as an iron girder. The cheese of choice would most likely be a ripe Brie, and if he were to indulge perhaps a spoonful of cranberry compote.

Matt Holck wrote:

can I call you Bly?

If you so wish.

tyther

how much dose santa weigh???

Jules

Gnome is back... Long Live The Gnome... actually how old do gnomes get and do you have gnome parties???

Patricide

Whats your credit card number?

Lust4Life

So, Gnome, if I win part of the $100 Million lotto can you give me Amp's address so I can send him his portion?

The Gnome

tyther wrote:

how much dose santa weigh???

I'm sorry to be the one to break the news but Santa being magical in nature has the ability to manipulate his weight thus making a precise estimate impossible.

jules80 wrote:

how old do gnomes get and do you have gnome parties???

The average lifespan of a Gnome is 8392 years and in exceptional cases this can rise to over 11000. Of course we have parties but as we are so long lived they last up to a decade at a time.

Patricide wrote:

Whats your credit card number?

Gnomes use 3V.

Lust4Life wrote:

can you give me Amp's address so I can send him his portion?

I can but for the sake of Amp's wellbeing I wont.

Tori

Why is the sky blue?

Demetrius

How does one move through life's maze?

Capt'n Midnight

Does our universe extend beyond our event horizon ?

And

If you unscrew your belly button will your bum fall off ??

Jules

why cant i sleep???

The Gnome

Tori wrote:

Why is the sky blue?

Well my dear a timeless question indeed. A bright cloudless sky is blue because tiny waterdrops anmd other miscellaneous particulates in the air scatter blue light from the sun to a greater degree than they scatter red light.

Demetrius wrote:

How does one move through life's maze?

It's quite simple really, exchange money with these kind people.

Capt'n Midnight wrote:

Does our universe extend beyond our event horizon ?

And

If you unscrew your belly button will your bum fall off ??

Of course it does, just because the light has not reached our beady little eyes yet does not mean it is not there. But alas due the nature of the universe we may even remain blind to certain parts even if we were to have the patience of a million saints diffused into some form of super saint, possibly called 'Billy'.

Gnomes don't have belly buttons, we hatch from leathery egg sacks.

jules80 wrote:

why cant i sleep???

Brain parasites I'm afraid.

Tori

Gnome will I ever be rich?

The Gnome

Tori wrote:

Gnome will I ever be rich?

If you have absolutely no follow-up questions then yes, yes you will.

Tori

Jules

is there a cure for said parasites?

Lust4Life

How on earth did you stumble across the egg???????
I can't wait until 1 Aug to see what you hatch!!!!!!

L4L

The Gnome

jules80 wrote:

is there a cure for said parasites?

Indeed there is.

Lust4Life wrote:

How on earth did you stumble across the egg????????

Stumbleupon.com, a trove of many treasures.

Sofaspud

What is the answer to this question?

Demetrius

Why did God give us toenails?

Tori

In the song 'Strangers In The Night', what does 'Doo Bee Doo Bee Doo' mean?

Jules

so what is the cure for brain parasites.. yes i know i should of asked that in the first place!!!!

Jules

why do i have so much stuff!!???

Lust4Life

Why is it that the journey is often more exciting than reaching the destination?

homah_7ft

Why?

Hail 2 Da Chimp

How did Homah get back...?

Who did he have to sleep with ( as if we didnt know )?

homah_7ft

When?

Jules

where is the gnome gone?? i need his help to make all important life changing decisions!!!!!

Dirk Gently

Greetings wise gnome,

Any update on that list of potential fe-boardsies mating list I asked for a few pages back. Any chance scraggs will become less attracted to wise gnomes and more attracted to handsome clowns as time goes by and if not is there any chance you could rent her out to me every now and again. I'll give her back, I promise.;)

The Gnome

Be exultant my friends! I have returned with scores of answers in hand. I ask for forgiveness as to my absence, the Starling or all living things has been causing quite a hubbub on the Southern Front and with the dearth of Badger cavalry it was up to yours truly to sort out the dubious state of affairs.

Now onward, I see I have been posed many a query. So shall we begin?

Sofaspud wrote:

What is the answer to this question?

If I told you Sofaspud you would die quite slowly and in terrible pain. Perhaps because by ‘told’ I mean ‘fed you told the ravenous Plague Weasels of Ghelyuth for asking such a silly thing’.

Demetrius wrote:

Why did God give us toenails?

