Lost my cool

Tony255

went out with my girlfriend last night and some of my friends, i was standing outside on the phone and my girlfriend was there with another one of her friends and this guy said to her why didnt you just come out naked you look like a prostitute. now she had a pair of those shorts on and didnt look in any way like a prostitute she's a really classy girl. so i lost it a bit and got stuck in the guy but now my girlfriend is pissed off with me for getting stuck in him. we left soon after (even though i wanted to knock his head off) so no punches were thrown but was i right to get stuck in. what would you have done.

RE*AC*TOR

I have no idea what you mean by "got stuck in the guy".

Did you put your penis in him and then were unable to take it back out - hence - you "got stuck in the guy"?

Beruthiel

No
You were not right to get stuck in. I would have been pissed off too.
Stupidity is always best ignored.

Beruthiel

RE*AC*TOR wrote:

I have no idea what you mean by "got stuck in the guy".

Did you put your penis in him and then were unable to take it back out - hence - you "got stuck in the guy"?

Another comment like that will get you a ban RE*AC*TOR
B

RE*AC*TOR

Sincerest apolgies. His phrasing was rather vague though - especially as he said no punches were thrown, I really haven't the foggiest idea what he is talking about.

toomevara

While as a red blooded male I can sympathise wholeheartedly with your reaction, i would have to say, that in the cold light of day and when the blood has cooled, you'll probably come to realise yourself that your reaction was the wrong one.

This individual was abviously one of ....'ahem' shall we say limited intellectual resources and severly restricted world view....you should not descend to his level and engage with him on his neanderthal terms..you're quite obviously better than that.Also once the genie of violence is unleashed from the bottle you really never know where things are going to end up.....also something I have learned from bitter experience is that meeting anger and foolishness with more of the same rarely produces results...

Women generally abhor violence, whether it be emotional, verbal or physical and in my experience they're generally right..cultivate the art of the devastating quip as a weapon against this type of ignoramus and remember the insult was not directed at you but your girlfriend, so she should be allowed dictate the tenor of the response.

If she's big enough to take it on the chin and see it for what it was ,i.e a moron at work...why cant you? There is no question of any threat to your masculinity or your girlfriend's perceptions of you as a man....honestly, they really dont think like that. Take it on the chin, eat a little humble pie and your lady will be so delighted with the fantastic renaissance man she's managed to snag that god knows what juicy rewards might float your way!

Dragan

toomevara wrote:

..you're quite obviously better than that.

Actually, it would seem he is not.

OP, depending on what your actions were exactly it would all depend. I get the feeling you simply went off on one and would have been sceaming, threatened etc. As such, you caused a scene and this is never appreciated, normally by the girlfriend and her friends and your friends if they are the right kind of people.

Also, an issue might be that you did not give your GF time to DEFEND HERSELF from the comment. I have noticed that women these days neither need nor want a protecter, unless they let you know that they want that protection. Obviously there are times when you should just act, but i reckon in her mind this was not one of them.

If you did the screaming and shouting thing, then you went about it the wrong way. He made a remark, and for whatever reason felt the need to pick on a girl, this will normally mark him out as a bully and a coward and as such, to quote The Streets "it was never going to be that Jackie Chan scene you thought it would be."

If you really felt the need to respond a simple cutting remark back would have done the trick. If it escalates from there then so be it, but at least it is now you instigating the trouble.

Basically, in my mind your mistakes are many and you did reduce yourself to a level that people do not want to see there partners at. No point in being suprised about it afterwards.

I suggest you apologise and simply say that you say red when this dude insulted your GF, and you weren't thinking and will do better next time, should it occur.

This is not an apology to tide things over btw, it's an apology because you were actually in the wrong from what i can. If there is any more detail to the story then post it and i will review my thoughts, but from the info you supplied, thats my opinion.

AngryBadger

RE*AC*TOR wrote:

I have no idea what you mean by "got stuck in the guy".

Did you put your penis in him and then were unable to take it back out - hence - you "got stuck in the guy"?

Dearest cuz your satirical lyrics have once again warmed my cockles with humourous disdain,

In fairness to the OP though, if I was out with a girlfriend, and someone persumed to make so crass a comment I'd say there's a high likelihood of me going to defcon 5 without even thinking, so i can sympathize. Maybe just try to make it clear(er) to your girlfriend that his remark fired you up because it was so disrespectful to her.

toomevara

Dragan wrote:

Actually, it would seem he is not.

