how to get my 16 month old to sleep in her cot

teagan

Hi,

We(myself and my partner)made the mistake of letting our 16 month old sleep in our bed as an infant and are now finding it impossible to get her to sleep in her cot. She takes over the whole bed at night and we find ourselves getting very little sleep.
I wait until she falls asleep and then try put her in her cot, she'll stay there anything from 5 mins to half an hour, as soon as she wakes she stands up in the cot and cries and cries. We've tried ignoring this crying but she gets herself so worked up that she starts vomiting.
It's been two months now of sleepless nights, we spend the night just taking her back out of the cot into the bed untill she falls asleep and then putting her back in....probably 7/8 times a night.
Has anyone any suggestions?

Littleflo

Hi Teagan,
It seems as though your 16 month old is rulling the roost in your home. What I would recommend is that you bite the bullet and put her down to sleep in her cot while still awake at night-time and don't attempt to bring her into your bed. Then let her cry it out - the controlled crying method is the only way to go. Speak very gently to her, telling her that she is a big girl now and needs to sleep in her own cot and put her down to sleep with her soother (if she has one) or comforter or favourite toy. Then leave the room quickly and let her cry. Go in and check her after 5 minutes and just lay her down to sleep again, saying... sleeping time now and avoid making direct eye contact with her and leave the room quickly. Continue doing this but delay in going to settle her again by another few minutes (2nd time - say 8 minutes). However if she sicks up then you have no choice but to clean her up - but put her back into the cot as soon as she and the cot are clean again without speaking to her. Have extra sheets and blankets within arms reach in the room in case this happens. The controlled crying method usually takes about 3 night before the child eventually cops on to it and gets fed up of crying all the time. I would recommend that you start controlled crying at the weekend or when you don't have to be up too early the next morning. Trust me, you will find this method does actually work.
Good luck and regards and let me know how things go.

Ickle Magoo

Thought you may find this thread useful....someone else posted re the same kind of issue not so long ago but it was for a younger child...but some of the methods may be worth trying? ...best of luck

teagan

thanks for the advice, i'll give that ago, I thought I was been cruel leaving her in her cot crying like that but if that what it takes...

Ickle Magoo

There are other methods such as the pick-up-put-down technique or the no-cry-sleep-solution...you could try them (plenty of info on how to do them if you google) if controlled crying doesn't appeal?

MyBaby

Littleflo wrote:

Hi Teagan,
It seems as though your 16 month old is rulling the roost in your home. What I would recommend is that you bite the bullet and put her down to sleep in her cot while still awake at night-time and don't attempt to bring her into your bed. Then let her cry it out - the controlled crying method is the only way to go. Speak very gently to her, telling her that she is a big girl now and needs to sleep in her own cot and put her down to sleep with her soother (if she has one) or comforter or favourite toy. Then leave the room quickly and let her cry. Go in and check her after 5 minutes and just lay her down to sleep again, saying... sleeping time now and avoid making direct eye contact with her and leave the room quickly. Continue doing this but delay in going to settle her again by another few minutes (2nd time - say 8 minutes). However if she sicks up then you have no choice but to clean her up - but put her back into the cot as soon as she and the cot are clean again without speaking to her. Have extra sheets and blankets within arms reach in the room in case this happens. The controlled crying method usually takes about 3 night before the child eventually cops on to it and gets fed up of crying all the time. I would recommend that you start controlled crying at the weekend or when you don't have to be up too early the next morning. Trust me, you will find this method does actually work.
Good luck and regards and let me know how things go.

Agree totally. My baby was about 7/8months old, wouldnt go asleep in his cot, public health nurse said that I had to get him used to fallin asleep in his cot not on the sofa etc and then putting him in the cot.

1st night i put him in, he cried solid for an hour, i felt so bad but stuck to it, next nite went down to say 45 mins, on so on. Now most nites he will go asleep as soon as i lie him in the cot and tuck him in once he is tired as he is used to his surroundings etc. The odd tim he may cry 4 about 5/10mins.

teagan

Ickle Magoo wrote:

There are other methods such as the pick-up-put-down technique or the no-cry-sleep-solution...you could try them (plenty of info on how to do them if you google) if controlled crying doesn't appeal?

Just tried the cry it out technique today for her nap, I left her in her cot for 45 mins with no luck, going back into lay her back down every 5 then 10 mins. It broke my heart, she cried and cried so bad, she was so worked up, really sobbing her little heart out the whole time. I picked her up and rocked her and she fell asleep in my arms in under 5 mins, I put her down in her cot where she is now still sleeping.