Ah you Humans and your gods, toenails are merely an evolutionary peculiarity, a meagre vestige of your simian fore fathers. In bygone days when man still subsisted in the splendid lofty trees, toenails were indispensable for gripping the rugged bark. I’m sure that perchance there was a tree bound ancestor or two born devoid of toenails but they soon plunged to the ground to be consumed, most likely by a giant snake.

Tori wrote:

In the song 'Strangers In The Night', what does 'Doo Bee Doo Bee Doo' mean?

It is a neurolinguistically based code planted by the Communist regime in China to activate sleeper agents planted around the globe. On this I can speak no more…

jules80 wrote:

so what is the cure for brain parasites? Why do i have so much stuff!!???

The cure is simple. The parasites nourish themselves on all that is ill and dark within you. Live a better life and the will shrivel to nothing more than empty husks and die.

Your penchant for accumulation is a simple by-product of your parasitic infection, give you unneeded possessions to those less fortunate. Unless they cool things, if that is the case forward them to me.

Lust4Life wrote:

Why is it that the journey is often more exciting than reaching the destination?

It is so because the destination is often boring and filled with inane jabbering hordes of equally boring tourists. Make the journey the destination and enjoy.

homah_7ft wrote:

Why? When?

Why not? Always.

Hail 2 Da Chimp wrote:

How did Homah get back...?

Who did he have to sleep with?

He ‘got back’ quite well I assume but I am sure he does not want me to divulge his intimately embarrassing sexual exploits here for all to see.

clownbag wrote:

Any update on that list of potential fe-boardsies mating list I asked for a few pages back. Any chance scraggs will become less attracted to wise gnomes and more attracted to handsome clowns as time goes by and if not is there any chance you could rent her out to me every now and again.?

Well my dearest clownbag you may have thought I had forgotten about but I haven’t. After observing both yourself and a select few members of the opposite sex frequent this place, I have found the answer you seek however I must encrypt my response as not to alarm your victim/lover/prey.

83.10.01.03.11.71.28.13.5
. ≠ 2 8 6 8 10 12 14 16
. = 2 5 8 11 14 17 20

As to my little Scraggling, she and I have drifted apart as of late. Things are not the same. It brings to mind the words of a dear friend. Where is the horse and the rider? Where is the horn that was blowing? They have passed like rain on the mountain, like wind in the meadow. The days have gone down in the West behind the hills into shadow. How did it come to this?

Hail 2 Da Chimp

What is the answer to this question?

83.10.01.03.11.71.28.13.5
. ≠ 2 8 6 8 10 12 14 16
. = 2 5 8 11 14 17 20

The Gnome

Hail 2 Da Chimp wrote:

What is the answer to this question?

83.10.01.03.11.71.28.13.5
. ≠ 2 8 6 8 10 12 14 16
. = 2 5 8 11 14 17 20

That's not a question it's an answer.

takola

Should I drink Tea or Coffee now?

The Gnome

takola wrote:

Should I drink Tea or Coffee now?

Well, if i were you I'd kick back right now with a delicious Chai of some form, perhaps even an Aztec spice tea. Both delicious and healthier than coffee.

Lust4Life

How can a Gnome not recommend coffee?????? It's the nectar of life!

The Gnome

Lust4Life wrote:

How can a Gnome not recommend coffee?????? It's the nectar of life!

The less others dinks the more for me.

AHEM, yes. Well I believe the nectar of life is in fact nectar.

takola

Why does the bowl of petunia's say, "Oh no, not again" when it is inexplicably called into existence in the upper atmosphere of Magrathea just seconds before it impacts on the surface?

The Gnome

takola wrote:

Why does the bowl of petunia's say, "Oh no, not again" when it is inexplicably called into existence in the upper atmosphere of Magrathea just seconds before it impacts on the surface?

I assume you haven't yet finished the trilogy of five you are referring to with this question. Unfortunatly the reason the petunias said such a thing is a central point in the plot of the later books. So I don't wish to ruin a spendidly eccentric tale for you by giving you the answer now.

takola

I do in fact know the answer. So spill!

And when you've finished answering.. Who invented the total perspective vortex and why?

The Gnome

takola wrote:

I do in fact know the answer. So spill!

Very well, if you insist

The petunias are in fact Agrajag, a being who is killed by Arthur and reincarnated. Repeatedly.

takola wrote:

And when you've finished answering.. Who invented the total perspective vortex and why?

It was created by a man called Trin Tragula, he created the device as a means to aggrivate his wife