Judge not...and all that....Think the fact that he's posting this for discussion indicates some doubt about his actions..but hey its all conjecture. Personally i always make it a policy to think the best of people until i'm proved wrong...

fuzzywiggle

I think you were right to get ''stuck in him'' as you call it. If someone said that to me and my boyfriend didn't do anything about, that would be the reason why I'd be pissed off, not for the opposite. That's just me though

LegacyUser

Fisticuffs is never correct. U can go to jail for that.
Then - what will your girlfriend think of U ? A lag ?
Not to mention the hurt and disgrace it would cause
to your family.

And not worth it either - afterall, girlfriends come and go ...

Not to mention the fact that someone might end up
seriously hurt in hospital. Possibly U.

The remark was made to your girlfriend.
I don't think it's up to U to take any action at all.
Doesn't she have a mouth herself ?
Could she not just tell the other person simply - to 'behave'.

A closed mouth catches no flies. Stupid is as stupid does !

Dragan

toomevara wrote:

Judge not...and all that....Think the fact that he's posting this for discussion indicates some doubt about his actions..but hey its all conjecture. Personally i always make it a policy to think the best of people until i'm proved wrong...

My comment was made purely from the point that he did actually drop to the level of the comment maker, and also to partly drive home to him exactly why his Girlfriend may have been pissed at him.

Too subtle????

toomevara

Good point..well made....

Funsterdelux

One could say, "why wheres your girlfriend tonight, oh she's workin, ah, workin girl". Rise him, dont get risen.
An auld smartarse comment or just look at him with a blank look on your face.
Never throw the first punch.

Black Swan

Can sympathise with both the OP and the girlfriend. The OP felt compelled to defend her honour, and she did not want the embarrassment of a scene. Perhaps a more measured response the next time? To use AngryBadger's metaphor, to go to DEFCON 3 rather than 5?:cool:

Da Bounca

If it happens again, punch the face off him.

LadyJ

OP,I really think your girlfriend would have felt a lot better if you'd just given her the chance to defend herself.

She's not a child. Also,how does a smart remark warrant a punch?

Next time,either let your girlfriend tell the moran to fcuk off herself ,insult him yourself or ignore that kind of crap. If he had punched the woman,maybe then would be the time to step in and give her a hand but don't go all Zidane on your mate for no reason!

Keeping your dignity is better than looking like a fool.

Funsterdelux

Funsterdelux wrote:

One could say, "why wheres your girlfriend tonight, oh she's workin, ah, workin girl". Rise him, dont get risen.
An auld smartarse comment or just look at him with a blank look on your face.
Never throw the first punch.

Depending on the amount of alcohol consumed, a smartarse comment probably wont be the best idea. This depends on the other person too.

I would've just kept walking or ignored the person. How did your girlfriend feel about the comment?

Gordon

Da Bounca wrote:

If it happens again, punch the face off him.

If you condone violence on this forum again I'll ban the face off you.

Skitbra

Well the OP said that he was her friend. He was probably only having a laugh with the girl. The OP should chill out a bit. All this macho "get stuck in" is a bit stupid. The OP was probably drunk and I'm guessing still young and immature.

Da Bounca

If it happens again, don't punch the face off him. Use words and show him how he's offended your lovely girlfriend, i'm sure he'll see his error and apologise profusely.

Ickle Magoo

I'd hate it if my partner stepped in & did the big "I'll protect you" thing for a lousy comment & I'd be p*ssed off too....if the guy was threatening me physically then fair enough - but even then a sharp word would hopefully suffice....it's not so much that I don't want my partner to protect me or that I think anyone should be able to say what they want....I just wouldn't want to give the idiot the opportunity to insult me then punch my partner... :mad:

LadyJ

Da Bounca wrote:

If it happens again, don't punch the face off him. Use words and show him how he's offended your lovely girlfriend, i'm sure he'll see his error and apologise profusely.

Whether the OP beats seven shades of $hit out of the guy or tries this approach,his friend will still be a moran and neither solution will change that.

OP should accept that his friend is a moran and either ignore him or stop hanging out with him.

Really though,it's his girlfriend's battle to fight and she should be the one to decide what is done.

Static M.e.

Sorry re-read your post.
I dont think you did anything really wrong, you got angry when someone insulted your GF. You got stuck in by which I take it you mean you start pushing him, squaring up etc but you didnt actually hit him. You then left and went on your way.

