do i have to fancy him?

LegacyUser

hey, long time poster here but going unreg for this.

i was always under the impression that you had to have a psychial attraction to some one if you want a relatioship to work..or even start..

recently i started hanging out with these guys..well when i say recently i think its since around december. i get on great with one of them (lets call him john), but he was going out with a friend for most of the time, recently broke up, but he's not the issue, i would never go with him. Its his friend,(lets call him mark) last weekend i kissed him,i knew him well enough and we used to always end up clubbing and me and john and mark would have a pure laugh..

i never fanicied mark, john had told me (when he was going out with my friend) that john fancied me but nothing happened.

the thing is, i never fancied him and was a bit drunk when we kissed, but he's been txting me on and off the past week and i enjoy that. the other night me and john went for a drink and he told me that mark really likes me and would like something to happen. I told him i didnt know if i fancied him, but really liked him otherwise.

so i think what i am basically saying is.....i really like him, but dont fancy him that much. I know he is such a nice guy and if we did end up going out i know he would treat me sooo well. should i take the chance on this...and maybe i will end up having an attraction to him because of his great personality? or should i just not persue it incase someone gets hurt...

thanks for reading all of it, sorry its long, any advice would be appreciated as i will probably be seeing him 2night (1st time since i kissed him)..and i need to know what to do/say...?

ps. i'm 26 and he is 28.

justsomebloke

IMO i think there has to be at least some attraction there if not then you will just end up falling into the "i like but just not in that way" zone all to quickly, and you could cause him more heart break by stringing him along for a while. So i would jsut leave it at that

secret_squirrel

Try 1 or 2 dates - what have you got to lose? Being on your own together rather than in a group of mates will soon crystalise youor feelings about any attraction or lack of.

Friends can fall for each other inspite of months or years of a totally platonic relationship.

Sony

You know he'd treat you well?? If thats the case ,He probably deserves a girl as nice and considerate as you to be honest

And thats why I feel a little bad for giving my opinion which is that I dont think it would work and I think its pretty clear who would come out the worse off if you were to split

LadyJ

Everyone likes attention from an admirer. That's natural.

However,don't mistake the rush that that kind of attention gives you for attraction to the person who's giving it.

LegacyUser

well i met him again last night. when he came into the pub i got tiny butterflies and couldnt even bring myself to talk to him for ages.

we all headed to a club and we chatted for a while but it was hard cos there was a big gang of us there, afterwards we went outside and we sat for ages on some steps chatting and generally having the laugh..

we ended up kissing and i think i really do like him...

tomtoes

I think that you should maybe meet him a couple of times and if after that you still feel the same then you are better off to be honest with this bloke. If he is a nice guy then he deserves to be told the truth. He will appreciate your honesty in the long run even if he is a little peeved at first.

Miss Fluff

Sometimes the most passionate love affairs can be slow burners imo. Go on a few dates with him and you might be REARING to get jiggy with him after spending some time in his company

Da Bounca

No attraction, no point. Remain good friends.

LegacyUser

I totally agree with Miss Fluff.
A few dates wouldn't do any harm.
Then see how youse feel.

LegacyUser

Sounds to me like u are attracted to him, you just don't know it. Definitely give him a chance.

Black Swan

not sure. wrote:

so i think what i am basically saying is.....i really like him, but dont fancy him that much. I know he is such a nice guy and if we did end up going out i know he would treat me sooo well. should i take the chance on this...and maybe i will end up having an attraction to him because of his great personality? or should i just not persue it incase someone gets hurt..

Date a couple of times and see how it goes.;)

unnameduser

i think phys attract at the start is v important but sure give it a go. what is there to lose. after all you enjoy his company if the dates dont work out

CathyMoran

I think that love can take time to grow, if it were me I would give him a chance, nice men are like gold dust.

Shellie13

if your unsure stick to a few dates- keep it casual no wild declarations of love etc and see how you feel about him then.
Are you certain that your not attracted to john?! Cold this guy just be a distratction from that?!

Sony

CathyMoran wrote:

I think that love can take time to grow, if it were me I would give him a chance, nice men are like gold dust.

never been reffered to as gold dust before

Im jealous now-havent met a woman in ages that I really liked in this way - ask him out again and go for it!

LegacyUser

well i'm meeting him later.
john was onto me earlier about last night, so i am meeting him in the local, and i think mark will be with him. i did get a few txts of mark earlier, i got a msg fom him asking him how i was , i said i was grand and asked him how he was, he said that he was tired but that he was in a good mood since last night.

he had said in a msg last night that he likes me and is even happy to be around me, even if he's not with me.

He is so sweet, so i think i will take the advice of seeing how things go for a while...

fuzzywiggle

I know for me that if I'm not attracted to someone at first but I really enjoy being with them and like their personality and company, I find that I actually start fancying them. They become aloot more attractive when you get to know them. But if you don't fancy him don't go along with it for the sake of it. I woulld imagine your sex life would suffer if you're not attacted you know? Anyway best of luck