I've just read the no cry sleep solution and what it says on letting your baby cry it out.....

“A child cannot comprehend why you are ignoring his cries for help. Ignoring your baby's cries, even with the best of intentions, may lead him to feel that he has been abandoned. Babies are responding to biological needs that sleep 'experts' either ignore or deny. It is true that a baby whose crying is ignored may eventually fall back asleep, but the problem that caused the night waking in the first place has remain unsolved.

“The most sensible and compassionate approach is to respond immediately to your child's cries. Remind yourself that you are the parent, and that giving your baby reassurance is one of the joyous responsibilities of being a parent. It is a beautiful feeling knowing that you alone have the power to brighten your child's life and banish fear and sorrow.”

Kate Allison Granju, in Attachment Parenting: Instinctive Care for Your Baby and Young Child
(Pocket Books, 1999), writes:

“Babies are people, extremely helpless, vulnerable, and dependent people. Your baby counts on you to lovingly care for her. When she cries, she is signaling — in the only way she knows how — that she needs you to be with her.

“You know what it feels like to cry in fear or distress. It feels terrible. And it's no different for your baby. When your baby cries he experiences physical changes. His blood pressure rises, his muscles become tense, and stress hormones flood his little body.

“Babies who are subjected to 'cry it out' sleep training do sometimes sleep deeply after they finally drop off. This is because babies and young children frequently sleep deeply after experiencing trauma. This deep sleep shouldn't be viewed as proof of the efficacy of the [cry it out] method but rather evidence of one of its many disturbing shortcomings

So needless to say I wont be doing that again. I'm going to try just rocking her to sleep and putting her down in her cot tonight, and pick her up and rock her every time she wakes and hopefully that will work.

Ickle Magoo

Yes teagan, that's pretty much my logic on it...everyone has different techniques & styles....my sister swears by controlled (or not) crying...it works for her....so just look around until you find a solution that suits you & your child best...there are times when "tough love" may work for children but for babies who don't know what is going on? Not sure about that....my PHN tried to tell me that my baby was trying to manipulate me & I'd end up spoiling her so I should just leave her to cry it out for as long as it took - which is a very old fashioned view & one I wasn't comfortable with, so I just did what suited me best....best of luck

Nevyn

I would suggest that you wean her slowly from being in your arms,
What you if try her in the cot but with you sitting close by rubbing her back or face and talking or singing to her ?

My eldest was very tough to get to sleep and would only drop off in the buggy intil he was nearly 2 and then be lifted into his cot/bed.

teagan

Thaedydal wrote:

I would suggest that you wean her slowly from being in your arms,
What you if try her in the cot but with you sitting close by rubbing her back or face and talking or singing to her ?

My eldest was very tough to get to sleep and would only drop off in the buggy intil he was nearly 2 and then be lifted into his cot/bed.

she looks absolutely terrified when I place her in the cot awake, she starts clinging on to my neck as I try lie her down, then she reaches her two arms out to me immediately to be picked up, when I stay nearby she stands up and tries to climb out of the cot to get to me, crying the whole time. She always has to be asleep before I can place her in the cot.

masterK

We had and are still having to some extents very similar issues. Leaving her to cry just didn't work as she got so upset she'd cough and sometimes vomit.

We are still in the process of trying to get her to go off on her own. At first we sat in the room while she drank a bottle and settled herself, this was taking over an hour a lot of the time. If we left the room she'd go delirious.

We are now giving her a bottle downstairs, then bringing her up washing her teeth and then putting her into the cot and leaving her. When she cries we go into her and settle her, she'll usually go off in 10-20 minutes. It's been far more easier than we'd imagined as having been in the room with her while she went off we couldn't move.

It really is a battle of wills, my wife still has a trouble putting her down, it's as if she knows mammy will give in easier.

Victor

What about putting cot next to bed with child in it. Go to sleep.

Gradually move the cot further and further away.

dame

I agree with masterK, it can definitely be a battle of wills. Mother-in-law had years of trouble getting her kids to sleep in their cot. Guess what, she now has trouble when babysitting grand-child! She gets Grandad to put child to bed as she hasn't the heart to say goodnight, kiss and leave the room if the child so much as looks at her with a puppy-dog expression. Child sleeps absolutely fine at home and in other grandparents house but Granny simply cannot put a child to bed until they're about four years old.

OP, can you ask your husband to put child to bed for a fewnights or even weeks until child gets used to going to bed and sleeping? Or else put child in cot, say goodnight, kiss then stand outside door just out of view. That way you're reasureed they're OK and you can talk to child if necessary to calm her down.