ArphaRima

Defcon 3 is a good response.
Then depending on your girlfriends ability to defend herself..
(I know girls that have broken into tears, and others that have screamed+slapped on reflex to comments like that)
I reckon a bit of chest out, voice raised (not shouting), and an apt retort -but never violent. Much more insulting is to force apology.

-There's are only one thing you have to remember. He cant get away with it. Pr*ck. >:[

RandomOne

I think just one word would have been an adequate response. I also think someone (possibly me) hasn't read or understood the first post properly. It reads to me that this was no friend, but outside the group of friends the OP/gf was with. If it were someone within my group, I'd probably react more than with a total stranger, but a total stranger isn't worth kicking off a row for IMO.

Ickle Magoo

RandomOne wrote:

I think just one word would have been an adequate response. I also think someone (possibly me) hasn't read or understood the first post properly. It reads to me that this was no friend, but outside the group of friends the OP/gf was with. If it were someone within my group, I'd probably react more than with a total stranger, but a total stranger isn't worth kicking off a row for IMO.

The OP says "this guy"....no mention of friends...I was a little confused at those answers too....

Strokesfan

I think you were kind of right to square up to him and if it didn't end up in a brawl - no harm done really. I would have been really upset if someone said that to me and nobody stuck up for me so you're girlfriend should appreciate the fact that you have so much respect for her... just my 2 cents

Tony255

Skitbra wrote:

Well the OP said that he was her friend. He was probably only having a laugh with the girl. The OP should chill out a bit. All this macho "get stuck in" is a bit stupid. The OP was probably drunk and I'm guessing still young and immature.

he wasnt a friend just a random guy out with his mates, please read the original post properly before leaving a comment like that, and i am far from young and immature

and just to clarify the situation there was no physical contact involved "stuck in" means an arguement ensued. I'm not a fighting person there's just some things that you cannot let go

LadyJ

Tony255 wrote:

he wasnt a friend just a random guy out with his mates, please read the original post properly before leaving a comment like that, and i am far from young and immature

It was a randomer?

Even more reason to just ignore it.

People are morans. Leave them to it. At the end of the day,he was probably jealous that you're the one going home with her.

That's all the revenge you need.

Gordon

Tony255 wrote:

he wasnt a friend just a random guy out with his mates, please read the original post properly before leaving a comment like that, and i am far from young and immature

I was 50-50 on the fact that you were having a fight with a friend or a random person. Please be more concise with your posting.

Also, LadyJ, I don't usually do this but it's niggling at me (probably due to the surname Moran) but it's "moron", not "moran"!

LadyJ

Gordon wrote:

I was 50-50 on the fact that you were having a fight with a friend or a random person. Please be more concise with your posting.

Also, LadyJ, I don't usually do this but it's niggling at me (probably due to the surname Moran) but it's "moron", not "moran"!

Lol,sorry,I always do that!" I put an "n" at end of Amsterdam sometimes too,by mistake!

Skitbra

Tony255 wrote:

went out with my girlfriend last night and some of my friends, i was standing outside on the phone and my girlfriend was there with another one of her friends and this guy said to her why didnt you just come out naked you look like a prostitute.

Apologies but from reading that it's not that clear. Sounded like it was her friend. If you aren't young and immature it just came across like that.

x.x.x

If some guy, a friend of mine or complete stranger said my girlfried was or looked like a prostitute, I would smack him harder then he's ever been smacked before.

seamus

Yeah, not clear here either whether it was a mate or a randomer. If it was a mate, then a light-hearted slag back is appropriate.

If it was a stranger, the the appropriate response is, "**** off and mind your own business, you stupid-looking cvnt".

Brian Capture

Gordon wrote:

If you condone violence on this forum again I'll ban the face off you.

So are you condoning someone calling a girl a prostitute?

Saruman

Catch 22 though.. his actions turned out to be wrong.. but am i wrong to think that if he said NOTHING then the girl would think "what am not worth defending?" some women can be nuts like that and there is no winning.

Saying nothing is the best course... punching someone is a crime! plain and simple.. and if he punched back and hurt you seriously?

Nevyn

x.x.x banned for advocating the use of violence.

goods

RE*AC*TOR wrote:

I have no idea what you mean by "got stuck in the guy".

Did you put your penis in him and then were unable to take it back out - hence - you "got stuck in the guy"?

i said.... brilliant !

ArphaRima

x.x.x banned for advocating the use of violence

Is it really advocating it, or really just giving an opinion on a course of action already taken?

