Boyfriends testicles or lack thereof

cantona92

Really need to speak with someone on this one. My boyfriend of three years litteraly has no testicles, whether they are inverted or not I do not know as he will not speak to me regarding it at all. There is just nothing there. I personally do not care but have recently l learnt his chances of being fertile are slim. If at a younger age he got it sorted he may have had a chance of bringing a child into this world but sadly it doenst look like there is any hope from all the websites i have been looking at. Its upsetting for me and no doubt him, but the really upsetting thing is I cant speak to him about it and I dont even think he knows he will not be able to make a baby in the future. Anyone else been in this boat or know of anyone with the same problem?

I plan on marrying him but what about children? I cant even say it to him and I tried once before and he chnaged the subject so I am not going down that road again. Its a serious issue and I cant beleive his parents didnt do anything when he was say 2/3....he is now 29??

eth0_

cantona92 wrote:

Really need to speak with someone on this one. My boyfriend of three years litteraly has no testicles, whether they are inverted or not I do not know as he will not speak to me regarding it at all.

How old is he?
If he can't talk to you about this, how can you consider marrying him when he won't communicate?

He might have had them removed due to cancer, or they may not have come down. Depending on his age, I think there's a certain point this has to be done by or the man will be left infertile.

layke

They may not know.

Alternative, you can say things in a letter that wouldn't be talked about out loud.

You never know, if he goes to a doc things might be alright

HelterSkelter

I think you are right to be concerned. If you want kids down the line and he is firing blanks he should be honest with you. You have a right to know.

BoozyBabe

Never say never.
you haven't been trying for a baby, so you don't know for sure.

If you'll marry him regardless of the issue, then this isn't a problem until you start trying for a family. Only after a few years of unsuccessful attempts do you need to start weighing up options.

If on the other hand, if this could be a deal breaker for you, you need to get him to have tests done now so you can confirm whether or not he is fertile.

It's difficult I know, but imagine how you'd feel if there were concerns about your fertility.
What if he said, I love you & want to be with you..... providing you can give me babies, otherwise I'm forgetting about you.

I'd tread carefully is all I'm saying.

spurious

Please don't use the internet to diagnose anything.

Does he 'perform' normally?

If you love him though, and want to be with him, does it make that much difference? Many men are infertile, or have low fertility rates. Perhaps he knows kids would be an issue for you and is afraid to mention any problem he might have?

You need to talk to him about it, but think about what you are going to say first.

cantona92

Im not going to 'forget' him or leave him if he cant give me children. I just cant get my head round the fact nothing was done years ago. you know when we are kids we used to get our bits checked,well boys did anyway I think. Did nobody notice it before?? No he hasnt had cancer i know that for sure, thank god -but its a majorly sensitive issue that cannot just be brought up. I kinda brought it up before and he dismissed it completely, and i can understand how aswell - its his manhood!! Imagine me only having one boob? Id keep it quiet and not tell anyone. Im sure alot of others would too.

I dont even know the options - say if he ISNT fertile. Do i go for egg donors, or do we just adopt. We plan on getting married say in2/3 yrs.

petes

Blokes get their bits checked when they are younger. The doctor will check if they have dropped.

Beruthiel

If you are getting married to him surely you have discussed the fact that you would like kids in the future?
Is he not concerned enough about himself to actually go get checked out?
He must know if they are perfect working order or not?
He can't have been silly enough to sweep this under the carpet and not want to know for his own health.
Whither he can have kids or not is one thing, getting married to someone who doesn't wish to talk to you openly about anything is another, isn't that what healthy relationships are all about?

BoozyBabe

Doubt V much you'll be needing an egg donor!!!
Only messing, I know this is a serious matter, you meant sperm donor.
You could do, but how would he feel about the child being yours but not his.....

Personally I think I'd go the adoption route (& might do some day anyway), so many unloved children out there already.

I really feel you're jumping the gun here a bit, no offence.
It's not jeopardising your relationship, as you're gonna be with him regardless.
Just live each day as it comes & see what happens. (I mean, you sound as if you're about to book yourself into a clinic, or get on to adoption agencies today!!!! :eek:, slow down a bit...)
No point worrying before it's an issue for your relationship.

You could try & convince him to get tested to put your mind at rest perhaps.

