What the hell do I do?

Belgareth

Hi all, new here but have a request for advice?
Broke up with gfriend a couple of months back but due to only getting mortgage start of year, we cant sell house until at least jan 07. Says still loves me and thinks that maybe a year or two when finished college we could work, stress of work college and buying house got to her she says and I was her first serious relationship (shes 26 but only had 2/3 month ones before me) - doesnt want to sell house and expects me to hang on in house even though I know she has had couple of flings and stuff, I just cant get over her. Have fallen into bed a few times with her and she has cried about how much she loves me. Recently had a cancer scare and she just clammed up since even though things are OK. I am completely in love with her and cant imagine life without her but I need to either get back with her or get away from her for good. All my friends hate her because she wants (or seems to) her cake and eat it as I have done stuff like picked her up after night out in town, picked her up from oxegen last weekend at 2 in morning when I had work next day and am dropping her to airport for her holiday on friday morning. Sometimes she is lovey dovey with me, sometimes she is distant. We have gone for dinner a few times and drinks and stuff. She has told me in heated rows that she hated me but then relented and said she was just stressed. At one point I actually though I was over her just before my exams and told her so with drink on me but on reflection I was only trying to hurt her. I am at wits end with this situation as I did something I would normally never do and checked her mobile and found she was having a bit of barney with a guy she saw a few times. he wanted to get serious but she wanted to jsut have a fling and told hiom to f off. I admitted what I did to her and she was angry but rushed to explain that she was just having a bit of a laugh and he was an idiot.

I think she is hedging her bet with me to see if she can make up her mind but thats unfair on me. I am no angel and neither is she but I have had some fo her friends telling me that she is finished with me and others saying she is holding out to see how things go.

What should I do? I cant afford to move out but its breaking mu heart to see her getting on with things.....

HELP

Marksie

I am afraid it seems That you are being played.

Don't move out. possession being 9/10th of the law and all that.
Have you thought of asking her to buy you out?

Ruu_Old

She seems very confused. Maybe you could rent the house out to someone, split the money and move somewhere else as I think she needs to be less dependant on you. You also need the space to sort your head out.

Beruthiel

Can you rent out a couple of rooms to help with payments?

She sounds like a head wrecker tbh and it won't get better.
Sounds harsh, but if she can't decide what she wants, then you've got to cut her out of your life. Cold. No contact whatsoever!
If you continue as you are then expect to feel miserable for a long, long time, because you cannot get over someone while they still exist in your life.
good luck

Fanny Cradock

Belgareth wrote:

Says still loves me and thinks that maybe a year or two when finished college we could work, stress of work college and buying house got to her she says and I was her first serious relationship (shes 26 but only had 2/3 month ones before me

That’s a bs statement from her. I’d say she is stringing you along.

I assume you bought the place together. Is there anyway that you could move out until September? move back home and get a short term lodger in your stead. Or sell your half of the mortgage etc. come January? I’m unsure about this end of stuff though.

In the mean time you have to stop pandering to her. Why pick her up at 2 in the morning? This is foolish as no amount of this behaviour will change her mind.

Stop going out with her.
Stop reading her texts.
Let her get on with her own life.

Do your own things with your own friends.
Join clubs, societies, go for drinks with friends etc. Keep yourself busy and away from her presence as much as possible.
DON'T include her in any of these activities. Even though you are living together in the same house you should be living your own life.

Sleepy

Kick her out and rent some rooms to cover her share of the mortgage.

Fanny Cradock

Sleepy wrote:

Kick her out and rent some rooms to cover her share of the mortgage.

yeah, if she isn't paying the mortgage then, in the nicest way as possible, kick her arse out the door - never to return!

Belgareth

Beruthiel wrote:

Can you rent out a couple of rooms to help with payments?

She sounds like a head wrecker tbh and it won't get better.
Sounds harsh, but if she can't decide what she wants, then you've got to cut her out of your life. Cold. No contact whatsoever!
If you continue as you are then expect to feel miserable for a long, long time, because you cannot get over someone while they still exist in your life.
good luck

Problem is that jsut being around her when she is good form makes me feel good. SHe is going away for over 2 1/2 wks fri and I am going to miss her terribly. I checked on aware website and it seems I could suffering from some form of depression brought on by this as I fulfilled the following points:

Feeling - depressed, sad, anxious or bored

Sleep - waking during the night or too early in the morning, oversleeping or trouble getting to sleep

Thinking - slow thinking, poor concentration, forgetful or indecisive

Interest - loss of interest in food, work, sex and life seems dull

Value - reduced sense of self-worth, low self esteem or guilt

Even though love her, I am very angry at how she is acting also and the fact that she may not be the wonderful and amazing person I though she was is also crushing me. I dont think she is deliberately cruel, just thoughtless as she is under severe stress in work and college (although she is off from june to sept) and has family difficulties with her mother??