Gordon

Brian Capture wrote:

So are you condoning someone calling a girl a prostitute?

Why do you say that?

mossieh

Thaedydal wrote:

x.x.x banned for advocating the use of violence.

Why is this? The OP is asking whether aggro/violence is the way to go as opposed to ignoring the insult... Is there only one acceptable answer to this? Or does YOUR opinion, because you're a mod, matter more than anyone else's? I thought this was a discussion forum, you know, the exchange of ideas and opinions? In the context of this discussion, a substantial number of people (including me, caveman that I am) WOULD advocate the use of violence. I would have lamped him without hesitating, even though I know violence solves nothing, screw it, I'm flawed, sue me...

Context is everything, if this was a thread on a boxing match, would somebody be "banned for advocating the use of violence"?

Just because you have the power to ban people , doesn't mean you have to.

Beruthiel

mossieh
You are new here, so perhaps you don't know that suggesting violence as an 'intelligent' way to deal with a problem is against this forums rules.
If you have a problem with a particular Mod, take it to PM instead of taking this thread off topic (also against the rules)
I suggest you read this forums charter with regards to the rules of this forum.
B

Nevyn

If you break the rules as laid down in the charter then you will be banned from this forum plain and simple.
On of thise rules is not advocating violence in any situation.
Any issues you have with the moderation of any forum should be taken up in the feedback forum as addressing them here is off topic
and you can be banned for that too.

Personal Issues forum charter and rules

Boards.ie FAQ

Dragan

mossieh wrote:

a substantial number of people (including me, caveman that I am) WOULD advocate the use of violence. I would have lamped him without hesitating, even though I know violence solves nothing, screw it, I'm flawed, sue me...

I fail to see what violence would have achieved in this situation, or why anyone would advise someone the do not know and have never seen to assault someone else they do not know or have never seen.

I would say that all the "I'd hit him" stuff on this thread is misplaced, and largely people thinking with there testosterone that there mind.

You'd hit him, without knowing what he looks like, or who he is, or who else is there? Very foolish to assume that you would take this course of action tbh. Don't get me wrong, I can handle myself far better than most, but I also don't go hammering in, and would never advise anyone else to do so either.

The thread was really about the girlfriends reaction to the situation, not the actual situation itself. And if she reacted as she did to an exchange or words, then she would hardly react better to her boyfriend assaulting the guy and

A) beating some poor sod up over it.
getting a hiding because the other guy is a better scrapper.
C) Going to jail for assualt.
D) Starting a riot in which his girl friend also ends up being assulted.

It's normally better to think about such things before wind milling in.

alantc

mossieh wrote:

Or does YOUR opinion, because you're a mod, matter more than anyone else's?

Welcome to boards.

mossieh wrote:

I thought this was a discussion forum, you know, the exchange of ideas and opinions?

"This is a private message board." If you don't fit the description of who the owners (through the mods) want on their boards, they'll ban you. This means when someone posts a topic, you are not allowed to reply onless your post is in agreement with the mods.

mossieh wrote:

In the context of this discussion, a substantial number of people (including me, caveman that I am) WOULD advocate the use of violence. I would have lamped him without hesitating, even though I know violence solves nothing, screw it, I'm flawed, sue me...

Quoted for truth.

Gordon

alantc banned.

Crucifix

Kudos to Dragan for summing it up nicely.
As for what you should've done, well who knows what your girlfriend would've prefered, but I'd reckon a snappy comeback, or at least a short, sweet "fuck off" would've been the best course of action.

Susannahmia

fuzzywiggle wrote:

I think you were right to get ''stuck in him'' as you call it. If someone said that to me and my boyfriend didn't do anything about, that would be the reason why I'd be pissed off, not for the opposite. That's just me though

That’s how I would feel as well. Don’t get me wrong i wouldn’t want my boyfriend to start a fight or cause a huge scene. But i would expect him to stick up for me and tell him where to go.

LadyJ

imred wrote:

Thats exactly how I would feel as well.

But "doing something about it" doesn't have to mean something violent.

Wouldn't you prefer that your boyfriend looked like the bigger man? Why not just be satisfied with him telling the tosser to go fcuk himself?

Susannahmia

LadyJ wrote:

But "doing something about it" doesn't have to mean something violent.

Wouldn't you prefer that your boyfriend looked like the bigger man? Why not just be satisfied with him telling the tosser to go fcuk himself?

yep sorry thats what i meant! edited post to fully explain.