But, as someone else said:- what kind of a relationship is it if you can't talk to your bf of 3 years, whom you intend to marry about something like this

cantona92

The reason WHY i cant just 'bring' it up is because he DOESNT know he could be infertile. I know -but he has no iota. I cant turn around to him and say look i think your infertile go get checked! With some reputable health websites Ive looked at from ireland to USA it is very unlikely he will be able to make babies. Also its not uncommon, but majority of discussion boards ive gone on, its parents talking about their litlle tommy who has inverted testicles, and nowadays you can do something about it, but at his age (29) there is little he can do when he cant even acknowledge there is a problem down there??

We have talked about children of course but before I found this out. He wouldnt talk about it on a regular basis like us girls.
We have an extremely healthy relationship, butthis is his manhood were talking about here and its not like talking about football.

BoozyBabe

Print out the information you've found about this & show it to him. Make him AWARE!!!!!

As your planning to commit to him for the rest of your life, this is not just HIS issue now, & therefore, it HAS to be discussed.

It's not exactly his manhood, that's rubbish. You can't say to your partner of 3 years, "I've heard blaa blaa blaa..... this might affect us......"

It's not like you're saying your d!ck is tiny. What guy actually cares that much what is thought of their testicles.

Talk to him about it.

Beruthiel

cantona92 wrote:

The reason WHY i cant just 'bring' it up is because he DOESNT know he could be infertile. I know -but he has no iota. I cant turn around to him and say look i think your infertile go get checked!

Why not?
You say you are going to marry this man, yet you cannot talk to him
You can be more subtle about it of course, but yes, you can inform him of this fact, I'm gobsmacked he has no iota

theTinker

I would think the most embarrassing part for him might be that you seem to be thinking of it as his "manhood". I would be clear if i was you to address the problem of him having children to make sure he doesnt think u have a problem with his "equipment". Make sure he knows u are concerned about his internal workings and not what might be wrong with his external equipment?
its the best i can explain it. like im sure a girl would get embarrassed easily if you talk abot her been too "tight" or sumthing like that(even if it was related to chilidren), but move the topic to the ovaries and its alot less embarrassing and more serious. know what i mean?

RandomOne

Beruthiel wrote:

I'm gobsmacked he has no iota

Maybe he does, but he thinks this is a deal-breaker for the OP and that's why he's avoiding the topic?

Little story for you about someone in a similar position. She was with a man, both wanting to get married, but he discovered he couldn't have children and broke it off knowing she wanted children herself.

Several years later, she married someone else. Then discovered she couldn't conceive.

She's a lovely woman. But although happy enough in her marriage, always had a little corner for the first man she'd wanted to marry originally.

theTinker

RandomOne wrote:

Little story for you about someone in a similar position. She was with a man, both wanting to get married, but he discovered he couldn't have children and broke it off knowing she wanted children herself.

Several years later, she married someone else. Then discovered she couldn't conceive.

She's a lovely woman. But although happy enough in her marriage, always had a little corner for the first man she'd wanted to marry originally.

thats SOOO sad....aww

Ickle Magoo

I can't believe you are going to marry a man who refuses to discuss such an obvious & important issue with you :eek: If you can't discuss sex, genitals, etc then you have a more serious problem than a couple of testicles going AWOL....did you not ask the first time you noticed? Anyway - you need to sit down & discuss it - and you need to make him discuss it with you....if you are going to get married & you want a family then it becomes more than just his issue....if his testicles hadn't decended then I would have thought it would have been diagnosed by now....best of luck!

The Sweeper

Ickle Magoo wrote:

I can't believe you are going to marry a man who refuses to discuss such an obvious & important issue with you :eek: If you can't discuss sex, genitals, etc then you have a more serious problem than a couple of testicles going AWOL....

Okay, to be fair to the OP's bloke, he could be painfully self conscious about his lack of testicles. There are a huge number of people who can't discuss sex and genitals, and I'm quite sure he doesn't see it as flippantly as a couple of testicles going AWOL.

When people perceive that there's something 'wrong' with their genital area that can ignore it for literally decades rather than address the issue. The OP has every right to know how the land lies, but she'll need to take this very gently.

Ickle Magoo

Minesajackdaniels wrote:

Okay, to be fair to the OP's bloke, he could be painfully self conscious about his lack of testicles. There are a huge number of people who can't discuss sex and genitals

Neither myself nor my partner are particularly comfortable discussing our genitalia with the general public - with each other, however, we need to be able discuss anything - especially something that affects us both....that was my point....

aidan24326

You assume he has 'no idea' he could be infertile.