I am afriad that I might loose my job as it has been said to me several times to get my act together as I deal with clients over phone and some have taken to remarking how dreary I sound.

Choices is- stay and end up going ga ga or leave and maybe loose house?

great choices aint tehy?

free2fly

I have recently gotten out of a similar situation, though I was the one who decided that I wanted out of the relationship. I was not financially able to move out on my own immediately and it was torture for both of us while I was in the house. My partner was doing the same things that you did, i.e. reading my text messages etc. I felt like a criminal in my own home. It sounds to me that she is playing you. She is trying to keep you there in case things don't work out the way that she hopes they will. She will still have your financial help for as long as it takes. She is playing with your head and taking advantage of your love for her. Stop doing things for her like collecting her when she needs a way to get home late at night! You are enabling her to use you. Just say NO! I would suggest that you ask her to buy you out of the house. Take the money and use what you need to get yurself set up elsewhere and invest the rest of the money wisely.

Beruthiel

ok
Who exactly is paying the mortgage?

Secondly, when your head is all over the camp like this, it is very, very difficult to see the woods from the trees.
You are her fall back doormat, sorry, but from what you have said above, that's exactly what you are.
You get one life, do you want a miserable one or a happy one?
So what, if she's nice some of the time, would that be 90% of the time or 10%?
Because if it's 10%, cut your losses, you will get over her, it takes time and space away from each other.

Belgareth

yeah, reason i started this is cos while she is away i was thinking of getting my stuff out and trying to arrange lodgers or something so when she comes back i can put situation to her and try to close on it - she goes mad if i mention selling house as she said it would be really hard to get one on our own and its a good investment. crap investment if you loose job or health due to being depressive? tried to get with other girtls but they jsut didnt interested to point where i cant even talk to them anymore as i know i am jsut looking to replace her with someone else instead of liking them for themselves (and I wasnt the greatest chat up artist as it was to begin with!!!!!!).

so do i make arrangements and spring it on her when she comes home as this cant go on - have already lost half stone due to poor appettite as it is.

Belgareth

Beruthiel wrote:

ok
Who exactly is paying the mortgage?

Secondly, when your head is all over the camp like this, it is very, very difficult to see the woods from the trees.
You are her fall back doormat, sorry, but from what you have said above, that's exactly what you are.
You get one life, do you want a miserable one or a happy one?
So what, if she's nice some of the time, would that be 90% of the time or 10%?
Because if it's 10%, cut your losses, you will get over her, it takes time and space away from each other.

we pay through j bank accoung equal share of everthing. she is usually in good mood and do have sex fairly often although oinly on her terms sadly. i know i am being played and my friends are really annoyed with me. i only ever read her phone once as i knew if i did i might fing something i didnt like (which I did) and now i kepe thinking about checking it when she leaves it behind her but thats just plain wrong and a little creepy also. things were great until bought house and went downhill from there - only in house since jan and xmas was nightmare of worrrying about money etc.

so, do i do as above and jsut get the f**k out of dodge??????? really messed up with this folks......

Beruthiel

Belgareth wrote:

i was thinking of getting my stuff out and trying to arrange lodgers or something so when she comes back i can put situation to her and try to close on it

That would seem the best idea, you can use the money to pay the mortgage and at the end of the year, sell it and split the profit. She cannot stop you from selling your half, if she wishes to buy you out, fair enough. If she cannot buy you out, then ye sell up and move on.

crap investment if you loose job or health due to being depressive?