It's unfair on husband, daughter or yourself to keep going as you are.

teagan

it's now a week and half of her sleeping in her cot, we do have to spend about an hour in the room with her before she'll go asleep, constantly lying her back down cos she keeps standing up crying and trying to climb out of the cot. When she does eventually go asleep she'll wake probably once during the night, around 4, she fall back asleep within 10 mins when I go into her. Last night though was a different story, my partner spent half an hour in the room with her, she wouldn't sleep, then I spent half an hour with her crying and trying to get out of the cot, eventually pickng her up and she fell asleep in my arms in 5 mins. Put her in the cot and went back down stairs, 5 mins later we heard her crying, we didn't go up hoping she fall back asleep, next minute we heard a big thump and her running across the landing. I honsesty don't know how she managed to climb out of the cot, it's lowered down to the lowest setting and she's only 16 months. We had to laugh! Went to put her back in to find she had vomited everywhere.
Now that she knows how to get out of the cot, this is going to get even harder.

Nevyn

Well if the child is that terrorified of the cot then I would start there.
You need to introduce the cot as a safe place, but thier teddies in it and thier blanket or what ever and let them see teddy go in and then come out ok.
Why not try leaving them in with thier teddy for a while and then take them back out.
Take away the fear of the cot.

teagan

she has her two favourite teddies and her doll in the cot with her, she usually throws them out when she's gettin out in the morning, and she has a little light projection musical thingy that turns on when she cries. persitence is the only answer here I think, going to be a long few weeks!

dame

Hi teagan,

Another option:
Since your daughter dislikes the cot so much and can now climb out of it have you considered getting rid of the cot altogether? My daughter outgrew her cot at about 18 mths, older than your daughter is now but not by an awful lot. Her bed was going to be a regular single bed so we put the mattress on the floor (so she couldn't fall out) for a few months and she loved it! Just put a sheet on it and used her cot blanket as felt she was too small for a big single bed duvet. Didn't use pillow either as she had never had one in her cot. She loved having her own bed, still does!

Make sure you have a decent stair gate and close it every night but leave her bedroom door half open. Close all other doors (especially bathroom, she threw metal waste-paper basket into bath one night, nearly gave us a heart attack!) so that she can't get up to any mischief but can only go as far as stair gate where you'll definitely hear her and can return her to her bed. After a good few months of that we got the bed frame back out and put one of those side rails on it to keep her from falling out (Argos, really handy things that fit under mattress).

You will need to make a bit of a fuss over her and her "new big-girl bed" and will probably need to lie beside her for a while for a couple of nights until she gets used to it but she'll love the freedom of not being behind bars. If you hear her out of bed go to top of stairs and direct her back to bed. Again it'll take a few times to steer her back but she'll get used to it. Don't carry her, take her by the hand and tell her it's bedtime as you lead her to the bed. Same for if she strolls into your room in the middle of night - explain that this is Mammy and Daddy's bed and lead her back to her own bed telling her that this is her bed, time for sleep. You could also start a lie-down and listen to a story routine at bedtime now too. A very short one though, concentration isn't too long at this age! Leave her looking at the book in bed herself as you leave.

You might think she's far too young to not be sleeping in a cot yet but for my own peace of mind I decided I'd rather a child be getting up off a mattress on the floor than be climbing over a cot-rail and dropping down. There are also smaller beds you can buy, ones that look like trains or whatever, are low to the ground and have sides to help stop child rolling out. Maybe have a look at them and see what you think.

Things will get easier!

angeldelight

I don't have my own children but the couple I babysit for have a 17 month old son, and like dame, they couldn't get him to stay in his cot so he had a "big" bed, it was a very low one and lots of cushions etc on the floor. Then when he got out of bed, the first time they'd take him by the hand and say it's bed time, goodnight, and tuck him into bed. Then the second time he got up they'd just say goodnight and tuck him back in. The third and subsequent times they didn't say anything, not a word, just took him by the hand and quietly tucked him into bed. They had a few nights of hell and then it started to work. Now he only gets up about once every week maybe. The change is amazing, I had been ready to give up babysitting for the, as I couldn't handle the crying etc but even now when he does get back up he's pretty calm and settles quickly

teagan

Me and my partner had just been discussing putting her in her own bed...maybe it is time for the cot to go