But have you considered the possibility that maybe he knows a bit more than he's letting on? I mean if his testicles have never descended he HAS to know something's wrong. I'd be amazed if he hasn't considered his fertility in all of this.

I'm also amazed at how this all slipped through the net when he was younger and didn't get noticed. Aren't these things checked when you're younger? I remember at the age of about 7 or 8 a couple of nurses came to our school and we all had our bits checked out. Would you marry him anyway even if he's infertile? Personally I hate to hear people answer 'no' to this question. IMO you marry someone because you love that person and can't imagine being without them. Kids, important as they are to alot of people, should be only a bonus providing you want them/can have them. There are other options like adoption. As previous poster pointed out there's a whole lot of kids out there desperate for a loving family environment. Guess in the end it depends how much you love the person whether you're willing to make that sacrifice.

CerebralCortex

Apparently they can create sperm synthetically now.

cantona92

aidan24326 wrote:

You assume he has 'no idea' he could be infertile.

But have you considered the possibility that maybe he knows a bit more than he's letting on? I mean if his testicles have never descended he HAS to know something's wrong. I'd be amazed if he hasn't considered his fertility in all of this.

I'm also amazed at how this all slipped through the net when he was younger and didn't get noticed. Aren't these things checked when you're younger? I remember at the age of about 7 or 8 a couple of nurses came to our school and we all had our bits checked out. Would you marry him anyway even if he's infertile? Personally I hate to hear people answer 'no' to this question. IMO you marry someone because you love that person and can't imagine being without them. Kids, important as they are to alot of people, should be only a bonus providing you want them/can have them. There are other options like adoption. As previous poster pointed out there's a whole lot of kids out there desperate for a loving family environment. Guess in the end it depends how much you love the person whether you're willing to make that sacrifice.

Read my previous posts- I said that i dont know how it went un noticed as yes i thought that boys bits got checked too in school. And yes i do love him enough to marry him, but my problem is bringing up such a sensitive issue. You all may say- how can you not speak to him about this? Well its not that easy ! We've a great relationship, But dont lie - there are many things couple cant talk to each other about. One being this. What can I do, I cant force him to talk about something he is obviously self concious about, or make him see someone regarding it?

i dont think its a case of talking about sex and genitals, its a case of our future as a family or maybe not.

Gordon

Well if you can't talk to him about it then you'll have to live with the fact that he could be infertile - or not. At least you can adopt kids if you want.

I'm only presuming that you're going to stay with him even though you seem to be querying your future. But I think my presumption is solid because there is no way you are going to dump this guy for something that you don't know the answer to. If you dump him then you have to tell him why you are dumping him - which you can't do right? You can't speak about this testicular problem - so you can't tell him why he's dumped.

It sure does seem difficult to be in your position. Until you realise that you're going to have to talk to him about it eventually.

BoozyBabe

cantona92 wrote:

, But dont lie - there are many things couple cant talk to each other about.

i dont think its a case of talking about sex and genitals, its a case of our future as a family or maybe not.

I think it's you who is kidding yourself here, no offence.

I'm only going out with my BF 9 months so far, & there is absolutely nothing I can't discuss with him.
That's what a relationship is all about.

Seriously.

We're not all here pointing this out to you just for the sake of it. It's what couples do:- discuss all things important.

& as for your 2nd sentence quoted above:- that's all the more reason why you need to talk about it, seriously.

We cannot help you. To put your mind at ease, you need to discuss your future & all that it may possibly involve with the person you are planning on sharing it with.

Zulu

BoozyBabe wrote:

I think it's you who is kidding yourself here, no offence.

I'm only going out with my BF 9 months so far, & there is absolutely nothing I can't discuss with him.
That's what a relationship is all about.

Seriously.

I disagree. (and tend to agree with the OP) There Are thing people will not discuss for many reasons. To take your polar stance is a little ignorant of others feelings tbh. (no offence) ...and for all you know there may be many things your boyfriend won't discuss with you.

BoozyBabe

If you can't discuss fertility issues with your future husband, then what's the point!!!!

Is that not one of the most important things to be able to talk about in a relationship???????

layke

Sorry to be the baddy here Boozy, but..