It's not worth it.

tried to get with other girtls but they jsut didnt interested to point where i cant even talk to them anymore as i know i am jsut looking to replace her with someone else instead

Cut that out straight away. You have enough on your plate at the moment, give yourself some space and time to get over this mess before getting yourself in another one!

free2fly

tried to get with other girtls but they jsut didnt interested to point where i cant even talk to them anymore as i know i am jsut looking to replace her with someone else instead

Oh for the love of god OP don't try dating now! Take some time alone to put yourself back together. Learn to like yourself again before you try to get back out into the world. Take my word on this, being alone will work wonders. It will give you time to grieve, and heal. It's not going to be easy for a while, but you will get there. I promise. Until you get to the point that you are happy with yourself it is not fair to you, or any prospective dates, to embark on a relationship. It will only end up in heartache for one, or both, of you. PM if you need to talk.

AngryBadger

Beruthiel wrote:

That would seem the best idea, you can use the money to pay the mortgage and at the end of the year, sell it and split the profit. She cannot stop you from selling your half, if she wishes to buy you out, fair enough. If she cannot buy you out, then ye sell up and move on.

crap investment if you loose job or health due to being depressive?

It's not worth it.

tried to get with other girtls but they jsut didnt interested to point where i cant even talk to them anymore as i know i am jsut looking to replace her with someone else instead

Cut that out straight away. You have enough on your plate at the moment, give yourself some space and time to get over this mess before getting yourself in another one!

Good advice.

The short and long of this situation is not that you're concerned about the house or the mortgage, it's that you're longing for her to flip back to the way she was before you split up.

Presumably, (since ye bought a house together), there was a time when things were fairly good between the two of you, and you want that back.

The problem is that's not going to happen. If she had any true feelings that way, or wanted to come back, then she wouldn't be off having random flings and all that garbage. She's is absolutely playing you like a pinball machine.

Decide what you want to do about the house, if finding lodgers works for you then go for it, she doesn't own the entire house.

Also I'd suggest checking out the legal situation with regard to the house, this may seem apranoid, but i find there's always a reason why someone goes to such lengths in a situation like this. And in my view this yo-yoing back and forth between loving and hating you sounds like a lot of effort on her aprt. Think about it, by alternating between loving and hating you she has you trapped. If she just said she didn't want to see you again it would hurt but you'd have some kind of closure, similarly if she said she wanted to get back together, great. But what's actually happening is that she has you spinng round and round with no idea which way is up.

Tell her you either want a relationship or nothing to do with her, and tell her what you want done as regards the house. If it were me i'd consider the lodger option, at least until one of you can buy the other out.

Angels

You two need a major break apart maybe for 6 months or so to sort your heads out. Did ye not make an agreement before the mortgage, as in you own 50% of the house as does she. So you could rent a few rooms out make up money that way, buy her out first & then rent rooms. Poor guy, but u need to breakaway from this woman for a while sort out a few things. Ever heard of distance makes the heart grow fonder. Well in your case im sure after 6 months you'll know if u really love her or not & surely she will know by then too.

Hope this is not too muddled for you im typing fare fast here, hope it helps some bit.

LegacyUser

It's finished with. Sort yourself out, get some respect and stop letting her walk all over you.

Belgareth

Thanks for advice folks, I do think she is playing me all right, trying to see how she feels, which is just out of order, I am starting to display the signs of depression and I am sure she can see it. I also had a scare whereby I had to go for cancer tests in my bowels - it came back clear thank god but for a short while I was up the walls with worrying and told her so but since then she has been distant (about week and half or so). It really changed my view on things and because of this I have make mind up over what to do. she obviously doesnt want the responsibilities of a relationship but wnat the good points that come with it like security, sex on tap etc. I deserve more out of life than to be strung along. thank yuou for all your kind words!!!!!!!

Sleepy

Belgareth, I'm going to tell you something you probably can't see yet yourself: your ex-girlfriend is a bitch. She's treating you like ****. Grow a pair and tell her (don't ask, or give an inch of room for negotiation) that you're selling the apartment.

Magic Pips

get out of dodge! Options:

- Sell the house, and split the profits

- Rent the house, split the remainder of the mortgage (presuming the rental income < mortgage)

But for your own happiness do not stay with this girl, she sounds a bit messed up too, you need to look after number 1, a healthy relationship will only support you feeling good, not the opposite!

good luck with things
Pips

muppetkiller

Agree with Sleepy here ...she's sounds like she thinks she has you wrapped around her finger. Get her out of your life asap.

Belgareth

does anyone know what the legal situation ios concerning selling the house? we bought in jointly and its 50-50 including payment of mortgage, bill and other stuff? can I force her to sell the house? will moving out and getting lodgers in affecct my rights or is it so long as name is on deed your OK?