Miss Judy

guys, we are having similar problems with our 16 month old. She goes to sleep at about 8pm, wakes at 11/12 screaming for the night!. I have tried everything (barr controlled crying I don't like it!). I went up last night and brought her into bed with me to see if that helped and she just screamed and kicked, the poor little pet was hysterical. This is going on for a long time now and my hubbie and I are like zombies and it's affecting us in everyway. Thank god it doesn't wake up our 5 year old who has school the next day but she was so bad one night last week he didn't sleep too well and I felt terrible for him.
I took her to the doctor last night at midnight just incase she was not well and I was not realising it as I checked her all over and she didn't even have a temperature. Doctor was great and said there was nothing wrong with her, checked everything as I was worried it could be an ear infection. Granted last week she was sick, she picked up that vomitting bug and was really sick for 2 days and bounced back.
I don't know what to do anymore though, we are so tired it's unnatural and we are also worried that something really is wrong with her and we are not coping on to it.:(
If she falls asleep in my arms and I put her into her cot she wakes straght away hysterical and the noise she makes half the time I think she has jumped out of the cot and she is nearly there actually!!:eek: .
Any suggestions anyone on how to sort this out, as this is my 2nd baby you would think I would be better but our son was sleeping thru the night from 3 weeks and he loves his bed!!, suppose he has us ruined!!.
All suggestions greatly appreciated coz the tiredness is now affecting me at work in a very obvious way:o , and I wouldn't expect anyone to mind them for a night to give us a break coz she is sleeping so badly..anyway I would miss them too much (mad mother!!:rolleyes: )
Thanks in advance!

gonker

All the advise in this thread is brilliant but you just have to persevere. We did the controlled crying with my second daughter(the first one was sleeping through from a few weeks). Second daughter was in and out of hospital when she was a baby so her sleep pattern was all over the place. My husband had to physically hold me down to stop me going into my daughter when she was crying but it only took 3 nights and she slept through.

Night terrors could be the reason your child is screaming. They (the mysterious they) suggest maybe waking your child just before the dreams normally happen so you interrupt the sleep pattern. Not too sure how it works but google it. Good luck.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/health/conditions/nightmare2.shtml
or http://pediatrics.about.com/cs/sleep/a/night_terrors.htm

teagan

Miss Judy wrote:

guys, we are having similar problems with our 16 month old. She goes to sleep at about 8pm, wakes at 11/12 screaming for the night!. I have tried everything (barr controlled crying I don't like it!). I went up last night and brought her into bed with me to see if that helped and she just screamed and kicked, the poor little pet was hysterical. This is going on for a long time now and my hubbie and I are like zombies and it's affecting us in everyway. Thank god it doesn't wake up our 5 year old who has school the next day but she was so bad one night last week he didn't sleep too well and I felt terrible for him.
I took her to the doctor last night at midnight just incase she was not well and I was not realising it as I checked her all over and she didn't even have a temperature. Doctor was great and said there was nothing wrong with her, checked everything as I was worried it could be an ear infection. Granted last week she was sick, she picked up that vomitting bug and was really sick for 2 days and bounced back.
I don't know what to do anymore though, we are so tired it's unnatural and we are also worried that something really is wrong with her and we are not coping on to it.:(
If she falls asleep in my arms and I put her into her cot she wakes straght away hysterical and the noise she makes half the time I think she has jumped out of the cot and she is nearly there actually!!:eek: .
Any suggestions anyone on how to sort this out, as this is my 2nd baby you would think I would be better but our son was sleeping thru the night from 3 weeks and he loves his bed!!, suppose he has us ruined!!.
All suggestions greatly appreciated coz the tiredness is now affecting me at work in a very obvious way:o , and I wouldn't expect anyone to mind them for a night to give us a break coz she is sleeping so badly..anyway I would miss them too much (mad mother!!:rolleyes: )
Thanks in advance!

My Daughter is now 20 months, we got rid of her cot. She now has her own "Big girls bed".
She still won't fall asleep on her own but it's alot better than what it had been. Either me or my partner put her to bed at 8:30, we lie in the bed with her stroking her head for usually 5-20 mins, then she sleeps through until 6:30 the next morning. . The odd night she'll get out of her bed and come into our room and climb into our bed, but I'll get up and bring her back into her bed and she goes stright back asleep.
Maybe it's time you got rid of the cot???

FatherTed

We had twins and both were bad sleepers. I'm sure it was because let them cry and then we would go in and pick them up, rock them to sleep, put them down, they wake up again, and so on. For us, we could not let them cry it out because they would eventually throw up. And that is not healthy. It was not until they were almost 2 when we told them they would get new Big Girl Beds that they stopped their crying. It was bribery really, they were very excited about getting the Big Girl Beds but that meant no more crying. From Day 1 with the new beds, there was never an issue.