I do have things I don't tell my GF and would rather avoid speaking to her about (vice versa i'm sure). Also on point two, I don't want kids. I've thought about it and i'm just not willing to be a daddy. Not everyone shares the same ideals when it comes to relationships.

Ickle Magoo

cantona92 wrote:

But dont lie - there are many things couple cant talk to each other about. One being this.

Have to agree with BoozyBabe on this one. I'm not lying. There is absolutely nothing I can't discuss with my partner...zip, zero, nothing and visa versa - you should hear some of the things we discuss...but I do recognise that others feel the need to have secrets in their relationships...each to their own.

Anyway OP, it's irrellevant how much we can discuss things with our partners but the point remains that if your relationship is so serious that you are getting married to the man then at the very least you should be able to raise the subject that he seems to have no testicles and he should be able to talk to you about it.

cantona92 wrote:

i dont think its a case of talking about sex and genitals, its a case of our future as a family or maybe not.

Are the two not kind of intertwined? If you are talking about natural conception & pregnancy then you may, at some stage, have to broach the subject of why the sex isn't getting you pregnant & whose genitals may be causing the issue....

Zulu

BoozyBabe wrote:

If you can't discuss fertility issues with your future husband, then what's the point!!!!

Is that not one of the most important things to be able to talk about in a relationship???????

It's also one of the most sensitive. A mans ego is easily destroyed and not easily recovered from. He knows he has a problem. He's most probably very sensitive about having "no balls" and it's not something he'll want to recognise. Ever. Getting him to talk about it will be very hard.
You seem to think it's his partners "right" force this issue. It's not. Sure she's a concerned party, and thankfully she's aware of the fragilness of this situation.
Good luck op.

BoozyBabe

Fair enough, but do you not think that something as important as fertitility issues NEED to be discussed, regardless, whether that be now, or in a few years down the line when they want children???

Fair enough, I don't need to discuss with my bf that I've a big black ronnie & that I need to get it waxed:- that's not important, I do have to discuss issues that affect him, such as fertility.

That's all I'm saying.

The OP coming back again & again saying the same thing over & over again that it's not something to discuss is just tiring. I mean, what advice is she looking for???

cantona92

BoozyBabe wrote:

If you can't discuss fertility issues with your future husband, then what's the point!!!!

Is that not one of the most important things to be able to talk about in a relationship???????

FFS hes my boyfriend of 3 years. We INTEND to get married, ive no ring, im not engaged. But its on the cards.

I dont OWE my boyfriend all my secrets and vice versa. Hes a shy, introvert and I cant hate him for not discussing this with me. Its a majorly sensitive issue, especially when im looking up all the info about it on the net and he knows f*uck-all about it - I cant turn around to him and tell HIM whats wrong with him. This should have been noticed at birth and im very pissed off that his parents or whoever didnt notice he had undescended testicles. Im ina major dilemma, but I am gonna stay with him regardless.

Boozy babe if im boring to stop f&ucking replying to my posts :rolleyes:

Gordon

Ok, relax!

I'm lost cantona92 - what exactly do you want from this forum? In your original post you have stated that you don't care that he has no testicles. What's the problem?

Ickle Magoo

Zulu wrote:

Sure she's a concerned party

Do you not think that as his partner she has a right to know what is going on with his testicles? If she has dreams & aspirations of him fathering her children or even just because she is worried about him then she has a right to bring up the subject & expect dialogue....

OP, you could wait until you are snuggled up in bed together, handle his scrotum & just ask him if he wants to talk about it...if he says no then tell him what you have told us, that you love him, you want to marry him regardless & you are always there for him if he wants to talk...tell him when he is ready to talk you have a few questions then let the topic go for a while...hopefully you can reassure him enough about your feelings for him, to encourage him to talk to you about it..hth

RandomOne

layke wrote:

Also on point two, I don't want kids. I've thought about it and i'm just not willing to be a daddy. Not everyone shares the same ideals when it comes to relationships.

That's absolutely fine, but surely you'd make that clear to someone you intended to marry ?

AFAIK that's all anyone on here's saying to the OP - both parties need to know where the other stands on this.

Victor

Perhaps a vist to a relationship councellor might be useful.

secret_squirrel

cantona92 wrote:

he knows f*uck-all about it

I suspect the reason he doesnt want to talk about it is the fact he at least suspects that he is infertile. I cant image a man who wouldnt in his situation.

