lost

bassist

when i was nine my parents got seperated and my dad moved out. ive never got on with my mam so after years of arguing i moved in with my dad when i was fourteen. i get really well with him and when i was getting trouble in school he always stuck up for me even when i was wrong. my mam just always blamed me and hit me, she's a serious alcholic!
all through my teens and my early twenties whenever i had a problem i knew i could always go to him and some how he'd sort it out and make feel better.
recently my dad got sentenced to four years in prison. i feel like ive lost the only parent ive ever had. i feel completley lost and dont know how im meant to be handling this.
any advice on this would be cool

Ruu_Old

Sorry for the trouble you have gone through. I don't want to sound rude but it seems like your Dad let you get away with alot of stuff when he should have corrected you, so of course your Mam may look like "the bad guy". I assume you are going to stay with your Mam? Have a long chat with her and sort it out, families are important in times of trouble. Best of luck.

bassist

your right he did let me away with alot of stuff but its not the discipline thing thats the problem. i see where your coming from about my mam, but beleive me she is a bad guy. i dont get on with her just because of stupid teenager stuff she's a horrable person, i wont bore you with the details but she's responsable for so much bad stuff in my life that i cant have anything to with her. i wont be moving in with her, im 22 so ill be moving out of home.
the main thing is i feel really guilty cause he did so much for me and now his life is in ****e. i know i cant do anything to help him
im just all over the place

Sangre

Well you're a 'man' now but so I think the sound thing to do is repay your dad the favour. Be there for him, support him, visit him regularly, help him out with anything he needs.

Black Swan

Your Da was there for you. Now it's your turn to be there for him. Write to him and visit him. You can still share, both of you.

abetarrush

bassist wrote:

when i was nine my parents got seperated and my dad moved out. ive never got on with my mam so after years of arguing i moved in with my dad when i was fourteen. i get really well with him and when i was getting trouble in school he always stuck up for me even when i was wrong. my mam just always blamed me and hit me, she's a serious alcholic!
all through my teens and my early twenties whenever i had a problem i knew i could always go to him and some how he'd sort it out and make feel better.
recently my dad got sentenced to four years in prison. i feel like ive lost the only parent ive ever had. i feel completley lost and dont know how im meant to be handling this.
any advice on this would be cool

omg, this is my exact story! People think I'm just holdin a grudge but its not that simple, I dont like my mother at all, shes a bad person


So yeah, just be there for your dad. Visit him, and write to him a lot, can they use email there?

4 years actually isnt as long as it seems now, and he might be out sooner. Just remember he's still your dad, and the same person, and I'm sure he misses u just as much

If ye need t talk again jus PM me

Good luck

fabcat

I don't mean this too sound harsh and I'm sorry if it comes across that way, but maybe you should use this time to branch out and start leading your own life, I can't rely on either of my parents, which is sad and can't unfortunately be resolved by talking which i assume is that same situation with your Mother, unfortunately some people just aren't meant to be parents. Try and use this next 4 years to have a life of your own, if you mess up and make a mistake, your not on your own, your dad is still just a phonecall or a visit away. I know you'll miss him, but he'll always be there for you.

bassist

yeah ive sort of came to that conclusion meself. ive sort of been livin in a bubble since they split up. this is the first ntime ive felt ive had to be grown up on me own. cheers for the reply's everybody

Beruthiel

bassist wrote:

the main thing is i feel really guilty cause he did so much for me and now his life is in ****e. i know i cant do anything to help him

Don't feel guilty because you cannot help him.
After all, he's not going to jail for no reason, he put himself there.
You may see him as a good Dad, probably in his own way he was, but to let you get away with stuff that you did, is not good parenting and teachs you nothing.
You can help him out by going to visit him while he's inside, bringing him little things to help pass the time, books if he likes to read etc..

At 22 you are well able to look at your own life now and decide what you want from it. I'm guessing that both your parents have taught you one difficult lesson, and that is to do better.
You sound like a smart chap, I believe if you put the head down, you will do fine.

LadyJ

OP,I'm sorry for your troubles. It is very difficult to be without the people we depend on.

I think you'll be ok though. Your dad's sentence might seem long now but,really,it's very short in the grand scheme of things.

Visit him,talk to him and help him through this but don't be afraid or feel guilty about going out and living your own life.

This is your chance to gain some independence and form some good,solid friendships,so that you know you always have someone to talk to when you need to.

In the long run,this might be a good thing for you. And maybe even for your Dad too. It might help you both to gain some sort of perspective on your lives.

As for your mother,if someone is a violent alcoholic and they refuse to accept any help then there is not much anyone can do for them.

Best left alone.

It's amazing that you need a licence to own a television but they let anyone have children.

Medina

Hey, that sounds really tough going.

Don't let your Dad down now he needs you, be there for him and you seem to love him a lot so I'm sure you will help him. Just make sure you have your own support because it can be a heavy weight if someone else that you love starts to depend on you completely.

I became an emotional crutch for my mother during my final year in college, I love her to bits, but she never knew how hard it was to be there all the time for her. I barely scraped through my exams with a degree because I was so worn out with it all and hadn't anyone to share it with.

Do you have good friends with whom you can share your situation with? Good friendships are great, but if you haven't got one, you can really feel the pressure.

If you have one great, if not, try making friends, or joining a club. You need to keep interacting with other people.

Hopefully someday, despite all her faults, you'll find it in your heart to forgive your mother. It can be difficult to do but you feel so much better if you do.

And don't forget, you'll always have Boards to let off steam if it gets too much.

Take care