I hate having to get all nasty abuot it but what else can i do? I have bent over backward to accomodate her and make life easy but the more i bend the more she pushes. previous poster was right, she is a bitch if she really thinks so little of me. well i am going to drop her to airport tomorrow and tell her just before she goes through gate that i will be making arrangements for lodger etc before she gets back and want house sold. hate to be spiteful but it should give her somethjing to think about whilst away......

what do people think? as said, dont want to get nasty but she is not playing fair.

???????????

Medina

You know however many rooms in house, you can at least rent one to cover your half of mortgage...and keep your investment...

I have a house with a boyf and it was like nothing I said could make him sell and I couldn't afford his half. Pushing her will make her go like this if she gets bitter that you're leaving her.

Although your investment is tied up it might be worth keeping it. Rent, use that to pay your half, and someday she may want to sell. Check out with your solicitor what your rights are.

As for her, she's walking all over you man, you deserve BETTER!!!
She's up and down like a rollercoaster, and thats selfish.

When a bit of time has passed you will see things more clearly and what she has done to you and you'll be glad you made the break. Its better for you to dump her than her to play you, bring other people home in front of you, or eventually dump you than just to stay there. Be strong, hundreds of people go this all the time, you are NOT alone by any means.

Belgareth

I would make it work if I could, had little problems like stress of money etc, but nothing major that couldnt be sorted out. i used to be an outgoing happy person but now i becoming emotional wreck, paranoid to point of checking her phone! i hate being like this and it has to stop. I told her at airport this morning that I was going to rent out rooms to cover my half and was moving out and she went ballistic on me told me she would throw any lodgers out when she got back, she still loved but was really confused, wants to have single life for whileetc etc…..told her that was not acceptable and to get real, she started crying and all but wouldn’t make any commitment to realationship at all so I just said good bye. Rang phone couple of time and left messages for me which still haven’t read or listened to. Have to get away before I go mad or do something stupid….she doesn’t seem to realize that this is affecting her too, thinks she is hard as nails which she is not as she cry when she has hangover for god sake and cried when I told her that if she wouldn’t make some sort of effort to repair things I was gone for good. Starting to think she may be gone a bit loopy! Certainly acting it anyway?

Anyway, she is gone for the next while so will relax and enjoy peace if I can, little else to be doing…..

John Mason

get rid of her now - change your phone number, the locks on the house. if she has anything in the house tell her you are putting everything outside the door at a particular time and if wants to come and get and if she does want bin them.
the only way you are going to get over this girl to to go cold turkey. she seems like a complete and utter bitch and is just using you - i would even advise you get a couple of ruffins to rough her up and tell her to **** and leave you alone - then you start over - seriously **** her, she will keep you hanging around for years as it suits her

Nevyn

irishbird banned from the personal issues forum for 1 month for advocating violence to resolve the situation.

conor-mr2

I think you would be better off selling the house and being done with it.

I mean she could make the lodgers life hell if she wanted and I would suggest you do contact your solicitor and discuss what options you have.

Although the house is a good investment, your health is your wealth at the end of the day and you seem to be suffering terribly.

Its great to see you had the courage to go through with it at airport.
Wants a single life for a while eh? Well she can have it now eh! You can move on. I see you are still talking about her trying to repair things or else you will be gone. You need to make a decision yourself. Maybe the time while she is away will help you do that.

FX Meister

She's an asshole, that's been established already. Contact a solicitor as soon as possible and get them to advise you on what steps you should take regarding selling the house.

Belgareth

Thinking about it, telling her at airport was probably a bit of a cowards way of doing it, but I think I need no more stress for a while. The house being empty is great for thinking things through and even though I do still want and love her, it will never work now with all the water under the bridge. Thinking back on things that I might have did to cause this, but beside the usual relationship issues like getting mortgage, work stress etc, we had it pretty handy to be honest?

Well, looks like it is going to turn legal which is shame as the only winners are the solicitors, but as said above, your health is your weatlh!

Sleepy

Belgareth, the relationship is over. Get that into your head. I know it seems like it'd be great if things went back to the way they were before but that's not going to happen. This girl doesn't love you. If she did, she wouldn't want to be "single for a while", she wouldn't be treating you like crap and you'd be living a nice happy life. This relationship cannot be saved. She might acquiesce and agree to work at it on her return but I can guarantee you this will all rear it's head again in the future. Some part of her clearly thinks she can do better for herself and as long as she's thinking this way she'll never be happy in a relationship with you. From the sounds of things, she'll deal with this by treating you like **** or cheating on you behind your back (which lets face it is the same thing). She is your ex-girlfriend. Accept this.