Maybe he's scared you will leave him if he confirms he's infertile?

yop

what he has is actually a common problem, now a days this would never slip through as a thorough check is done on babies and children and issues resolved.
Back in the 70's/80's there were some parents who were oblivious to this been an issue and the district nurse possibly also.

This could be a very difficult situation for the lad to accept and I am sure something inside tells him something is wrong.

When ye start to try for children, after X amount of months and consultation with your doctor he will have to send a sample for testing. This will confirm he does/n't have an issue.

InFront

I know that this is not a medical board, but cryptorchidism, which is what this sounds like, is a serious medical problem and can have conseqences far greater than just infertility for your partner.

He should have seen a Doctor a long time ago, but theres nothing you can do about that now. Tell him he needs to see one, and if he wont go, just take him.

There is nothing to be ashamed about, this is a medical problem, not a personal issue, and he needs medical treatment.

Zulu

Ickle Magoo wrote:

Do you not think that as his partner she has a right to know what is going on with his testicles?

A right - no. The same way I don't have a "right" to know all the intricate details of a womans ovaries/womb/vagina. Certainly, if and when they are trying for a child, it would be fairly important information, but currently they are just two people in a bed.

Because you share a bed with someone, doesn't give you any extra "rights". It's a personal issue. If he cares to share, thats his business.

Zulu

InFront wrote:

this is a medical problem, not a personal issue, and he needs medical treatment.

Firstly, medical and personal are not mutally exclusive, in fact, they tend to be quite the opposite.
Secondly, you are not a doctor. You don't have a clue as to weither or not he needs medical assistance.

MojoMaker

One thing is pretty clear however, this couple will need relationship counselling, sooner rather than later. And anger management training wouldn't go amiss either.

LegacyUser

If his testicles are indeed retained inside his body (it's called cryptorchidism) it would be advisable for him to consult a doctor as there has been a statistically significant number of cases of cryptorchid testicles beoming cancerous in later life.

This may well not be the cause and I wouldn't presume to give medical advice over the internet but it's worth being aware of if only to rule out.

secret_squirrel

I dont know about anyone else but this whole thread is making my testicles want to crawl back in and hide....

/legscrossed

InFront

Zulu wrote:

Firstly, medical and personal are not mutally exclusive, in fact, they tend to be quite the opposite.
Secondly, you are not a doctor. You don't have a clue as to weither or not he needs medical assistance.

No, but Im a medical student. If there are no testicles, they didnt descend. Cryptorchidism is dangerous. Every case needs medical assistance, and people are instead suggesting relationship counselling or doing nothing.

Im just saying to the OP this isnt a medical board, but neither is this a PI. That is first and foremost something a doctor needs to see, and you should force him to go to one. Best of luck.

Zulu

InFront wrote:

No, but Im a medical student.

...so? You haven't seen or spoke to the person concerned. You've just heard through another person, who dosen't have a clue herself.

If there are no testicles, they didnt descend.

...thats the only alternative then is it? I suggest you hold off on the diagnosis until you a) finish college and b) examine the patient.

Cryptorchidism is dangerous. Every case needs medical assistance, and people are instead suggesting relationship counselling or doing nothing.

...you know what they say about assumption?

Im just saying to the OP this isnt a medical board, but neither is this a PI. That is first and foremost something a doctor needs to see, and you should force him to go to one. Best of luck.

:rolleyes: You should consider a career in either counselling or diplomacy.

Day-wanna-wonga

eth0_ wrote:

How old is he?
If he can't talk to you about this, how can you consider marrying him when he won't communicate?

Exactly. He sounds like he's 14.

GrumPy

Day-wanna-wonga wrote:

Exactly. He sounds like he's 14.

14 year old's balls would have generally dropped by now.

OP, you should speak to him about it, it's a major issue, and could affect his ability to make babies in the future.

eth0_

cantona92 wrote:

This should have been noticed at birth and im very pissed off that his parents or whoever didnt notice he had undescended testicles.:

I'm surprised no one has mentioned this but....
There's a possibility he may have been born intersex, which might explain why he refuses to talk about it.

If it was simply a matter that the testicles were undescended, or he'd had them removed due to cancer or some other illness, it's not taboo and surely he would be able to talk to his gf of 3 years about it!

I don't understand why this is seemingly only an issue for you now.

What happened the first time you saw him naked? Did you not say anything? Did he not seem embarrassed?