Go see a solicitor while she's gone so you know exactly where you stand on her return. If she hasn't seen one yet this gives you the upper hand in the next conversation you have to have with her: the one where you tell her you're selling the house.

Hey, look at the bright side, with the property market as it is at least you'll have made a tidy profit on the house

Belgareth

Hi sleepy, your right in what you sya, it is over and I cant see how we could ever make a go of it after her completely selfish actions.....still doesnt mean I cant wish for something though, how many people wish they would win the lotto yet whats the odds?

We usually wish for things we cant have, and this is one of them. I wish this never happened and I wish that we coudl sort out the hassles, but I have yet to talk to someone who doesnt think this relationship is starting to stink from the rot its that dead.....

Now I have to just deal with the heartache and pain and the crap of trying to figure out where the hell to go in life (assuming I manage to actually sell the hosue and have a life after wards and the solicitors dont eat up any equity on house....) because I had a idea of where life was going but thats out the window now! Its funny how love can turn to hate quite fast, in the space of time between telling her at the airport how I wanted a proper end to now I have started to really dislike her. I dont like to hate anyone but she has given me good cause. As I said, I'm no angel, but beside usual stuff of watching too much footy or leaviung the toilet seat up, she never wanted for anything nor did I ever do anything to justify her reactions. Unless she is mentally disturbed, she has no way to justify her actions towards me. As you siad sleepy, she obviously doesnt love me and is holding out for someone better. best of luck to her, hope she gets what she wants in life, but at this stage I am too hurt.

LegacyUser

Learn from it. And make sure this never happens you again.

Belgareth

cheesedude wrote:

Learn from it. And make sure this never happens you again.

Hello all,

Back again because so is she, from holidays. and I am worse than ever before. she brought me back LOADS of presents which suggest that she is feeling guilty or maybe she is tryin to bribe me into backing down from my announcement to force through the sale.
Cheesedude says above that I should 'learn from it'. Learn from what, never to fall in love with someone? Wish that was the case, but I am still madly, deeply in love with her and I cant help that. while she was away i had a blast, even hooked up with 2 very nice ladies, one knows me a little and she knows my situation so that was cool as we bought knew it was only a bit of fun and the other wasnt really pushed either so that was good. but reality came crashing back in last night and noe I'm back to square one.
She sent me loads of mails while away and rang a few times and she said that i sounded really good when talking to me and she missed me. we sat talking for ages last night but no resolving of problems either. Am I such a flake that I put up with this, the thought of being without her terrifies me and I mean terrifies - I almost get panic attacks at the thoughts of being without her. I get short of breath and light headed if I think on it too much, the idea of her being with someone else makes me almost physically sick, I couldn’t imagine what it would be like if I saw her with someone either, might collapse even.
Feel like there is no hope left in life as I invested all myself in this and her and the house and the dog even ffs. I know quite well that she is being incredibly wrong and I should nbto put up with is, but its like I am hypnotized.
Really want a resolution but have to keep waiting and waiting until next year…….

I think I will go mad wit this if it continues anymore and that is not an exagferation either.
But I am on right path with forcing sale am i not.

Fanny Cradock

well, you did very well without her for the time she was away. Make sure to remember that.
As it stands, living with the girl is living with a sickness. unless you make a break you will relive the same treatment that prompted you to post here day-in-day-out.

the disdain that she must have for you at some level won’t go away. roll on 6 months and there will be no more presents and, most likely, she'll end up dicking you around again. imo, the only reason she is behaving like this now is because the worm has turned (no offence) and she's terrified that the good thing she had going, i.e. a house husband, is slipping away. how long has she been in a position of dominance and you have been grateful to gobble up any emotional scraps she threw your way? don't back down now. take control of your life and stop being her lap dog.

go to a solicitor surreptitiously and cover yourself from a legal end, move out, and move on.

homeOwner

Your head is completely wrecked at this stage from all the drama, you cannot possibly sort this out in a day or a week or even decide what it is you want.

The main thing is to take care of business first. Basically if things are not going to work out between you two, then you need to sell the house. As it stands now there is no relationship and you have a right to start proceedings to sell. She hasnt said she doesnt want to sell, has she? So continue down this road and get the house on the market.

Secondly, this is affecting work. This is not good. You are probably depressed as you rightly said. You have to show up for work in the morning and you have to do your job, otherwise you are going to have another heap of problems with no income and a mortgage to pay. So take care of this - stop picking her up at 2am and jumping to her every call. Get enough sleep, eat right (i know that sounds silly, but honestly a good diet can work wonders for your mental health), start taking some vitamins, get out in the evenings and run or walk or cycle, do something active.

Lastly, dont mind the other posters, she is not a monster nor a bitch. She is probably having as much trouble coping with this as you are. It is clear she cant let go either, or she'd not be bothering with you at all and from what you say you two have been sleeping together frequently. You need to stop this - it is a sure way to wreck your head. You both loved each other once so dont treat her badly, never mind what she does.

When she sees that you are serious about selling, getting your life in order and moving on, she will react either by realising she wants you back (which is a long shot and do not hold out hope for this) or she will move on herself. I am guessing there is an element of neither of you wanting to make a final break from this relationship and this will only lead to more misery.

Its really hard, but you have to put yourself first and protect your investment in the house.

Belgareth

Thanks Fanny and Homeowner,

Good replies there. Fanny Craddock is right; living with her is like a sickness, a sore that won’t heal. Homeowner is right, she is not a monster or a bitch but she is not being too kind either. I know she loves me but she is going through something that she wont share with me whatever it is. The dynamic has changed as she is now trying to be nice to me as she is **** scared that her good thing is going. I am putting on an air of non chalance with her at the moment as I have been ‘free’ with her away. But in my heart and its sad to say, I am still holding out hope for her and I am not stupid and I know that it’s a very, very long shot. What has got me from the beginning with this is that I never got a clear explanation as to why this happened, just a lot of fluff about head being wrecked, stress but nothing concrete. I always was there for her and she for me.

Its starting to become apparent and yes I should have noticed before, but love is blind and all that meant that it wastn so obvious to me, is that she is acting like a complete **** wanting to have the best of all worlds. Well, I may love her and want her back, but I love me too and I wont 'me' back too. The person who was happy and successful and didnt worry all the time about where i am going to be in five years.
I didn’t loose friends when with her, but they definitely took a back seat to us although I did make sure to not lose touch and still made time for them and luckily for me I did or I would be lost now.
I still have to struggle through until new year though and that’s goin to be tough indeed.

Wish me luck.

Belgareth

double post

Fanny Cradock

yeah, good luck.

write out a list of objectives that you need to stick and also a vision of where you want to be in 9 months – keep it safe. it may help keep you focused on the task in hand and hopefully stop you from slipping in times of weakness.

LegacyUser

Well I have done it. I have moved out for good, I will have to keep paying mortgage until new year of course, but got legal advice and possession is in the deeds which are in both our names. I plainly asked her straight out on saturday night what she wanted. She told me, in a nutshell, ''I never want to lie in your arms again.....'' I nearly passed out to hear that and she realised that the cat was out of the bag then because I told her that that was all I needed to hear and that I was making the right decision. Still killed me to the extent that I did something incredibly stupid;drank full bottle of tequila and started on a bottle of whiskey Luckily I had the brains to ring a friend to tell them who got there promptly and almost kicked in door (she ahd gone asleep at this stage) to wake me up and make me vomit it all up. He locked the door to my room then and told her to piss off, said I had just drank too much. I feel like a total idiot for doing it, I always thought maybe there was hope, but that line keeps goign arounnd in my head. He got there in 20 minutes but was concerned about the amount of alcohol, although he said it was almost pure tequila that came up when I got sick so it was OK (he is a med student so knows the score). I dont know why I drank that much, I know I am not suicidal or anything, just wanted.

I did it to try and hurt her and I feel like ****e now, she thinks I just got too drunk and I am very ashamed.

free2fly

[/QUOTE]I did it to try and hurt her and I feel like ****e now, she thinks I just got too drunk and I am very ashamed.[/QUOTE]

Don't be too hard on yourself OP. You have been going through hell lately. We all have moments of weakness in affairs of the heart.

You should be proud of yourself for having the courage to do the right thing and get away from her. Her words were very hurtful. And I'm sorry that she said that to you. But the hurt will diminish eventually.

You were strong in your decision. Focus on that.